Taken

I could hardly sleep that night. It didn't help one bit that Silas had insisted on us spending the night together. I was afraid that my wild thoughts would somehow reach him. Even though he had promised me never to read my mind, I was afraid he might go back on his word, especially in a situation like this. The weight of my decision kept me awake and tense. On more than one occasion, my hand had curled around my stomach. I had imagined how my baby would look, but now I was never going to get the chance to hold him or her in my hands. I had selfishly chosen myself over the innocent child.

"Kerry?"

"Hm?" My eyes pried open. I had given up on pretending to be asleep after the first two hours. Silas had simply stated, in an unimpressed voice, how he could hear my heart beating faster; he knew when I was awake or not. Even if he didn't have his enhanced hearing, I'm sure he would be able to tell I wasn't asleep by how tense I was. The room was dark enough that I couldn't make out anything. Usually, such darkness, coupled with my anxiety, would have been unbearable, but the feel of Silas's chest against my back helped ease my nerves.

"I promise you, nothing will happen to you or the baby. Just trust me, alright?"

I wish I could, I really did. But the chances of us getting out of this situation with all three of us intact were already slim. Even if Asher wasn't a threat that constantly loomed over me, it just wasn't possible for me to have this baby on my own. Mine and Silas's biology were just too different. I was dying, and I knew Silas would risk his own life before mine, but the expectation and hope he had for this baby had blinded him. He believed me strong enough to pull through this in one piece. Unfortunately, I wasn't as strong or brave as he believed me to be.

It hurt too much because I felt like I had disappointed him. Life had been so normal and easy before, but the world had changed. I'd been thrust into more danger than I would have ever imagined. And through it all, I didn't come out as I used to be. I was traumatized, scared, and always looking over my shoulder, expecting the devil to get his hands on me at any moment. So no, I don't believe everything was going to be alright. I don't believe I would be able to have this baby safely. Bill had already told me the gravity of the situation; my decision was made.

"Bill says we need more blood." The words felt heavy on my tongue. "Since there's three of us who need it now, you have to go get more tomorrow."

"Why can't he have someone bring it over?" Silas asked. I already knew he had a frown on his face right now, but I didn't look.

"He could, but that means someone else has to come over to the house. You wouldn't want anyone else finding out, do you?"

Vampires had a great sense of smell. Bill had said that if one paid close attention, they might be able to sense something. That would mean we'd have something else to worry about. Of course, this could easily be avoided; there were scent blockers I could use. However, I needed an excuse to have Silas leave. I didn't want him anywhere around me if I was going to be doing what I had in mind tomorrow. It would only make things harder for me.

"Alright," Silas said with a sigh. It was obvious the idea of leaving me didn't sit well with him. "Try to get some sleep."

"Alright." The room was once more filled with silence. I stared into the darkness for a very long time. I assumed it was nearly morning when tiredness won over, and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I was awakened the next morning by the sound of footsteps approaching me. My eyes snapped open in panic, and I shuffled to a seated position.

"Calm down." Bill stopped in his tracks. He was looking at me with concern. "Nightmare?"

"You could say that," I groaned. Gosh, even on the nights I didn't dream about Asher, thoughts of him always left me waking up on the edge of a panic attack. Sometimes I swore I heard his voice in my head, and knowing that he could do that put me more on edge. "Is Silas gone?"

"Yes, he left earlier. Thankfully, he should be gone for a while."

"There's a blood bank not far from here."

"I told him you needed special blood. He'll be going to a small town close by. It should at least give us a few hours to get this done. Go clean up, dear. Your mom is preparing breakfast."

"I won't be able to eat." I ran my fingers through my hair. It was messy and tangled. Usually, the feel of it would make me feel annoyed. I'd spend hours in front of the mirror trying to get it back to its luscious form. But now I wouldn't mind finding a pair of scissors and cutting the long strands off. It felt like a burden. Everything felt like a burden these days. "You should have told her that before she started cooking. It's a wasted effort."

"She wanted to, but I don't think even you not being able to eat would have stopped her from cooking. It reminds her of the nostalgic days, back when things were... easier. I'm sorry, dear, but she's almost as panicked as you are. She blames herself secretly for not being able to look after you properly. None of this would have happened if..."

"Bill," I cut him short. "This isn't anyone's fault. I'm not really in the mood to dwell on what could have been... I'll be downstairs in a few minutes."

Bill gave me an understanding look. Somehow, the pity in his gaze always made me feel more depressed. I know what I was going through was sad, but I didn't need anyone to pity me.

"Alright. I'll be waiting." He turned around and left the room.

I remained in bed for a while longer, just staring at the wall absently. There was no point in stalling this; it was going to happen sooner or later. I pushed myself to my feet and walked toward the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and took a shower. Even as I wore my clothes and tried to salvage my messy hair into a somewhat presentable look, it all felt mechanical, like I didn't have control of myself at all.

I went downstairs. My mom was still in the kitchen making pancakes. She smiled at me as I walked in, though the sadness in her eyes couldn't be hidden, even if she had tried. The smell of pancakes and syrup threatened to make me throw up what little I still had in my stomach. However, I forced myself to at least eat a bit of the food so as not to make my mom even more worried than she already was. When I was done, Bill was there to guide me to his car outside. Mom wanted to come, but she was the last person—aside from Silas—I wanted to see me doing this.

"Stay here, in case Silas comes back. He would be worried if he doesn't find anyone home."

"What am I to tell him?"

"Tell him Bill took me shopping. There's nothing to worry about. I'm alright."

Mom opened her mouth to say something, but whatever she wanted to say was swallowed by the sob that broke through her. Finally, she couldn't hold back her emotions anymore. She threw her arms around me and cried on my shoulder. I held her closely, doing my best to be comforting.

"I... I am so sorry, sweetheart, that you had to go through all this. You deserve better."

"I know, Mom. Everything is going to be fine. I just need to do this one thing, and then everything will be back to normal."

Mom nodded, tears still running down her face as she pulled back from me. I gave her a smile before walking over to Bill's car. He was already in the driver's seat waiting. I sat beside him and buckled my seatbelt. I felt like crying too. Perhaps it might have helped ease the pain, but I doubted I had any more tears to spare.

"Poor Mom." That was my last thought before Bill drove the car out of the parking lot, and I lost sight of her. "She deserves a better daughter."