Chapter 1 - Claire

Tomorrow I start my career as a full time social worker. I feel like this internship has taken forever. I am ready to get paid to do the job I went to school for. Six months without pay was hard but it will be well worth it once I start on my case load. I have hated not being able to contribute to the bills to help my parents. They have had some issues with their hours being cut back at work. Covid has hit this economy so hard, that no one is immune. Social work, unfortunately, is booming. It may keep me busy, but it means that there are families and children are struggling as well.

I am sitting in the window seat of my bedroom when I see Rawls come home from work. I am hoping he does not have a woman with him. I hate seeing those women getting out of his car. I am so jealous of what they have, which is him. He hasn’t been a monk since his wife died. The painful part for me was that I fell in love with him when I turned sixteen.

I can still remember that day like it was yesterday.

Six years ago - I had just turned sixteen

I was over at the Buchanan house swimming with Evie. There were very few days that Evie and I did not spend together. We had been friends since preschool. This was going to be our last chance to hang out at the pool,

Today was no different. It was the last of few days of summer before we had to go back to school. We wet laying around the pool just giggling and enjoying the day. I happened to catch the sight of Randy, our other neighbor, of the corner of my eye. I had been trying to get his attention for some time but had no luck. He wouldn’t even look my way - not even a sideways glance. I was going to come up with something to get him to look at me. I was tired of being the only girl that did not have a serious boyfriend. I wanted to lose my virginity. I did not want to graduate high school as a virgin. I might as well put a big red “V” on my chest.

I figured I would try to walk sexy as I could around the pool and then jump in. I was wearing a new red bikini with little hearts on it. My dad was adamant that I did not need to wear a bikini but my mom stood in my corner and told him that it would be okay. I got up slowly from the lounge chair and made sure to keep my eye on Randy to see if he was watching. He wasn’t even looking my way, so I decided to go ahead and jump in the pool. Just as I was about to jump in I slipped and fell in the pool. In the fall, I hit my head on the side of the pool and was bleeding a lot. I could vaguely hear Evie screaming and Randy was laughing.

The next thing I know is I am being pulled out of the water. I can hear a deep voice saying my name. “Claire? Claire? Are you okay?” I looked up and I saw Rawls leaning over me. He didn’t have on a shirt and he was cradling my head on his lap. I knew Mr. Buchanan had always worked out, but I had never been this close to him before. I had my head leaned against a set of hard six pack abs. How can a dad have this type of body? No dab bod here. I could feel pressure on my head and I could see a trickle of blood going down next to my eye. I start to cry because the pain suddenly hits me.

I hate that I am crying in front of Mr. Buchanan but also I can hear Randy and Evie laughing at me. I am hating my life right now, I am bleeding and crying. My best friend is laughing at me. Wish I could just disappear.

“Evelyn Buchanan that is enough right now. Can’t you see that your best friend is hurt and you are sitting there laughing.” I have never heard Mr. Buchanan speak that way to Evie before. She has always been able to get away with anything. Spoiled brat does not even cover it but she was still my best friend. Her laughing hurt worse than my head wound.

I get up and push Mr. Buchanan away. I can’t handle anymore at this point. “Mr. Buchanan, I’m okay. I just need to go in the house and get changed. I will be fine, just let me be alone.” I take off running towards the house and up the stairs. I lock myself in the bathroom. I start sobbing. I never have been so embarrassed in my life. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I don’t want to go back down there, I just want to go home.

Just as I am changing my clothes, there is a knock on the door.

“Claire, it’s Mr. Buchanan. I wanted to check on you to make sure you are okay? I apologize for Evie’s behavior.” I can’t face him or anyone else.

“I’m okay, Mr. Buchanan. I am almost changed and I am going to go home. I just want to go and lay down. Please, can you just go downstairs.” I hear him walk away and I hated that I was kind of short with him, but I just needed space and I don’t want to break down in front of him again.

I sneak downstairs and keep an eye out for Mr. Buchanan. I did not want to face anyone. I was mortified as to what happened. My best friend laughed at me. The guy that I wanted to notice me, laughed at me. Then I have to look in the handsome face of Rawls Buchanan. I was bleeding and started crying. I wish I could just dig a hole and disappear. Luckily I was able to get back home without anyone noticing. My parents were gone for the day so I went upstairs and took a shower. After my shower, I just laid on my bed and cried until I fell asleep.

I was pulled out of my memory by the sound of a slamming door. I looked across the way and it was Evie. She was home from college. She still had a few months before graduation. I would figure she would be at school studying for finals. I looked closer and I could see that it wasn’t her car she came back in, there was a guy behind the wheel. He must be someone from school. He peeled out of the driveway. I could hear Evie yell from her “Fuck off!!” This couldn’t be good. I would wait a while before i headed over to her house to check on her.

I think I really wanted to check on Rawls too, I hadn’t had much of a chance to see him since I have been working so much. I have only been able to catch a glimpse of him from my window, which was not enough. I needed to see him.