Chapter 1

My Forever Man 1          

Hello, my name is Emma. I’m a twenty-one-year-old woman and I have had a rough last few years in my young love life. All I seem to do is work eat and sleep. So as a single woman I decided to look for my perfect man. I didn’t want to end up as a crazy old cat lady. So where do you find a man nowadays. Bars, churches, and the singles in my area will not work.  I don’t drink and bars don’t bring the kind of catch I want. With not having a man in my life I have had a lot of spare time.

I work in a local nursing home as an aide during the night. I make sure the residents are happy feed and healthy. Since I work nights and they sleep for the most part I have free time. I read or listen to books. A lot. And I have a specific taste in the choice of novels I enjoy, Romance and the dirtier and more fantasy they are the better. I may have spent over four hundred dollars on a pay for reading app within the last six months and in the last year listened to 98 Audible books totaling over 34,697 minutes of romance, 14,151 minutes of fantasy and sci-fi and 9,336 minutes of fictions. Currently expressing my innermost desires is the hot topic.

Listening and reading to that much romance and smut might have even increased my sexual drive. However, with no outlet, my love life was as bland as a bowl of cream-of-wheat. But I don’t know why I can’t feel what they feel in the books. I mean what is an orgasm and why do the women in books get two or three a night or each time they have sex with their dream man. The more I see thirst traps on Tic-Toc and the more books I listen to or read I wonder if I’m broken. Do these books fantasize on what most women want but don’t ever get? Are the writers writing romance novels experienced in these event or is this the dream they want? They can’t be based on real life events. Can they? I think to myself how can I fix this? Can I fix this. I want the fairy tale romances like they have in the books. I want that dream boy, bad ass that worships me and adores me. A man that literally makes me weak in the knees.

I was young when I first had sex. I was very naive at the age of 19 with a guy that now I can’t even remember what his last name was. I’m not even sure what his last name was at the time. I’d never seen a real dick in real life, up to that point. I don’t even think I seen one in a movie, I’m pretty sure I only knew what a dick looked like was because I changed a few baby diapers in my teenage years. So, with an educated guess they were just larger with age. My mother was no help in this area. She assumed what I needed to know I learned from the sex-ed class provided in sixth grade, and what they showed us in those classes were the basics of a drawing. I’d never even seen a porno at that point.

But what I do remember is that first boy was a year older than me, and his dick was so small sex for the first time didn’t even hurt. I knew right away without having any experience that he wasn’t built right. It was all wrong. Sex that first time was nothing like what I have read. There was no pain, no blood in fact I didn’t really feel anything. After that first time I thought to myself did I even lose my virginity, because I’m pretty sure my hymen was intact. I knew something wasn’t right.

I wanted that first time experience girls have in the stories, where the man took his time. He was gentle and loving, fulfilling. I felt cheated in this once in a lifetime experience. I’m so glad I dumped him. He still had the hots for his ex-girlfriend. Who was a minor by the way... He even tried to get back with her while standing next to me. I turned around and walked away. I walked all the way home from there. He then started to stalk me at my work for the next two weeks saying he couldn’t live without me. All I could think of at the time was that I had no problem leaving him. Thank God I didn’t get knocked up by him he was a genetic disaster. His mama couldn’t even tell her left from her right.

My job at the time helped me keep him off the property so he couldn’t bother me at work anymore. My self-esteem was so low to begin with I can’t believe I even thought that he was a good idea. At the time though, before I knew what he was like and how small he was, I thought that sure why not give it up to the first guy who ever showed me any kind of attention. I had a lot of guy friends, but they were just friend, they never thought of me in that way. I had a crush on all of them. I mean I thought I was going to be a virgin the rest of my life because I felt I was ugly and fat and gross. I wanted that soulmate feeling a connection. I thought that because I had one guy who seemed to like me that I must not be that ugly, or maybe it was only certain kind of guys that my body type attracted, assholes. It wasn’t even a rushed decision it took several months of him asking me out. I don’t even remember having a real date though. We just hung out at his apartment that he lived in with his parents. Or at a few of his friends’ houses. His mom drove us places.

Thinking back, I know I wish it was like in the books I read where the man was a man and not a boy. Where he was maybe a little bit domineering, protective, and caring, romantic. A man who took their time to pleasure me. I mean I never even had a man go down on me or use his fingers. It was always strictly dick and their pleasure first and it was either missionary or me riding and I swore all they did was lay there and I did all the work. I haven’t even had sex doggy style. I think I only ever had two orgasms in my life. So far. Because I hope that will change. My personal history is probably why I love smutty books or romance books and movies. I can easily live vicariously in one. But I wanted to be in a book like that. I wish werewolves were real. I would do anything to end up as someone’s mate in a romantic werewolf story. Or even a mob boss book, hell I would even love to be in a romance novel as a bought bride to a lumberjack in Alaska. My mind was racing with the ideas of different romance novels I have read or listen to. Biker bad boys, mountain men, Alpha’s mate, a vampire’s obsession.

But I couldn’t just become part of a fantasy book. So, I continue my day to day living just dreaming. I do a lot of fantasizing in my dreams. Oh, let me tell you about guy number two. He was a friend I had a crush on. As an older teenager I had more guy friends then girlfriends. But never had a real boyfriend. I never dated anyone for a significant amount of time. This also didn’t help my self-esteem. But this guy also had a girlfriend that I kind of knew. I didn’t know her well, only just seen her around. But I worked with this guy, so I saw him all the time. I was still 19 when we slept together. Since he was like the second boy, sex with him felt better than the first guy, but I was still so inexperienced compared to him, I just laid there I didn’t know what to do other then move a little, there was no communication or dirty talk. It’s so embarrassing now that I think about it. At least his dick was longer than guy number one. I’m sure if I compared him to others, he was still on the small dick size scale. But compared to the first guy who was comparable to a child’s thumb, guy number two was at least five inch long just thin. Sex with him was better, then again look who I had to compare him with at that time.

At the same time, I thought I was all that because I was the one, he used to cheat on his girlfriend with. It made me feel wanted which is stupid. He was just using my body. Making me an awful person. In the moment It was what I wanted, I think deep down I was hoping he would leave her and choose me. But if he cheated on her I knew he was going to do the same with me. I liked that he chose me at the time, but he was with her still and I was just a side piece. How could I be so freaking stupid. Thank God I didn’t get pregnant by him either.

Which brings me to my next experience. This guy was a man. He was 32 and yea I was still 19. He asked me out every day I saw him for months before I decided to go on a date with him. He even knew about the first guy I was with. He saw how tragic that was. At the time I was worried about the age thing which is why he had to keep asking me out for several months. By the time I decided to give him a try I was over the first two boys. It was close to Valentine’s Day by the time I said yes. So that was the first date we had. I have to say it was my first real date. He did put on the charms, and I soaked it up big time.

Before I tell you about that first date, I think I should tell you that when I fall hard, I fall fast. Apparently. He picked me up with red roses, chocolates, and a 4-foot-tall stuffed teddy bear. It was the first time I ever got gifts. Now this is what I was looking for, like the beginning to a romance novel. I was thinking maybe I was finally getting somewhere. We went to dinner, and it was a nice place, not to name drop because they won’t pay me for advertising, let’s just say they serve cheesecake. After the meal we window shopped in that mall the restaurant was located in. Then we took a long drive up the coast. Like long, just kept going. We came to a lookout point, and he stopped for a while. And we just sat there and talked. It was nice. It was getting late at night, and I was wearing out. I fell asleep on the way back while leaning over on him, he was sweet about it. After that date we went on many more and I was falling fast. He treated me with care, respect and always seem to be thinking about me. I felt like I finally got that dream guy I was looking for. At the time the age thing didn’t bother me anymore.

As time passed, he showed me what good sex could be. We had sex on the beach, in the back of his truck bed, in the mountains on a dry creek bed, a hot tub and so on. He lasted for hours. He had stamina and I loved it. Everything seemed perfect. Within a few months he asked me to marry him. I said yes. I mean I was in love, wasn’t I? After what seemed like the best few months, I ever had in my life things turned upside down. He was at my apartment that I lived in with the rest of my family we were just hanging out. When we got a knock on the door.

At the door was the evilest looking women, she was mean looking and very masculine, and you’re probably reading this thinking to yourself that it was his other girl friend or even wife. Plot twist it was his parole officer. She was in plain clothes, so I asked for ID. She came into the apartment and placed guy number three under arrest for violating his probation. I cried and cried. I didn’t know why they were taking the man I thought I loved. I might have also cried because obviously I didn’t know him well enough to know he was on probation. So fast forward a few weeks. No one would tell me why he was arrested at first. But since we were engaged his court appointed lawyer told him if we got married the judge might go lenient on him. So, me thinking I was so in love with him I thought this was a good idea and sure I was young I could wait a few years. It’s not a big deal.

So that’s what happened we got married, he was behind glass. Me holding one phone to my ears, the pastor holding another phone to her ear and him holding two phones from his side. We said our vows and signed our papers and that was it. I was married to a man behind bars and 19. Never got to kiss him that day or ever again. A few months pass, the trial goes by, and I finally get to read his records. I was his wife now and that gave me the right to see it at that point. I also must mention he would never tell me himself what was going on. After reading them I was sick to my stomach. He was sentenced to twelve years. He almost got life, but because he was trying to make a better life and we were just married he only got twelve years. Let’s just say he was convicted of a lude act on a minor which made him a registered sex offender.

I was only 19 which made me barely legal to begin with. That made me disgusted, and it took me a while, but I managed to divorce him. He still only had to serve the twelve. I did not keep in contact with him. And now if I tell anyone I was married at 19 it was to help a guy not spend the rest of his life in prison. Which gets a lot of raised eyebrows from people who find out. Oh, and one last thing I didn’t mention about him, he was my boss when we met. So, no I never dated another boss after that. And thank goodness I didn’t have kids with him. All of that happened within one year, when I was 19. My entire sex life lasted a year.

Now that I’m twenty-one I was fed up. How could I be on the tragedy end of a story. Time to move on. In the meantime, I think I will start reading a new novel. This one looks promising. Its another Alpha king’s mate story. But I can’t start it tonight. Its one of my nights off and a few of my friends are making me leave my house to celebrate my birthday. I turned twenty-two today, in fact my friends say “

 it’s a special day. I just happened to turn twenty-two on February 2^nd, 2022. I was born February 2^nd, 2000. Not only was I born in one of the coolest years ever I get to have my 22^nd year on the 22^nd year, on the second day of the second month. One of my closest friends that’s going out with us tonight says that it’s a magical number. Yea I doubt that but hey I can dream right. Maybe I will find mister right tonight.