Checkmate

“I’m a car without a window now,” the sounds fade as my face grunts.

“Is this phone already broken? I only got this a week ago. I’m not sure how much worse this day can get.”

It was an understatement, to say the least, as I say irritably. To put it mildly, today has not been a good day.

“Who’s going to look after him now, huh?! Do you think of me as a robot? A computer who can do all your errands and commands?! I can’t raise that child and work!”

She’s always been like that, my unloving mother. At this hour they would be arguing, they’re screaming and yelling at each other. It’s the same argument every time, but they never divorce. They’ll simply scream at each other before going to work, returning home, sleeping, and repeating the process.

My father’s standard response is—

“What?! Conan? That kid is nothing like me! He’s all gay and over-the-top! I won’t take care of a disappointment if you don’t take responsibility!”

That’s what my father says, always with a serious expression on his face, and I don’t come out until they’ve finished arguing. This is becoming excruciatingly painful.

I sigh and brace myself for a bad experience. School.

It doesn’t matter to me what I wear. They handed us all uniforms and pants for the lads, but I didn’t want the pants because they were so uncomfortable. I’ll just put on this thrifted skirt.

Conan, take a deep breath

A memory, a time in my life I barely remember. 

I am now a second-year student, but the memory left by the last scene was still the same. It’s still me, Conan. The abuse at home has gotten worse since my mother died, so it’s not all fun and games. The only difference is that it’s been a year and…nothing more.

A trip down memory lane, a place of darkness and loneliness. That’s what I felt during that time.

To be honest, the abuse has worsened, and it is no longer verbal. Every week, I have to cover up my scars with a longer skirt. 

But this time, I’ve found someone to rely on, and his name is Alex. To be honest, I’d be in a casket right now if it weren’t for him. He’s helped me get through a lot of difficult situations in my life. 

Every morning, he picks me up in the same automobile, which he borrows from his father just for the purpose of picking me up. We both turn 16 on December 3rd, therefore we give each other items that are important to us.

It’s the same process every time: I sneak out of the house to get into his car, he hands me his sweatshirt, and we head to school. What’s fortunate is that we have the same classes; nevertheless, this was not by chance; we chose to do so on purpose.

I still remember the day I met Alex. A memory I won’t ever forget. 

When they stop arguing, I come out of my room. My mother follows the same process every time, leaving a note with money on it. It was written.

“Here’s some money for pizza, honey. I’ll bring home dinner, how about chicken? I’ll see you, love you, and keep safe.’ 

My mother, at the very least, makes an effort to make me happy; my father, on the other hand, rarely initiates a discussion.

It’s time to go to hell, and no one is coming to pick me up. The bus had already passed by and I didn't have time to get on. I guess the universe wants me to go for a walk.

When I encounter a new family who has recently moved, I go through the houses until I am in front of theirs. They’re new, I reasoned, but that didn’t bother me.

A oy runs out of the home and trips, falling while I am walking past. I thought the logical thing to do was to just continue walking. But the guy disagreed and told me.

“I’m Alex, thanks for helping me, stranger. You narcissist.” He says in a sarcastic tone. 

I sigh and look back at him. “Well, what do I do? Get you a wheelchair? “

He laughs and tells me. “Well, at least help me out. “

I thought to myself at that moment, this guy’s interesting. 

Just when I was about to introduce myself, a bike ran into the sidewalk and pushed me, though the biker got into the road safely. I unfortunately tripped. Before I knew it, I was sitting next to this sarcastic guy who I don’t even know.

My instincts told me to laugh, so weirdly, I did. I don’t know if it was my flirting instincts tingling or just my stupidity.

We both laugh hysterically. He offers his hand and says…

“I’m Alex, what’s your name? “

I smile and offer my hand as well. “My name is Conan, nice to meet you. “

That moment was when the first spark between us started, or at least for me. It’s not one-sided right? I’m not delusional, am I?

“Conan? Conan? Hurry up, you moron! We have chemistry! “

I come back to my senses and suddenly say, “Yeah! We do have chemistry! “

He suddenly looks at me and laughs. “Were you daydreaming about me? How cute,” he says in a joking tone.

I really hoped you weren't joking.

“Come on, Cone. You moron! Mr. Dilerra would scold us again for being late!” Alex then pulls me up from the ground.

I reply to him with a chuckle. “So, suddenly you care about that?” 

I can see the laughter in Alex’s eyes at that moment. Or is that me dreaming again.

He reminds me again saying, “Come on, Cone. We seriously have to go or else we’ll fail this class and we care about our grades, right?” he says in a sarcastic way.

I groaned. "Fine!” 

The routine continues as we walk through the hallway, that’s why I’m always behind Alex and the reason why he gives me his sweater. Everyone looked at us, or should I say everyone looked at me. They’ll be looking up and down and I would feel uncomfortable every time so I would pinch down my skirt.

We finally reached it, after all the bad stares, we finally arrived in front of Chemistry class.

Another embarrassing moment survived. We both chuckle.

We sat down together. Everyone seemed bored, some were scrolling down on their phones. Some were looking at the window and some were listening to the discussion.

I drop my pen, he glances over and offers his help.

He comes and picks up and we bump on each other’s heads. We both laugh and he hands me the pen. The teacher scolds us both, but all I can hear and see is his smile.

He fixed me, he’s my serotonin, my very own drug. My feeling for him feels illegal, but he’ll still be my favorite crime.

“Mr. Alex Sheperd and Mr. Conan Gray, this is not the time for chit chatting, now answer my question or you’ll meet the principal. “

We faced each other with a smile on our faces. We grabbed our bags and willingly took our punishment. This shocked our professor as he stopped talking until we left the room. We didn’t answer his question, it’s not like we could answer it anyway.

We sit on the ground, in a blank hallway. Students screaming and teachers talking. Murmurs inside the office, everything came to me at once.

“Where will you go to college?” he asked out of nowhere. I looked at him as he shrugged his shoulders. “Just so I can apply, too.” 

I chuckled a bit. “I’ve had this weird dream ever since. I got into an Ivy League school,” I scoffed as I continued to speak. “But of course, it’s just a dream, a goal I could never reach.” 

He glances at me with glimmering eyes.

" Come on, Cone. Don't be too harsh on yourself. It's not the end of the world. Anything can be done with determination. "

My face lights up and I smile.

" Let's try tricking the new principal. I bet he'll fall for it easily. I'll act this time. "

A tall gentleman comes out of the office and offers us to come inside.

" Mr. Sheperd, Mr. Gray. Please, come in. I've been expecting you."

We sit down and we have a conversation with the principal regarding our behavior.

The principal took a deep breath as he refused to believe Conan's act. “I may appear as someone to be gullible to you, but unfortunately Mr. Conan Gray, I am not what and who you think I am,” he paused for a while as he leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms. “I will make sure to make your parents know about this. If you may, kindly give me their numbers.” 

Alex leaves the room and answers a call.

The woman on the line says.

“Is this Mrs. Gray? Your son and his classmate have committed an act deserving of a punishment. Would you kindly agree to meet me next Saturday? Also, if you could also inform Mr. Sheperd’s parents of their current problem, that would be splendid. “

Alex pretends to copy Conan’s mother. 

“Yes, yes, I’ll pick them up after my shift in the diner. I’m so sorry for their behavior and I can inform Alex’s parents as well. Thank you and sorry for the disturbance. “

The principal puts down the phone, it seems like she doesn’t know that Conan’s mother is deceased. Conan feels sad that they used his mother’s death as a loophole. But has moved on. 

They both leave the Principal office, seemingly happy of the result of their little act.

Alex turns and looks at Conan. “Conan, do you want to have a joy ride to the movies? Like a little BFF date.“

I thought to myself, I wish it wasn’t just a BFF date. How could I keep this feeling to myself? I’d have to confess one day, but that day isn’t today.

Day by day, I debate whether it's time for me to confess, but we're better off this way. We're better off without him knowing, Though, I will sacrifice anything just for him to like me back.

But, back to our joy ride. We went to the movies and watched Aladdin, we both watched it when we were kids, even before we met. We had some pretty fun moments. In the middle of the movie, Alex and I started reenacting the “A whole new world” scene. It was fun, especially because we were the only ones in the theatre. We used the chairs as the magic carpet as we sang along. I splattered some popcorn on Alex though, he didn’t mind, and we just laughed it off. 

Second stop, we went to the beach. Although I didn’t have anything to wear, Alex lent me some clothes. We played a game where we would see who could hold their breath longer underwater, Alex won. He bragged about it even after that day. I saw the happiness in his eyes, my face lit up and my stomach filled up with butterflies. Though all their judgements were on me, I felt safe and as if I was in a fantasy world. 

Our last stop, our favorite café, It has some of the best waffles and coffee. It’s a perfect day, which is an understatement. He would look at me and my eyes would glimmer. My world felt complete with him by my side. This was my everyday life. It was almost our birthday and I was kind of nervous. That day was November 16th, we ended it with eating ice cream while sitting, looking at the stars. I loved him, but is it one-sided?

All I can say is, I did everything to be enough for him.

It’s November 17th.

Last night was great, especially when we went to the beach. It started off good, I knew at this time of week my dad would be at work in the suburbs, he would return on Friday’s. I notice a book on my nightstand as I go through the pages, I notice Alex took a picture of me while I was swimming. 

I couldn't help but smile.

I guess it's time for bed.

 Alex gave me this journal yesterday; I’ll write on it starting from now on. It’s a book, dear to me. Later, I’ll write my first ever entry.

It’s that time of the day again—I have to go to school. That place that traumatized me, it used to be a bad place for me, but not when Alex came. He never judged me, he never gave me a nasty look like other students. He accepted me for who I am and that made me feel better—for least, I know that I’ll never have to deal with my problems all by myself again.

Everything starts off as normal, Alex and I decided to ditch school and go to this hotel and chill for the day. He said he’s been saving up for it. We went to a fast-food place first and ordered two burgers, two coke, large fries and a medium pizza. It was for our meal while in the hotel. 

We drove by our houses for our clothes. I also got a pair of shoes just in case.

We then got into the car and drove to the hotel. It was actually a nice hotel. It had paintings and even a copy of " The creation of Adam '' with these comfortable bathrobes and air conditioners that would make me shiver! And it had really nice service. We checked in and I knew right after I entered the room, there would be a problem. There’s only one bed, one! 

So we ate, then the time came, when we had to sleep and decide who would be on the bed or on the couch. I’ll gladly take the couch. But Alex insisted on me having the bed, so after a huge argument, we finally settled to do turns every hour, which is kind of ridiculous. But, I agreed.

At first everything was going well until I lost track of time after it was my turn on the bed, I fell into a deep sleep and woke up it was 11PM and I saw Alex on the bed like right beside me, he must’ve thought I already went to the couch.

I guess I’ll write my journal entry.

Dear Journal,

November 17, 

Good Morning, or should I say, Good night.

All started well in the morning until Alex didn’t warn me there would only be one bed! A king size at that! So the day ends, with me being dumb and falling asleep. I’m so dumb.

Best Regards, 

I guess I’ll sleep on the couch for the rest of the night.  

I said.“Goodnight, Alex,” 

He replied.“Goodnight, Cone,”

Well, that would be enough to give me dreams. Another good day, tomorrow will actually be different though, we actually have to attend school, or else we’ll be at risk for suspension.