Chapter One

Daniela's POV

A lunch date with my boyfriend, and my best friend. One of us was third wheeling, you would think. That wasn’t the case, or that wasn’t what it had looked like for the many times we’d had such hang outs. I was just a girl having fun with the two loves of my life. Regardless, if anyone was third wheeling, it should be Justin or Charlene, depending on which relationship you’re considering.

But right now, as my hands shook beneath the table, my breaths calculated and my overthinking mind wandered, I felt like the odd one out. There was a palpable awkwardness between my boyfriend and my best friend. That was certain. They were indeed trying hard not to make it obvious, I’ll give them that, but it succeeded in the opposite.

I could ignore this and go through the rest of the date like I hadn’t sensed anything. I had always done this, and it managed to keep things stable. Only, being silent this time meant I was willingly letting myself drown further in stupidity. Even a loser like me couldn’t overlook this one.

“How’s the job search going?” Charlene asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

My shaky hands stilled, and then fisted on my lap. Then I immediately released them. Her betrayal hurt the most, but did I even deserve to be angry?

Damn it. I couldn’t stand my own thoughts anymore. “Shit.”

Justin’s brow rose. “You alright?”

I glanced at Charlene who had a look of deep concern on her face and turned forward to face Justin. “What?”

“You just cursed out of nowhere. Are you not finding any good openings?” he continued.

I stared at him blankly, actually confused and short for words. How could he be like this and hurt me at the same time? Was I still the one blowing things out of proportion? “I…”

“Just let me put in a good word for you at my place.” He stretched out his arms across the table for me to take his hands. I stared at them blankly as well. “It’s not as bad as you think it is. A lot of people do this all the time.”

I shook my head to make him stop. “It’s fine,” I blurted out louder than normal, making him pull his hands back and recoil in his seat, confused. “I mean being unemployed is surely better than having to figure out what exactly is going on between you two.”

Charlene stilled beside me, further confirming my suspicions. My vision blurred.

Come on Char, say something to refute my thoughts at least.

Justin only got more confused. “What are you talking about?”

Unable to go through with the confrontation they both deserved, I grabbed my bag. “I’ll just leave you guys to finish this date alone, since you clearly have a lot to talk about.”

I stood and without looking back I rushed out. The tears were unstoppable now and what was even more painful about letting them down was that I knew I didn’t deserve to be unhappy about this. I had brought this upon myself. All the same, fine, I knew what I got into with Justin each time I decided to stay, but I could blame him too, right? After all he felt no guilt taking advantage of this weakness of mine.

But you never complained.

 I halted just outside the entrance of the café. If I hated anything in this moment, it was my brain. It always seemed to know what was right and what to do, but mysteriously it couldn’t translate that mindset into actions. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Daniela.”

I tensed at the sound of my name. I made to move again but then I felt his hand wrap around my wrist.

“Please, give me a minute.” His voice. His damn voice inebriated me. How could the owner of such an innocent voice be the same person who was able to sleep with my own best friend?

I turned to face him against the instruction of my conscience.

His face softened when he saw my tears and he stepped forward to wipe them away. “Why are you upset?”

I scoffed. “Are you really asking me this, Justin? Why should the fact that you slept with someone I considered my sister upset me? Is that it?”

He dropped his hand and looked away, swallowing slowly before he turned to me again. “We were planning on telling you. How… how did you find out?”

I smiled incredulously. He really didn’t know. He couldn’t even begin to understand why I was upset. And it was my fault. I had made him believe these things were okay. “I looked through your phone.”

He didn’t make any reaction as if he didn’t believe I could do that. Well at least he knew some things about me. So, I continued, “When you gave me your phone to read your article, I saw a notification from Charlene: ‘When do we tell her, I really feel bad’. After that I just put the pieces together. You guys are bad actors.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry, Ela. I didn’t intend for this to happen. I don’t want to hurt you, you know that.”

And he wasn’t wrong. From his point of view, he hadn’t done anything wrong, because I never complained when it was other girls. It was hard to, with how good he was to me, and in spite of the others, he was always there for me and it was very difficult to picture him as a bad person. He made it clear that I was the one for him, but because I couldn’t give him yet what he seemed unable to live without, he got that from others.

So yeah, the question was why was I complaining, now that the other woman was someone I knew?

I stepped away from him and cleaned my face. “I need space. For a while.”

I turned around and walked away. And this time he didn’t follow me. My heart broke further. That was his problem. He always believed the things I said, so he probably didn’t even know how much my heart was breaking right now.

I pursed my lips and looked straight ahead as I made my way back home. My right hand absentmindedly found its way to my left arm, my fingers tracing the scar on my forearm right below the crook of my elbow. It had faded slightly over the years, but the feel of it was more prominent especially when things weren’t going well. As if it was there to remind me that I was an unlucky person right from the start.

What other word could I use to describe my life? I lost both parents ten years ago, as if it was karma for what they had done to the boy who had been the main character of my nightmares for more than a decade. They were killed by my father’s own gang friends. The memory of it was terrible, and thinking about it every now and then still didn’t bring answers.

I have lived with my aunt, my mother’s older sister, Bertha, ever since, and we’ve not had the easiest life, but I still wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Bertha was my saviour, and if I was to remain unlucky for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t be too bad, because I had her with me. That was how much she meant to me.

My thumb swept over the scar again. I didn’t have a nightmare today. In fact, I've dreamt less and less of that stranger as the years passed. Hopefully, they would stop someday, but I would never forget him. I wasn’t stupid enough to believe otherwise, especially with this his permanent signature of revenge on my arm.

The only people who knew what really went on that day, were now dead and gone, and even though Bertha had asked so many times, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. It was both embarrassing and frightening to think about. Plus, the more I kept it to myself, the less I thought about it.

My phone buzzed in my bag when I got to the door of our apartment. I released my hand from the door and rummaged through my bag for it, hoping it was Charlene. She had to say something. Although nothing she could say would make me forgive her, I still wanted to know for certain if she was sorry and why she did it in the first place.

But it wasn’t her.

It was something better, actually. I nearly cried all over again. I had applied for jobs to countless agencies and companies, and I was never once called for an interview, but this email was different. I had been invited for an interview.

The door opened before I could read more of the email.

“I had a feeling you were there.” My aunt’s voice pulled my eyes away from the screen. “Why are you just standing there? Are you crying?”

I smiled, for once having to lie about the reason for my tears. “They called me… for the interview.”

I didn’t have words to describe what the smile she gave me next did to me. Thankfully, she hugged me immediately, saving me from having to say more.

“Thank God,” she whispered. “Have more faith in yourself carino. I knew you could do it.”

I only wept more, emptying my heart so much that I didn’t really know why I was crying anymore.