Chapter 9

After a while of re-thinking everything, I nodded in agreement.

“Let’s go get your stuffs then.” He uttered and then sighed in relief or in exhaustion, I couldn’t tell.

Once we got everything packed and in the back of the jeep, we were ready for the journey ahead of us.

For me, it will be a much needed journey where I will be able to start afresh at a new place among new people but I was also anxious as I was not really ready for what lies ahead of me. I was oblivious to the environment of the new place and the people there but I was ready for a new beginning.

I glanced at my house for one last time and gulped hard to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat as I felt my nose and eyes prick with unshed tears. It was a familiar feeling I have felt all these years and I couldn’t easily forget the sensation of it as I thought of my mother and the good memories I had of her in this house. I watched my house until it faded to a single black point in the rear view mirror as the jeep drove away from the place I once called home. It was simply a house when my mother left us and it never became a home again.

“We had a case like yours before and after some unexpected incidents, we had to keep the boy at one of our heads’ houses for his safety so this time to avoid any mishaps, the head of our department, Mr. Hilton decided that it would be wise if you stay at my sheriff’s place until we catch your father. You will be safe there.” Jason told me to which I simply nodded, too tired to argue or ask any more questions at this point.

I placed the right side of my head against the window sill of the jeep, closed my eyes and felt the freezing wind hit my face. I could feel my exposed skin turning cold from the air flying in as Jason increased the speed once in a while. I shivered yet, I did not close the window. I was enjoying the chillness the wind had to offer as it provided me with a sense of freedom and I was in dire need of a similar feeling closest to the freeing sensation freedom usually gives. 

End of flashback, two days later;

I really hope everything would be alright from now on because I’m tired, tired of every single thing out there, tired of my life. It feels like I’m not living but merely surviving life since my mom left me back then. Before, it was okay, but as soon as my father began becoming aggressive towards me, it was unbearable to tolerate. I just couldn’t do it but I was hopeful, hopeful that my mom will be back, to save me but my mother did not come and no one else came. However, I did not accept defeat; I kept holding on to the thin thread named hope that slowly seemed to be fading away, becoming thinner and thinner as time moves on. But still, I was hopeful that someone will be there, shining from afar like a bright star, rescuing me from the bottom of the dark hole that I had fallen in from long ago with no way to get out from.

Now, it feels like I’m living in a dream, one that I’ve always dreamed about since my mom left, since my warm and sweet home became a simple house made of bricks and cement, my freedom but why am I not happy to be out of that hell that I was living in? Why am I feeling scared even though I’m no longer at the mercy of my cruel father? Why am I feeling insecure? Why these feelings? Am I afraid of a new beginning?

But that’s what I needed, right?

A new beginning, a new day, a new life, like I’ve been born again? I can be what I want, study and enjoy like a normal teenager.

A new school, a new environment, new teachers, new people, everything new and new... friends?

That’s what I’m worried about. New friends...

Will I be able to face new people? Strangers?

What if they judge me? All these years and after being bullied, I was feeling insecure and this insecurity wasn’t letting me live. It was suffocating and I felt like my heart was squeezing in pain whenever I thought of meeting new people. I can’t help it when people would look at me with scrutinizing eyes. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to glance at anyone staring at me even though their stare could be harmless. I can no longer decipher good from bad. For me, everyone is staring at me with scrutiny.   

Oh, I’m tired. No, not mentally but physically tired. I’ve been travelling in Jason’s car for two days straight, with him driving while stopping only twice at two gas stations we found on our way here, just to get some fuel into his car. As for me, he kept on persuading me on eating something but I wasn’t hungry, I just did not have an appetite. Even with all the medicines I ate at the hospital, I just didn’t feel hungry at all. I think that I’ve gotten use to sleeping on empty stomach. All I did at the gas stations was walk around the car slowly, trying to get rid of tired leg muscles to get them pumped up before getting in the passenger seat again while Jason ate something.

And now, I just can’t keep my eyes from closing on their own. I’m feeling too sleepy. I sighed and followed Jason after he had peeped over his right shoulder to check whether I was walking along with him or not.

He stopped once he reached the doorstep, ringing the doorbell twice. I almost ran into his back but stilled right on time. Phew! I shook my head to get rid of the sleepiness and watched closely as the shut door swung open from the inside, spilling a great wash of golden light on the ground.