Chapter 59 - Finding Mother

Zelena.

I stopped spinning and opened my eyes. It was dark and I was in my old room, in my old house. Only it was different. There is a cot where my bed should be. Inside the cot is a screaming toddler. It couldn’t be more than maybe two years old. I stepped forward to gaze at the child. Pale skin, deep black hair and golden eyes. It’s me. I gasped in shock and quickly stepped back. What is this?

The bedroom door flew open with a bang, a younger, strong and healthier looking Hank stood in the doorway. He was glaring across at baby me.

“Shut up!” he roared,

“I would have killed you ten times over by now, if it weren’t for my fucking orders” he yelled down at the baby and roughly shook the cot by the railing. Baby me reared back and screamed in fear. Hank stormed back out the door, slamming it behind him. I walked to the edge of the crib and gazed down at myself. I reached forward to touch the baby, but my hand was not my hand. It was translucent, with a soft blue glow. I stepped away from the crib and raised my hands to my face to inspect my ghost-like limbs. As I did, a melodic soft humming filled the room. I looked up and saw that Selene was knelt beside the crib, her hand was rubbing slow circles on baby me’s back. It was Selene that was humming, a beautiful soft and calming song. As the tune flowed around the small room, as it once again hit my ears, a wave of memories washed through me.

The lullaby was like a catalyst, releasing all of my lost memories back into me. I remember her face smiling down on me. I remember being held to her chest as she rocked me to sleep. I remember the lullaby and the way it made me feel. I remember the calmness, the gentleness, the love. I remember her being there.

My body lurched forward again, and I reappeared in the lounge room. The sun was shining through the front window. Beer bottles and empty takeaway containers littered the floor. Sitting in the middle of the room was me, only now I was older, possibly five or six. I was holding a small dirty and raggedy looking doll to my face. Tears fell down my chubby cheeks as I cried, calling out for my Daddy to come back. This must have been one of the many times that Hank disappeared for days on end, leaving me without food or means to look after myself. Selene appeared in front of the little me and I stopped crying instantly, launching myself into her arms.

“Mumma I’m hungry” little me cried. I called her ‘Mumma’. I don’t remember that. I don’t remember having a mother or even thinking that I had a mother. Selene pulled me from her arms and sat me back on the ground. She waved her hands in front of her and a plate of meat and vegetables appeared. Little me squealed excitedly and dug into the food, basically inhaling it. Watching the scene, another wave washed through me. I remember the taste of the food that she often brought me. I remember her playing with me, bathing me, brushing my hair. I remember her taking care of me when I needed her to, and then disappearing again. But I remember her being there.

Another lurch forward and more spinning. When I stopped and opened my eyes, I’m now standing in Selene’s white garden. A few meters away is Selene sitting on the ground and in her arms is me. Only this time, I’m a young teen, perhaps around fourteen. Selene is slowly rocking me back and forth and combing her fingers through my matted and dirty hair. My thin and bruise covered arms were wrapped around her neck, while I wailed helplessly into her chest. The sight brought tears to my eyes. I remember being this girl. This scared and broken girl. I remember the fear and the pain, the hunger and the loneliness. This part of me, this life I was living, it really wasn’t so long ago. As Selene calmed and soothed me, she hums the lullaby again. Once more the memories rush back in. She was there to calm me when I cried, to hold me when I was scared. She helped me through all the pain Hank caused me. So many times I thought that I was alone in the world, and yet, now I remember her being there. With me. My tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched them together. As I watched us together. I had a mother all along. I just didn’t remember it.

I closed my eyes tight as I began to spin again. When I opened my eyes, I was standing across the street from my old house, Hank’s house. Walking towards me was Gunner, with Cole beside him. Gunner was carrying something carefully in his arms, but I couldn’t quite see what it was. As they got closer, I saw it. He was carrying me. This was the night he rescued me from Hank. I looked down at my former self. Blood covering my face and my eyes swollen shut. Hank’s ripped t-shirt sat in tatters against my frail body, while burns covered my neck and chest. I was awfully thin and bony looking. My skin was littered with bruises and scars. I had almost forgotten about all my scars. I wish sometimes that I still had them, as a reminder to what I survived. But in actuality, I am glad they are gone now.

“This was the night it all changed for you” Selene’s voice came from beside me. I turned to look at her and she brushed a tear away from my cheek.

“This was the night your journey began” she said with a proud smile,

“You were here this night too. I remember you talked to me” I croaked as I watched Gunner carry me away.

“I was there every night, daughter of mine” she cooed and pulled me into her arms,

“You may not have seen me or felt me, but I was there. Every time".

“Why didn’t you stop him? Why did you leave me to suffer through all that?” I whimpered as I pressed my face into her chest. Her scent filled my nose and I remember it. I remember how I loved her scent, how it always managed to calm me. I cried into her chest and she gently ran her hand over my back in slow smooth circles. I remember her doing this too, every time that she held me. After a moment, she answered my question,

“I could not interfere” she said softly,

“But you fed me, you bathed me, I mean you basically raised me. Isn’t that interfering?”

“I cannot control the actions of others, nor can I take away the consequences of those actions. But you are mine. Feeding you, taking care of you, loving you, it had no direct impact on the lives of others and therefore not against the rules”

“There are rules?” I asked surprised,

“There are always rules” she chuckled and pulled me away from her chest and held me in front of her by my shoulders. We were now standing back in the white flower field. Selene cupped my cheek and gazed lovingly at me.

“I was always with you child. I may not have been able to save you from those atrocities, but I didn’t abandon you through them. I am sorry that I could not do more for you”.

I reached up and grabbed hold of the hand she held against my face and nuzzled my head into her palm. I let out a long sigh and smiled.

“It’s okay. You did more for me than I ever imagined. Thank you, Mother”. She smiled back at me and pulled my face to hers and kissed the top of my head.

“But what happens now?” I asked, pulling back to look at her.

“Now you go back, there is someone very important that I’m excited for you to meet” she said excitedly.

“Someone important, who?”

“Ah, that you will see in time” she said cryptically.

“Will I see you again?” I asked,

“Many more times”

“And my memories, will you take my memories again?”

“Not this time, no. They are now yours, forever”.

“Why now though? Why did you bring me here and why did you show me all of that? Why not six months ago or two years ago?”

“There is something coming, Zelena. You will need these memories to guide you. I know your life has been hard, and the hard times are not over yet, but you are the daughter the world needs. You are my gift to them. Believe in yourself child, you are more than you think you are”.

“I don’t know what that means, and you didn’t answer my question” I whined exasperatedly. Selene smiled and took a small step back away from me.

“Time, daughter of mine. Just give it time. All will be revealed”

“This whole cryptic speak is giving me a headache” I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. Selene laughed and tossed her head back.

“You are never a bore, beautiful girl. I’ll see you soon” she chuckled. I looked back up at her and she waved her hand. Before I got to say ‘stop’, my body felt like it was flying backwards, falling through time and space.

I hit the ground and flew upright with a loud gasp. First thing I saw was Gunner, his worried face leaning over me. I whipped my head around and found Nat sitting behind me and Roe behind her. Then Lupus and Smith, using their bodies as a barricade, keeping the very angry looking Luna Eclipse she-wolves back. An aggressive growl caught my attention, and I whipped my head around in the other direction. There I saw Tobias with his hand around the neck of one of the she-wolves, holding her firmly up against the wall. The growl I heard came from her, but Tobias was growling back just as aggressively. In fact, everyone was looking overly angry and aggressive. What the heck happened?

“What the fuck is going on?” I hissed.

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Authors Note.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the newest revelation.