Chapter 6: Frustrated

1st Year, Highschool:

About to leave the library holding the books she borrowed, someone caught her eyes and attention all of a sudden. A supposed to be typical school day turned out to be a lucky day for her when she saw Thyago passed the hallway outside the library. With that, the familiar throb of her heart occurred again and she usually feel this every time he was around. A smile automatically showed her lips as her face brighten up. She was hoping she could chat and spend time with him so what she did is immediately went out of the library having the plan in mind. Filled with joy and excitement, she fastened her pace like she was almost running trying to reach him not wanting him to disappear in her eyesight. This might be her chance to be close with him she thought, but her happy smile  suddenly vanished as she got disappointed when she saw Thyago met Elena along the way.

She stopped right through her track and stomped her foot in outrage out of frustrations. Of all people, why does Elena have to show up just to ruin her perfect plan? She heard Thyago sweetly greeted Elena and even invited her to hang out tonight. It was the Buena Consecha festival tonight and the whole town celebrates it every year for having a good harvest for the whole year and ahead. They usually held celebrations and parties in the town's plaza and inviting famous bands and celebrities to perform. She has plans to go with Macky and Hannah tonight but her plans suddenly changed when she saw Thyago. She was actually planning to invite him tonight but it's too unfortunate he has plans to invite her evil cousin to come with him. She wonders how Elena can manage to catch Thyago's attention without exerting too much effort? She was beautiful alright but that is the only good trait she has. Beyond that beautiful face is an ugly and evil personality. She was definitely disgusting and for the first time in her life, she never thought she'll felt jealousy over her cousin which is out of her vocabulary before. She was totally contented being who she is but with Elena having Thyago's attention, she suddenly wished she could switch places on her.

From afar, she saw them laugh together and seemed having a good conversation  which upset her more. The sweet smile plastered on Elena's lips suddenly vanished and turned into a wry face when she accidentally saw her from afar. Elena's facing her way while she's far behind Thyago so the latter automatically had no idea about her presence. She never failed to catch the wicked sly smile formed on Elena's face as she looked straight through her eyes. She was not stupid to realized Elena was intentionally trying to make her jealous and the witch is completely succeeding. She whispered something to Thyago that made the latter gigled mischievously.  He then whispered something back to Elena and that made the latter cock her brow then laugh aloud. That moment, she wanted to hit Elena's head with a bow and arrow bull's eye. She doesn't deserve Thyago's attention because she knew what type of girl her cousin is. She knew how she flirts and hangs out with different boys. At a young age, Elena is a wild and promiscuous girl. She smokes cigarettes and drinks alcohol. She even caught her kissing the team captain of the basketball team at the back of the school's gymnasium one time. For sure Thyago was not aware what kind of girl Elena is and she knew he will only break Thyago's heart in the end.

She saw them went to the locker area clasping each other's hands afterwards and there she was watching them walking away with pain and jealousy written through her eyes. She couldn't help to tightened her fist in disgust and frustrations. She could feel the hatred and  irritation to her cousin Elena is going stronger and deeper. Her chance to be with Thyago got slipped away and that's because of Elena. She's simply a witch and she hates her so damn much.

"You know what, Bea? You should do something about your feelings for him..." She almost jumps in surprise when she heard someone talked behind her.

Out of nowhere, Macky  just came out butting in. Is she that too preoccupied to not even notice the presence of her best friend? How did he manage to come closer to her without noticing him?

"Goodness, Mackie! You almost scared me to death!" She exclaimed that make Macky laugh at her reaction.

"Are you that too busy staring to Thyago and Elena to not even notice my presence uh?" He teased.

"Whatever!" She snapped then rolled her eyes.

"As I was saying, you should really do something about your feelings for Thyago."  He told her. 

"What do you mean? " She curiously asked.

"Catch his attention, befriend him, do something. Don't tell me you'll just gonna be content admiring him from afar? Let say, make him fall for your charm for goodness sake! Don't you want him to feel the same feelings you have towards him? Come on, Bea! You can do something about your feelings." Mackie said exaggeratedly with hand gestures.

"Ummm... Duh! That's actually what I'm doing?"

"And you've been doing that since fifth grade, just in case you didn't notice. Come on Bea, we're barely freshmen in high school and nothing's happening still. What I was suggesting is you should do more than that. Try different tactics because you see, what you're doing is not enough for him to catch his attention. You can be better than that, I know you do. You are beautiful inside and out, Bea. You just gotta change your wardrobe because your style is a little bit old-fashioned, you know. Anyways, what's the sense of me being your friend when I couldn't help you in that way right?"  Macky faced her, grabbed her shoulders, and looked at her eye to eye.

She was forcing herself not to laugh because of the close proximity they have. They actually looked funny in that position and Macky being serious was really a funny sight to behold. Among the two best friend's of hers, Macky is the joker and funny one while Hanna is the frank and serious type.

"Don't tell me I gotta shop for new clothes because you know I won't. I'm on a tight budget and I can't afford expensive and branded clothes." She argued.

"Don't think about money, okay. Hannah and I have a lot of that." Macky boastfully stated that made her chuckled.

Well, it's true. Macky's parents owned an advertising company in the Capital while Hannah's family was into farm and cattle business. They owned the big pineapple plantation in the whole region and that made her the heiress. She was not only blessed with good and caring friends but she was also blessed with rich and chivalrous friends but she doesn't take that an advantage nor that's her reasons she befriended them. They were fun to be with and they were true friends that she can rely on.

"You know what, Bea? As your friend, it hurt us seeing you being like this. You're like a pathetic teenage girl drooling over her crush just being content with the simple attention you gain from him. I know it's painful but it's true. Come on, Bea. Do somethin'!" He said wickedly then snap his fingers right in front of her face. That actually left her thinking.

That day she went home having in mind what Mackie had told her. She knew he cared for her that's why he said those words. Yes, it true she been admiring Thyago since fifth grade and nothing happening still. He's right, she was like a stupid pathetic teenage girl drooling over her crush and being contented with the simple attention he gains from Thyago. Surely, it was not his intention to offend her, he was just opening her mind to a new perspective. Macky might have a point, she needs to change herself and do something to catch his attention. Besides,  Mackie said they will help her in her mission so that night, she wrote again in her precious diary.

Dear Thyago's Note:

I

choose

to

love

you

in silence...

For

in silence I find

no

rejection,

I

choose

to

love

you

in loneliness...

For in

loneliness

no

one

owns

you

but

me,

I

choose

to

adore

you

from

a

distance...

For

distance

will

shield

me

from

pain,

I

choose

to

kiss

you

in

the

wind...

For

the

wind is

gentler

than

my

lips,

I

choose to hold

you

in

my

dreams...

For

in my

dreams

you

have

no

end.

When I read that poem on a literature collection page online, it hit me too hard because that was actually what I felt towards your Master. I adore him from a distance, kiss him in the wind and hold him in my dreams. Yeah, I know, I'm a coward. Perhaps, just afraid to be rejected. You see your Master was so hard to reach when I'm just an ordinary girl with nothing to offer. He was every girl's dream when no one even notice me. 

Yes, I was doing something to be close with him but it was not enough. What can I do? I'm not that pretty and hot just like Elena. I wish I could catch your Master's attention just like she does. I wish I can make him laugh and I wish he could give me his genuine smile and concern just like he does to Elena. Oh, I wish I was that too precious for him. But as you see, that's the only thing I have- Wishes and hopes...

Courage? That's probably what I needed. Macky advised me to try another tactic to catch his attention. He said what I was doing is not working, that I should do something more, that I can do better. Macky's too concerned for me as a friend that's why he gave me this suggestion and I think he's right, this time. I'm gonna do it and nothing gonna stop me from doing it!!!..

~Miss Pretty