Chapter 8: Hurt

At recess time, she patiently waited for Thyago to come out of his classroom clinging the special tuna sandwiches she made together with two canned soft drinks. She was planning to invite him to eat with her this recess time as a token of gratitude for teaching her in her Math lesson. If he ever liked the food he prepared, she might as well do it daily, that will be extra points in getting closer and stealing his heart from Elena. The moment he came out of his classroom, she immediately comes near to him and blocked his way.

"Hi, Thyago!" She greeted giving him her sweetest smile she has.

"Oh, hi Bea!" Thyago replied looking surprised when he saw her.

"I brought you food as a token of my gratitude for helping me in my Math lesson. I got a high score in our quiz by the way and I owe you that." She really made her voice sounds very delighted and grateful.

"That was great! But you shouldn't have bothered giving me those. It's my pleasure to help you, you know..." He humbly said that made her smile secretly.

Oh my ever so helpful Prince Charming! See how he's so delighted to help me?

"Why you're such very humble? Come on, this was my way of thanking you so you gotta come with me and we'll eat this food I brought together." She said it in a way like she was not taking "No" for an answer. She then grabs his arms immediately and leads him for a walk so he wouldn't have a chance to refuse.

They went to the Student's Park and chose a vacant table there. She put down the lunch box she was carrying on the table and gently opened it to show him what she was bringing.

"So what do you have there?" He asked giving her an exciting look. She smiled at him before she opens the box and pulls out the two sandwiches and drinks.

"Wow, sandwich. I always love sandwiches!" He gladly said then immediately grab the sandwich and took a bite of it.

She smiled in that gesture. He looked so delighted and grateful with that simple food she brought. Who would have thought that the rich and good Mayor's son was simple and humble this way?

"Glad you do. I actually made it myself." She proudly told him.

She might never afford to give him expensive gifts, she might not have a rich and famous family that can help and befriend his parents but at least she can guarantee him that she was willing to do everything to make him happy.  With these simple efforts, she was hoping she can make him happy even if this was all she can do for now.

"What's this sandwich anyway? It tastes really good..." He said it in between chews.

"Tuna. A tuna sandwich." She answered.

"A-A w-what!!!"

His eyes widened in shock then immediately spilled out the food he was chewing on his mouth then gargled his mouth with the drinks in a haste. Feeling worried, she gave him a questioning look. Honestly, she got offended for acting like he accidentally ate some awful and disgusting food. She knew he has his reasons so she waits for him to explain. He then looked back at her with an apologizing look before he speaks.

"Ummm... I'm allergic to any kind of fish or seafood. I-I'm sorry Bea..." He said looking embarrassed while his head stoops down as if he was afraid to meet her offended look.

His expressions were genuine and he really looks like he was afraid to offend her. Actually, she never felt that way. She even got worried about what would be the effect of the food he had eaten on him. It's funny because she even claimed that she knew everything about him but failed to learn this important thing about him. She appreciates his honesty and his expressions like he doesn't want to hurt her, her heart even got melted with his expression when he sincerely apologized.

"No, I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were allergic to fishes or seafood. Do you have medicine with you? You want me to bring you to the clinic?" She asked apologetically.

"It's okay, I'm good. I didn't eat too much. It's not your fault you didn't know I was allergic to that food so there's no need to apologize, Bea."

So foolish of me not to search for his favorite foods. I even put him to danger with this food I brought. Oh shit...

"You wait there, I'll just buy another food for us to make it up to you, okay?" She cheerfully compensated.

"You don't have to--"

"No Thyago, I insist..." She immediately said to stop him from declining.

She wants to be with Thyago, spends her break time, and eats with him, so there's no way she'll let this chance slip away so she immediately volunteered to buy him another no matter how he refuses.

"You wait for me here, okay?" She said then walked away not giving him a chance to talk or decline.

She immediately went to the school's canteen and buy another sandwich for them. Although she had a hard time paying on the counter section for it was crowded with paying customers, she still made tactics to make it quick paying. When she was done, at last, she smiled contently then walk back fast to where she left Thyago. Wearing her sweetest smile while bringing the food she bought from the school's canteen, she went back to the Student's Park only to witness Thyago being with Elena now. Her sweet smile faded away and turned into a frown when she saw that scene. Thyago and Elena are both laughing while chatting. They look like they were having fun and unfortunately, it seems like Thyago had forgotten about her.

Great! I was just gone for a few moments then that irritating Elena suddenly took my place? Damn Elena for being the greatest nuisance and villain of my life. Damn Thyago as well to forget about me! Is Elena that too precious to him to forget about me? How could he!

She saw him pinch Elena's cheek then Elena hit him in the shoulder that made Thyago laughed out loud- a very hearty one. That scene tore her heart into pieces as a realization struck her. She then realizes that Thyago does not even laugh that way whenever she was with him. Those eyes? Those pair of beautiful blue eyes flickered with happiness, he never stares at her that way the way he looked at Elena. It's just too bad that look was only for Elena. Silly of her because she felt a warm fluid suddenly fell from her cheeks. Jealousy, frustrations, insecurities, she's having these mixed emotions and she damned hates it. A painful smile formed her lips as tears keep on running smoothly through her face. It's the first time she ever cried for a boy and it sucks because she doesn't know how to deal with it.

"Guess my presence wouldn't be necessary...." She bitterly mumbled as she frustratedly wiped those silly tears that kept on running her cheeks.

Yes, it deeply hurts. It crossed in her mind that maybe she had come to a point where she has to end this craziness over Thyago. That her friends might be wrong this time, she'll never make Thyago fall for her. See how he looks to Elena? See how crazy he was with her?  Guess she has to stop this craziness over because it hurts so much she could no longer take it. People say falling in love is such a great feeling. It can give you too much excitement and unexplainable happiness. But why nobody told her that falling in love can cause too much sadness and unexplainable pain as well? Love? Yes, she does love Thyago. Even at her young age, she can honestly say this is not just a mere infatuation because she feels more deeper than that and she knew this will not easily fade just like that.

They say love comes in unexpected ways. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall. That's what she felt with Thyago, he just came by unexpectedly. But isn't the right person doesn't make you beg or catch for attention, affection, and love? The right person will willingly give you these things and will never let you beg for them because they love you. Maybe this is the sign she has to stop this foolishness over. Thyago is not for her. Who knows this isn't really love and she only mistook it that way? She's young and will surely meet different boys over the years. Who knows, she will get over this soon and will just laugh about it in the future. It might never be easy. Thyago might be her first love but it doesn't mean he will be her last love, right?

"First heartbreak really sucks.." She frustratedly stated while leaving the place.

Although her feet felt numb, she still managed to walk normally towards the school's gate. She no longer wants to attend the rest of her class for she suddenly felt unwell. Her heart was wallowing in pain and she doesn't think she can be able to concentrate and participate in any schools activity so she decided to just go home. When she reached home, she locked herself in her room dialed a number in her phone, and called the first person close to her heart- the very first person whom she can count and wanna be with at her down moments. For a moment she wanted to feel loved and feel important, to feel she was not alone even though she was lonely and hurt at the moment. Her Dad has always been her number one fan and the only person who can comfort her whenever she was down. 

"Hey, Sunshine!" She sniffed and calmed herself.

"What's the matter? W-wait are you crying?" His father's voice suddenly got alarmed and worried when he heard her sniffing.

Her father knew her very well. He could easily guess when there is something wrong with her with just the tone of her voice. Hearing his voice, she then burst into tears. God knows how she missed him and with times like this, she badly wished he was here to comfort her.

"What's wrong? You know I hate to see you crying. Tell me, who made my Sunshine cried?" Her father tries to convince her over the phone.

"I-Its just nothing Dad, I just wish you were here with me. I missed you so bad, Daddy." She said in beyond tears.

She wanted to tell her father about Thyago but she suddenly felt hesitant. He will only get worried and get mad at Thyago when the latter doesn't even aware what her feelings for him. It's not his fault she was hurting.

"Oh my Sunshine, I know you're going through something. You are my child and I know you so well. It's just so bad that I can't be there with you now. I love you Sunshine, bear that in mind...." Her father stated in a gentle and caring tone.

"I know Dad. I just wanna hear your voice, you know. To feel that I'm not alone and that you'll always be there for me." She stated.

"Of course I am! What are you saying!"

"Yeah, I know you do." She smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"So what made my Sunshine cry? Care to tell Daddy what your problem is?"

"This is nothing, I'm a big girl now remember? Just hearing your voice makes me feel better."

"Are you sure?" He asked in a tone that seemed not convinced still.

"Yup..." She answered trying to make her voice cheerful.

"Will you going to be okay, Sunshine?" Her father assured her.

"Yes Dad, I will." She promised.

She heard her father pulled out a heavy sighed and that warmed her heart. Her father is surely worrying about her. Oh, how she was grateful to have him in her life. He was more than enough for her as a parent. With him, she never felt something missing with her even though she grew up at this age without a Mom.

"I love you Dad..." She uttered before she hangs up the phone.

That night, she wrote in her diary as a decision finally made up her mind. She took her pen then started writing in her diary...

Dear Thyago's Note;

I thought I was brave enough to fight towards winning your Master's heart. This is not just a deep crush, it is a love I guess. This is strong and deep, I can feel it... Although I thought I can win him through hard work and patience, that not giving up is out of my vocabulary and that he'll soon feel the same way I do for him, I guess I have to stop hoping because it hurts a lot seeing him happy being with someone else.

Maybe I have come to a point that I realize I have to end it over. Even the strong and bravest soldier will give up in fighting when he knew what he's fighting for is no longer worth it. Yes, I'm giving up, I'm losing the battle towards your Master's heart. Perhaps, I already lose from the very beginning for there's no battle at all. I can never win his heart for his eyes and attention are all up to Elena. I've seen it, the way he stares lovingly at her, the way he laughs whenever he's with her, and the way his face brightens up whenever he sees her. I saw the happiness reflects in his eyes and that hurt me big time. I knew it because that's how I look like whenever I see your Master. You know what the funny is? All along I thought Elena is the vicious villain in Thyago and I love story but the truth is, I was that pathetic villain in their love story...

It hurts a lot, my heart still keeps on bleeding and yet this stupid heart still beats for your Master. I hope this will pass through although I know it will never be that easy. I know my feelings well, it will take time to forget him but I know I have to. I'm so young and I shouldn't be dealing with this yet. Just wish I'll get over him soon and realize this wasn't love at all but just a deep crush that soon will fade away...

~Miss Pretty