Cole tipped her head, already breathless. “Y-yes.” “Good. Now, then. Shall we see what you deserve today?” Apparently what she deserved was to beg and moan a lot. To get covered in bites and bruises. To be sweaty and mindless and helpless. And, finally, when she was literally crying, to come like the end of the fucking universe. Leaving her used and abused and sated and happy. ***** Aiden had to fly to New York on Sunday. But—apart from the time Cole spent on the phone, first to her folks, who were thrilled for her, and then to Harper, who’d got a first, of course—he was all hers for Saturday. Remembering how much he’d enjoyed their family game night, and facing up to the fact that she was never, ever, ever going to be remotely interested in learning how not to suck at chess (even from Aiden), she took him down to a board game shop in Seven Dials. He wanted to call a car, but she insisted they
Cole had intended to be delightful when Aiden left, sending him across the ocean with the sweetness of her kisses lingering on his lips. Unfortunately, their parting took place at 4 a.m., leaving her mainly half asleep, mumbly, and pathetic. Despite her sleepy state, she tried to convey her message by wrapping her arms around his leg and refusing to let go. “I’ll be back next Saturday,” he said, attempting to sound exasperated but ultimately laughing. “Please let go. I don’t want to be late.” “No. I’m keeping you.” “Cole.” She whimpered tragically. “Promise you’ll come and see me straight away? As soon as you land?” “It’s Eleanor’s birthday. Have you forgotten?” Oh shit. Where had August gone? “Only technically.” “How about…” He gently peeled her hand off his knee and gave it a squeeze. “I pick you up, and we go together?” That startled her almost awake. “You want to take me to…um…a family thing?”
Fifty minutes later, Cole emerged flayed, dazed, giddy, and job-having.Junior Assistant Editor. She was a junior assistant editor.Truthfully, she was still a bit shaky on what that actually involved. But, whatever it was, it was a real thing and she was going to be paid for it. Not, y’know, much. But she’d never been paid for anything before. Unless you counted that time Aiden had established a scholarship in her name after she’d given him a blow job. She lurched past one of the Pitts and into Hanover Square. Slumped onto a bench, amid the swirling green, and messaged everyone she knew with shaking fingers. Aiden first, of course. And he was the first to get back to her, signing his congratulations off with an x, which was incredibly effusive for him, squeaking in before her family, who sang to her as follows: They knew she could do it / Just call it a hunch / Ardy’s delicious & nutritious / For dinner, breakfast, and lunch. Rabbie an
Oh God. Cole was dying. An eyelid peeled open, and the immediate regret washed over her as light lanced straight through her skull. What had happened? Had she been attacked? Wait, no. She had spent the evening with Ellery. And now she felt broken. The best course of action, Cole decided, was to lie very still and pretend she didn’t exist. Yes, that would work. The sound of a door opening and closing reverberated through her senses like a stampede of raging wildebeests. Must have been the cleaners. She twitched her fingers in the direction of the pillow and mashed it protectively against her face. “Cole?” Wait, that voice. It was Aiden’s voice. Cole struggled to bring herself back to consciousness. She forced her eyes to work, followed by her brain. A human-shaped figure stood in the doorway. Yes, it was definitely Aiden. Not a hallucination. But a vision, nonetheless, dressed in a chocolate brown pinstriped sui
“Get dressed. I’ll take you out.” “Um. No? Thank you. I needs to”—Cole made a helpless gesture—“be by myself for a bit. I might go for a swim?” Aiden had become a stranger. Regarding her considerately. “I see. Would you like me to wait?” “Would you like to?” Or maybe they had both become strangers, marooned on islands of courtesy. “I’ll wait.” Cole dug out her towel and a dressing gown, and changed into her trunks. Drank about a million gallons of water, grabbed her phone, and got the hell out of the apartment. Say this for complete psychological devastation: it really put a hangover in perspective. The pool was as serene as ever, the silvery light soothing her gritty eyes. Slumping down onto one of the fancy lounger things, she rang Ellery.No answer. Of course not. She rang again. And again. And again. And again. Until at last, Ellery answered. “Hi, Mum.” “No, it’s me, Ard—oh wait, I see what you did there. A
“Then that’s enough for me,” Cole caught his wrist and bestowed a fleeting kiss upon his palm. “But you have to do better with Ellery, okay?” He pulled away slightly. “I’m not sure I know how to.” “Oh come on, Aiden,” Cole sat back on her heels. “You’re not a robot or a monster. You know what you did and why it was awful. And I get you were upset, but that’s no excuse.” “Cole is different with you. She never responds well to me.” “That doesn’t mean you get to be… like almost willfully nasty to her.” He sighed. “I have spent my life hurting my sister. I don’t think either of us is prepared for that to change now.” “I think maybe you’re not prepared.” “Shouting at me about all the damage I’ve caused is hardly an effective way to open a dialogue.” “Actually… it could be. You’re the one who’s refusing to listen.” “Cole, you know what kind of man I am. You’ve always known.” “Yes,” Cole gazed at him steadily. “I do. I know how kind you are, for a start. And I know you don
Saturday dawned shittily for Cole. She hadn’t slept well, and she’d done exactly zero preparation for the phenomenally posh birthday party she would have to attend, whether she went with Aiden or not.Urgh. Aiden. What had she done? She mean, maybe he was right. Maybe she was asking for the impossible. He’d told her about Nathaniel. He’d trusted her with his nightmare. It wasn’t her job to fix his relationship with Ellery. It wasn’t even her business. Back in Kinlochbervie, he’d promised to try, and she’d promised to be patient. And only one of them, really, could be said to have kept their side of the bargain. Clue: it wasn’t her. She’d been greedy, and pushy, and demanding. And not very kind. And Aiden had stuck with her, supported her, done so much for her, both practically and emotionally. And, in return, she’d made him feel like a failure. Like he couldn’t make her happy. When he did. He so did. Obviously, what they had
She meant, yes, it had an entrance hall, for starters. It was that sort of place. Full of stately rooms that didn’t seem to be for anything. At least, nothing that normal people did like watch TV or wander round absentmindedly while chain-eating Pringles. It was all ornate plasterwork and inlaid panels, curlicues and chandeliers. Those really tall vase things that did nothing except proclaim that her house (and wallet) were big enough to accommodate them. It all left Cole slightly dizzy. Too much light glinting on too many surfaces. And the inescapable truth that the only circumstances in which people like her were expected to visit places like this was with a National Trust membership card. And Aiden had grown up there. This was his. Shit. She was having a Pemberley moment. Cole looked around desperately for Ellery. But unless she was wearing a particularly distinctive and Ellery-ish mask, or a name badge, maybe, she had no way of recognizing her among the
“Hey now,” Cole protested. “He offered me money and the apartment.” “Like you were going to take it. How long was he with you? Did he know you at all?” “We were kind of in the middle of an argument at the time.” “Right. But it’s been over a week.” It had. And Cole had told herself she wasn’t hoping for anything. Except she must have been. Because now she felt silly.Ellery kicked the tree moodily. “Stop feeling sorry for him. I expect he’s feeling sorry enough for himself. Or Lancaster’s found him a new whipping girl.” “Don’t.” “Sorry.” “Did you really come all the way to Kinlochbervie to say ‘I told you so’?” “No.” She pulled her hood up and disappeared into its shadows. “I came to ask if you want to live with me.”Cole nearly fell off the swing. “Live with you?”“Yeah. Thought I should move out. Do some shit with my life or something.” “What sort of shit did you have in mind?”She kicked the tree again. And then, apparently finding
Everything hurt. The hours seemed like wild horses. Dawn broke around Cole. She spent most of the day on the sofa, crying herself out of tears, watching the sky turn tauntingly through shades of silver and gold. She tried to be brave, to be strong, to be less pathetically embarrassing. But her inner Scarlett O’Hara was AWOL—tomorrow being another day seemed like scant consolation. And while she sometimes tormented herself with idle fantasies of Aiden coming back, of sweeping her into his arms, full of sorrow and declarations of eternal devotion, she knew it wasn’t going to happen. She wasn’t sure she could ever bear pain like this again. Later… later… later… Her phone bleeped. And, like a fool, she scrabbled for it, wrecked with hope and fear and hope. It was Harper: “I MOVED MY FOOT!!!!!” **** She slept and didn’t sleep, and the hours sped and sluggished by. And finally, she rang home. Hazel picked up. “What’s wrong?” she said before Cole even had a chance to speak.
Cole swayed exhaustedly where she knelt. “Well, I'm not. And I don't How many times is you going to ignore me telling you that I love you? Because I do. I really do. And you can think all these awful things about yourself if you must. But nothing—nothing, do you hear me—will make me believe them.” “You can’t love me. You don’t know me.” “You mean, because I didn’t know about this? That’s only because you lied to me about it.” He paced restlessly, up and down that pristine room. This lost creature in Aiden Crux's skin. “I didn’t lie.” “I asked you outright. In Kinlochbervie.” “No. You asked if someone had hurt me. And they haven’t.” “Oh fucking hell.” She rubbed her hands against her burning eyes. “I could have hurt you. Don’t you realize how completely fucked it feels looking back at all the times I’ve pushed you on sex stuff with no clue about what happened to you?” “Well,” he drawled, “I did warn you that I’m a cruel
Cole glanced up. “I'm not. I mean, it wasn’t fun. But I trusts you. With the worst of me, as well as the best, and all the squishy ambiguous bits in between.” “Thank you,” he said, unexpectedly grave. “I hope to always honor that trust.” “As I will for you.” He didn’t respond. “So, y’know”—Cole nudged him gently—“your turn.” It took a long time, but he did eventually speak. The words coming slowly and painfully, like razor blades from his lips. “If I tell you, you’ll know what Eleanor said about me is right. That I’m sick and twisted and I ruin everything that’s good.” “She only said that because she was angry.” He shook his head. “No, she said it because it’s true. You see, she learned who she was when she was fourteen years old.” “What happened when—wait. When your father died?” “After that. When she seduced his business partner. His best friend.” Cole genuinely had no idea what to say. To
Cole pulled off a truly Ellery-worthy eye roll. “One cigarette a month is hardly going to kill him,” she said. “Is that what he told you? And you believed him?” Natasha asked. Now that she thought about it… he did tend to reach for his cigarettes once they’d sexed. And he’d smoked after dinner. And during Star Wars. And just now in the gCole. Oh fuck. Fuuuuuck.Natasha shook her head at her. “You poor, sweet girl. You don’t know him at all, do you?” “I… I’m in love with him,” she said, her voice barely audible. “I can see why you’d believe that. Aiden can be quite dazzling when he chooses. But you don’t understand anything about who he is. Or the damage you’re doing to him.” She tried to reply, to protest, to defend herself. Defend him. Defend them. But she had nothing. Aiden had de-clawed her with his secrets. Left her powerless and alone. “You deserve better,” Natasha went on softly. “He’s using you like his cigarettes. You
“I love it when you hurt me. I love everything you do. And everything you are,” Cole said. And that was when Aiden turned and drew her into his mouth. It was the teeniest bit awkward—he even nicked her slightly with the edge of his teeth, suggesting maybe he didn’t do this all that often. He certainly hadn’t with her before. Not that she’d minded. He made her come just fine. But…wow. He could have been actively terrible and she wouldn’t have cared: Aiden Crux was sucking her pussy. No teasing. Only his tongue sliding tight round her, his mouth soft and hot and perfect.Ohfuckohfuckohfuck. She was…Aiden was… Cole turned her head into her shoulder in an effort to muffle her noises. Which were at least as loud as when he’d been torturing her nipples, and probably even less dignified. Pain was one thing. She could take pain. But she was pleasure’s bitch. Hone
His fingers closed around her through her dress and squeezed until she bucked and moaned. Some of the anguish faded from her face, the tight lines of her brow and mouth yielding to desire, and something tender she might have called hope. “Don’t move,” he whispered, as he stepped away. “Okay.” Her heart thumped as eagerly as a puppy’s tail. She loved the anticipation that came with his commands. And she loved pleasing him. Of course, her nose started itching almost immediately. But she was determined and ignored it and held still as he had told her to. Aiden circled the pillar, leaving her standing there like Andromeda. Well, Andromeda if she had a massive erection. Then he drew her hands behind her and she felt the cool brush of silk against her skin.It encircled her wrists. Pulled taut. Oh my God. His bowtie. He was bondaging her with his own bowtie. She made a noise of surprise and exciteme
He didn’t quite flinch but he got that look: the closed down, I am a million miles away from you look I knew all too well. “I’ll leave you to enjoy it.” And, with that, he…went away. Again. Cole bit down on a gasp of frustration. She wanted to kick him in the shins. He couldn’t just fix what was probably years of hurt and misunderstanding with a single, and very small, gesture. Also, the fucker had barely spent five minutes with her. But she pushed all that aside and turned her very best and sparkliest smile on Ellery. “So what happens next? Do we all die of the plague?” Ellery sneered at the room. “Mm, here’s hoping.” “Wow, that’s the last time I RSVP to an invitation from you.” “I don’t mean it.” She sighed and with the air of a small child being forced to eat Brussels sprouts added, “Thank you for coming.” “I didn’t know you played the violin.” Ellery shrugged. “I’m brilliant. When I’m not rusty.” “
“What do you look for?” Cole asked. “The thing nobody else sees,” He replied, propping his hip casually against a piece of furniture she didn’t have a name for—something ornate and impressive, probably a credenza or vitrine or whatever. “Society photography comes down to one very simple principle. Anyone can take pictures of Kate Middleton and Lady Gaga. The trick is getting a picture of Kate Middleton with Lady Gaga.” “And have you?” “Not yet. But she’s a long way from dead, and hopefully so are they.” Cole laughed. In a strange way, the woman reminded her a little bit of Aiden. The same conviction, the same merciless drive, although focused and expressed very differently. She guessed it was becoming pretty apparent she had a type.But mainly Cole was grateful. Now, when she looked across the room, she met smiles. Flashes of recognition in other people’s eyes. She knew faces and names. She could have joined some of the conversations. Instead of drifting around pathetically. Stil