III: All my love

"When are you going back to California?" Papa asked as we relaxed in the living room. I rested my head on Papa's shoulder while Mama was on his other side, busy with her phone, her feet on Papa's lap, and Papa massaging her feet.

"On Friday," Theo replied. He sat back without turning his head, still looking at his tablet. "I have a flight to San Diego, and they're coming with me," said Theo, my second brother. He is a pilot working for the airline owned by Papa. "Maybe we'll take a short vacation at Xavier's house."

Xavier, who was playing a game with Aaric, snorted loudly. "You think I'll let you?"

"Whether you do or not, we're going there anyway." I replied.

Aaric whistled in agreement and Xavier smacked him lightly on the head.

"Don't be stingy with your siblings, Xavi," Mama said lowly, shaking her head. "Be a good big brother."

"You're the oldest here and you're still immature." Papa chuckled and shook his head while Xavier pretended not to hear and continued playing GTA on the PlayStation. "You're thirty years old."

"That's why he needs to get married, Papa. He'll grow up." Mama said to Papa, to which he immediately agreed.

Theo and I couldn't help but laugh at Xavier's annoyed face.

"Everything won't be solved just by getting married." Xavier replied in his typical tone: flat and lazy.

"But everything will start with marriage. You know. When I was your age, I already had you and Theo." He said.

"I'm not interested in having children." He replied.

"Do you want to continue with your unhealthy lifestyle? Changing partners in bed? What if they carry diseases?"

"I don't always do that and I can assure you that I am healthy, Mama. Don't worry." From his long answer, I could tell that he was now upset.

Mama sighed softly. "Suit yourself. Maybe we're just waiting for one of your collections to come along pregnant with your child.  Maybe that will make you mature." 

I laughed out loud. I could never have imagined that because our first brother was a rigid man who was hard on women. He was the stiffest among us, and he definitely only used women to satisfy his lust. No one he pursued. They all pursued him even though they knew how cold and cruel Xavier was.

He needed a woman who was out of his league. One he couldn't conquer. Messy.

"And you? What about you? You're the one laughing the loudest here." Mama said to me.

"About what?"

"Your boyfriend, baby girl." Mama said. "Aaric said you have a boyfriend."

I bit my lip, looking at Aaric, who was holding back a smile as he focused on his game.

"Oh... or do you want to hide that from me now?" Mama asked.

"Our Princessa already has a boyfriend?" Papa looked at me in surprise. He put one hand on his chest and looked at me with an expression of mock pain. "Papa is very jealous right now."

I chuckled, hugging Papa from the side. "I still love you, Papa."

"Now you won't tell me, Princessa?" Mama asked.

"He was my college friend, Mama." I replied. "He's kind, smart and caring. I'm sure he won't hurt me."

"He's a guy," Theo replied sarcastically. He put the tablet on his lap and looked at me sharply. "He will hurt you in some way."

He was stiff like Xavier, but what made them different was that Theo would only look hard, stiff, and cold when he was faced with a situation he didn't like or when he knew Aaric and I was doing something wrong. Most of the time he was the easy-going older brother who cared about me a lot. But when it came to guys approaching me, the three of them were always on guard and protective. I could even see how the muscles on my twin's face were moving now. They were always more protective of me than Papa.

"Don't lump him in with the three of you, who are assholes," I told him, Mama nodded in agreement. "There are still many good men in this world, you know."

"That's why tell us his name, so we know if he's like you imagine or not." Aaric said.

No, I won't do that. Never. "No need, thank you."

"Why, Princessa? At least let us all know."

I shook my head, "He's good. Trust me."

Theo just rolled his eyes and then refocused on his tablet.

"So, how's work going? Is it going well?" Mama asked again. This questioning session was done because we could only relax today. The previous two days, we were busy with the grandfather's funeral.

"Smoothly. Very smoothly." I replied.

Mama shook her head slowly. "I doubt that. You shouldn't have to bother working, Princessa. All you have to do is ask and you can get it."

"I want a job. That's all." A normal life. That's all. Nothing else. "I want to be independent."

"She wants to try being an independent woman, Mama." Aaric welcomed. "But she often asks me to buy her expensive food."

"She often asks me for that too." Xavier said.

"Yesterday you also asked me for money to buy shoes." Theo said.

"I'm a smart woman who never wastes an opportunity." I retorted.

The three of them both made annoyed sounds.

>><<

"Everything went well, Bee." I whispered to the mound in the public cemetery in Madellin named Bianca 'Bee' Maria Perez. "But we miss you." I chuckled, my eyes glazed over as I rubbed the surface of the soil. 

The overcast atmosphere seemed to support my mellow mood right now. 

Five years ago, we decided to keep Bianca's body in Medellin so it could be close to Maya and me. I couldn't bury her in Juarez or any other Mexican city because it was clear we wouldn't be able to visit her freely. Plus, I was sure that the Lopez's would dig up Bianca's grave and, take her body and dump it somewhere else.

My name and Maya's name were already on the Lopez's number one wanted list. We could be the next to be buried. I didn't want that to happen. Bianca had told us that we had to survive and fight. Maya and I won't let her down.

"Maya has become a legal consultant, you know." I said. "It's the complete opposite of her ignorant personality." I continued.

"We have one hour left." Theo's voice made me sigh harshly.

"I'll be back in San Francisco in two hours. Maya gave you a message to be happy there. Which makes no sense because you'll definitely happy there." I tilted my head, unable to hold back the tears that fell down my cheeks. "Don't worry about us here, we're fine. That's my message. And if you can ... when you see my grandfather over there, make sure you grab his head and beat him mercilessly, okay, Bee? I'll thank you for that."

I chuckled again and then went over to the headstone to kiss it.

"Be good there, Bee. Maya and I will come another time."

<<<>>>

"You can wish for something, but it will never happen in your favor." Those words were accompanied by a humorous smile. "I live in a harsh world. I have no one. Just you two. You guys keep me alive and I promise when I have enough savings, I'll take you away from this city." 

I smiled and took her into my arms. "We'll go. We're going to do it. It doesn't matter if you have enough savings or not."

Her eyes narrowed sharply and suspiciously at me. "You're going to guarantee our lives, huh?"

I chuckled. "I'll do it." I replied.

Maya clucked in annoyance. "Your dead grandmother left you a lot of money?"

I couldn't tell them that it was my wild lie yet, but I just laughed amusedly. "Don't ask me how." I chuckled, cut the cake, and handed the large slice to Bianca, who was sitting on the sofa in her colorful pyramid hat and porch pajamas. "That's my birthday present. Happy birthday, Bee."

The darkness swept over me.

Making me stand in the center of our apartment.

This one wasn't as bright as before.

Shabby.

And so far from the good life.

As if something had taken that life away.

I walked, circling the apartment, my breathing rising and falling with the anxiety that overcame me.

"Bee. Maya."

"Jas..." Bianca's voice sounded softly in her room.

I immediately stepped quickly into her room, opening the door.

My breath caught when I saw her lying on the bed, with a stomach full of blood and empty eyes that stared back at me.

My eyes opened, and my breathing rose and fell with significant speed. I stare at the blank wall of my room and scan it once more.

I was in San Francisco.

Not in Juarez.

Not in that cramped, shabby apartment.

I was safe.

Maya was safe.

And... Bianca still lingers in our memory.

I sat up, rubbing my face heavily as if that would erase the nightmare alone. Everything else was a good memory, and now it was mixed with the disgusting nightmare that had haunted me for five years.

I walked into the bathroom. Turning off the hot water, letting my body be washed by the super cold water.

This hurts.

It's excruciating.

But this is what fills my breath every second until I can survive this long.