Old new scars

CHAPTER ONE 

OLD NEW SCARS

I stood at the door and held my breathe and looked around, the whole place reeked of alcohol, I can't remember the last time it didn't, mom was away again, I breathed in slowly I needed to go upstairs but I just came back from my night shift and I'm very hungry, I can't go to the kitchen and risk waking Dad up after today's work I don't feel like been beaten up so I decided to skip dinner and head upstairs it's not like the first time it happened anyway, I held my backpack tightly as I tiptoed to go upstairs but it seems as though luck is not on my side as I stumbled upon an empty bottle making me fall to the ground, I hissed immediately at the impact but I was more worried about someone else, my fears came to pass as he stirred awake before his eyes turned to me his facial expressions frowning not quite grabbing the whole situation but his expression immediately turned to annoyance then anger as his gaze settled on me.

I stepped back as his figure loomed before me his hands already reaching for his belt... 

No.. no no, I can't deal with this right now, I stood up to run upstairs but he was quick to run after me , I didn't get far before he grabbed my hair dragging me down before landing a slap on my face making me see stars for a moment 

" Where were you going you bitch... Did you think you can get away from me from running huh??"

I pushed my hands to my face and waited for the beating, whenever he gets like this he won't be leaving me anytime soon until he is satisfied, he slapped me again his hands tightening on my hair before he tugs it to make me look at him, I felt a liquid leave my nose, my nosebleeding has started 

" Why... what did I ever do you, what did I do to deserve this" I chocked out staring at his eyes that was full of disdain 

" I told you never to ask me that question again didn't I, you never listen do you Huh" he replied me before letting go off my hair 

" Fine I'll tell you if you want to really know" he said now folding his belt, before bending down to whisper in my ear while grabbing my hair 

" Your crime is existing... You should never have been born, you should have died the moment you were born, that is crime, so the only way to remedy it is to die .... Die.... Die....Die..."

He kept whispering Die while choking me, his hands strangling me and cutting off the air in my throat ,.I pleaded with him to let go... but he continued now yelling the word 

DIE...DIE ...DIE...DIE JUST DIE ... YOU WITCH....Die.........

I woke up with a startle, breathing heavily.. I was sweating profusely even though it's freezing cold outside, I breathed in again and again doing it like I have been practicing, I can't afford a panic attack right now.

" It's just a dream Vianne, he's not here anymore and he can't harm you , you safe... for now" 

I chided myself and stood up from my bed, Its exactly one week since I finally found the courage to report my abusive father though I didn't do it by myself I was too chicken to do so Chelsea my friend helped to do that, I'll foever be grateful for her for that single action.

it's already morning , it's the day of my graduation from highschool, I have to be optimistic today at least, I checked the time, I had a few minutes to prepare for my graduation ceremony, I quickly showered dressed up with the nearest clothes I can find i look myself I the mirror and sigh my curly hair seeming to be having an attitude today, which I'm not about to deal with, so I just tied it and covered it with a hat, my hair was so curly you can't even make a bun with it, it's always surprising how I never took any of my parents features, I could easily pass off as a half caste, but my extremely green eyes also says something else, I have always struggled with identity crisis, it's no news for me, but I'm not about to dwell on it this morning 

" This is a new beginning, you can start afresh too Vianne, you can still achieve your dreams, it's not too late"

I told myself before grabbing my backpack and heading downstairs, I met Mom at the kitchen busy, making food for herself, " Mom I'm ready for my graduation ceremony," 

She didn't say anything, I wasn't exactly expecting a response but I heard a hum from her, that is enough for me, I nodded and went out I was going to buy something and eat on the way, it should sustain me till I come back, hopefully she won't be around, then I can make a decent meal and eat.

___________________________________________

 I stared at the certificate in my hands and watched my classmates and their parents take pictures and I can't help but feel a pang in my heart,

 I want this too you know, I thought and I couldn't help the lone tear that strayed down my cheeks, I wiped it away quickly and turned to leave the depressing atmosphere when I was met with a cold liquid on my face that drenched the certificate in my hands and the shirt I was putting on.

" Ooops... Sorry I was going to throw that in the trash... But then you looked so much like trash I couldn't help it " Judith said smirking while holding a can of yougourt, so it was yougourt she poured me...

My eyes moved to the person standing next to her and sighed Judith and Ashley has been one of my problems during my highschool life, I can't even remember doing anything to them, they just woke up one day and found me interesting enough to bully, they're like among the richest kids in school...so why do they care?, I wiped the remnants of the Yougourt on my certificate, I didn't say anything, the last thing I wanted was problems on my graduation day, Ashley walked closer to me inspecting the book I was holding 

" Ooh I didn't mean to wet your certificate, I mean you could have just given it to your parents...ooh I forgot your dad is in prison and your Mom is a whore... you know I'm not so surprised at how you turned out, your parents are just losers and so are you..." She said now poking my chest, pushing me back 

" C..c can you stop" I chocked out, already feeling my breathe coming short , but that only made Ashley more angry as she grabbed my hat and threw it on the floor 

"I told you not to talk while I'm talking huh... you never listen to instructions.... And don't wear that tacky hat it just makes you more uglier than you already are"

My knees gave out as I clutched my heart trying to control my breathing 

" Aiisssh,.....you are making me really mad" she said raising her leg to stomp on my head but stopped half way at the sound of someone shout 

" Stop it... That's enough, I raised my head to find Chelsea walking towards us with a smile on her face, the two girls harassing me on seeing her just scurried away.

" Are you okay?" She asked with her hands outstretched towards me to help me stand , I nod that I'm fine, I wasn't fine, I felt like crying, I wanted to go home and bowl but I don't do that I instead mask my teary expression with a smile affirming that I was fine, she took out her handkerchief to help me clean up still smiling at me, I was thankful for her and took the handkerchief to finish the job, Chelsea has always been helping me even though she doesn't go to my school but she still goes out on her way to help me, she's a nice girl, even though she's super rich she still helps me and wants to be friends with me, which is another source of hope for me.

" Are you going home..?? I can drop you off, I'm going that way " She said already walking to her car which by the way is the latest model trending right now

" Ugh... Okay, thank you" she smiled as a reply and got inside the car and I got in with her the ride was silent, I always find myself fidgeting around her, not knowing what to talk about, I'm not really anti social, I had a few friends before the two rich snobs decided to make me the school outcast, but with Chelsea I always feel err and not really sure what she likes and maybe talk about it, but I believed that with time things will fall into place and we will be good friends.

We reached my house and she stopped I bade her good bye and left to enter the house and she zoomed off.

I breathed in and opened the house, it was not locked though, it looks like mom is still around which is weird, I shrugged and went to the living room and went to the kitchen to get water my throat was patched, I took water out of the fridge to drink but something else caught my attention, there was a note in the fridge

Vianne I'm leaving the house... I have to, I have someone I'm going to marry and I'm not coming back 

Don't look for me I already left the country, take care of the house and pay the debt, if you don't want to be homeless..... Whatever it takes a kid to survive...."