i

Sam had to leave the next day, she said she had work stuffs to take care of and in as much as I didn't want her to leave, she was right, she had to go.

I can't rope my best friend into my toxic marriage , she has her own life to live and I understand that.

She begged me to call her if anything happens again and I told her I will.

Now it was just me and my colourful room and nothing to do.

I hadn't gone downstairs all day, in fact I barely ate that day.

I just munched on the vegetable chips I had in my room and drank yogurt.

All I just wanted was to fall asleep and wake up and find myself back in America away from all these men in my life that seems to be fucking me up.

Then about few minutes to dinner, Mrs Williams came into my room with a sympathetic face.

I groaned inwardly.

The last thing I needed right now was someone feeling pity for me.

Another rule in feminism states that you should not allow people pity you, it'll make you look weak, especially if you succumb to it.

"How are you doing dear" she asked sweetly, walking over to my bed.

I gave her a weary smile, "I'm fine".

"Haven't seen you all day, you didn't come down for breakfast nor lunch and I don't want you sleeping on an empty stomach", she said.

"I wasn't hungry- I'm not hungry", I said.

She sat on the bed beside me and brushed my black sleek hair.

"I heard about yesterday, I'm so-"

"It's okay Mrs Williams, you don't have to sorry about anything really, I'm fine now thank you", I cut her immediately before she makes me feel worse than I already am now.

"Won't you at least come down for dinner?", she asked.

"I really don't want to", I said.

"Okay at least eat something, I've got something you may like in the kitchen, you can have it here in your room, c'mon please ", she pressed.

She's so caring, I wonder how she found herself with these bastards.

I sighed,"Okay let's go to the kitchen ", I said and she smiled.

At least I could stretch my legs a little.

I got up grumpily and walked out of the room with Mrs Williams right in front of me.

We walked down the stairs together and I hear little voices coming from the dinning table.

Soon as I was in view, the talking stopped.

My eyes quickly scan all of them on the table and land on Amber's for a split of a second, and then I darted my eyes away.

I walk into the kitchen and Mrs Williams and I started making something that I could eat and then I walked out of the kitchen carrying my plate upstairs.

"Lexy ".

Okay yes, I have nurtured intense hatred for this man.

I have given myself a thousand and one reason to hate him, to despise him, to have him irritating, but whenever I hear his voice, my body sparks, it quivers and it's not for fear, it's for something I certainly do not understand.

I turned around and my eyes went immediately to his, holding his gaze frowning and everything in my face holds danger.

"Are you - I'm I'm -"

"Please I don't need your sympathy, and I'm fine thank you", I answered calmly trying to be in my best behavior, I'm not ready for another irrelevant argument in front of his brothers, House keeper and best friend, no!

He didn't say anything, he just kept staring at me.

I sighed, no this isn't going to work, I have to air my self out please.

I walked slowly to the dinning table and dropped my plate.

"Amber I want to ask you a question", I started.

He didn't give a reply so I continued, "Are we actually married? I really have to ask?", I questioned.

He didn't say anything, so I continued.

"Now okay let's leave the part that my father feels like I need you to keep me alive or whatsoever, and let's also Leave the part that you are incapable of loving someone- anyone in this world other than your self, let's leave all those well detailed parts out of this story. If I was a woman you had a romantic story with, a courtship, an actual engagement party, a real wedding, a real love, a real marriage with, if I fortunately was that woman, would you sit there and allow your father ask me to strip and be fine with it, will you?", I questioned calmly but sternly.

He swallowed.

For someone who is feared my the entire continent and half the world, I guess I might have him off the hook.

I'm proud of the fact that I can make him this speechless.

I'm proud that I have this much power over him.

Silence, that was everything that happened and in between.

His silence told the answer.

It was a very obvious question.

I chuckled and carried my plate.

"Of course you wouldn't, well too bad I'm not that woman ", I said and walked upstairs, slamming my bedroom door shut.

*

*

*

*

Two months gone, and it has been anything but endurable.

The routine continued over and over again.

Wake up, take a long shower, brush my teeth, have breakfast in my room, fall asleep, wake up again, have lunch in my room, sketch some stuffs on my sketch book, had dinner in my room, watch N*****x till I fall asleep.

Nothing changed, nothing improved. Most times I'll be on the phone with Sam and she'll tell me all about how her day was and the new guy she's seeing and how he had gotten her attention.

I then sometimes feel a bit sad that I don't get to choose who I get to be with.

Today I was sketching something when I got a call and I checked the caller id and it was my dad.

I rolled my eyes and planned on ignoring it like how I've been doing lately.

Sam said she told my dad about what happened and ever since then he's been trying to get me to talk to him which I bluntly refused because he fucken sold me into this marriage with $300,000 for 10 Goddamn years of my life!!!

Then I sighed and Decided to just give him 3 minutes of my time to hear him apologize again like he always use to.

I pick the call and put it on speaker, I don't say anything

"Lexy", he calls in a broken voice.

Goddddddd!!!

I hate when he sounds like that, it reminds me of when my mother and sister died when I was little girl.

"What is it dad?", I asked coldly pushing sympathy aside.

I grabbed my pencil and continued drawing.

"I've - I've been trying to reach out to you", he started.

"Well I'm here now", I mumbled.

He exhaled, "Lexy I'm sorry for dragging you into all this", he immediately breaks down.

"Well you're definitely not forgiven dad, you aren't. I was going to forgive you for marrying me off to another one of your Mafia friends, I was going to forgive you for marrying me off to the most feared Don in the continent, but I can't forgive you for selling me off for $300,000 for ten years!!! ten fucking years of my life!! what were you thinking!! what do you take me for? a property?", I was yelling now.

"I just want you to be safe-" he sobbed.

"Safe?! is this what you call being safe?!! sexually harassed by my so called husband's father and watching the same person that's supposed to keep me safe stand there and do nothing about it!!!! that's what you call safe?!! ever since I stepped foot into here, my sanity flew away and I've been walking on eggshells since I arrived, going through mental trauma , worse even than the physical ones I went through when I was just 13 still because of you! all because of you and you call this safe!!", I screamed.

He was sobbing, he was crying at the other end, I know I shouldn't be doing this, I know he has apologized timelessly about what happened to me when I was younger, I know he said he was going to be a better father to me , I know he's trying to, but this doesn't change anything, this doesn't change the fact that those memories have been plastered to the back of my head and it's never coming off, ever.

I exhaled.

"Dad I'm sorry "I mumbled, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be yelling I'm just frustrated, this is nothing near what I expected, my whole life is a mess", I said not even hearing my own voice.

"I want you safe Lexy, that's all", he choked out.

"I'd being safe involves me going through all these I'm going through here, I rather die then", I said.

"I don't want you to die", he cried."I want you alive and I know you want yourself alive too, you have so many dreams and goals to accomplish, you have a long life to live, I don't want my entire lineage to go just because of my mistakes Lexy please you have to live, please".

i started battling with tears, I wasn't going to cry...no never!!!

"Believe me when I say he's the only person in the world that can save you, I mean it, no one else can, please Lexy, your life is too important than you can think of please try not to rebel please, if Amber changes his mind that's the end of you so please, please stay alive and for once just drop your feminism and do what he says please ", he was pleading with me , he was crying,I could Feel tears in my eyes, I blinked them away.

This thing he's asking me to do is hard.

He's asking me to take away me from me , he's asking me to kill myself and be someone else that Amber wants, that the Mattew family wants, A submissive house wife

"Your mother and sister never got the opportunity to live, now you have a choice, please do not make any mistake, please Lexy, I would die for you I swear but I want you to live, so please, please live ", he said and ended the call .

I dropped the phone slowly on the bed and hugged my body to my knees and realization starts to hit me slowly.

If I don't obey them I'm going to die.

If I don't do what they want, if I'm not submissive, if I continue with this attitude and Amber gets sick of it, I'm going to fucken die and Join my ancestors and my entire life story will end just like that.

I started whimpering, realizing that I'm doomed for the next Ten years.

A soft knock on the door drags me out of my thoughts.

My body quivers as I walk to the door and open it and I'm face to face with him.

I can't seem to hide the fear and horror on my face.

And I'm just realizing that I've been messing with a man that ease fully drove a hammer into someone's head some weeks ago, I'm talking to someone that is feared by the entire continent.

His name sparks fear into people and I've been messing with him

What honestly gives me the feeling that he wouldn't snap one day and end me once and for all.

I sees the fear in my face, he sees it all.

It's impossible to hide.

He gives me a sympathetic look, he wasn't seen me look at him with that kind of face.

I've been fucking with the most feared family in the continent!!

I fucken spoke back at his father!

I swear that I count myself lucky to even still be alive even up still now!

I'm surprised he didn't kill me that day!

Fuck I'm so lucky.

"My father wants to see you", he says breaking the silence.

"Again" ,he adds with a clenched jaw and a long frown on his face.

My mouth hung slightly and I swallowed hard.