CHAPTER 6

ELIZABETH’S POV

Lumabas ako sa room ni Jai dahil biglang tumawag ang manager ko na si Yna, she was four-year older than me. I met her at the bar in the US six years ago. And yes, she is Pinay. She was with me eversince I started show business.  

“Shaine Eliza! You have been there for a few hours but I’ve been blown away by texts and calls. Nag-open ka na ba ng mga social medias mo? I mean, may balita ka na ba sa mga social media accounts mo?” tanong niya. Kalmado pa siya sa lagay na iyan. Napakagat labi ako. I’m sure someone leak a news or information about me. That’s not surprising at all. 

“Kung hindi pa, okay lang. I was just asking, anyways, you are all over the news and as of now ang daming T.V shows ang gusto kang i-invite. So, what do you think?” sabi niya. Napakunot noo ako. Wow! Hindi siya galit or something? My manager is weird! In normal days, she’d be in panic by now, yelling and shouting. 

“What happened? You’re weird, Yna. I mean, yeah, you are always weird naman pero iba iyong ngayon,” sabi ko sa kanya. I heard her laugh. Fake. 

“Hoy! Baka nakakalimutan mong mas matanda ako sa ‘yo at saka magiging sister-in-law mo na ako, soon! Wala kang galang, mag-ate ka naman,” sabi niya. I cringed at her. She knows naman na I never want to call her ate. I don’t want attachments. If she wants to go someday, she’s always free to leave. Right? It’s less hassle. Ayos na iyong manager ko siya. I sighed. 

“Fine! Ano bang mayro’n sa mga pictures? I am behaving here… wala naman akong ginawang kalokohan”  

“Ayon na nga eh, nakita ko kasi sa mga nagkalat na pictures… ang saya mo kaya dyan! Gusto na nga kitang sunduin eh.” Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. I can clearly sense the sarcasm. It’s really weird how a person can sense if you are okay or not. What? Did I say that I wasn’t okay? I’m okay! 

“I’m fine, Yna. Ang tagal na ng mga nangyari. And, I think they’re fine na rin so I should be okay na rin. I’m fine nga kasi! Geez! Let’s just talk tomorrow, Yna… bye,” sabi ko sabay baba sa tawag namin. I never told anyone my past, well, my Kuya Mike knows everything. He was there. And I will not be surprise kung sinabi na ni Kuya sa girlfriend niyang si Yna Porras. Tsk. 

“Good for you then.” 

Muntik ko ng mabitawan itong hawak kong phone sa gulat. That─that voice. Napapikit ako, inaalala ko kung kailan ang huling beses kong narinig ang boses na iyon. I slowly turned in the direction of the voice to confirm what I had heard. This is the first time in six years that I had seen him this close. He’s wearing board shorts and a collared loose shirt. He got a sharper jaw, redder lips, expressive eyes and his skin gets brighter making him look more appealing. He looks so… matured. I blinked twice, what am I thinking? 

“Hi!” bati ko. I smiled and looked him straight in the eye, ignoring what he said earlier. I couldn’t calm my heart when I noticed his eyes slowly checking at me from my feet up to my eyes, knowing that I was only wearing two wraps on my body. No! Why should I be ashamed? I model bikinis. I should be proud. He put his hand in the pocket of his shorts. He looked to his left and right while smiling. I cringed at his reaction. 

“Do you have anything to say? Because if you don’t, can I leave?” I asked. He looked at me coldly. 

“You know how to say goodbye ha, surprising.” He smirked. I was stunned by what he said. I don’t know how I would feel about it. I looked behind him, baka kasi mamaya may biglang dumating at makita kaming magkasama. Or baka makita kami ng girlfriend niya.

“You are just drunk. Excuse me,” I said and I turned my back at him. 

“Elizabe─” Naramdaman ko ang hawak niya sa kamay ko. Nagulat ako sa kuryenteng dumaloy kaya binawi ko ang kamay ko sa pagkakahawak niya.

“Elias!” I heard Josh said. Lumapit siya sa amin. “Nandito ka lang pala, Tine has been looking for you.” Napalunok ako when I heard Tine’s name. I silently thank Josh at the back of my mind. I heard him walk away. I don’t know why I haven’t left my position yet. My knees were shaking at that simple conversation. 

“Are you okay?” I heard Josh ask me. It was as if I had come to my senses. 

“Yes. Thank you,” sabi ko. I left immediately before he could speak again.

I was about to go up to Jai’s room when I met her on the stairs, she no longer looks drunk. 

“Can I rest? I can’t stay outside na kasi...”

“I know. I saw the pictures. Sa room ko tayo matutulog. I am sorry, I hope everything’s fine. Rest well,” sabi niya ng nakangiti. She hugged me and went down first to take care of her guests. 

Maaga akong bumangon kinabukasan, I am not even sure kung natulog ako. Jai’s still sleeping kaya hindi ko na siya ginising. I just left a letter at her table saying goodbye. 

I was opening this can of beer when my hand suddenly slipped and bled. I stared at it, it wasn’t deep, actually, I couldn’t even feel how painful it is. 

“Sakit ba?” tanong ni Yna. I looked at her. Yes, she is with me right now. After I left the letter to Jai I immediately took my belongings and left their house. I called Yna a while ago to tell her that I was on my way home and there… I just found her inside my condo with beers instead of breakfast. I forgot that she had a duplicate. Good thing about Yna, she’s not forcing me to open up.

“Alin?” I asked her out of my mind. 

“Sugat mo,” sabi niya sabay nguso sa kamay kong dumudugo. “Which one should it be?”

I stared at her, she was laughing as she handed me the tissue. “Wipe that first. You know, you don’t have a schedule yet, so don’t rush to heal right away. Just let the time heal that… wound. At saka kung mag-iiwan man iyan ng scar, hindi na rin naman mapapansin. Hindi naman lagi nakikita ang scar, ‘di ba? Kayang-kaya mong itago,” she said with a wink. 

“Do you think that… time really heals everything? How did you forgive your Mom easily?” I asked out of nowhere. I heard her sigh.

“Easily? Hoy, hindi ah! It wasn’t easy, forgiveness has never been easy. I was 15 years old when my mother left us to go abroad while my father was working in construction. For the first few months, everything was fine, she was still able to send us money. Until one day, she just disappeared suddenly. We can no longer contact her even though her number or messenger is ringing.” I looked at her when she suddenly laughed bitterly like she remembered something funny. 

“Hanggang sa isang araw, I got tired of chasing her… but Papa never got tired. He would tell us na hayaan na namin si Mama kasi masaya na raw siya sa buhay niya ngayon at kaya niya naman daw kaming buhayin. Pero isang gabi, Papa came home drunk and then I accidentally saw on his phone that he was still calling and texting Mama… every day.” Uminom siya sa beer niya bago ulit siya nagsalita.

“That’s when I felt so angry with Mama. Pinagsabay ko ang pag-aaral at pagta-trabaho sa isang coffee shop, sadly, I was fired because my father got sick for two days. I could not find a job again na magfi-fit sa schedule ko sa school that’s why nag-stop na lang akong mag-aral. Nag-abroad ako, sa US ang pinili ko kasi akala ko nasa Hongkong pa rin siya pero iyon nga nagkita kami sa US. Napakaliit talaga ng mundo. Nakita ko siya kasama ang bago niyang pamilya, napakasaya nga niya eh, ibang-iba na rin siya. Sinugod ko siya, sinabi ko lahat ng hinanakit ko sa kanya. Guess what?” Tumingin siya sa akin habang may pilit na ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Humingi siya ng tawad tapos inabutan niya ako ng pera! Pero syempre, kinuha ko ─ pera kaya iyon, sayang naman.” Tumawa siya ng mapait sa sarili niya. Parang may pumitik sa puso ko pero hindi ko pinahalata at uminom na lang sa beer ko at nag-iwas ng tingin habang nakikinig. 

“That’s also the same day we met at the bar. After ng araw na iyon, I realized na she’s happy na without us at na hindi namin kasalanan na naghanap siya ng iba. I stopped blaming myself. Alam mo isang araw, natanggap ko na lang lahat. Parang biglang gumaan pakiramdam ko. I wasn’t aware na napatawad ko na pala siya. Hindi madali, it took me years to forgive myself and my Mama. When you forgive everyone that hurt you, you will realize how good it feels… how peaceful it is, “ sabi niya na nakatingin ng diretso sa aking mga mata. 

“Kaya ikaw, h’wag kang magmadali… just take your time. Iba-iba naman tayo ng healing pace eh. Don’t be pressured.” Tumayo siya before she drank her beer. 

“Mag-rest ka na, uuwi na ako. At saka gamutin mo na ‘yan mamaya ha? Para gumaling agad. Pero sabagay nga naman, minsan may mga sugat na ayaw pa nating gumaling.” Tumawa siya nang malakas. 

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko at hindi ko magawang ibukas ang aking bibig para depensahan ang sarili ko. 

Bakit mo naman dedepensahan ang sarili mo?  

Kasi… iba ang ibig niyang sabihin? 

“You’re welcome Elizabeth!” sigaw niya bago siya mawala sa paningin ko. Napatulala ako sa pinto. What’s happening to me?