Chapter 1: Dani

“Dani.  Can you please come here for a second?” My mom says with a worried tone to her voice from the next room, as I wash the mud out of my plaid mini skirt.

Today, I had gone on my first date with Kelley, and it ended horribly.  We were riding along the path, when suddenly the horse reared up violently and I fell off.  I looked like I had never ridden before.  "That’s what I get for trying to ride on her sideways." I murmur under my breath while walking out the door.

If I had gone with my instincts and straddled Jane like I usually did, I would have been just fine.  Of course, it all ended with me on my ass in the mud and feeling embarrassed about it.  Of course, it had to happen on my 20^th birthday.

Remembering the hungry way Kelley looked at me, I find myself shaking my head in disbelief.  I just can't believe that he helped me up afterwards and then leaned forward to kiss me hard on the lips.  When he did, he grabbed my breasts and then said in a husky voice, “Dani, I want you.”  The moment those words registered in my brain, I backed away and ran off. 

By the time I walked home, my mother was sitting on the porch staring at me in judgement.  Clearly, she thought that I had fucked him.  But what she didn’t realize, is the fact that I’m still a virgin. 

“Yeah, ma.  What is it?” I ask her while thinking about taking a shower to wash off the memory of his hands touching my body.

She stares at me and doesn’t say anything at first, just stands there.  My mother had always tried to make me a better person.  That way I would end up with more than she did. 

When I was younger, she paid for a tutor in German and other languages.  I guess she figured that if I was multilingual, I could get any job I wanted to.  Or live anywhere my heart desires. 

What she doesn’t seem to understand though, is the fact that I don’t want to live anywhere else.  This is where I grew up and where my heart wants to be, for at least the time being.  Now, perhaps there will come a time when I want to move on, but till then I am happy here.

When I was younger, I always had my nose stuck in a book, and because of it I was not popular.  But one day, when a new girl came into town, I finally found a friend.  Since then, we have been best friends through thick and thin.  Even after she found out that she was pregnant with Billy Jones’s baby.

As soon as she found out, the news spread like wildfire throughout the whole town.  When her parent’s heard about it from the minister first, they sent her out of town to have the baby.  Stating, “You aren’t married, and we know damn well that you won’t be when this child is born.  So, we are doing what is best for you.  After the child is born, it will be put up for adoption.”

Realizing that my mom is talking to me, I focus on her and finally hear the words coming from her mouth, “Baby, did you use protection tonight?” She whispers right next to my ear, as she leans so close that I can feel her breath on my skin.

Shocked by what she had just asked, I frown and then say while floundering for words, “Mom, no.  I mean we didn’t do anything.”

Hurt by her insinuation, I should have known this was coming by the way she looked at me when I walked up the driveway.  Even though she said nothing immediately afterwards, I saw the disappointment in her eyes when she saw me.  It took me so long to get home, because I was caked in mud and had to walk.

Shaking my head, I close my eyes and stand there silently, because the tears pour out that have been threatening too all along.  Feeling them cascade down my cheeks, I let it all out and softly sob. “Oh baby, I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.  I just figured.” Her voice trails off as she takes me in her arms.

After what seems like forever, I stop crying and enjoy the feel of my face against my mother’s soft sweater.  In a way I feel bad because it is the one truly nice thing she owns.  It’s a chenille, baby blue sweater that her sister had given her when she married a rich man. 

Eventually, I straighten up and stand tall before saying to her softly, “Ma, I need to go rinse the skirt out before the mud sets.  I think I have washed it all out, but I want to make sure.”

She nods while forcing a smile and then I watch as she turns and sits back down on the porch swing.  It is 9 p.m. now and I am ready to end this horrible day.  So, as soon as I get this rinsed out, I head to bed because I must get up in the morning.

Once I am done scrubbing and rinsing the skirt, I clean my silk blouse as best as I can and then run them out to the clothesline.   When I walk outside, I feel the coolness of the night on my hands as the blisters still burn from scrubbing so much.  So much so, that when I hang up my clothes on the line, I rub them together to warm them.

When I get back in the house, I hear ma out front on the porch yelling, “Help.” Just barely in a strained voice.

Rushing to get to her, I open the front door and find her on the porch, lying with her back on the wood floor.  Her face is as white as can be and she is gasping for air.  She looks at me with a scared look in her eyes and then she passes out before I can do anything.

Scared beyond belief, I fall to my knees and check to make sure she is still breathing.  Once I am sure that she is still alive, I stand up before running back inside quickly and grabbing my phone.  After calling 911, I sit with her head in my lap and wait for the ambulance to arrive.