Thirty three

GLENN

Howls… I could hear the sound crawl up in every single part of my nerves, still it left a strange feeling behind as I staggered to the door.

Santiago's voice pitched the dark air as he echoed my name, still I couldn't bring myself to listen as it felt as though it was driven by a kind of madness.

To Santiago the voice of the lone wolf piercing through the dark was natural but only if he listened deeper would he decipher the voice of humanity buried deep within.

It had been weeks since I heard the howl of another werewolf, the voice of the howl was that of an Alpha. It was easy to decipher from how deep and loathed it made me feel as in a way it reminded me about the past.

At that moment, it felt as though it was all beyond my control, as the minutes trickled it looked as though I'd have to transition a day early.

My mind replayed the look on Santiago's face, but even that soon faded away to the back of a dark mind.

I made my way into the dark wood, my mind swayed by the music of the evening. My stomach clenched again and once more I thought of escaping, but where?

The more I thought about escaping into the void with my dark secrets, the more it became clearer to me that I couldn’t survive on my own, at least not without a pack.

In a way, being an outcast was an unthinkable fate on its part, running away from Santiago would leave me with nowhere to live, no means of support, and then there was always the fear of being discovered.

All of these had happened the first night I was alone and I wasn't thinking of going back to that fate, right there and then even with the fact that I was almost driven insane by my plight I thought to myself that I couldn’t leave.

Staring at her reflection on the brook as I finally stopped pacing, I undid my hair till it flowed unrelentingly with the winds.

My eyes seemed wider and a deeper shade than normal, contrasting what it would have normally been.

It was as though my body was contrasting why my soul and wanted, in a way it felt my soul succumbed to transition while on the other hand my body wasn't anatomically ready for it.

Faint lines of tension showed on either side of me as my bones ached from being tightly clenched. I could feel my entire body tensed in need of a release.

Like a body possessed I went on all four, once again it was a moment of trying to shift and finding out I couldn't completely fulfill that cycle.

The dark cloud that had persisted began to drizzle as it let water beat down my body, steam rose out of me embracing my body in what looked to be a temporary cocoon.

Taking a deep breath, I tried it one more time… This time I could hear my bones creaking as they were forced to mutate into my wolf form.

I closed her eyes and forced herself to relax, letting my mind drift back to thing's I knew would trigger my animal side—in a way, I used a memory that had always worked for me— I drifted through the memories of the night when I just had my wolf.

.

A smile drifted across her face at the memory. It had been so much back then when I felt all loved, soon the memories faded away like a torn fragment in the wind.

Feeling my muscles stretched to the limit as I sought to out-distance, I transformed fully to my wolf form.

Inhaling deeply, I let the fresh, crisp air that had invaded every part of me including my lungs and felt it energize her body.

I began to move around restlessly, lurking through the wood as fast as I could hoping that it would be enough to put me in a calm state.

I stared deep into the woods. The dark trees were calling to her but did I dare let myself go?

After a moment of running I finally made myself stop—

*****

I sat at the end of a tree with my face buried between my knees, I scrubbed my face with my hands deeply frustrated about the entire situation.

"What just happened?" I muttered to myself.

Why do I have no control over my mind?

The more I questioned myself, the more it was left with questions unanswered .

My emotions seemed to be all over the board and I didn’t feel like herself at all, as a matter of fact it felt like another entity far superior was in control of me.

Could it be the forthcoming full moon?

Possibly, but the knowledge of that and seeing how mad I had become on a night that wasn't even a full moon made me feel as though my world was falling apart.

It felt as though this thing about Santiago wasn’t that big a deal, but for some reason it seemed like it was.

At that moment, I was teary and worried, angry about everything and at the same time indecisive.

My stomach kept acting as though it was tied into a knot and even though I knew it was ridiculous, even if my relationship with Santiago wasn't defined yet it looked like whatever was left of it was in jeopardy.

Inelegantly, In an unladylike manner I sniffled and wiped a lone tear that was finding its way down my eyes .

This wasn't a time to succumb to my weakness, as a matter of fact it was almost like a pointer to what I should expect if I was going to stay with him.

The drizzling rain had stopped by the time I found my way home in that dark, ahead I could still see the lights on.

The thought that I had to face Santiago who probably had a lot of questions crossed my mind.

How would I explain all of this madness to him?

The door sounded as he walked out to the porch.