Ninety two

CHAPTER 92

SANTIAGO

Talking about living a picturesque life, of late mine had lacked those true colors as I had barely lived outside the four walls of where I was for the past few days .

I was living in my mind and at that time, the walls were torn to the floor leaving just the bare naked paint behind, when I tried looking beneath it I discovered it was worth nothing to look at at all as the description I found was totally different from what I expected.

Was it deception?

Somehow it felt Martha arriving home drunk two nights ago would be something that might never be talked about again, but one thing that left me confused was the fact that I found the envelope in her bags. It left me with the fact that I owed certain someone an apology.

It wasn't as easy as it was in my mind as it turned out while it had turned out that it was something that I had totally wanted and perhaps the chances of me apologizing was more on the brighter side. Life happened one more time making the issue more or less difficult to deal with.

I had been at the table as I had for the past few days working on gathering more information, as it turned out there really a lot going on out there and here I was just being oblivious of all these facts.

It had a very serious issue whenever it came down to concentrating and working at the same time. Being the type of person that couldn't concentrate on two things at a time, I definitely preferred that I did all of my things one at a time with no distraction…

It probably meant that for the moment every other thing didn't matter, having worked with her for years, if there was anyone, if there was anyone that would have understood my work ethic a whole lot better she was definitely the one in a way.

So obviously gadgets were off limits, when I finally back to the reality that I had a life outside the fucking three days had passed.

It was on just brief periods that I had left the table and I would have been jolted back to reality if Martha was around as she walked on the coffee aspect and other things while I did the research.

While being together with her did complicate things In a kinda weird way, it still wouldn't justify that we weren't good at what we did—She seemingly was a natural at blending Whatever we had as well into the background.

In my need for coffee my first option had been to call her name, for some reason she wasn't making that run as it seemed she was away and busy somewhere so instead of waiting I had taken the next available option and had walked away from the table .

After walking into the kitchen and filling the coffee machine I waited for those brief moments, for a while I stared hard at my phone on the counter.

I knew walking to the table and picking it up meant that I would probably be distracted for the next couple of moments but it was exactly what I did.

My first option had been to check the internet, I could see not much had changed about life since I had gone off.

There were few emails to reply to as well , and I was doing just that when the coffee machine beeped, I walked back to the kitchen and soon was walking out of it with a cup of brewing coffee right there in my hand.

As I walked back to the table, I felt that sudden urge to call her —Glenn. I had to remind myself that it was the past four days and today made it the fifth that I had found out about the envelope.

There was a need for me to apologize or do something, perhaps send a text…

Me: Glenn I am … Glenn I feel.

I clicked delete on the message and let out a deep sigh while running my hands through my hair.

In some way I knew doing this wouldn't be the best idea for me at the moment, so instead I ordered a flower. I was just about dropping the phone when it beeped. It was a call from my mum.

***

"Oh Santiago de Lopez, where have you been trying so hard to reach ?"

" Buenos dias. " I muttered.

" Hola Buenos. "

I let myself listen to the voice of my mother that In a way felt Strangely quiet after a while, it had been a while since I spoke with her but could tell of something was wrong at this moment it was easy to let myself believe something felt particularly off about how she was speaking, I didn't know just yet what it was but the need to filled my soul up.

“It’s good to hear your voice again, sorry for not calling all this while just been—"

I was about to tell her why I haven't spoken to her in days when I heard her voice break in a cry,I could literally hear her voice breaking down in tears and immediately I was stricken with fear.

"Mamma,” I called her name more dryly than I intended. I could feel that pain as it struck in my heart. I could feel that I needed to know why she was this broken. I'd only been gone for a few hours,maybe some days …What was the worst that could happen?

In a way, I couldn't help but feel every tiniest bit of amusement as it rose in me.

Before I could ask the words, before I could ask her why she was sniffing she broke the news to me first.

"Your father is dead, been trying to reach you for day "

I felt broken, the phone felt heavy upon my hands and could have almost fallen if I didn't hold it more tightly than I was.

I knew he had been battling Anemia but to die, it was the last thing I was expecting at a time like this.

Could that be the reason why I had felt the need to call home all this while. I shut my eyes a trail of water fell from my eyes ,

Apparently I was the only one in the house so I let out my pain.

It was the only time I let myself feel so much pain…

She explained, she went on a tangent of, “How could you stay away from your phone, he wanted to speak to you in his last dying hour. "

and “You need to come home and pay your last respect."

For some reason all throughout the while she was speaking I was completely zoned out, I was left confused thinking of what to do and wondering why it suddenly felt like my world was crumbling.

Either way I couldn't help it, I couldn't help the pain I was feeling at the moment, it felt real almost as though life was being gasped out of me.

"Why stay away, Santi!" She hollered again.

I sniffed. “It wasn’t my choice,” I mumbled.

“We would start the procedures quite on time,I need you to be there all through that while, the priest—"

She went on and on and all I did was give replies when it was needed.

I closed my eyes. “Mamma, I will be there I promise… Trust me, I would be there. "

“Yes, and show up here with a pretty nice girl… Nothing talking about the one you hang out with all the time, what is her name again. " I swallowed hard knowing fully well who she was speaking of.

For some reason Martha and my mother didn't get along and it could all be traced to two thanksgiving ago.

"It is fine I am not coming with her I promise." I muttered again..

"Of course I have someone." I muttered. " You'd get to see her when I get back to Mexico. "

When I got off the phone it was obvious there were no tears left to cry, it was only then that I realized my mistake. I had made a mistake to my mother that I might be able to keep.

I thought again about how silly the whole issue was, I shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

The cup of coffee had gone cold but still I had no craving for it anymore, I just wanted to be by myself.

In a way I could still not feel every bit of nerves still vibrating in my veins, there was no way to rush that bit of adrenaline flowing through me no matter how I tried, every last bit of nerve in me was slowly replaced with more and more heavy heart beats.

At that moment, I didn't even know how to react. I was just painted… I was still right there wallowing in my sorrow.

My mother's last Words rang in my brain again but I was left confused.

Who do I go with?