Chapter one - Luke

When I open my front door I'm greeted with chaos, my sofa's turned over and my TV is hanging off the wall. The creaking of the backdoor tells me the culprit didn't leave very long ago and I sprint through it to see the familiar figure stumbling through the back gate.

"What did you take?" I ask, leaning against the fence and peering at the pathetic excuse of a man who's tripping over his own feet.

"I din tek nuffin'." He slurs, falling backwards as though the effort to stay upright as well as talk is too much effort. "Dun push me lad, I coul' still giff you a gud hidin'." 

"Whatever, Dad, just fuck off so I can clear up the mess you've made." I say, holding the gate so he can crawl through it. 

He's so focused on moving, he doesn't realise he's dropped the money he's stolen from me. I wait until he's through the gate before locking it and scooping up the notes.

He's broken a window in my back door to get in, so I cover it with cardboard and put the chain on, just in case he sobers up enough to try his luck twice in one night. 

Luckily the TV isn't broken and after fixing it back onto the wall, righting the sofa and binning the few things he broke on his drunken rampage, there's only a bit of hoovering left to do before you'd never know he'd been here at all.

"Why are you hoovering at this time of night?" Ruby appears in my kitchen after having obviously let herself in and, probably because I'm pissy anyway after my dad's visit, but the presumption that she can just walk into my house without invitation has me ready to snap at her and kick her out. Her eyes lock on the broken back door and her mouth drops open, she goes to wrap her arms around me and I take a step away. I don't want or need her to comfort me and right now I can't even bring myself to feel a little guilty at the hurt look on her face. "What's happened? Are you ok?"

"Nothing. What do you want?" Without looking at her, I put the hoover away, she follows me into the living room and I drop into my favourite chair, exhausted by the irritating turn this evening has taken.

"I wanted to see you." She pouts like a child, which does nothing to help my sour mood but I know it's not really her fault, so I try to hold back the anger from my voice. 

"I'm tired Ruby, I'm not going to be the best company tonight, I just want to go to bed." I run my hands through my hair, trying to summon the energy to get upstairs. 

She reaches out and grabs my hand, smiling down at me as she takes a step back towards the stairs.

"Well then, why don't you take me to bed and see if I can't make you feel a bit better." 

I let her lead me up to my room, then I flop back onto the bed while she makes a show of taking her clothes off. 

Admittedly the whole thing definitely distracts me from my waste of space of a father and I'm ready to fall asleep as soon as she climbs off of me.

"Luke?" Ruby's voice jolts me back to consciousness, she's managed to curl into my side, her head on my arm while she traces my tattoo with her nails, the way she always does when she's nervous about what she's about to ask me. "Do you think you'll ever love me?"

Well shit, I wasn't expecting this conversation tonight.

"Rubes…" I groan, sitting up and switching my lamp on.

"I want the truth, ok? You know how I feel about you, it's been months, I thought maybe, after a bit of time, you might feel something for me, but I'm pretty sure if I disappeared now, you'd have someone else in your bed by tomorrow. I just want you to care if I'm here or not." She looks up at me with big doe eyes and I wish I could tell her she was wrong.

"It's nothing personal darling, you're great and fucking stunning, I just… I don't think I'm built that way." 

"Is it Aurora?" She huffs and I can't stop the groan of frustration escaping. She sits up, glaring down at me, her eyes brimming with tears and if we hadn't had this same argument a million times, I might feel sorry for her, but I'm just tired, irritated and bored. "Don't, ok? I see the way you look at her. You really like her and I'm pretty sure you love her. Is that why you don't want me?" 

"Seriously Ruby, how many times?" I swing my legs off the bed, resting my head in my hands. 

"That's not an answer." Her voice catches and I know any minute she's going to be a sobbing mess. 

"Because you know the answer." I shout, tugging roughly at my hair. "Rory is different because she's Shane's. You've seen them together, pretty sure they're it for each other, so she's like my sister."

"She tried to sleep with you, how's that like a sister?" When I spin around to stare at her, she doesn't even try to hide the tears that are running down her cheeks. 

"For fucks sake, this is ridiculous, I can't keep having this same discussion, it's exhausting Ruby." I shout and she jumps, crawling towards me and trying to climb into my lap.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Luke. I know there's nothing with you and her, I hate feeling like this." I wrap my arms around her as she cries into my chest and I know I'm the problem. I let her keep coming around, knowing she wanted more than I could give and it's not fair on her.

While she calms herself down, I rub her back, knowing what I have to do and hating myself for hurting her more.

"Rubes…"

"I know." She gasps, raising her face to look at me in the eyes. "I know what you're about to say and I know you're right, but please, can you not say it out loud? Just let me lie with you here tonight and I'll go in the morning. I won't come back, just please, hold me tonight like you love me, please?" 

"Ok." I lay back on the bed with her, letting her rest her head in my chest and wrapping my arms around her shoulders while she sobs quietly. 

What the fuck's wrong with me?

I feel like shit for hurting her. We've been on and off for months, she practically lives here when we're on. Trying to do the whole domesticated couples thing, so why don't I feel worse that it's ending? All I feel is relief, which makes me feel even shittier, as though I'm not really human. Or at least a shitty excuse for one.

"Hey, when you're ready, Ricky Jensen has been in love with you since like year seven or something." I tell her, squeezing her arm and she gives me a small smile, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Seriously? He is kind of cute, maybe I'll send him a message or something." 

"Do it, you'd make his day, probably his entire life. Just tell him if he hurts you, I'll kick his ass." She gives a wry laugh and nods, burying her head in my chest again to hide the tears I know are coming. "I hate this, Rubes, you know I do. I wish I could love you the way you want me to."

"I know." She starts kissing my chest and my traitorous cock springs into action. "I want to do something for you, ok? Please? I want just once, to make love to you, to show you how it can be. Just so you can feel the difference, because one day, someone is going to make you fall for them. You're not made of stone, I know you're not, there will be someone who'll worm their way into your heart and I want you to let them in. Even if it's not me."

Her voice catches as she speaks and I have no idea what to say, so I just nod, thankful when she starts kissing me so I don't have to think of something to say. 

She climbs over me, staring into my eyes as she rides me, unbearably slowly and it takes all my willpower not to flip her over and pound into her.

I lie there quietly, waiting to be certain she's fallen asleep before I disentangle myself from her arms and roll over to my side to fall asleep.

*

The next morning she's gone before I wake up, there's a bustling noise downstairs and the smell of bacon gently filters into the room.

"Woody, give me five minutes to shower and I'll be down." I holler, jumping from my bed and running into the shower.

"Ruby text me and told me what happened." He says handing me a plate that's almost overflowing with food as soon as I get downstairs. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, thanks mate, but there's no point. I had to do it, I couldn't keep being the asshole that was stringing her along." He nods, eyeing me for some sign that I'm secretly upset and it makes me feel worse, as though there really is something wrong with me. Like I'm some sort of heartless robot. "You up for ditching today? I can't be doing with seeing Ruby all upset and getting death glares from her mini me's."

"Yeah alright, what do you want to do?" I grin then, because I know whatever happens Shane's got my back, just like he always has.

"Gotta fix my backdoor after dad dropped in last night." His head snaps up and I can see him scanning me for injuries, so I shake my head and he relaxes a little. "Did he take much this time?"

"Had some cash but was too out of it and dropped it in the back garden." He scoffs a laugh, staring at the floor while he shakes  his head. 

"Ok, so DIY then I wanna kick your ass at GTA, yeah?" He grins at me, biting into his toast and staring at me, a challenge in his eyes.

"That'll be the day." I laugh, glad he's not going to dwell on this Ruby nonsense and I get to have a fun day pissing about with my mate.

*

"You absolute fuckers." Billy slams my front door open just after midday, when Shane and I are halfway through fixing new bolts on both my doors. "You skived without me and I had to work with Oliver Gates. He just stared at the desk the entire lesson, shaking like a fucking leaf any time I tried to speak to him."

"Sorry mate. Flick the kettle on and make a cuppa." He frowns at the drill in my hand, then scans the door.

"This ain't 'cause of Ruby, right? 'Cause she's already chatting up Ricky Jensen, stupid fucker looked like all his Christmases had come early." He glances at me, waiting for my reaction and I have to remind him about the kettle to get him to do it. "So what's with turning your place into Fort Knox?"

"Dad decided to pop 'round while I was out yesterday." His jaw clenches and he glares at the door as though my dad is standing there. "S'alright Bill, he wasn't sober enough to do any real damage and fuck knows where he crawled off to."

"Finished the front, I'm starving, you want chips while we play?" Shane reappears, spinning the drill in his hand like a cowboy with a gun.

"And curry sauce." Billy says, jumping over the back of the sofa and landing on the seat, controller in hand as he starts to set up the game.

"I'll make the tea then." I chuckle, flicking the kettle on that he flicked on without filling up. I swear that boy has no idea how to look after himself.

Billy passes me the other controller, taking the cup of tea and putting it on the floor by his foot. We play while we wait for Shane to come back with the food, laying it out on the coffee table while we take turns on the game.