"So, what do you think Amber would like for dinner?""Hmmm she is a good cook than I am, well, I guess whatever you cook will do""Why it seems like you act distance on her at some way...you are friends there is no need for boundaries right?""I am not acting distance Mom...I am just trying to be cool with her I mean she is my boss""Oh god, you know how much I know you sweetie, you like her... a lot...now tell me if I am wrong"And now I am stop with that thought, the word like is not the issue now, she is wearing the face and the body of the person I am in loved with but she is not her...she is way different, so I am not sure if I like her, maybe, within me I am, but I cannot go far with this, she never mention to me that we can go far either..."I like her as who she is, as friends, she is nice mom but if you are asking about the other things, I dont think she is really what she tries to show me""And how would you know that, you both not even get there, you two never talk about it
"What do you want me to do? I said I dont like her! I dont want anything about my past!""But Amber honey, you cant escape the past! soon you will still remember everything and Monica can help you with that!""I will decide when that happens! and will you please, I am not the old me, I am still shock with what you all trying to say, I was as straight as pole as I am before, I never been what you all think of me! and I will sure that!"I said sternly and then end the call, I dont know why she needs to iterate that part on me, yes I feel like I want to be on with Esther but...I still have something within me, I know I am not what the world tries to tell me...If who really I am, I will be the one to discover that! I am now heading to their house to pick her up going to work when my cellphone rings and it is Dad."Hey Dad""Hey sweetie, how are you there?""I am doing good though mom never stops""Oh, what can I say, you know her, just dont get her words to your head""I know, so is the
Shoulder shaking as I walk away from Amber after the surgery I did for Larry, that conversation with her surely breaks my heart right now, how can I fight for I know that I am not anymore what she prefers for, even I want to shout and I want to pulled her closer to me to tell her I am the person she loved, I am the one she supposed to choose...As I walk towards my office I lock the door and sit at the floor...hmmmm sob*sob*hmmm... I shouldnt let my self in the first place, I shouldnt expect from her...hmmmm sob*sob* hmmmm...Amber...I am here...hmmmm I am just here love...please come back to me...I am so sorry for everything...hmmmm sob*sob* hmmmm...Crying my heart out, I just cant do anything right now, I want to go home...hmmmmm I dont want here anymore...hmmmm everytime things keeps getting worst, Amber always there for me...she love me...she makes me feel that, I am the one she loves...now why? hmmmm...why do I need to go back to this pain again...I just escaped...hmmmm I just es
"Hey sweetie"Mom ask me as I sit quietly at the couch, I just woke up 4pm and I dont know but I dont seem to do what I should do...I just stare outside.I didnt response and I couldnt find myself to talk...I am not sure why and then she sit beside me holding my hand."The last time you were so quiet and preoccupied like that was when you just got here two years ago, and then you keep try hard to avoid me...but when Amber become your friend you sudenly light up...I guess something is not right between you two"She said, which I am not surprised, I may not know her now after dad die but I always know Mom every time I have a problem, I always see her around me if I am not okay, and she is right, I try so hard not to talk to her, to talk about what happen to me."How...how did you accept the fact that the person you love most is totally gone? how did you accept that dad isnt coming back?"I ask then made her hold my hand tight."I didnt... it never got in my mind wether I need to accept
Opening my eyes...my head hurts...bottles of beer scattered all over my pad, damn! I don't know but all I want is to drown myself in drinking. After that moment with Esther, I know I shouldn't be feeling that. I shouldn't be like this...but...I just couldn't help myself last night. As I went home, I saw a store and directly picked up those bottles of beer.All night has been a long night for me...I guess I cried a lot last night as my eyes are so swollen right now, a lot of times I tried to call Esther at that time but I couldn't bring myself to. I just can't.Washing my face can't subside it, my eyes are still bulgy as they are, I hate the cold washing my face and putting ice to my eyes but I guess I have no choice!While doing this ice thingy, my cellphone rings and so I quickly check on it hoping it is the person I am longing to talk to, but it is not, it is Chief Gilbert."Yes?""Just woke up?""Kind of why?""Well, I hope you are doing okay now. You see, drinking alone sometimes
"I was hoping you would text me or invite me to dig your snack"Felisa suddenly appeared in front of me and then sat beside me in the cafeteria."You were busy earlier at the ER and I need to visit Chloe. I have surgery on her later.""Oh, you visited Chloe though she seemed to upset you?""What? No, we are good.""You don't look good."I just stopped for a moment. I know Felisa has an idea of what is going on with me now."I-I ah...saw Amber in her room. We talked outside.""And...""I made it clear to her about my feelings, and I made it clear to myself that whatever I am going to hear from her will be fine with me.""And then...""And then, well, it still has an impact, though so far it is clear to me that she really has a thing about knowing herself first. You see, the point of telling your feelings to someone who means to you and then they will reject you in their most humane way... In the end, you will still feel pathetic yourself.""I never felt pathetic hearing all these thing
When we cook, we mix all the ingredients to make one recipe, we put it all together and we are sure how it will taste and that is how we do cooking. We just mix everything... In human feelings and emotions, we can't just mix everything, we can't do both, we can never do much, we tend to explode within...and that is exactly what happens to me dealing with Esther...I don't mean it, I don't intend to but...I guess I just hate her...but needs to understand her...try to support her, be a friend to her even she don't need it anymore and most is...I just fucking miss her!Pulling her inside the stock room makes it all non-sense to me at first, but kissing her put me into the reality, that I need to do something...I need to fix myself, I also need to understand my inner me...walking out of the stock room, I just can't believe that I have done it again, doing things that I didn't plan, makes me feel better, touching her again soothes me well.I was just exhaling and going to the elevator when
Hate versus love, how are these words so connected as always even if they are totally in contrast? I hate when Amber does shit on everything... When she just dumps me to mind her own situation, when she makes me want to understand her, I just really hate when she sends Felisa away and when she always makes me feel that intense kissing me in nowhere...but when she...she walks slowly towards me and ask me if she should stop it...inside me silently shouting on her, asking her not to stop, I walk angrily towards her office to end all her shits about me but facing her like this...I can see her pain...all her doubt to herself, I am suddenly put back to the past when... when she eagerly asks me to love her again and be with her and now all I can see is her doubting herself if she loves me or not.I just can't hold it; I am now an inch away from her. Caressing her face is the last thing I shouldn't do, but still, I can't help it. Suddenly, all my feelings just got out of me, so I guess this
No secrets can be hidden forever, truth is meant to be discovered, and that reality is what I am prepared for, I said I am willing to take Amber's hate towards me for not telling everything...but I am...I am scared...looking around me, I feel like I am at the deep of the ocean...I can't breathe and Amber is reaching my hand but I can't move my arm to hold her hand...and then I woke up..."Esther...! Thank god you are awake now!!!"Mom said and I roamed my eyes around and I can see that I am in the ICU.My head hurts so much and I feel like I have slept for how many years!Mom is in tears now until Vannie and Felisa came to me."Esth!!! Oh god!!! Hmmm sob*sob*hmmm oh my, I just can't believe this! Hmmm, you made it hon!!!"Vannie said with tears in her eyes, I have never seen her like this, she is crying so hard and hon? Are they seriously together? But...I am just, wait...Amber...where is Amber?"W-Where is...where is Amber?"I ask and I can see how they stop after asking where she is
After a sort of chaos and rumbling in our life, do we still know how to restart? Does anyone have able to have another chance? Looking at George and Hellen having a good time now, Hellen seems to be a piece of wonderful music in George's ear, right now, I just couldn't believe either that Esther can handle that very dangerous procedure with just Chloe on her side.For that, I have planned something great for her, about our deal, well originally she should fulfill it but I can't just let her do the thing, I need to give her what she deserves as well so I want to surprise her by going on a vacation.She is so busy at the ER right now so I call her mom to bring some of Esther's clothes and bag.I have already talked to Vannie and Felisa as well to take over everything here while we are away.Later Doctor Rupert arrives and handed me Esther's bag and then leaves, I quickly go to the ER to look for Esther and there she is, having a cool moment with the nursing staff."Hey love""Hey""Mhmm
How much can you do for love? Can you kill? Hurt others? Can you be a bad person? Almost everyone knows all that can be done by any person who is crazy about love but there is something even more strange than all, you change your personality as well as your gender just for the one you love.I can't believe what Amber share with me about George Victor who is one of the best plastic surgeons in the US, but he came back to the country for Hellen who was his childhood friend and dearest, he almost ran out of money for Hellen's treatment and had an offer a one million dollar from a gay mad patient that challenged him to something he could do and that changed his gender and he did it for money and treatment for Hellen.Seriously, I also can't believe that he would do that so even though he is a woman now and only a few people know, they just decided to keep it a secret that Georgie was a man then, her parents and Hellen accepted it, it's just too strong and unbelievable he did it for love,
I am really not a fan of being happy literally! I mean it always comes to my mind that once you are happy then sadness comes next but after releasing myself from the hatred that I have been with for a decade, I guess having a peaceful mind can also be called happiness for real.And with that being said, damn! Chief Gilbert is now returning and that means, gosh! We need to face him! I am not sure how to explain things to him but this is Amber's idea so how can I say no!The good thing is that Mom is already fine and I let her go home though her best friend aunt Aida who is a psychiatrist as well finally reaches mom so she will help her with the store and stuff if I am not around, I mean isn't full well to do the heavy stuff.A few minutes and we are now here at the hospital, and I am so nervous about how he is going to react, I mean we had a deal after all!We both head to the chief's office even though I am feeling nervous so much!"Hey relax!""I am scared! What if he won't understan
They say that when you study well, your understanding will expand, and you will be able to understand things and situations more easily, but what if the situation itself is the one that drives you not to be understandable?When I finished crying so hard in Amber's car, I could hardly forgive myself when I saw the tragedy that befell mama's store, the neatest and most beautiful convenience store you'll ever find. here in our area.I just can't believe that's what happened because of those bad people, the Sandoval family, even though I wanted to strike them too I restrained myself, mom was the only one who faced all their allegations and all the shits they did to the store."Everything is my fault, if only I follow her instruction, dad would still be alive today""No one wants that to happen, things happen for a reason, but all that Sandoval's rage to your family isn't right! They should be punished, ask. your mom to file a case and I will support you""That is what I plan to do, I will
When things got broken, we fix it, when a torn paper we buy a new one, when it already cannot be used, we replace it, we can all do something for everything, all our mess can always do something about it, but in reality, in people's lives, not all broken can be repaired over a night, especially if it is a broken soul...a damage heart and mind.Looking at Millie talking to mom, I know she needs it, after all, she has been through, she needs comfort, and she needs a very good psychiatrist that can somehow fix her traumatic experience, though it comes to my mind, is there someone can fix a broken heart and mind? How about a broken soul?"--love! Are you okay?"Amber suddenly asks while I am in my thoughts."Yeah! Of course! Ahem, why?"You are zoning out, I am telling you something but you don't seem to listen""I am sorry, maybe I am just tired, it is just almost one hour left before the end of the shift""Yeah and that is exactly what I am trying to say, I need to go back to the office
They say anything sharp, heavy or fast things can kill you aside from having an illness or being sick. but what if you don't have all the description but rather the feelings you have...Trauma, depression and anxiety that when it will mix all means creating a poison that will easily kill you within.I am looking right now at these couples with sadness on their faces and tears in their eyes. I can feel the mother's pain while explaining what happen to Millie."W-What are we doing here Ma'am?"Mr. Dollan asks which cuts me from my thoughts."Right! Ahem okay, I just want to ask you if you really know or not about what is going on with Millie, because the way we see it, Millie is suffering more than an illness""What do you mean?""This might be very hard to hear and to accept but we think that your daughter is a victim of a bully in the school, this is an act of violence especially if it comes to a point that they will seriously injure her""Bully? Hmmm, I guess you are right, the way th
Determination and pain, they say once you aim for something you need to be determined in doing it but be aware of pain along the way, because not everything we want we'll get...and for that idea, I am now in the middle of deep thought so I seek my girlfriend's advice!"You mean her husband knows that every time they do it, she is in great pain yet he doesn't bother about it?"Amber said."Kind of like that, all this time Kelly believes that her husband doesn't know about it yet she is willing to bear all the pain for him""And once she knew, it may hurt her more""Yes, this isn't about being hurt or what, her life is like a ticking bomb right now, anytime it will explode and that is the end!""I get that part Love but, you can't just tell her he knows without proof that he knows! Medically and physically proof as much as possible!""Should we go investigate first?!""You are being sarcastic! I am just trying to be fair here and to save you from impending patient complaints!""I am not
"I miss this!""I am fucking miss this too!"Amber whisper while pressing me on the wall and kissing me hard on my neck down to the collar bone, she is sucking my skin that made me moan and ask for more!Slowly taking off my shirt and bra and both my mounts are now showing, Amber squeezes it hard and I love it!Sucking and licking my nipples is what I really miss, now she is totally making me naked and lifting me as I hugged my legs on her waist, she starts moving to go to her room and gently put me down on the bed."Faster love...I do miss it when you make me cum!"I said in a very seductive voice looking at her while stripping in front of me, she quickly make a move especially when I open wide my legs."Damn you, woman! You really love doing this to me huh?"She whispers while crawling herself going to me kissing my skin going up and then stopping between my legs.Before doing what she wants to do she gives a spare second to look at me first."It going to be wet"She whispered."I p