Amber's point

AMBER POV

"Hey hon, we just landed, I will be going straight to Grandma, call you later"

I said talking to my Girlfriend Cassy, we have been together for three months now,

Eight months ago I decided to stay in California with my parents where I met Cassy but I miss my work specialy when Sam called me to get my job back.

it is almost 7pm now and  I am supressed by the traffic when I needed to pee, as I rented a car driving my way passing through Felix bar so I take the chance to stop over to atleast relieve my bladder.

This bar never change, it is still the same, loud music and lots of people hanging out,

I head my way to the washroom when someone suddenly open the door of my cubicle and sit on my lap,

I am not sure what she is up to but her smell, it is a familiar scent.

Curiousity fills me in, I look at her while sitting on my lap and confirmed that my thoughts is right.

It is her, my Ex-girlfriend Esther, looking at her tipsy face suddenly makes me remember everything again...

4 years ago is when I met Esther, the first time I lay my eyes on her when she stolen a kiss from me, she makes me realized that I want more of her.

I am not sure about myself anymore until she came and disturb my thoughts and my heart.

After five months of dating we became official, we did a lot of things, I have never been happy in my entire life until I met her, but so to speak, even the most beautiful thing has an expiration.

There are times that I try to blame her for what happen to us but I am sure I have faults too.

Simple things leads to arguments, I admit, there are a lot things I still dont know about her even we always hang around or the time we are together at the same roof.

The thought of believing that it is best once we live together quickly disappoints me,

I dont know if living in the same roof to get to know each other more is a great idea or living together makes us both neglecting each other in many things, having the thought that at the end of the day we will still see each other in bed.

Those put a big wall between us which we didnt anticipate until I realized things isnt working out anymore and the painful part of that is instead of fixing things she decided to end everything..

I am not mad at her maybe I just understand that not everything you think is special is entitled to last a lifetime, maybe we are both destined to something different.

And I ended up walking away...

I spent few months in California just to forget her but I know it isnt easy until I met Cassy and somehow things becomes good for me.

Knowing that she is the person who is actually sitting at my lap makes me stare at her for a moment until I realized how drunk she is.

She cant be like this, Esth has an allergy to alcohol if the limited content of intake in her body reach the peak.

Her vitals will eventually drops down that will lead her to shock, I can still remember that the day she explains it to me.

I can see the reaction on her face, she recognize me, we have a very small talk and I was about to go when she stops me and invite me to chill a little.

We sit at their table but her friends is already gone, I can see that she can no longer get another bottle or else she will pass out, I quickly grab her hand and get a wet towel then head to my car.

I dont exactly know why am I still doing this, all I have in mind is the effect of  too much alcohol in her,  it's been a while yet I am still worried about her.

I wipe her face with the towel that makes eyes pinned on me, as she looks calm already we throw a small talk that gives me guts to tell her about Cassy specialy when she was about to kiss me...

I admit that I am now in relationship...

It just comes out to my mouth that stops her, I noticed how she become distant right away, I dont know if I shoulf feel guilt about it but I must say it.

Silebced surrounds us for a moment so I start to ask her a question that I really wanted to ask earlier.

Asking how is she..

I silently ask looking straight at her

And she answer me with a bit of cute sarcasm so I response a sarcasm too...

This time her response seems to be fine now...

Another small talk surrounds us again, I was about to speak again when she suddenly hugs me which stiffined me for a moment

For another minute, missing each other is what we express next, I must admit that I miss her smile..

Her tears showered her face, I start controlling my emotions as anytime my tears will fall too, I instead said something to make her feel better.

"Look, I won't go away from here again" I said then face me

I start wiping her tears and kiss her at her forehead, I am not sure what push me to do this but I cant help it, though I need to set things up, I know my situation now and I know in myself that Cassy is somehow occupying my heart, but I must admit I cant just let go of Esth.

I offer her a lifetime relationship that seems to shock her a bit.

She stare at me for a minute, silenced surrounds us, I dont know what is on her mind but suddenly, smile is drawn on her face that relieved me somehow.

She gives me that kind of conditions being her friend which I assure I can handle that condition.

"Make sure you do! because I dont want to lose on you, I need to have someone as well, I mean I want to start again like what you did, please stay by my side" wearing those serious but lovely eyes saying those words somehow melt something within me.

"As long as you need me" I said staring at her tired eyes, the fact that she is a little tipsy makes me wonder if she is serious about what she said but it reflects on her eyes so I guess she is.

Silenced surrounds us and her eyes is just looking straight at the road, I start the engine that didnt bother her even a little,

"You can take a little nap and rest"

"Sure I am, it is a long day for me" she said laying sideway facing the window.

I dont know if time just really run fast between us but changes within her is indeed superficial.

I cant barely read her now.

Almost 45 minutes passed when we reach her house,

"Hey..we are here" I said and she just fix herself to get out but stop and then face me.

"I am glad you're back" looking into my eyes bringing up those words with a smack on my cheeks.

I must admit I was stunned, she is indeed change...

Four years ago...

"Feeling good?"

"You are my first, but I am alright"

"First date always the same"

"Yeah but...crowds...I am...I mean crowds isnt yet a good deal for me in this kind relationship Ambi"

"I understand..."

It is still clear to me how she gets a little uncomfortable on our initial month,

And then another thing...

"Hey babe-"

"-Ambi no...not yet..."

"Why? Have I done something wrong?"

"Ahmm I am not used to that yet, we are in the car and your glass isnt tainted, everyone is looking"

"Oh...okay I am sorry"

"Ahmmm I am sorry babe I dont mean to...but...I mean I am not yet used to, I know you keep waiting for me to let it out but I just couldnt for now...but I will get there...I promise"

Those times when she cant still let out, she is so preserved...and now, she is diffrent...

"I am glad your'e back" 

"I wont leave again"

"Make sure of that"

She said then head her way home, following her every step facing her back on me while walking away...

I guess a new Esther is my next bestfriend from now on...

I just let out an air sighing deeply pressing my back at my chair,

She is right, today has been a long day...

"Ring..ring..."

"Hey there beautiful"

"Sweet words for an old woman like me huh"

"Oh come on, your beautiful face has nothing to do with your age grandma"

"Thank you Ambi, so, how are you? What time will you get here?"

"I am now driving, I just send someone back home"

"Who?"

Gulp a little before saying her name to granny,

"Esther"

"Oh she is? That is a good start dear"

"Ow, No grandma it is not like that...I have Cassey and you know that"

"Fine, but I know you better and you know that too, just come home to eat dinner"

My nan always knows me well more than I know myself though on this part, I am not exactly sure what is she trying to say.

As I get home, a warm hug is the only thing I want after a long day, nan's hug,

She prepares me a dinner and told me a lot of stuff, things she did while I was away,

She even mention of Esther visiting her every sunday for a sweet buns which is her favorite.

After dinner I head to my room which I miss, the reason why I choose to go for a while, I just cant stay here knowing it has a lot of memories of Esther and I being together.

Sometimes I ask myself if what was really happened between us, why we choose to end things...

Drop myself on the bed staring at the ceiling when my cellphone ring,

Thinking it is Cassey but it is Esther so I quickly answer it.

"Hey"

"Hey Esth, what's up?"

"I kind of need to get used with just "Esth" thing first I guess, hahaha"

"Well, another call sign isnt bad thing for a bestfriend"

And then silenced again...

"Esth?"

"Lovey"

"Lovey what?"

"Lovey is cute, what do you think?"

I was caught off guard to what she said, though Lovey is indeed sweet.

"I can agree to that, nice choice Lovey"

"And there you are smoothly saying it, I like it...I miss how you say our call sign"

"Thanks"

"So, how are you, I mean what is her name?"

And then I caught off guard again

"She is Cassey"

"I like the name, how long have you been together?"

I dont know but, I feel awkward with her question,

"Three months now, we've been friends first and then-"

"-And then fall in love...how I wish I could feel the same"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I dont know, after your'e gone I felt stuck, like I cant even move from what happen though I know my heart is okay but my whole self isnt..."

"I am sorry...I fucked up your first relationship"

"Maybe that is, it is my first real big relationship and it turns out that way, but I am not mad at you or feel anything its just...I feel like my heart feels scared...or yeah maybe I am just stucked until this time"

"What should we do to get you out of that?"

"Being stucked? Well another sweet soul for me will do, care to introduce me to someone..."

I was stopped by that idea though maybe she is right, maybe it will help her.

"Why dont you do blind date, dating app is trending now a days"

I am not sure if she will agree to that the way I have known her for how many years.

"I can try that...that sounds cool"

I was shocked to hear that from her, if she will see me now I am almost drop myself out of the bed I mean I didnt expect that.

"Alright but what do you prefer this time? Still do the straight thing or make way again to be bend instead?"

I dont know why I drop the question, I just kind of regret asking that after...I am messing up again!

"Hey Esth? Lovey? Still there?"

She became silent again and all I can hear is a deep breath of her.

"I am here I mean I just swallowed that question carefuly and needs for me to think carefuly,"

"And?"

"Well, if I will be bend again it will always be the same person...I just cant do it with another...so straight path will do I guess"

Now I am the one silenced this time, I dont know what she mean by that, I kind of feeling impressed with what she said though, it makes me feel sad as well, I must have put her in a deep pain loving a woman first time in her life...

While I am on my thought, I heard nan calling my name,

I didnt get to say goodbye to Esth and just end the call.

I quickly walk towards nan's room, and I can see sweat all over her face, I suddenly get panicked and didnt know what to do, I dialed the nearest hospital and thank god they response to me right away,

Emegency team arrives on time and good thing they bring Nan to the hospital right away,

I drive my way to the hospital as well, I didnt even anticipate this things will happen,

As we get to the emergency room, she was checked by the staff and put her into different test, honestly, I am really scared about what happen, Nan is already 63 years old, so I cant afford to see somethinh bad happen to her,

I remember before, when Esth and I are still together, I am always feel safe about Nan's state of health, she used to tell me what should do if Nan is in pain.

Damn...why did I forgot about her, I dialed her number right away, but she is not answering it maybe she is already sleeping.

I will just get back to her tomorrow I guess,

As Nan undergone different test, the final say will be discuss by her assigned doctor which she will meet tomorrow though they give me a heads up that Nan has digestive problem.

I guess her age makes her body weak and vulnerable, I promise Mom and Dad that I will look after her so I cant waste time not to make sure her wellness.

It was 4 years ago when she was confined for having a weak heart, I thought I am going to lose her, but she is a fighter, she may have stay for a while inside the hospital before and used to go to the rooftop for some peace but she is strong at heart and a very brave woman.

I remember Esth told me that she met Nan first before me, she was at the rooftop before and Nan tries to create a little conversation with her, On that point on, I know they have this kind of sweet connection.

So far Nan is now okay though she must stay here at the hospital for a while,

I planned to stay with her until tomorrow when I recieve a message from Sam, I have a duty at the hotel tomorrow, I just came back from work and first day impression is always important.

"Hey pretty woman"

"You always say that"

"Because you are"

"And you are too"

"I am your descendant ofcourse"

And then Nan just laugh at me, somehow I feel relieve that she can still be happy and jolly.

"You want to say something?" She ask and it silenced me a little, how can I say to my weak Nan here in the hospital that I cant attend her for tomorrow, sigh..

"The hotel message me and they may need tomorrow.."

"I am okay honey, you can go to your work, I will be fine"

Though it is very heavy to say I have no choice but to go to work.

"Once my duty is done I will go here tomorrow right before your eyes open okay?"

"I will be okay, be great tomorrow for me okay?"

She said holding my hand trying to make me feel better.

As much as I want to stay here tomorrow , I need to go to work so I was thinking of seeking Casey's help.

I dialed her number, I hope she is still awake, unfortunately she is not answering as well.

I just leave a message to her that I need her here for a while.

I thougt of asking Esth but I know ho busy she is, and part of me is telling that I have nothing to do with her anymore, we are friends but our closeness already creates a division at some area.

I know being friend with her has a limit for some reason.