6

~ RACHEL

Imagine being so broken that you don’t just disbelieve in love but also accept that you’re not destined to be loved and be in love again. People tell me that I need to work on my broken heart but I don’t think my heart is broken, I believe it’s my soul.

It’s shattered completely.

So this is not a heartbreak story but a soul-break story. Richie broke my soul and now the shattered pieces of it are trying to mold back but with hate, not love.

I never knew I had this rage and evil in me until I saw him again after two years. It feels surreal that he’s here, standing feet’s away from me. The glimmer of the sun shines on his emerald skin making his glorious blue eyes glow in a way I’ve never seen before. It makes my heart want to mold back for him. It makes me want to pull him to me, to make him mine again and forgive everything he did but at last, my unforgiving soul says otherwise. It’s inching to make him feel what I’ve been feeling, make him hurt just so I could have a reason to sleep tonight.

This is toxic, isn’t it? I’m being toxic or maybe worse but I don’t care. What I am being is nothing compared to what I have been feeling for the past two years. And because of that, I no longer trust the heart. When my heart tells me to do something I don’t because hearts are stupid, they neglect everything around you just to have a good feeling that won’t last forever but the soul….. it tells you to do things that may or may not be good but will ease you and make you sleep at night. So yes, I accept to be toxic in this case and I accept to make him feel what I feel.

I'm fixated on Richie, a surge of conflicting emotions flooding my mind. As our eyes lock, frustration fills me up making me let my soul guide me. I turn on the engine, it revs eager to propel me forward, but doubt holds me back; my treacherous heart wavers. Should I continue on this path or not? The question lingers in my mind but shatters immediately as I notice a smile adorns his face. That smile stokes the flames of my anger. Without hesitation, I shift gears, pressing the gas pedal like a seasoned race car driver, adrenaline coursing through me. My destination is clear: Richie.

I'm driving faster than my heart is beating. My path leads directly to Richie. I could hear Alexander, who’s sitting on the passenger side, yelling at me, telling me to stop the car, but I don't listen. Instead, I increase my speed, determined to make my soul feel slightly better.

Alexander tries to pull my hands off the steering wheel, but I don't let him overpower me. I'm angry, and nobody is going to take my way of ease away from me. Driving really fast, everyone clears the way for me. Just as I get to Richie and am about to hit him, Alexander takes over the wheel and turns the car to another side, not letting it hit Richie.

My ideal intention isn't to harm Richie, just to give him a good scare. Despite my anger towards him, I am not crazy or evil. I might be hurting, and I might want him to feel my pain but I have no intention of physically hurting him.

Alexander grasp my hand making me bring the car to a stop on the side of the road. Before I can even say a word, Alexander explodes, "What the fuck is wrong with you! Were you trying to kill him?"

"Maybe," I nonchalantly shrug.

"You're completely out of your mind. Do you even realize the consequences if you hit him?" he exclaims in disbelief.

"He would have ended up in the hospital but not dead," I respond casually.

Clearly frustrated, he growls, "What's gotten into you? Are you crazy or something?"

I roll my eyes and wave my hand dismissively. "Relax, I was just trying to give him a good scare. I had no intention of actually hitting him."

"That doesn’t change anything. I am not a protector of Richie but I don’t want you to be doing that. What if you actually got him!"

"Again, nothing would have happened." I clarify once more "Besides if anything bad were to happen to him, it would have happened two years ago. Trust me I didn’t let him live just so I could kill him the moment I see him again."

Alexander disagreed with me, shaking his head in disapproval, "No, I don’t care what and what you were trying to do. That act of yours was wrong and I don’t think you should pull that on anyone," he growls. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in confusion, wondering why he was so invested in Richie's life. Alexander is familiar with the Maranzano family since he tied the knot with Emily. Despite that, I don’t see a reason why he is so concerned about Richie.

As if he could read my mind, he let out a heavy exhale, saying, "Look, I understand you’re hurting, but you need to stop following your heart, Delilah."

"My heart?" I scoff in disbelief. "It’s been ages since I followed my heart, Alex. Hearts are stupid. If you follow them, you'll end up getting burned, and I've chosen not to burn. So, don’t ever follow my heart. I follow my soul."

Alexander fell silent, seemingly trying to process my words. It was clear that my response wasn’t what he had anticipated.

"Your soul isn’t any better than your heart." he finally remark.

"Trust me it is.." I reply

He scoffs "No it isn’t. If that is what your soul told you to do. I don’t think I ever want to know what your heart will tell you to do."

"My heart would have done worse. It would have reached out to him but you know what…" I sigh trying to wanting to change the subject, "Let’s just forget about what the heart and soul do and head back home. I need to meet Rebecca in the next two hours."

"Okay, but you’re not driving. After what you pulled out there, I don’t want you behind the wheel with me inside the car. You may be aiming at someone else but you could get me," he says firmly.

I scoff, rolling my eyes. Without a word, I step out of the car and switch places with him. Once buckled up, he takes the wheel and drives off. Alexander has become a part of the family, always on the fringe due to his connections with the Maranzano’s, which my dad never really approved of. However, now that he's officially divorced from Emily and has saved my dad's life, he's welcomed back into the family fold.

Glancing at him as he focuses on driving, I catch Alexander's eye. He notices me looking and flashes a smile before turning his attention back to the road. As much as I hate to admit it. I appreciate his protectiveness over Richie. I needed that scolding to remind my soul that Richie is just an enemy, and I shouldn't let things escalate. I may despise Richie, but I can't let that turn me into someone I'm not. There's a fine line between hatred and evil, and I need to stay on the right side of it.