5

As I enter the peaceful cemetery, a deep feeling of emptiness envelops me. My heart beats faster with each step, and I can't help but gaze at every gravestone I pass by. These gravestones have become familiar to me, as I come here every week.

Turning the corner, a mix of sorrow and love floods my heart as I gaze upon the gravestone before me.

MAYA ELLEN SINCLAIR

April 17th, 1974 - July 20th, 2013

Beloved daughter, sister, and friend.

Loved by all.

"I’m sorry I’m late," I say placing the flowers on the top of the marble headstone. "I got stuck in traffic." I continue and then take a moment of silence to honor her and gather my thoughts

"I know you don’t like me being here and I know I shouldn't be here every week considering I’m the last person you ever want to meet but I just can’t help it. You’re the only one who understands me." I say as a strong silence hits me and I can’t help but gaze around. It’s always this quiet and empty in a cemetery, sometimes it makes me wonder if the spirits are watching over us.

I swiftly turn my gaze to the headstone and say "Anyways, I don’t have much to say today but I have good news for you. I found out where Rachel and I are heading there today."

"I believe you must be thinking that I will ruin things again but I assure you that it won’t happen. I’m not going to let anyone or anything come between Rachel and me. She means a lot to me, and I'm determined to make things right this time."

"I don’t know if she forgave me yet but I really hope she finds a place to do that and I really hope you do too." I look at the sky; it’s a beautiful day, perfect not a cloud sight.

"I wish I could spend more time with you like I normally do but I have to go now, my flight is in an hour." I say and then kiss my fingers and run them over the letters of her name "Take care, Mom."

I leave the cemetery and hop into my car, ready to head back home. It's hard to believe that after five long years of searching, I'm finally going to meet Rachel. The excitement is overwhelming, but I can't shake off the nervousness. I'm not sure how she'll react when she sees me. I know she's still mad at me, but I'm really hoping for the best. All I want is for things to work out between us now.

In just a couple of minutes, I arrive back home. As I walk in, Elsa comes up to me with a serious expression. "Richie, you have a visitor," she says, her eyes filled with tension.

I can tell from her look that it's not someone I want to see. "Who is it?" I ask

"I don’t know, but he seems very unhappy." She replies

I let out a startled screech as I walk past her, my heart racing. I have an idea of who the person is but I can’t help but wonder how he found me. Stepping into the living room, my eyes meet the eyes I never wish to see, Papa. A wave of frustration washes over me, and I can't help but question, "Perché sei qui? [Why are you here?]" My voice is laced with a mix of anger and confusion.

Papa has this habit of always finding me. No matter where I am, he seems to find a way to get me. It pisses me off because I thought staying with Elsa and Laura would keep me hidden from the eyes of papa but I guess it didn’t work out.

"Sai esattamente perché sono qui, Richie [You know exactly why I’m here, Richie.]" He responds "Voglio che tu ritorni [I want you to come back.]"

"Ho bisogno che tu vada via [I need you to leave]" I say not wanting to have that conversation with him. He always asks me to come back and my answer will always be the same. I left the Mafia world for a reason and that reason is more important than anything else.

"Restare qui non farà alcuna differenza Richie, ma se torni a casa, puoi cambiare tutto. [Staying here won’t make any difference Richie, but if you come back home, you can change everything.]"

"No, non tornerò nel tuo oscuro mondo di bugie [No, I am not going to come back to your dark world of lies]"

"Quel mondo che chiami oscuro è ora il luogo a cui appartiene [That world you call dark is now where she belongs.]" He says walking closer to me "È là fuori a rovinare le cose, bruciando tutte le nostre azioni. Ci sta rovinando Richie, sta rovinando te [She’s out there ruining things, burning all of our shares. She’s ruining us Richie, she’s ruining you]"

"Non mi sta rovinando [She’s not ruining me.]" I respond "Sta rovinando tutta l’oscurità che abbiamo protetto con la luce. Sta rovinando tutto perché non è come noi. Rachel può anche essere nel mondo della mafia, ma non è così oscura come lo eravamo noi. [She’s ruining all the darkness we have shielded in light. She’s ruining it all because she’s not like us. Rachel may be in the mafia world but she’s not as dark as we were]"

"Sciocco [You fool!]"He growls; frustration evident in his voice "Faresti meglio a smettere di comportarti come un pazzo e prendere il sopravvento e sistemare le cose! [You better stop acting like a madman and just take the upper hand and fix things!]"

"Te l'ho già detto, papà, ho lasciato quel mondo e non ci tornerò mai più [I already told you, Papa, I left that world and I will never go back to it.]"

Papa’s face falls as he looks slightly taken aback by my words. "Richie, cosa ti è preso? [Richie what has got into you?]" he rises his hand to palm my face but I take a step back not wanting him to touch me.

"Credo che sia ora che tu lasci papà [I believe It’s time you leave Papa,]" I tell him.

He scoffed "Hai cambiato Richie. Sei un re della mafia, hai il potere che molti desiderano possedere ma ti nascondi in questo cassonetto con delle stupide lesbiche. Non è così che ti ho cresciuto, Richie [You have changed Richie. You are a mafia king, you have the power many wish to possess but you are hiding in this dumpster with a some stupid lesbians. This is not how I raised you Richie]"

"Lo so, papà [I know Papa." I say, my words cutting through "Mi hai cresciuto per essere un assassino, mi hai cresciuto per non avere emozioni ed essere autore di dolore proprio come te ma almeno ho trovato un'anima che mi ha fissato e mi ha fatto capire cos'è veramente l'amore. Mi hai fatto male, cazzo, quell'anima e non c'è assolutamente alcun modo in cui io possa tornare ad essere il modo in cui mi hai cresciuto, quindi per favore ti chiedo di andartene e spero che tu smetta di cercarmi. [You raised me to be a killer, you raised me to have no emotions and be the author of pain just like you but at least I found a soul that fixed me and made me realize what love really is. You fucking made me hurt that soul and there is absolutely no way I can go back to being the way you raised me so please I ask you to leave and hopefully you stop looking for me.]

Papa looks like he is about to speak but his words seem to have caught to his throat as he clasp his lips shut.

"Stai commettendo un grave errore lasciando Richie [You’re making a grave mistake by quitting Richie.]"

"Se andarsene significa riavere Rachel, allora penso di aver preso la decisione giusta, [If quitting means getting Rachel back then I think I made the right decision]" I say

Papa obviously didn’t like my words as he scoffs "Beh, quando tornerai in te, saprai dove trovarmi [Well, when you come back to your senses, you know where to find me.]" With that, he storms out the door.

I exhale heavily feeling the weight of the situation. I don’t let myself overthink and I just head into my room, to get my luggage ready.

Before I head out of the house, I bid Laura and Elsa a heartfelt goodbye. Elsa wraps her arms around me, holding me tight, and says, "Don't forget about us while you're gone, okay?" Her words warm my heart, and I assure her, "Never."

As I pull away from Elsa's embrace, Laura steps forward and wraps her arms around me too. She says "Next time you come back, bring her with you." I give her a nod and reply, "Most definitely."

After bidding them goodbye, I ask them to give Alfie a big kiss since he's still in school. Finally, I hop into a waiting cab, and in no time, I arrive at the bustling airport. As I step into the crowd, I recall how crazy it gets when I am in a public place but now, it seems like since I left the Mafia world everything has changed.

The flight started and ended swiftly and before I knew it, I found myself in the city of Russians; Chicago.

I walk around, searching for the cab I ordered. As I make my way through the little crowd, I spot a driver holding a sign with my name on it. I start heading towards the driver, but then something catches my eye and my actions come to a sudden halt. My heart fills with excitement as I see the person I've longed for the most; Rachel.

At that moment, my mind starts racing, and my heart feels a mix of emotions. I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. But then, reality sets in, and my heart sinks when I realize she’s here for a different reason.