He caught me following him...

 

I stare ahead as the morning rises from the mountain beside the ocean. It's such a beautiful sight. Like the sky prepare for a grand entrance for the sun. It looks peaceful and it's quiet here. And I like the soft roaring sound of the waves from a distance.

 

It soothes me from the headache I had when  I woke up next to Justin who has nothing but boxers on. Honestly, I didn't mind it. I have seen guys naked before, so it's not a surprise to me at all. He gave me a painkiller and he went back to sleep. Justin just doesn't seem bad at all. I see him more like a friend as of now. 

 

I try to go back to the happenings last night but I can't remember a thing. Maybe I won't be drinking again. It just makes me feel foolish the next morning when I don't know what specific behavior I showed to everyone. At least, I hope I can ask someone to describe it to me.

 

Sometimes, I do stupid things I wish I had not done.

 

When I heard footsteps, I look behind me. I see Mrs. Lee walking to where I am standing. She stands next to me and stares at the same distance I am looking at. 

 

“You okay?” She asks. 

 

I feel astounded by her query. I never had a conversation with her before. But I just find this moment may be a chance to know her. She's wearing her teacher outfit already. I'm not sure how she does that. She looks ready and tacked every time I lay my eyes on her. 

 

At first, I nod before I say something. “Do you know my name?” 

 

She laughs at my question. “Of course, Naya. I know your name. Why would you ask that?” She tries to catch her hair from going wild above her.

 

“I don't know.” I shrug. “ I feel like teachers don't always feel the necessity to remember their students' names.” I have to be frank with her. “So maybe you're asking me a question without actually knowing my name. But it's not like I condemn you for that. I just want to know.” 

 

She stares at me for a second before putting her eyes back to the sun rising. “I am just impressed with you. I saw you from grieving over your best friend's death to enjoying this trip. I have no idea what it must have been for you, Naya. But I saw you brave.” She says with a growing smile showing up on her face like she's proud.

 

I smile too. I smile at the way she said that. It makes my heart feel the pain again but not that long. I feel relieved. I feel happy. It makes me happy hearing those from someone I didn't know at all except that she's my teacher and it feels good hearing this from her.

 

Although, it still makes me sad a little remembering Sophia. Her death was a mental shock to me. I wouldn't want to look back at it again. I only want to scoop myself out underneath that grief. I might have gone through it but that's it. I don't want it anymore. Sophia will always have a special place in my heart. But I just want to move on.

 

“Sophia was a great friend to me. It's hard to forget a great friend, you know.” I say more to myself than to Mrs. Lee. 

 

She places her hand on my folded arms in front of me. “I felt the same thing, too. Back in high school, my best friend took his life. His name's John” She clears her throat before continuing. “I became depressed trying to know his reasons. I knew he was a happy young man. He was the first boy I ever fell in love with. I didn't know what was wrong.” Her smile is sad but happy at the corner. It's like she's sad that he's gone but happy because of the memories she had with him. 

 

I feel the same for Sophia. 

 

“Sometimes, we just stop looking for reasons and move on,” I say to ourselves. It seems like I need to hear myself say those. 

 

She nods. “It's what's best for us,” she says with realizing nods. “C'mon. We have to get ready.” 

 

 

We give each other a hug. A comforting one. Something about this makes my heart warm. Knowing somebody else's story is such a great relief to me knowing I am not the only person grieving over something. And Mrs. Lee and I have a similar story about friendship although not all aspects of it, I feel somehow understood. 

 

I remember her words, But I saw you brave. 

 

It hits me still. Knowing somebody from a distance was watching me going through all those lows, gives me a sense of bravery for more. 

 

I watch her walk back to her tent. I return my gaze to the sun rises. I feel the urge to pick myself up today for a new beginning. 

 

“Are you okay?” I feel a touch on my arm when I am about to turn around. 

 

When I look up, Adam is standing next to me. 

Then I feel something. His lips are on mine as the darkness surrounds us. Like a memory. It must have been what happened last night. 

 

“Are you okay?” He repeats. I pull myself away from him. 

 

He looks hurt.

 

 “Did something happen between us last night?” I have to ask him now or I'll go crazy.

 

He is about to open his mouth when Mrs. Lee calls everyone to get on the bus. I look at Adam. I am still mad at him. So mad that I can't stand being in the same space as him. I don't what happened last night that gives him this confidence in approaching me.

 

His lips form into a frown as I walk away. It's like he's disappointed and is mixed with sadness. I don't give a piss about him anymore. But last night, something must have happened.

 

Did I forgive him? I have to know. I have to ask him myself or else it will make me crazy. 

 

Everyone gets on the bus and in only twenty minutes we arrived at a small busy area of the town where old narrow buildings line up beside the street. A lot of people are walking in and out of them. The only building that attracts me the most is the red one in the middle of the rest. It's a bold and brave one.

 

 It's funny I still don't have an idea of what this town is called. 

 

Mrs. Lee instructs us first on what to do and what to not do inside the museum. The museum is not that grand at all like other modern ones nowadays. When we all start stepping in, it still appears like an old antic house with old pieces of equipment from soldiers in the war. Glad that nobody violates the rules. Most of the things are secured inside a glass like guns and handkerchiefs. Museums fascinate me. I haven't been to grand ones where paintings are displayed. I hope one day I can go there. 

 

When I look over the corners, Mrs. Lee is staring at the red roses inside a glass in front of her.  She admires it for a while before she takes out her phone and captures a photo of it with a flash. I think she's still in love with John and it reminds her of him.

 

I decided to walk outside the museum. Then, I happen to catch a glimpse of Adam going inside a bookstore across the street. Out of curiosity, I follow him but only when he gets himself inside. I make sure nobody sees me as I start walking. There's a huge green signage outside that says WELCOME TO THE LOCAL BOOKSTORE. When I push the door open, it creaks. There's an instrumental piano playing inside as I step in. It reminds me of the music by Sleeping At Last. I see nobody else here except me and Adam. 

 

 

I watch as he scans a little section behind a shelf. I go behind one of the shelves not so far from where he is standing so he can't see me. Maybe he's looking for something to buy. My hands are on the book in front of me but my eyes are on him. 

 

He looks so peaceful. It's something I like about him. I know I hated him the first time but when he's alone. I see that he's also enjoying his own company. I envy people loving their own company. 

 

When I take my hand off the books, one of them accidentally falls to the wooden floor. I freeze in my spot, as I stare at the book underneath me. For a second, I feel as if my heart stops beating. I feel Adam's movement stop too. But the music is the only thing that goes on. 

 

 

I can see his feet walking toward me. When his feet appear next to me I close my eyes tight. I open it again. He picks up the book. I look at him. He's staring at me. There's a strand of his hair fallen close to his eyes. He looks so attractive. Innocent but attractive. His eyes are still on me. 

 

I haven't said a thing. I feel embarrassed following him here. 

 

“Why are you here?” His first words are.

 

I shake my head dumbfounded by this moment. 

 

“I...” I feel my throat dry. “I was curious.” I clear it. “You...what are you doing here Adam?” I try to appear composed and not nervous but I feel the total opposite of it whenever I'm caught by his captivating gaze. 

 

He laughs with a little smirk. “Curious?” His brows meet in the middle. 

 

“I was curious about this shop so I... you know... it doesn't matter.”

 

“No. Tell me the truth, Naya.” He says, taking a step closer. He knows I'm lying. 

 

I face him with my fingers playing in front of me. “I followed you.” My voice becomes quiet. 

 

 

“Why did you follow me?” 

 

He's closer than he is a second ago. I can feel his breaths on my face. 

 

I look down. “I don't know, okay? I just want to be close to you and be with you and maybe... I just have no idea why I am here Adam. So stop asking me.” 

 

He reaches for my hair and tucks them behind my ears. I fix my eyes back at him. He's looking at me as if he wants to kiss me. 

 

Kiss me, Adam.

 

I want to say but I'm so scared this time. 

 

“You asked me if something happened between us last night.  Do you want still want me to answer that?” He asks, holding my gaze.

 

I hesitate to answer. I don't say a word except for a nod. 

 

He walks closer and closer until our feet touch. His eyes scan my face. My eyes. My cheeks. My nose. My lips. It's like a moment to be lost as I scan his face too. 

 

He starts leaning down. I feel nervous and scared and happy but scared of what is going to take place. He reaches for my hands. Gracefully bringing it close to him. My breaths become shallow and short. This is a slow moment for us. Like we're taking our time and not rushing at all. Just like what he said, something bad happens after we kiss. 

 

 I start leaning slowly. Our lips are an inch away. But before we can even kiss, the entrance door opens. He immediately jumps out of his spot. In an instant, there's a whole distance between us. That fast. 

 

“Adam?” Chloe's voice fills the room. 

 

I panic and say, “I have to go.” He doesn't say anything. It seems like he doesn't want me to go but before he can say the words, I walk away just the right time Chloe walks past me from the other side of the shelves. So she still doesn't have an idea of me being here with Adam. 

 

He was about to kiss me. We were about to kiss. But I understand, it's not meant to happen.

 

 

So him kissing me is his answer to my question? It's his way of telling me that's what happened to us last night. How come I didn't have a clue about that? 

 

“Hey.” Cannon approaches me as I make my back to the bus. 

 

I smile at her, “Hey, looks like you're enjoying this trip so far.” 

 

“I am enjoying it.” She says while she blocks the sun from her face with her hand on her forehead. “Are you?” 

 

I shrug my shoulders, “I don't know. So much has been happening.” Maybe I'm referring to last night and that almost kiss with Adam in the bookstore. 

 

“Yeah, I saw you and Adam last night.” She reveals in a whisper. She's very straightforward. No filter. No nothing. 

 

I stop walking. I freeze. What?

 

“What do you mean? What did you see?” 

 

“You talked and you two kissed like it's the end of the freaking word.” She says in a silly tone of her voice. “I accidentally flash a light on your way but it was so brief that I don't think I ever confirmed it until your reaction right now is telling me so.”  Cannon's are hands moving around her as she explains to me.

 

Why am I so embarrassed and guilty? I can't even remember what Adam and I talked about last night. I don't even know why we were in the dark in the first place. 

 

I can't believe Cannon saw us kiss. My heart needs to scream right now. What if Chloe saw us together? I think I remember her saying something last night about destroying someone... I hate this feeling of guilt.

 

“Naya!” Justin jogs his way toward us. Cannon gives me a pat on the shoulder before she walks away. It's probably her way of saying “talk to you later.” She gets onto the bus along with every other classmate. 

 

Justin grabs me carefully by the hand. I feel like I've been forgetting him a lot today. He walks us behind the bus and kisses me with no warning. His movements are unpredictable and I don't see this coming. He cups my face and smiles through the kiss. Why am I not stopping him? 

 

I close my eyes as I kiss him back but not as much as he is kissing me now. 

 

Then I hear a voice inside my head, “...Every time I remember you kissing him, I hate myself for it.” 

 

Adam? 

 

It's his voice last night. 

 

I don't stop kissing Justin but it's making me feel like I have to. When I open my eyes, I see Adam and Chloe walking out of the store. His eyes lock with mine. I just know it immediately from a distance. I just feel that he's watching us in every moment.

 

 

I finally pull away from Justin. “That's it for now. We gotta leave.” I tell him. He laughs and gives me a peck before he grabs my hand and leads us to the entrance of the bus. 

 

 

I look behind me just to know if Adam is still looking. 

 

He's gone.