Do you remember?

Dearest Matthew,

You're probably thinking what kind of morbid thoughts have entered my crazy mind as I am writing to you from the other side. Technically, I'm not yet dead as I was writing this but in my heart and soul, I've long been dead.

Matt, you know you were the only one that has always been there for me. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, for always having my back with all the insane things I've done and yet I still get into trouble all the time. But hey, it's not your fault, it's just that mom and your dad hate me to the core of their bones. Don't worry, I was not crying while writing this. I have long accepted my fate that my own mother will never love me the way she loves you and our siblings. And your dad, don't get me started. He doesn't even acknowledge that I exist. He pretends all the time that I'm some distant bad dream that if he pinches himself just hard enough, I will vanish. I don't blame him because he never saw me as his daughter. You always thought he was the better one between mom and him but he was so much more. He was a different kind of evil. One that you can never fathom. I know you loved him. He was caring and gentle to all of you. But to me, he was just a soulless devil.

Do you remember the time when you were 11 and I was 9, we got so dirty when we played out in the rain in the garden? Dad called us inside and he told us to go clean ourselves up and he will take care of me? I grabbed your arm and told you please stay and you said it's fine, and you'll be back. Guess what? He took care of me real good. It was real slow like time stopped and I felt like my soul left my body and I was watching myself from the outside. Crying, soaking wet, and cold. He was oh so gentle, it was torture. I kept hoping, wishing, praying, and begging you will open the door of the bathroom and check in with me but you never came and my soul that day never came back to my body... 

I clutched the letter to my chest and I could not continue. My hands were shaking and I feel the anger brewing inside me... I want to continue reading but I can't let myself do it. I'm too afraid to discover things that would change my life forever.

I stood up and was about to get out of the room. I suddenly felt like I can't breathe. The air in the room felt so thick. I was standing there and I can't move. The stillness of the room felt eerie. I feel my body hair start to rise and I suddenly felt something blowing air at my nape, or someone breathing at my back I wanted to turn my back but I couldn't make it myself. I heard a faint sound of sobbing. I summoned all my strength and was able to turn around and I felt the movement like someone suddenly moved away from me, when I turn around I saw nothing.

The air suddenly came back to my lungs and the room felt the same. It felt normal. I went to the bathroom adjoining my room and straight to the sink. I turned the faucet on and washed my face. I felt nauseous. There was a sick feeling in my stomach and I couldn't quite place what is wrong. I felt like I was going crazy. What I was feeling and what happened must be all in my mind or some sort of panic attack. I went out of the bathroom and into my room. I can see the faint glow of the sun's rays while it sets, I felt tired. 

I went to bed and lay down, the letter crumpled is still on my bed I took it and crumpled it into a ball and threw it in my waste bin. The past is the past, Hannah is dead and nothing can bring her back. It's no use digging up graves that are meant to be left buried. I tell that to myself as a wave of sleepiness overcome me. I close my eyes and then darkness. 

I woke up and it was a beautiful morning glow, as I open my eyes a bit more I saw a girl sitting at the foot of my bed. My heart was beating so fast, I slowly sat up and looked at her, she slowly turned to me and I see Hannah, my beautiful sister Hannah, smiling at me full of life, wearing her white nightgown. I smiled at her and then suddenly shook my head. "This can't be! Your dead!"

"But I'm here Matt." 

"I..." I was speechless.

"Miss me?" Hannah said and she stood up and sat beside me. It was surreal.

"I want you to read my letter." She said as she slowly held my hand.

Her hands were warm and soft just when she was alive.

"I couldn't..." I swallowed holding back my tears.

Suddenly her grip that was gentle moments ago, started to become strong and hard.

I looked at her and said, "I'm sorry Hannah..."

She screamed long and loud it almost sounded like a howl. It was unnerving, her grip was so tight, it was an iron grip, I tried to get away from her and pushed her but she hold on to me tighter and screamed louder. I looked at her and I saw tears of blood running down her cheeks and her white nightgown suddenly being drenched in blood, my bed as well was now a pool of blood I can see my feet being soaked in its crimson mess. I couldn't breathe. The hands that she was holding felt so painful and I saw vertical wounds forming and it felt as if I'm dying. I looked at my hands and see that the blood flowing on my bed was mine!

I closed my eyes willing myself out of this dream. This couldn't be true. She is dead. She is gone. I tell myself over and over again and then, I woke up. I sat up from my bed and saw that it was dark I looked at my bedside digital clock and it says 3:20 AM. 

I looked at my left arm and saw healed vertical wounds that formed a scar on my wrists. I gulped in the cold night air and stood up went to the wastebin and got the crumpled letter.

I need to get to the bottom of this. I need to finish this letter.

"Why didn't you come? You promised that you will always take care of me, that you are my brother no matter what. I was there and I felt so alone. He made me undress..."

I clutched the letter hard as I read this. Heart pounding I convinced myself to carry on...

"He kissed me a peck at first and then he was forcing his tongue at me. I wanted to throw up, I tried pushing him back but I was too weak and I was wet and my hands were slipping. He looked at me and slapped me hard! I was crying and he got a face towel from the sink and shoved it in my mouth I almost choked. He kissed me everywhere, I felt disgusted but I couldn't move because I know struggling won't do me any good. He undressed my skirt and my underwear and I know this is the beginning of my demise. He was gentle at first but it hurt like hell, I tried to shout and push him but it was futile. Then he was rough and he was panting and I just want to die..."

Do you remember that day Matt? "

Tears are streaming down my eyes. That was the first page, if I can will myself to read the rest I have no idea if I can.

Hannah my beautiful sister, a lost soul.