All Chapters of Lost Soul: Chapter 1 - Chapter 10

My hands are shaking as I held a blade over my pulse. My palms are sweaty and cold, tears stream from my eyes as the past events in my life unfold before me. I watch my life rewind with an emotionless stare as all I feel now is that I am so lost. Hopeless. Sad. Alone. I could hear my breathing as it comes out fast. I'm scared but I feel like this is the only way to escape. To stop the madness that is creeping on me. The terror gripped me. I no longer want to live. I cannot see myself walking this earth anymore as life has repaid me nothing but sorrow, pain, and endless melancholy. I gave everything into the universe, all the love, joy, and hard work that I can do, I gave my life my all, but it failed me. I failed me. I was not designed to be amongst the living. I do not deserve to live anymore. The bubbly, happy girl is gone. All I am is a pathetic lost soul. Hollow and wretched I walk

Dearest Matthew, You're probably thinking what kind of morbid thoughts have entered my crazy mind as I am writing to you from the other side. Technically, I'm not yet dead as I was writing this but in my heart and soul, I've long been dead. Matt, you know you were the only one that has always been there for me. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, for always having my back with all the insane things I've done and yet I still get into trouble all the time. But hey, it's not your fault, it's just that mom and your dad hate me to the core of their bones. Don't worry, I was not crying while writing this. I have long accepted my fate that my own mother will never love me the way she loves you and our siblings. And your dad, don't get me started. He doesn't even acknowledge that I exist. He pretends all the time that I'm some distant bad dream that if he pinches himself just hard enough, I will vanish. I don't blame him because he never saw me as his daugh

Devon just came back to his house after a night of partying. A day after my burial he's already out and about getting laid and drunk. How Sweet. I muttered to myself as I spy on him stumbling with his keys to open the door.  Devon stepped inside his empty house. Like me, Devon was quite the lost soul, but unlike me, he must have enjoyed the fact that his parents are always away. Must have been nice than being in the same house every single day, all the forced interactions, the awkward nods. He is lucky he doesn't have to go through that. In fact, his parents must love him dearly or rather overcompensate with their inadequacies by always bailing him out of trouble and giving him the best things in life. I guess his carefree attitude attracted me to him. I naturally gravitated to his rebellious tendencies which my friends find repulsing. He was insanely rich and troubled at the same time. We may look like the power couple in high school, the extra popular pa

Dear Devon, I have no idea where to start or how...Our goodbyes were so sudden. I'd be a fool to say I saw it coming. That night when you touched my cheeks held me oh so close and kissed me so gently, I never knew that after that you would utter the words "Goodbye Hannah..." I was stunned, I was devastated as you simply walked away without any explanation. I could still taste your lips and feel the warmth of your embrace as I lay down on the tub where I ended my life. A fitting ending, because when you walked away I felt my life shatter to pieces and my heart stopped beating. Did you know that night was the final nail to my coffin? That was the last straw, you were the only remaining string that held me to my dear life and you cut it off just like that. Don't you think I love you too much to be discarded like that?  My heart sank as I read that line. Hannah, if you only knew how I regretted that night and how I learned too late that I was wrong

I look at my phone for the hundredth time today. I've been staring and checking on my phone for the past hour while I lounge at our porch. It's a cold December day and the days seem to be gloomy like what I have been feeling for the past days. I tuck my blonde hair that fell from my messy bun. My blue eyes are wide with exasperation. It's past noon and I haven't heard from Devon, it has been three days since I have talked to him. I woke up after a night of partying and he was no longer by my side, he just left so abruptly without saying a word. It was not like him, he has always been so sensitive when it comes to simple things like that. I'm afraid that Hannah's death has sparked something in him that could jeopardize our new relationship status. It's not like I have not been sad after Hannah died but I'm feeling something that I know I should not be even thinking about. It's a feeling so ugly it eats me up every time I saw a hint of sadness in Devon's eyes when we are together. Aft