answers to questions

    

    

    Mom walked going to my direction. Her eyes are in perfect despair. She colored her hair and now dark brown from being blonde. Seeing her going nearer to me is like the chances of being back to that village is getting bigger. 

    

    

    

    Seeing her took me to flash back from being a prisoner of my own life. How I isolate myself thinking no one wants to be with me, how I waste all the years and life's only revolves inside a small place, and how I need to escape just to find a home.

    

    

    

    

    Before she could get a hold of me, I immediately run going out. I saw how customers gazed at me-they don't have any idea of what's going on. I heard Mom screamed my name-like the day Dad slapped me and Sir Flinn asking me where am I heading. 

    

    

    

    

    The moment I step out of the store, my tears streamed down to my cheeks. I don't feel scared anymore- I am full with hatred now. About me and about her. I want to tell her all of my questions but I am full of anger right now, and I am the worst when I couldn't contain my temper.

    

    

    

    

    The rain is pouring heavily causing me to get soaked. The last time I run under the rain was with Tim, we were both running because we want to, now, because I am hiding. It's funny that I never thought the second time I will be running under the rain will be the time I need to hide.

    

    

    

    

    I run going to the streets of fruits, then I turned right and streetfoods are aligned here. Some are staring at me and offer their umbrella. Some stare at me like I am the talk of the town.I run and run until I don't know where I am. 

    

    

    

    

    

    My eyes are crying like the sky. Atleast I am not alone. My lungs are begging me to rest but there's no time for that. I run again and it feels draining. Here I am again, fighting for what I want.

    

    

    

    

    I just want to hide. I don't want to go back to where I came from. I am scared and doomed by the thought of being a prisoner of my own life, again. I don't want it to happen one more time. Seeing my room again would just remind me that I am almost home. Almost.

    

    

    

    It's crazy how happy you are then in just a glimpse, you're running away from pain. How one moment can change the flow of your life.I don't care seeing people stare at me. These are just strangers who will just be a second to my existence. They don't know me, and I don't even know who I really am in the first place.

    

    

    

    I found myself going back to the apartment. I locked the door and panicked. Then I sat by the back of the door and hugged my knees. My cries were loud and my precious tears are continuously running down. The floor got wet by me and I am still wearing the apron. My shoes are now covered with dirt and my heart being broken.

    

    

    

    

    How did she found me?

    

    

    

    

    That was the question that keeps going back and forth in my mind. I got no idea how. 

    

    

    Did she find any connection in my room?

    Did she asked the guard about me?

    Did she visit Tim's family and gather information?

    

    

    

    

    O is this really my fate?

    

    

    To die while living and to live while slowly being stabbed with unseen knives-words, overthinking, and untold battles. It's a feeling you can't explain. It's more than an illness- it's already a habit. A part of my life. To the point when glory days came, I would suspect hell will follow. And my guts are always right. That's why sometimes, I am scared with happiness, cause the pain in return is too hard for me to bare.

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    Someone keeps on knocking on my door for almost five minutes now, and it's either Miss Chim or Tim. I don't know how will I act if I'll see Tim. His the only one who can understand. I already changed my clothes and wore my nightware. I got no appetite to move and I've beenying in my bed, just staring at the plain ceiling. The knocking never stop. I took a deep breathe first, and walked to the door. My hands tremble while I slowly open it and then I saw his face.

    

    

    Then our eyes met. He's worried and it shows. He then grab me and hug me. It was too fast causing my heart to skip a beat. He placed my head in his chest while caressing my hair. I can't help but to cry.Again. 

    

    

    

    

    “It's okay to cry. Everything is going to be better. You'll be better,soon.” he keep repeating it and he won't let me go. His shirt smells sweet and clean. It is now wet with my tears. 

    

    

    

    Then realization hit me.

    

    

    

    Home can be a person,too. The one I can run to, the person I feel safe with. The creature who knows me better than myself. He's my home. 

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    “Do you know where she is right now?” I ask Tim as we walk going to the stall. It's still six in the morning and we decided to go early to the store to prepare and arrange everything.

    

    

    

    He put each of his hand on each of his pocket. “I didn't saw her. She already left when I came back from the supermarket. Miss Mia told me about the incident.” he explained while looking straight to the way.

    

    

    

    

    We're just blocks away from the stall. I didn't expect it to be open at this early time. Ours is the only open store. The streets are filled with pool of water from yesterday's weather. I can already see the 'close' sign in the door of our workplace. The iron bench is what I saw as we walk entering the store.

    

    

    

    The door has it's glass part where you can see the inside. I suddenly stopped when I saw an unfamiliar figure. My feet is telling me to run. And I almost but Tim grab me by the arm.

    

    

    “Stop running away.” he said and I turned to his direction. He's looking at me seriously.

    

    

    “But what if-”

    

    

    

    “You need to face this, Kathareen.We won't know the answers to your questions if you keep on running away.” he insisted.

    

    

    “Tim...”

    

    

    He smiled at me and hold my trembling hands. “I'm here with you,okay?”

    

    

    

    

    His words got shot straight to my heart. It's now or never, Kathareen.

    

    

    As I slowly open the door, my mind is full of unsaid words- monsters as I would name them. Then Sir Flinn saw me, he was in a sudden horror.And then her. Mom turned her back and now facing me- then she stood up.

    

    

    

    “Zoe.”

    

    

    

    I heard her voice again saying my name. I don't know but it hurts. I can feel my eyes stinging and I know I should not show any sign of being affected.

    

    

    

    

    “Are you here to take me back?” I stated directly without stuttering.

    

    

    

    Mom seems to be surprised to hear my words. Her forehead wrinkled and her brows furrowed. “ You're really a grown up now.” she said and smiled bitterly.

    

    

    

    “Mom, I need an answer.” My voice was flat and it started to sound arrogant. 

    

    

    

    “N-no.” Her eyes are starting to get teary and her chin is starting to tremble. “I know this time will come. We already prepare for this.” she continued.

    

    

    

    Then why are you here?

    I want to ask her that but it sounds rude. I just stare at her and wait for other words to fall from her mouth.

    

    

    

    

    “Why did you keep me from reality?” I am not illed, right?” I ask and look at her in the eyes. It was a moment of silence- nobody dared to speak.  

    

    

    “Mom, please tell me the truth.” I said and my tears are now visible.

    

    

    “Cause we are scared. We are too scared that if you step out of the village again, you will die.” She stated continuously. “ We are too selfish to keep you, to the point we forgot that you need to find a life...” she pause and wipe her tears. “We are cowards thinking you might left us any moment...and you did... but you're still here....”

    

    

    I want to slap myself and punch me to death. Simple reason being the biggest factor of my life. It was too shallow and I never thought it could be like that. All I was thinking was if I am not illed, then there might be a deeper meaning to that. But hearing those words made me realize I am being chased by no one other than them and darkness.

“Then why are you here?” I spoke finally. I tried really hard to not sound insensible. Her brows raised and her lips are slightly open. Why are you reacting like that, Mom?

She took a deep breathe and faced Sir Flinn and it took me to another level of confusion. I remember what Sir Flinn told me yesterday.

No. It can't be. 

My hears is starting to beat faster than normal. Tim hold my hand and mine was cold. My lips are trembling and the room was covered with a deafening silence. She then took a deep breathe and face me.

Then she came close to me and Tim let go of my hand. As she slowly open her mouth, my world seems to slow down and the only thing I can hear is my heartbeat. 

She cupped and my face and I felt her again. Her tears are now flowing down from her eyes. Then she gulped and finally spoke.

“Yes Zoe... He's my father.”