Prologue

Prologue

My hands were cold even though I could not hold it. I was directly looking in his eyes with my heart being squeezed, crumpled, and smashed into uncountable pieces. The silence was filling the both of us after I asked him a question— a simple question that seems to be hard for him to answer.

My chest is pounding, but not with the butterflies playing in my stomach. This time, all I can feel is pain.

“Do you love me, Sean?” I repeated it for the second time.

I surely knew that the moment he couldn't answer me after asking that question, I already anticipated his answer. He didn't break his brown eyes at me and blankly accepted my tough gazes at him. Heaven knows how hard I was trying to hold on and not to break in front of him.

“Why are you even asking me that, Dahli—”

“Just answer me, Sean!” I burst it out. I can no longer hold my emotions.

“Is my question that hard to you that you cannot even answer, huh?” A tiny bitter smirk appeared on the side of my lips. My eyes were about to throw water.

He breathed out and tried to extend his hands at me, but I moved away and declined to be in his arms again. I saw how surprised he was but he didn't show it.

“Why are you suddenly acting like that? What's the problem? Just tell it to me, Dahli—”

“Do you love me, Sean? Yes or no?!”

“I don't know!” He yelled out loud.

It began to echo in my ears; it silenced me. I thought I was already expecting that. But why do I seem surprised? Just like that, I felt a hammer tear my chest apart. He shut his eyes firmly before giving me back his now calmer eyes, as if he didn't know what he replied to me.

“I love you,”

I thought his first answer would hurt me the most— but I was wrong. His second reply shattered the entire me as if I just slowly vanished by tearing apart. I wasn't able to speak, but my eyes said it all as a drop of tear escaped my eyes.

I smiled with the excruciating pain inside my chest.

It was the first time I heard those three words from him. But why do I feel like dying? Yes, he finally said it. But his eyes speak differently from what comes out of his tongue.

I brushed with my finger the tear from my cheek and mustered up my remaining strength to even flash a small smile in front of him.

I nodded with acceptance, having no choice at all. “Let's break up,” I muttered and finally avoided his eyes.

I did not wait to hear whatever he would say— I just started to take a small step away from him.

“What the hell is the problem, Dahlia? Why are you breaking up with me?” His hands on my arm stopped me. I swear, I had to fight my inner self not to look back. I just want to leave and be away from him.

“I said I love you! What else do you want to hear from me?!”

“That I am the one you love and not her! Not Celeste, but me, Sean! Because I am Dahlia, not Celeste!”

I lost it all. The moment I faced him again and said all those things. My heart was bleeding just by glancing at him. I just found myself crying a river while looking miserable.

“You know that I cannot forget Celeste,”

“She's dead,” I replied firmly. “ She's fvcking dead, Sean.”

I sobbed and looked away for a moment. I cannot stand looking at him right now— not anymore. I used to love those eyes but now, I despise them. How did I end up enduring everything for so long? I knew from the very beginning that I cannot replace Celeste in his heart. She will always have a place in his heart while I cannot even enter it.

“Tell me, Sean. Do you want me because you love me? Or you just want me because I look like her?” I broke my own heart with those words.

When he couldn't answer me again, I chuckled. A chuckle from a martyr woman who gave everything for a man.

“Please…let's end it here. Let me save myself, Sean.”

I walked away and left him there. Sean did not even call my name anymore. Maybe, he was indeed letting me go this time. As I rode a cab, I couldn't help but to cry my eyes out while looking outside the window. I know that the driver kept checking me out from the rear mirror. He's probably worried that I am crying.

I shed my own tears when my phone rang and I saw Charlotte calling. I even took a deep breath, ready to pretend like I am fine and nothing happened at all.

“Hey, Charlotte.”

I guess I'm good at this. Hiding my own feelings.

“Where are you? The doctor called me and he said you're still not there. Are you planning to ditch your check up again, Dahlia?”

“No, of course not.” I checked the time on my wrist watch. I almost forgot my check up.

“I'm on my way,” I said and hung up.

I told the driver the change of my destination. When I arrived at the hospital, I bit my lower lip while looking at the door of the clinic. These past few weeks, I haven't been feeling well. I've been throwing up every morning and I've become sensitive to various food. I often get dizzy as well.

“Did Charlotte scolded you?” The doctor asked when I came in and he ran some tests on me.

“She often does that,” I replied and forced a chuckle.

“I'm her cousin, by the way.” He smiled extensively at me.

Dr. Knox Gray.

“I guess you already know my name,” I uttered.

“Yeah,” he chuckled before the nurse handed him the result of all the tests. I was watching him, and that smile faded when he saw the tests.

“What's the result? Do I have a sickness? I'm not going to die, right?” I even joke, gaslighting myself that the result was nothing serious.

“No, it's not like that.” He said and breathed lightly. I became silent when I saw how serious he was.

“Just tell it to me,” I said firmly and ready myself to hear whatever it is.

“Dahlia,” he called, eyeing me.

My heart was pounding in nervousness.

“You're two weeks pregnant,”

itsclarixass