Gusto ko tanungin si Magen. Why he broke up with me and used Phoebe's comeback as a reason. If in the first place ayaw niya namin pag-usapan si Phoebe?But there's something about me that stopping me and keep on reminding me that it's alright as long as we're in good terms.Gano'n naman talaga diba?If you love someone you will always take a gander into the magical rationalization beyond his grasp even in the chambic frame part of your mind, it can't."Feeling ko talaga may boyfriend kana," Hailey mouthed and sat on my bed and pouted.I was watching some vlogs on youtube when she entered my room. Umayos ako ng pagkakasandal sa headboard bago i-shutdown ang aking laptop."Siya 'yung lalaki na nakilala ko no'ng birthday ni Lonch and our relationship is a secret. We broke up but we still keep in touch. Like, walang label pero parang mayro'n," ilusyunada kong pagmamayabang bago ilagay sa loob ng bag ang laptop ko."What? Bakit secret? I want to meet him!"Umirap ako at bumaba ng kama. I p
"Heart!" sigaw ni Magen.Pumalakpak pa ako ng makita ang namumula na mukha ng babae na napaupo sa sahig."You deserve that..." malditang sabi ko at akmang hihilahin ko ang buhok niya ng hawakan ni Magen ang kamay ko."Stop it..." mahinahon niyang sabi.I was wearing a simple yet fitted color black dress partnered with my favorite chunky boots while Magen is wearing a simple white t-shirt and black trouser partnered with his favorite Gucci loafers, another design huh?Napairap na lang ako. Pinanood kong tinulungan ng mga pulis sa pagtayo 'tong pasimuno sa pagkidnap sa Ate ni Anica. Anica looks scared earlier!"I didn't slap her hard!" pagdedepensa ko sa sarili ko. "Isang sampal lang naman 'yon, Magen," I added and rolled my eyes."Bitch! Who the hell are you?! Hindi mo 'ko sinampal ng malakas?! I can still feel it! Bullshit!""Then congrats?" I asked sarcastically."Heart, just behave, okay? You told me that you're going to behave..." Magen mocked as he stared at my eyes.Galing kahapo
I am now standing opposite the door of this unit of mine. I was waiting for Magen because I cooked lunch for him because I knew he didn't go into the cafeteria. I also used my food plating skill.Ilang beses pa ako kumatok sa pinto niya bago niya ako tuluyan na pagbuksan. I was like a dog salivating when I saw that he was not wearing any top clothes and only a blue checkered boxer. I swallowed averting my gaze."Kakagising mo lang?" I said the obvious and tried to go inside but he blocked me.He nodded "I was sleeping but you're too loud. What's that?" he uttered using his sleepy yet husky voice.Napatingin din ako sa niluto ko. I pouted when he stared at me."Can you let me in first Chave was not there in his unit. They went out of town so no one could see. "I explained before grinning.He looked at me seriously first as if he was thinking first of what to do. Mukha ba akong may gagawing masama?He took a deep breathe and nodded "Go on kitchen, magbibihis lang ako..." seryosong sabi
Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang ginawa kong mali? Did I make a mistake that trigger him to avoid me? Wala naman diba? He must give me a damn reason, why? Bakit biglang gano'n nalang? Gan'to pala talaga 'no? Kahit anong tapang mo... kahit anong lakas mo harapin ang iba... kahit na alam mong matatag ka... once the person you treasure the most leave you manghihina ka pala talaga... guguho pala talaga lahat.Ang hirap kapag 'yung taong gustong-gusto mo lapitan ay gustong-gusto naman na iwasan ka. Hindi ko kasi alam ang dahilan. Gusto kong sulusyunan but I can't dahil paano? kung unang-una palang ay hindi ko alam ang problema. I want to take a grip on him so he can't leave me again. Leave me with this bullshit situation. He crumpled my heart into pieces and leave me without even saying even a simple word. Wala... iniwan niya nalang ako basta. Hindi kona alam! Ang daya niya! ang daya-daya niya!Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha. my hands were shaking and even my shoulders were moving because of
"J-just give me a time, Heart. Layuan mo muna ako. Bigyan mo muna ako ng sapat na oras," and then he walked away with this broken heart.Galit ako... galit na galit ako sa kaniya dahil hindi ko ineexpect na sa lahat pala ng pinapakita niya ay pilit lang. Mahal ko siya at mahal na mahal ko siya at hindi ko gusto na 'yung pagmamahal na matanggap ko sa kaniya ay pilit lang din.Mahal ko siya pero babae ako. Hindi ko deserve ang pagmamahal na pilit lang.Pinanood ko siya na tumakbo papunta sa kung saan and there... I saw again Phoebe. Siya... siya at siya parin talaga ang pipiliin ni Magen na balikan. Wala na ata ako talagang magagawa. Kahit hirap ay ngumiti ako kay Phoebe.Sana... mahalin niya si Magen the way I loved him because he still deserve a love. Kahit na hindi galing sa akin. Pakiramdam ko mas mararamdaman niya 'yon sa taong gusto niya. He can't receive my feelings because he was destined for her.. for Phoebe.Maybe, I was blinded of this love kaya puro pag-asa ang nakita ko. I l
---Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko at malakas na napasigaw. Umiling-iling na baka sakaling sa pag-iling ko ay maglaho ang mga tawanan na naririnig ko. I cried while running somewhere. Hindi ko na rin maintindihan ang malakas na pagkalabog ng dibdib ko. Hinihingal at namamawis na ako pero hindi ko parin alam kung paano tatakas ang mga tinig."Happy birthday!" Pumalakpak pa si Mom when my Dad exploded confetti on the air. I just shook my head and ignored them. I saw that they were next to Magen and my cousins but not Hailey. Tama lang! Dahil ayaw ko muna siya makita! Nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Magen na agad kong iniwasan. I restrained myself from approaching him and asking if he had treated the bruises on his face. Gusto ko siyang lapitan at yakapin. Gusto ko siyang kausapin pero pinipigilan ko hanggang sa makaya ko.Ngayon ko lang nakita ang hawak niyang cake na three layers. May mga bitbit din na mga refalo para sa akin. Alam kong naghanda sila para ngayon at nagbabakasali na magiging
Over the past few weeks my life has become quiet and some days I can hear the laughter of demons in my ears again. It's so hard because I don't know how long they will keep hunting me. Wala rin akong masyadong kinakausap kahit na umaakto silang lahat dito sa bahay na masigla. Halos lahat ng pinsan ko ay nandito pwera lang kay Hailey. Mom and Dad always peek at me in the bedroom every hour.I promised them one thing. that I don't even have to think about ending my life because I know it's all happening because there's a reason. My life matters in a different way. Ayaw kong tapusin 'yon ng dahil sa mga masasamang nangyari.I don't fancy ending my life. This world is chock-full of failure, strifes, and defeats but this is also a paradise and utopia. I'm exhausted of everything and I don't aspire to unite more suicidal and lethal solicitudes to my mind and soul. I must fight because I knew I was in the cryptic part of my journey and I was sure that there was a light waiting for me at the
Napatingin ako sa mga alon na naghahampasan at gumagawa ng ingay. Ang malamig na hangin ay dinama ko nang dumampi ang mga 'to sa aking balat. Napangiti ako na umupo sa buhangin at pinagmasdan ang paligid. The smiles on the lips of everyone didn't fade they look happier while laughing and playing with their friends and families. I can't help but smile too before hugging myself. Sitting here feels good."Layuan niyo ako!"My eyes swelled before looking around. My heart pounds so fast while looking at the girl. She stepped back and the waves were already splashing his foot. There are two men around her. The first one is on her right side wearing a white T-shirt and jersey short while the other one is on the left side that is topless and wearing red basketball shorts. Suddenly my eyes landed on the woman wearing a silk dress and holding the hem of her dress so as not to be blown away by the wind. She is wearing her eyeglasses reason why I can't see her eyes and the length of her hair is s