"He wished he could find a way back to believing, even though he knew better, that she was his to protect." - Cassandra Clar
Due to an emergency at home, hindi makakasama ang broker ko sa property viewing. Balak sana naming i-cancel pero narealize kong isiningit lang ni Zyline ang araw na ito sa schedule ko at baka mahirapan na siyang gawin iyon ulit sa mga susunod na linggo.
Kaya naman minabuti kong ako nalang ang makipag-meet sa buyer. 4pm ang naka-set na pagkikita at hindi ko na ipinabago iyon. The buyer said he's also busy so we should just meet at the exact location.
Alas-dos nang bumyahe ako dala ang mga papeles na hindi ko pa nga pala na-scan. May tiwala
"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy." - Frank CraneGaya ng plano ko ay maaga akong tumulak. I left right after eating at the resort's restaurant. Hindi rin naman ako nagtagal doon lalo pa't hindi ako kumportable na magkaharap kami ni Fifth kahit na magkalayo naman ang lamesa namin.Hindi ko alam kung sapat naba sa kaniya ang kaunting oras kahapon sa property viewing pero handa naman akong mag-set ulit ng schedule kapag pwede na si Jilliane at sila na ang bahalang mag-usap.Alas dos ng madaling araw at bumabiyahe ako sa madilim na kalsada pabalik ng Maynila. It's still in
"The terror takes you. The cage is locked and the curtain drawn. Fingers dance along as blades, carving memories into your flesh that will leave scars long past being healed." - Amanda Steele, The CliffNakatulugan ko ang byahe pabalik ng Maynila. Ginising lang ako ni Fifth nang nasa basement na ng condominium ang sasakyan. Marahang paghawak lang sa braso at dumilat na ako agad sa gulat."We're here,"Napakurap ako at napatango, malakas pa ang pintig ng puso dahil hindi talaga ako sanay na basta nalang hinahawakan, lalo pa ng lalaki.Fifth's eyes stayed with me. Nakamasid ito na para bang nagtataka sa pagkakag
"Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Moments of happiness punctured by the memory of what happened, like a bomb which can detonate at any time." - Kelly Yang, ParachutesFifth and Coleen stayed in my condo for the night. Matapos namin kumain ay bumalik na rin ako sa kwarto ko para magpahinga.Maraming bumagabag sa isip ko sa gabing iyon, unang-una na ang pagpaparamdam muli ni Ryan sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa bang kailangan niya, he wasn't sent to prison, he was charged guilty, kaya hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang gusto niyang mangyari.Is he bothered that I am rising to fame? Nagiging matunog na ang pangalan ko sa pagmomodelo, magaz
"Lonely is when you're being abused and, sadly, no-one believes you because you're a 'strong' woman." - Mitta XinindluChapter 13He gave me water when we reached his condo. Kapwa kami tahimik ngunit puno ng pananantiya ang kaniyang mga tingin. But like the usual, he doesn't ask me anything, kahit pa kita ko na sa kaniyang mga mata ang kuryosidad at pagkakalito.Nanginig ang mga kamay ko nang tinanggap ang tubig. Suminghot ako at huminga ng malalim, sinusubukan pa ring kumalma. Ngunit hindi sapat iyon. Nang napansin na hindi ko kayang i-angat ang baso ay hinawakan niya na iyon para makainom ako.I feel so small under his attentive eyes and huge frame.
"The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." - Maya AngelouChapter 14I woke up early the next morning. Naligo ako at nagbihis. I'm wearing a mustard tie neck ruffle hem smock dress and the same shoes I'm wearing last night, a minimalist combat boots.Itinabi ko ang mga maruming damit at inilagay sa bag na dala. Maging ang t-shirt ni Fith ay dinala ko para malabhan. Inayos ko rin ang kama ni Coleen bago tuluyang lumabas sa kwarto.Agad kong naamoy ang mga pagkain pagbaba ko palang sa hagdanan. Dahan-dahan ang paghakbang ko patungong kitchen at naabutan doon si Fifth na nagtitimpla ng kape. His eyes immediately met mine.
"Every person has a tender spot, where he or she feels pain most exquisitely." - Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad ScrollsChapter 15Akala ko ako lang ang takot sa mga mata ni Fifth pero nang nakita ang pinaghalong gulat at takot sa mga mata ni Samantha ay napagtanto kong ganoon siya sa lahat. His dark heavy-lidded eyes are scary, lalo na kapag nakatuon ito sayo. I realized he can induce fear to anyone, just by looking at them, maybe because his air is so dark and menacing.The way he clenches his prominent jaw, the way his hawk-like eyes glare at you like you're some prey caught in his bait, makes your knees tremble."Fifth," nakita ko ang pagdating ni Sean, kasunod si Dylan. Napansin ko rin ang pamumuo ng tensy
"They seemed angry that I'd made myself vulnerable, more than the fact that he'd acted on my vulnerability. Drinking is not inherently immoral: a night of heavy drinking calls for Advil and water. But being drunk and raped seemed to call for condemnation." - Chanel Miller, Know My NameChapter 16Larry's wedding is very intimate. Kaunti lang ang mga bisita at halos kakilala. Media has been blocked too. Ang sabi ay maselan ang pagbubuntis ni Larry kaya hindi gusto ni Xian na magkaroon ng problema.To be honest, I thought this is gonna be a shotgun marriage. When I heard from Dylan that Xian got Larry pregnant, I thought it's gonna be the only reason for him to marry her. Dahil sino bang maniniwala na higit anim na buwan palang ang nakakalipas nang namatay si Ki
"If punishment is based on potential, privileged people will be given lighter sentences." - Chanel Miller, Know My NameChapter 17I avoided places where I might find Fifth after that night. Nakatulong rin na umalis ng bansa si Coleen para mag-bakasyon. Nabawasan ang mga interaksyon namin dahil naging abala rin ako sa trabaho."Papunta na ako," I told Zyline over the phone. Kasalukuyan akong nagdadrive patungo sa isang restaurant para i-meet si Mr. Henson."Update me, kung para saan ang private dinner Nicaseane."Tumango ako at pinatay na ang tawag. Apparently, Mr. Henson called me last night and invited me for dinner today. Noong una, inakala kong meeting i
"You're not worth just a million, but millions, and billions, and trillions, and all that I have." - Fifth MontgomeryEpilogueHindi pa rin ako kumbinsido kahit nang patungo na kami sa Fiasco para sa celebration.Hindi ako sigurado sa nararamdaman, I'm shocked, I'm happy but I'm worried too. Sinong hindi magugulat sa ginawa ni Fifth? 10 million is not an easy money. Pakiramdam ko matatanggap ko pa ang isang milyon pero ang sampung milyon?I'm happy at the thought, yes, who wouldn't? His mere reason for buying it is because he 'has' to have it, not want but he has to. Ang rason niya lang ang pumipigil sa aking magalit.But I'm worried. He ca
Instead of saying, "I'm damaged, I'm broken, I have trust issues" say "I'm healing, I'm rediscovering myself, I'm starting over. - Horacio JonesEnd the culture of silence.To the eyes of the law, rape is a crime. Anyone who is proven to have committed this crime should face a corresponding consequence. The law ends with that.But to the women who are victims of sexual abuse and exploitation, rape is not just a crime that happened, it's a whole different thing that shattered their life to pieces. And justice won't be enough to seal the wounds of a victim, for it will haunt them for as long as they live, for it will immobilize them and prevent them from
Everything started falling back to places.The hearing started a week ago. Si Papa ay nakalabas na ng ospital at kasalukuyang nagpapahinga na sa mansyon, with Tita Trisha taking care of him. I don't know how they are coping up with Alorica being in jail but I will try my best to help them both.Noong huling bisita ko last weekend ay mukhang maayos naman sila. Papa is in maintenance of his medicines, his brothers are handling the company. His relatives apologized to me too, noong naabutan nila ako doon. I accepted all their apologies wholeheartedly.I'm planning to visit again this weekend, tutal ay hindi naman ako abala at literal akong tumatambay lang sa condo habang naghihintay ng graduation.
"Everyone heals in their own time and in their own way. The path isn't always a straight line, and you don't need to go it alone." - Zeke ThomasTulala ako kay Fifth habang ginagamot niya ang iilang sugat na nakuha ko nang bumagsak kami kanina. Ang mga luha ko ay natuyo na sa aking pisngi. I feel so exhausted. Sobrang haba ng araw na ito."It's done, you should rest now.." he murmured.Tumango ako ngunit hindi naman gumalaw. Nanatili rin siyang nakaluhod sa paanan ko at nanonood sa akin."What will happen now, Fifth?"Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at marahang p
"You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender." - John Mark GreenI should have known from the very start that Alorica hates me to the pits of hell. Because my mother ruined her family. I should have known she can do everything to make me pay for it.Pero hindi ko inisip iyon. We are sisters, yes half, but we share the same father. At kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya, siguro nga ay masasaktan ako, but I won't live in anger my whole life, I will eventually try to accept her as my sister.Pero siguro nga hindi pare-pareho ang pag-iisip ng tao. Just like how I held my grudge for my father, maybe that's how she held hers for me
"A woman in love with herself is magnetic." - Abiola Abrams, The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-LoveRivers is very professional when it comes to nude artwork. A first timer like me didn't feel uncomfortable at all. He doesn't give off the kind of aura that makes a woman feel disrespected. All I saw is his focus and his connection to his work.Medyo nakakangawit ang pose ko dahil nakaangat ang isang kamay ko para matakpan ang kalahati ng aking mukha. My lips are parted a bit too giving a pale innocent look. Ang isang kamay ko ay nakatakip sa aking dibdib. I'm sitting sideways, magkadikit ang aking mga tuhod.Binalot ako ng mga pulang rosas na plastik. Their
"A woman determined to succeed in her life is unstoppable." - Luffina LourdurajGulat ako nang kinaumagahan ay naabutan ko si Coleen na nanonood ng TV sa sala. Buong akala ko ay kinuha siya ng kuya niya kagabi.Nilingon niya ako, "Good morning Ate!" Ngumisi ito.Napakurap ako bago tuluyang nakalapit. "You're still here?"She nodded in confusion, "Yes? Where will I be?""Your brother came here last night, akala ko iuuwi ka niya.." Naguguluhan ko ring sagot.Her forehead creased, "Pumunta siya dito?"
"She went around with a broken heart, and she wasn't sure who'd broken it. She thought it was herself, mostly." - Ann BrasharesAnd I thought I'm already prepared to see them together, but here I am feeling the betrayal and pain again.I bit my tongue so hard, para doon matuon ang sakit at hindi sa aking dibdib.I saw Fifth watching me, like he's waiting for my reaction, na parang gusto niyang ipamukha sa akin na pinalitan niya ako, na parang gusto niyang pagsisihan ko ang pagtataboy na ginawa ko sa kaniya.But instead of giving in to the pain, pinanatili ko ang matigas na ekspresyon sa aking mukha. I won't gi
"Your trauma is not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.""I really can't make it, I'm sorry Coleen.." I sighed.She pouted even more. I shot her an apologetic look.It's her eighteenth birthday tomorrow and it will be grand of course. But I can't make it. Una, dahil sa OJT ko. Pangalawa, dahil ayaw ko talagang umuwi at makita si Fifth.I know it looks selfish, Coleen didn't stop convincing me since the preparation started. Alam niyang iniiwasan kong magtagpo kami ng kuya niya kaya naisip pa niyang huwag padaluhin sa celebration si Fifth, which I find ridiculous. Tinanggihan ko pa rin siya.