KITTY

- Lou... hey Louis! Blah, are you deaf?! Tom yelled into his brother's ear. The elder flinched and looked at him with that special look that Tommy just hated. The look clearly said - fall off, not up to you now. At such moments, the youngest began to think that they were children again, and in childhood for excessive annoyance it was possible to slap the neck.

Luis has often been like this lately – withdrawn, hovering, hovering incomprehensibly where. Although he is usually the soul of the company, always in the spotlight, loves to laugh and does not like boredom. Tom doesn't know what's going on with his brother, and it infuriates him even more than that look.

"I was going to call," Tom said.

"You?"

- Me. She wanted to talk to you. And you don't pick up the phone.

"Not about anything," Luis replied angrily. - We've already talked to hell with everything. A hundred times.

- What are you watching? Tom asked, looking at his laptop screen.

"It's not your mind's business," he cut off, blocking the image with a thin, motley shoulder from tattoos.

"Lou, tell me the hell, what's going on with you?" Tom decided to ask a question that is long overdue. - With Shel gawked, you're acting weird... Drugs? Again?

- No, Tommy, not at all! I promised. It's okay, it's just a lousy mood. And he was... left on her own. I didn't hold her back.

"No wonder you're acting like an asshole," the younger one growled.

Yeah, I've been acting like an asshole all my life. I don't understand why everyone is so excited about it right now?

The brothers were silent for a moment.

- Do you want to... Out? Louis conciliatorily offered his brother. He slammed the lid of his laptop, hesitated for a second, and shoved it into a drawer. Austin, a nimble little Scotch Terrier, hearing his favorite word, jumped out of bed and swirled around the room.

Louis twisted his soul, saying that the mood was lousy. It wasn't lousy... It was as if boiling water was spilled in the solar plexus. And nothing in the whole world other than that pulsating burning sensation inside and what caused it is anymore exciting. Tom was partly right... drug - you can call it that. The strongest ever. And completely free.

Louis tried to listen carefully to what Tom was talking about. Even one ear was freed from the earpiece to nod and give in time. And the thoughts still floated away... following the voice in the other ear. He didn't understand a word, and the hell of an online translator sometimes gave out such nonsense... But when he managed to get to the meaning of the song, goosebumps crawled through his skin.

However, even without understanding the meaning, from the sounds, vibrations of this voice, he received unspeakable pleasure. Such that when his girlfriend, with whom he had quite a serious relationship (as it seemed to him), once again quarreling with him because of some trifle, left things in the bag and left, rustling the door, he was almost not upset. He was only surprised to note that he lacked emptiness and solitude. They didn't scare him anymore — now there was something to fill them.

However, like any addicted person, he soon became short of the dose that he received daily. And the dose was small - two full-fledged albums and a couple of live from some tiny clubs, filmed on a hundred with a trembling hand. He listened to the songs to the hilt and could swear that he knew them actually by heart.

Clicking on "play" for the first time, when I first came across the recording of this group, from nothing to do, walking through some links - links to YouTube, Lou could not even imagine how he would fall into it. And I didn't really like it the first time. However, something pulled me to find and listen to other songs. And then live to see. And then to find all that is, photos of the one whose voice now did not give his heart peace. And put on the screensaver of a laptop, phone, iPad.

How much has passed since then? Month? Or a little more? And he managed to burst into smoke with Shel... Certainly not because of that singer. He's not an idiot to break up a relationship with a real beautiful girl because of a mythical time infatuation... Shit... That's what happened. And when it worked, he realized that this was the way it should be. So may it be.

But no matter how much he did not distort his soul, and on the last of their sex with Shel, he closed his eyes and imagined a completely different one in her place. Completely different. Not the model he was used to, not a stunning beauty. But those feline cheekbones and the long slit of green eyes overshadowed everything now. He filled the entire universe, all the days and nights. Her name was the best music. Alien, strange, beautiful... He pronounced it in syllables, repeated it like a mantra, listening to its sound. He prayed.

If only the guys in the group knew what he was doing at times, in the bathroom, for example. He does not need a photo - it is worth closing his eyes and every line of the face, every curve of the body is not at all model roundness, disheveled strands of an aggressive haircut - everything appeared before the inner eye, as if by magic. And her legs... little ones like that. She sang barefoot and it just drove Louis crazy. And the little one herself - as soon as he is up to his chin, perhaps... Yes, he would have been mocked... if only they knew.

At some point, Louis felt that it was a real madness to get into the vocalist of some little-known band there, like a pimply thirteen-year-old teenager! Angry at myself, at her, at all the white light. He thundered all her songs and photos, demolished all the links, deleted from her pages in social networks. Yes, as a zapravsky fan, he sniffed and found every trace of it left on the world wide web. He even tweeted how much he liked her music. And then he suffered, dying, waiting, would he answer? I didn't answer... Although, is it any wonder – he also never responded to his fans.

He tried to work. Reconcile with Shel. But nothing came out. And that infuriated him more than anything. Having fallen in love before, he worked like an ox. And now I couldn't squeeze out a single travel line, not a single normal sketch. Everything seemed out of place, not as we wanted. And as he wanted to, he himself could not understand. After loitering, Lou returned the recordings and photos to their place and again plunged into the atmosphere of a sweet illusion.

He was also tormented by jealousy. She was five years his senior and of course she had someone. Maybe even a husband. But this side of her life was ignored by the "web", and Luis suffered cruelly, secretly hoping that she was still free. One day I looked at some pathetic scowl for a long time, too closely pressed against the object of his adoration on the poor quality of the photo, and decided that he was much more attractive, and in general ... Not that Lou wanted to have it so much... but for someone there to grab it with their paws - that's definitely not what I wanted!

- Lou! Where are you again, wow?! Tom exclaimed angrily.

Luis smiled as he stirred the vegetable cream in his tea. In the beloved little café there were almost no visitors and the voice of his brother sounded in this void so loudly that the waitress flinched.

"I'm listening, you tell me," Lu assured. I put the spoon aside. He squeezed his graceful long fingers, looking at his hand as if I had seen it for the first time. And again he began to drown in his illusory cocoon.

What are their chances of meeting? To be on the same venue, at the same festival, in the same program? No. Almost zero. Too different directions, different scales... His group assembled stadiums. And she... for a special audience, for an amateur. Although, in his opinion, the whole world should have heard it. At least.

He became bored again... And then he thought, what the fuck? Why should he wait for an opportunity? He is young, rich and free. Isn't he able to arrange this chance for himself? Well, true, he is not a thirteen-year-old girl, whom her mother does not allow to go to the festival! To fly to her country, to go to her concert – this is what he can afford. Yes, that's what he's going to do. And there... whatever happens.

Making this simple decision, Lou felt a sudden relief, as if a stone had fallen from his soul. It became easier to breathe straight. And it's easier to smile. And brotherly chatter to listen. Really listen, not pretend. He had hope — this eternal companion of faith, love and self-deception.