[ZARINA]Lizzy asked me to focus on the good things in my life. And as I sit in my room, alone and with a clearer head, I wonder if our definition of good things in this so-called life is the same.Is it?I have indeed grown to care for the people here. Lizzy, Rose, Julie and, of course, Hazel. They all were nothing but kind to me. But sure enough, it does nothing to change the fact that I do not belong here. This is not my life. Since the very first day of my abduction, they expected me to be someone else. I was a replacement. That’s all I was. That’s all I’ll ever be.I still need to contact Xavier though. We need to talk about what happened that night. If it meant anything to him.He wouldn’t have taken so long to come and see you if that were the matter.I shake my head and toss that thought aside. He may just be occupied with something more important. I shouldn’t judge. He loved Hazel so much, I’ve seen it, I don’t imagine it being a cakewalk to see her gone and not able to do an
[ZARINA]I officially have no idea what’s happening anymore. I should be happy, right? Excited even. I should be finally relieved that I’m about to be free in less than ten minutes. Even the thought of being free gives me goosebumps, a good kind of goosebumps. I am so happy that I can barely stand straight or in one place for more than five seconds.I bolt off to my room, allowing my mind to not dwell on anything else but the things I would need when I’m gone. Out of here. Out of this mansion. On my own. I reach for the double doors of the closet and that’s when I see how my hands are trembling. I hear nothing but the blaring drums of my own heartbeat. When a tiny drop of moisture trails down the back of my neck, I realize that I’m sweating too. Is this what excitement feels like? Because if that is the case, I have not been excited in a long, long time.I’m halfway done packing a small backpack with all the essentials I can think of when Lizzy hurricanes in, only to stop dead in her
[ZARINA]It’s surprising how rarely I think of my mother these days. Back in the orphanage, it used to be a constant voice in my head, an alarm to wake up every morning, and a lullaby that compelled me to sleep.That woman abandoned me when I was just weeks old. A person has to have a heart of stone to do something so cruel, right? All those years, from one custodial to another, I imagined every circumstance, reason, and excuse for her to not want me. And each of them hurts just the same. The most sensible reason of all, and which also seemed to be the most common for most of the kids in the orphanage like me, is that I might have been a child conceived before the marriage. It makes a bit of sense than any of my other imaginations. It makes me want to hate her less.Then again, they are nothing but imagination. A fiction, I let myself dive into just so I can simmer down the hate that sometimes my chest bubbles up with.Angela indeed convinced me to escape the orphanage. She filled me
[ZARINA]I run.I run until my chest hurts and my leg burns.I run until my vision blurs and my head spins.I don’t turn or scream or cry for help.I run until something clasps around my wrist and yanks me back with force, it sends me flying back into someone’s warm arms.“What the fuck happened, Zarina? What the fuck?”I hear but I don’t understand. I hear, but I don’t hear at all. My heartbeat is too brash in my ears, too strong and reckless against my rib cage.I see him. I see his eyes. The confusion, the anger, the fear, and the anxiety behind them all are what I see. They whirl in his coffee eyes like the most destructive tempest, they melt in the way his arms tighten protectively around my frame, liquefying as warm and comforting whispers in my ears.“Sh-she is here!” I say pathetically, trembling like a bloody leaf. “She is here!”“Who is here?” he asks urgently, shooting his gaze everywhere around them. “Who is she?”“That woman,” my voice breaks, but I gather up the courage
[VLADIMIR]BANG!It was the sound of the door Zarina slammed in my face.Part of me was livid when she tore herself off me, leaving me wanting for more, and the other part - the saner, the sounder, the more rational - was glad she did, before noticing the massive bulge in my pants.Before letting my fucked-up brain wrap around what the heck had just happened, there was an urgent need for me to take care of the situation she left behind. I hurried to the bathroom, pulled the zipper, and pumped until every drop of my essence fired out.Fuck, that was hot!She is hot! She is so fucking hot!Gosh, she has not a single clue what she does to me, what I want to do to her. It’s so hard to be around her and not hold her absolutely close, to not have her the way every inch of my length demands.But I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t repeat the mistakes that destroyed me in the past, not just me but everyone I cared about. I cannot let this barbaric side of me succeed, I cannot.But it’s hard, I swe
[ZARINA]“No!” I yell, “No no no no no no no, it’s all wrong, all wrong.”For the past two hours, I’ve been trying to cook something decent and edible for myself. Something uncomplicated, something that shouldn’t be this challenging. But all my attempts confirm to be in vain. It took me ten minutes just to make sure the stove was working.This is all so new for me.Not the cooking quite so but this kitchen. Everything is modern and stylish; half of the things, the utensils, the food. I don’t even know what to do with them, how to use them, how to cook.Back at the orphanage, things were simple. We had limited kitchen wares and a fixed portion of food for each mouth. So, imagine my surprise and powerlessness when I tried to figure out this place. It’s even more complicated than those stubborn math problems. I don’t know what to do, or where to start.I should have paid a close eye to Vladimir when he cooked us breakfast and dinner the previous day. Should have woken up early, instead o
[VLADIMIR]I wake up in a room I do not recognize as mine. Panic surges through my bones like a bolt of electricity. But the moment my head snaps to the right side, my heart calms down and a small smile tickles the corner of my lips.Zarina is sound asleep next to me and I don’t think there can be a more captivating sight than that. For the first time in a long time my heart is at ease, contentment thrives and I feel light as a feather, a new-fangled kind of feeling that cannot be explained via words. It’s warm and light and unnervingly easy-going. It makes me want to wrap her up in my arms and kiss her until we both are panting and wheezing and struggling for the next breath.Despite being drunk like hell; it does not take long for me to recall the events of the previous night. Bringing the same blinding rage and irritation right up my chest.Fuck!I don’t think I can deal with this shit right now, not when Zarina is finally accepting me. If what happened last night was any proof, th
[ZARINA]Something happened, not sure what, but something did.A few minutes ago, we were having this intense make-out that literally set every inch of me on fire. I have never felt like this before, as if my heart would burst with this raw and passionate feeling loading it up, as if the knots in my stomach would explode like confetti. I can hardly wrap my head around what I did out there. Did I really confess to liking what happened last night? Why on earth did I do that? He must think I’m some crazed woman who is pining for the man who kidnapped her. Is this what they call Stockholm syndrome? Am I sick?A small part of me isn’t certain if what happened in the kitchen was something that should have taken place. I kissed Xavier, for the love of God. What would he think of me if he came to know about Vladimir and me? What if Vladimir learned of the kiss Xavier and I had? These confused feelings are not helping me right now.Despite this being a situation that I really should be worried