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Chapter 39: Fucked-up Depressed State
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
Juicy Chapter 40: Two Weeks Later
Troy hung up the phone, staring at it for a full five minutes before he pulled himself around. It had been nearly two weeks now and Juicy hadn't answered the phone in days.He knew that meant that she was pretty peeved. So he made sure that his messages listed every single thing that he did. He would ramble on until the voice mail shut off and the busy tone was all that he could hear.He rubbed his tired eyes and lay across the single bed that had been his so many years before. It wasn't even night yet, but the medication didn't follow the same timeline that the rest of the world followed. When he got tired he slept and that could be even two hours after he'd risen for the day.Troy's eyes drooped and he was soon sleeping deeply and dreaming of the same thing; Juicy.The day that Troy had left their apartment, he had seen the hurt in Juicy's eyes, but all that he could think of is how piss poor of a father he would make. Troy knew the facts, and that fact is that a chil
Juicy Chapter 41: Asking For Help
Mom sat down hard. "Honey, I thought you said that you always felt that you weren't bipolar. I mean, I believe that's true. I don't think that you ever were. Later, when I thought back on it all, it just seemed that they wanted to fill you up with as many things as they could; almost like they were rolling the dice." Troy gave her a surprised look. He never thought that his Mother had an opinion about what was going on with the medication. Even now, he had thought that she was Dad's parakeet—and if he should change his mind about everything, then so would she. But the look on her face showed so much regret. "Back then, your Dad and I thought that we should just trust the doctors without question. Now I know better." Dad reached over and hugged her briefly.After a moment Troy spoke. "I know I'm not bipolar. That's not what I want the medication for.""Okay." His father waited for him to continue."But I have tics, and migraines which I can live with; but not the seiz
Juicy Chapter 42: Fear mixed with Awe and Joy
Still, his parents continued to make calls and made appointments anyway even though they were sixty and sometimes ninety days down the line. Feeling disappointed and anxious, Troy wondered what in the hell people did when they had an emergency and couldn't wait? Didn't the fact that he had a baby on the way constitute an emergency? Thinking about Juicy and her being pregnant still made him anxious, but behind it was an awe and a joy that they'd created something special together. He went back up to his room and called her. He hadn't intended to make her wait all day, but he had not realized that he would sleep so deeply. At the last minute he decided to leave a message on the answering machine instead of calling her cell. He had visions of her yelling at him in front of the customers…or worse, not yelling at him and just sounding disappointed. He cleared his voice nervously and waited for her recorded message that ended with, 'have a blessed day.'"Hi, Juice." He began pac
Juicy Chapter 43: Where Is She?!
He rubbed his head and jogged down the stairs. His Dad was taking him down to meet with someone from the Mental Health Alliance to discuss things and to maybe get some pamphlets on treatment plans. Things had changed in the way of medication since he'd last been evaluated. He was intrigued and fearful. But every time he thought about holding a newborn baby in his hands and then blacking out, he would swallow back his second thoughts.As he got into the car he just hoped that no one would judge him based on the fact that he was wearing stone washed jeans and a Lord of the Rings t-shirt. He hadn't brought a change of clothes and had been forced to dig through his closet for the clothes of his youth. "When do you want to do this, Troy?" Alonzo Hoya was asking. He was in his thirties, and was a pleasant Hispanic man that had the hairiest knuckles that Troy had ever seen. He tried not to focus on them the way you try not to look at the huge wart on a person's face."We-we-well,
Juicy Chapter 44: Still Sick
A burly black man gently placed his hands on Troy's arms and helped him to stand. "If we can get you out of this elevator, then we can let these doors shut and that will put an end to that loud noise."That made sense. So Troy accepted his help and was led out of the elevator. His entourage followed. Damnit, some of them were furiously writing on clipboards. Had he screwed up already? This was not his fault!He felt a pulse in his temple and knew that he was going to be in the throes of a violent headache. He really hadn't wanted to have a migraine while here. He wanted to be able to talk about his issues and get treatment for the seizures. He'd be a long time coming up from a headache…Instead of leading him to his room, he was led to an examining room. He squinted at the black guy; Kelly? No it wasn't Kelly but he felt the same way about him as he had about the kindly officer so many years ago. "Kelly, can I call my girlfriend?"Kelly gave him a patient look. "You
Juicy Chapter 45: Jace
When Troy opened his eyes again, it was because someone was watching him. He knew it even before becoming fully awake and he moved his hands up into a defensive position before scrambling up in bed.He had scared the young man…or, he thought he was a man; either an effeminate male or a very ugly girl. He had long black hair that ran down past his shoulders and green eyes set in a pale face. His hair had to be a dye job. No one that white could possibly have hair that black. He seemed young, certainly no older then seventeen or eighteen.The guy moved back immediately and Troy wondered what he had been doing in his personal space in the first place. "You've been asleep a long time, dude." The guy answered the unspoken question. He shrugged and Troy relaxed, lowering his hands and sitting up in the bed. It was a different bed; a real one and not just the pleather examining table covered in paper. He looked around. It was a simple room with two beds, two desks, two lamps—
Juicy Chapter 46: Getting Acclimated
Troy sipped his coffee and watched the kid. "Well, I don't have a problem with that. I have nothing to hide." He blushed when he remembered that the boy was 5150. Perhaps he had a lot to hide.Jace tugged down the sleeves of his hoodie, than began spooning cheerios into his mouth. He was quite the talkative boy, even if he didn't mention the reason for his being here. He told Troy about being in his first year of college and how hard it was. He told him that he was a woman born in a man's body and that his parents had gone through a horrible divorce—and he speculated if being transgendered had anything to do with it. He explained that his college roommate was a jerk, and had probably gone through all of his stuff.Troy was tired just listening to him. And when Rebecca returned he was glad to throw his scraps into the trash and follow her wherever she needed to take him. Jace gave him a sad look when he got up to leave and Troy had to promise that they'd see each other later
Juicy Chapter 47: New Medicine
Troy left the room quickly, his mouth felt dry; cotton mouth. Probably a side effect of what Dr. Barren had just given him or what he'd been given yesterday. He decided to go up to the cafeteria for something to drink. He was thinking of ways to sneak into one of the private offices to use the phone when he saw Jace and a heavily made up Goth girl sitting at a table playing cards. "Troy!" Jace waved at him excitedly. "That's my roommate." He directed to the girl. She eyed him with appreciation. She didn't seem much older than seventeen or eighteen herself and he began to wonder if the entire nation wasn't filled with mentally disturbed children.He headed to their table with a cup of water from the cooler and then pulled out a chair and sat, not planning to stay long. He wasn't feeling very social. "Hey Jace." "He is cute." The girl said while staring at him and Troy glanced at Jace who was blushing furiously."Uh…did you decide on whether you're going to group or on
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Juicy Chapter 66: A New Generation
Troy got behind the wheel and started the car. He had been seizure free for almost three years. And before that he'd had only one in the entire year. Of course he had to take his medication regularly, and if he noted that he was having any of the signals, like repetitive tapping of his fingers or feet then he anticipated one and could put himself in a safe position. There had been no need for that for several years.Jazzy had lost interest in her book in less than a minute and they were doing a sing-a-long. Soon Troy was singing by himself. He looked in the rear view mirror and his daughter was staring off into space. Her pretty rosebud mouth was slightly ajar and her body had gone slack. A few moments later her eyes blinked and she got quiet as she turned to the window to stare at the passing scenery. His lips were a grim line as he took all of it in.Janet had said that it was normal for kids to have absence seizures and that she might grow out of hers without the need for
Juicy Chapter 65: 4 Years later
Juicy put her hands on her hips and stretched her back. She felt it crack and sighed in relief. Oh that was good…"Mama I want pink bows.""Okay, Miss bossy." Jazzy was bouncing up and down on her butt in the salon chair. She was a bundle of energy. That girl could run from sunup to sundown. Troy was always there, running right beside her."She will tire out on her own as long as we let her run it out of her system," is what he would say when she would get tired just watching the tot run in circles. It was a good thing that the house they'd moved into had a huge back yard and all kinds of play equipment. Troy and Dad had even built her a little playhouse where no one complained if she wrote on the walls or left her toys on the floor.Juicy brushed her little girl's dark hair around her finger until they formed ringlets that touched her shoulders. Then she tied two big pink bows around each of the pigtails."Look at me Aunt Eboni!" Jazzy stood up in the chair.Ebonique re
Juicy Chapter 64: The 'Stuff'
"I'm mad at Felix, too." She nodded emphatically. "I'm mad because he was my only true friend and he…took himself away from me. He was the one person that I could turn to that understood me completely." She inhaled. It felt good to unload some of this. "That's so wrong to be mad at him. He didn't try to hurt me. It was me that let him down. He tried to talk to me and I didn't hear what he was saying. He told me what he needed and I just didn't hear.""You mean that you didn't save him."Juicy nodded after a long moment. "I'm mad at myself, too.""Why?"She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Because I hurt people and I know that I'm doing it. It makes me feel better when I'm hurting. And I let people down…I let you down.""You didn't let me down, babe.""When you were in the hospital you needed me and I was too busy having my own pity party that I stopped caring about anybody else.""Juicy, the first step is to recognize destructive behavior, okay? And you're
Juicy Chapter 63: Surprise
Several weeks later, Juicy was burping the baby after her last bottle and Troy was lying in bed half asleep. It was just after three a.m. and it had been his turn to get up and feed her, but he hadn't been able to get that last belch to erupt from her little belly and so Juicy had finally gotten up and taken over."Where's my surprise?""What?" He yawned and looked at her with sleepy confused eyes."That day." It was now referred to as 'that day', "…you said that you were going to bring me back a surprise. Where's the surprise?"He chuckled, eyes still hooded. "I wish I could give you a surprise; a special one that's in my shorts, it's big, too.""You are so nasty.""I am so horny.""Well I have to wait six weeks, sweetie.""That's a long time, Juice.""Oh come on, you told me before that you'd waited years."He sat up, propping the pillow under his arms as he turned to watch her patting his daughters back so that she could be put down to sleep."I don't know what I was
Juicy Chapter 62: Juicy and her Inlaws
Later, Juicy held her daughter up in the neonatal ward, and so many visitors began to stream in that she was asked to take Jasmine down into her own room. The doctor had already given the baby an examination and the youngest member of the Hyden family was pronounced able to be released the next day. They weren't so sure about Juicy. But she threatened to runaway if they even thought about leaving her in this hospital without her baby. The doctor smiled and said that as long as she stayed in bed for the next few days and took her blood pressure twice a day that he would allow her to leave with the baby.Robert and Gladys sat with them, barely leaving the little baby's side. And when the girl's from the salon drifted in they looked at the odd family that Juicy was a part of. And Miss Barbara Jean did not say one bad thing about white people and Ebonique even promised to give Gladys a free cut and dye job before they flew back to Connecticut.Troy wasn't anxious once, but relaxe
Juicy Chapter 61: Juicy Learns the Truth
There was a repetitive sound that was just downright annoying. Was Troy playing a videogame? She had never known him to care much for things like videogames. She opened her eyes and looked around slowly. What the-?" She was not in her familiar bedroom.Her head whipped around and she reached up and ripped a tube out of her mouth. It went all the way down her throat and she gagged and coughed, almost suffocating on it. Troy's body jerked where he was sleeping in a reclining chair next to her hospital bed. He jumped up and hurried to her while she coughed and choked. "What the-?" But she had no voice. She tried again and a whispery sound issued from her lips. "What-?"Troy placed his hands on her cheeks and then he kissed her. He pulled back and then moved right back in to hug her. She hugged him back, confused eyes still roaming around the room."Thank God," he was saying. "You're awake."He released her and snatched at the call controls. He was pressing it and sta
Juicy Chapter 60: Loss
Troy was sitting in the hospital room next to Juicy's bed. He still held the small bundle of his son, even though it had been hours since his birth. He wondered if that was the appropriate word to use when a baby was born, having already died. Birth was supposed to mark the beginning of one's life, but for him it had marked the end.They had been able to stop Juicy's labor, for now, and she had been moved to a private room, still in a coma, and heavily monitored. Janet had been kind enough to phone his family who were taking a flight in to Cincinnati.Janet came into the room and pulled up a chair next to Troy's. He didn't look at her. She looked down at the baby in his arms. "Troy. You haven't eaten and you haven't taken your medicine. You need to take a few moments to do these things.""I'm not hungry." He mumbled."I'll hold the baby for you." He looked at her slowly."You won't let th-them t-take h-him?""Are you planning to hold him forever?""No. Just until I'
Juicy Chapter 59: Birth
Troy opened his eyes and then squinted. The difference between waking up after a horrible migraine and waking up after a horrible migraine while on painkillers was a totally different experience. Usually, he was alert and invigorated. But now he was drowsy and unclear. He looked around the darkened room, pulling himself up into a sitting position. He came to his feet and reached for the window blinds. "What the-?" He was on the fifth floor. This he could easily judge by the distance from the window to the parking lot below. Yet Tri Health Alliance only had two floors…Now that the light shining through the window illuminated the room he could clearly see that he was in a hospital room. "Shit!" He hurried to the door. He wasn't wearing a shirt and he touched his chest and suddenly looked around. His shirt was folded neatly on a small table and he quickly pulled it on and patted his pocket for his cell phone, keys and wallet. He had them. He hurried out of the room, dart
Juicy Chapter 58: Juicy Finally Understands
Juicy loved placing her hand on her belly and feeling the baby kicking back against it. She tried to imagine her baby but couldn't picture a mixture between her and Troy. He was tall and lanky with blonde hair and grey eyes, and she had black skin and black eyes. Their baby could be caramel, dark chocolate, even vanilla. She chuckled and thought about how freaked her mother would have been by the fact that she was in love with a white man. She quickly shook her head and thought about something other than Momma.She got out of bed and walked to the spare room. She was so anxious to decorate it. It would be a wonderful baby's room. She imagined yellow paint on the walls and pretty willowy white curtains. She had once seen a room that had pretty butterflies hanging from the ceiling with nylon wings and papier-m?ché bodies. She wanted white furniture and a princess bed. Her face slowly fell. That is what she had always wanted for herself. Instead, her bedroom had been a sag
