"I'm mad at Felix, too." She nodded emphatically. "I'm mad because he was my only true friend and he…took himself away from me. He was the one person that I could turn to that understood me completely." She inhaled. It felt good to unload some of this. "That's so wrong to be mad at him. He didn't try to hurt me. It was me that let him down. He tried to talk to me and I didn't hear what he was saying. He told me what he needed and I just didn't hear.""You mean that you didn't save him."Juicy nodded after a long moment. "I'm mad at myself, too.""Why?"She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Because I hurt people and I know that I'm doing it. It makes me feel better when I'm hurting. And I let people down…I let you down.""You didn't let me down, babe.""When you were in the hospital you needed me and I was too busy having my own pity party that I stopped caring about anybody else.""Juicy, the first step is to recognize destructive behavior, okay? And you're
Juicy put her hands on her hips and stretched her back. She felt it crack and sighed in relief. Oh that was good…"Mama I want pink bows.""Okay, Miss bossy." Jazzy was bouncing up and down on her butt in the salon chair. She was a bundle of energy. That girl could run from sunup to sundown. Troy was always there, running right beside her."She will tire out on her own as long as we let her run it out of her system," is what he would say when she would get tired just watching the tot run in circles. It was a good thing that the house they'd moved into had a huge back yard and all kinds of play equipment. Troy and Dad had even built her a little playhouse where no one complained if she wrote on the walls or left her toys on the floor.Juicy brushed her little girl's dark hair around her finger until they formed ringlets that touched her shoulders. Then she tied two big pink bows around each of the pigtails."Look at me Aunt Eboni!" Jazzy stood up in the chair.Ebonique re
Troy got behind the wheel and started the car. He had been seizure free for almost three years. And before that he'd had only one in the entire year. Of course he had to take his medication regularly, and if he noted that he was having any of the signals, like repetitive tapping of his fingers or feet then he anticipated one and could put himself in a safe position. There had been no need for that for several years.Jazzy had lost interest in her book in less than a minute and they were doing a sing-a-long. Soon Troy was singing by himself. He looked in the rear view mirror and his daughter was staring off into space. Her pretty rosebud mouth was slightly ajar and her body had gone slack. A few moments later her eyes blinked and she got quiet as she turned to the window to stare at the passing scenery. His lips were a grim line as he took all of it in.Janet had said that it was normal for kids to have absence seizures and that she might grow out of hers without the need for
Juicy was in a rage. She couldn't remember ever being so mad...well, actually, she could. Her rages were a frequent occurrence. But not like this. This time they had messed with the wrong sista.The damned homeless guy had jinxed her. She was convinced that if not for his comments everything would have turned out differently. Maybe it was superstitious, but she knew that people crossed their fingers, and said their prayers and made the sign of the evil eye in order to avoid bad mojo. Well for Juicy it was conflict that had to be avoided. Conflict would take over; sink its claws in deep then leave its permeance, its taint in place of all her good intentions.She had cut through the alley to get to the bank so that she could take care of her business before her next bus was due. If she missed this bus there would not be another for two hours. She had meant to get here earlier but had messed around too long in the mirror trying to look both business-professional and sexy.It had tak
Shit! She had forgotten all about that bum in the alley, and she had forgotten all about reporting him to the authorities. She had quite a list going of all the people she planned to report!"And you can shut your filthy mouth!" Juicy snapped while stalking past him. This time it was he that followed her with his eyes.She suddenly came to a halt. He wanted to mess with her? Then she was going to let him have it, too. Make her feel bad about herself? She'd tell him exactly what she thought about him."I'm a whore? I'm wearing a two hundred fifty dollar outfit from Macy's, hundred dollar shoes, jewelry worth even more then that...and I ain't never had to sell my ass to get what I got! What do you got?" She scowled.The man's lip twitched."Exactly!" You ain't got shit! Sitting in an alley trying to get laid and you're nothing but white trash!" She pointed a French manicured nail at him. "You're less than white trash! You look down your nose at me and you can't even kiss my black as
Something smelled so bad that it cut through Juicy's unconsciousness. Her head moved slowly from side to side. The pain in the back of her head was magnificent. She sucked in a breath before remembering that the smell was also magnificent. She tried to bring her hand up to her nose and that hurt so much that she let it fall back to the ground.No...not ground. She was lying on layers of something. What? She wasn't sure but it wasn't the cement ground of the alley. Juicy's eyes widened. Where was she and how had she gotten here?"You're not going to scream anymore, are you?"The voice was mumbled and low. Juicy couldn't see Mr. Cracker. She wasn't in the alley but inside now. It was dark, but not completely. There were candles lit.Juicy's stomach suddenly flipped and she was able to turn her head and vomit. Ahhh. And that was the source of the smell. It wasn't the first time she'd been sick.She moaned. "W-where am I?"Mr. Cracker slowly unfolded his squatting form from the shad
Juicy had liked Mr. Benson, but Momma didn't lie; she left him for someone that had a nice car. But this new man did not make her laugh nearly as much as Charlie Benson had.There were times in Juicy's life when her Momma was both her biggest love and her biggest fear. She wasn't afraid of her directly. She was afraid of what her Momma could do. White people couldn't be trusted, they were devils, they would stab you in the back. Juicy had grown up with these words all of her life. White people weren't too bad in her opinion. Her teachers were nice, the doctor gave her a sucker, the butcher winked at her and smiled.But Momma always had something bad to say about them and every time they drove through the white neighborhoods, Momma would throw her trash out the window."Momma, that's littering! You shouldn't do that!""Girl, I know it's wrong to litter!" She would snap while smoking her cigarette and looking mean. "But they dump they trash in our neighborhood and no one
"What's wrong with you?" She passed him a slice of butter cake that she had packed for him. He took it but did not make a move to eat it.He looked at her suddenly. "Juicy, when you look at me what do you see?""What?" She shrugged. "Felix, who else?"He closed his eyes slowly and sighed. He looked at her again. "No really. What do you see, if you didn't know me, what's your first impression?"Juicy munched her cake and squinted. "I see a light skinned guy, with light eyes. Sixteen. Thin build but in shape. Hmmm, dress nice-""You see a sixteen year old boy." He repeated."You are a sixteen year old boy, Felix.""You don't see a fag? A queer, a punk, a sissy-""What the hell?!" She hollered in alarm. "What brought that on?""Because that's what everybody else sees." His light eyes flashed, then he calmed and the fire went out.Juicy did not like seeing him like this. She was quiet for a minute. "Is there anybody in particular that we're talking about?"He turned to h
Troy got behind the wheel and started the car. He had been seizure free for almost three years. And before that he'd had only one in the entire year. Of course he had to take his medication regularly, and if he noted that he was having any of the signals, like repetitive tapping of his fingers or feet then he anticipated one and could put himself in a safe position. There had been no need for that for several years.Jazzy had lost interest in her book in less than a minute and they were doing a sing-a-long. Soon Troy was singing by himself. He looked in the rear view mirror and his daughter was staring off into space. Her pretty rosebud mouth was slightly ajar and her body had gone slack. A few moments later her eyes blinked and she got quiet as she turned to the window to stare at the passing scenery. His lips were a grim line as he took all of it in.Janet had said that it was normal for kids to have absence seizures and that she might grow out of hers without the need for
Juicy put her hands on her hips and stretched her back. She felt it crack and sighed in relief. Oh that was good…"Mama I want pink bows.""Okay, Miss bossy." Jazzy was bouncing up and down on her butt in the salon chair. She was a bundle of energy. That girl could run from sunup to sundown. Troy was always there, running right beside her."She will tire out on her own as long as we let her run it out of her system," is what he would say when she would get tired just watching the tot run in circles. It was a good thing that the house they'd moved into had a huge back yard and all kinds of play equipment. Troy and Dad had even built her a little playhouse where no one complained if she wrote on the walls or left her toys on the floor.Juicy brushed her little girl's dark hair around her finger until they formed ringlets that touched her shoulders. Then she tied two big pink bows around each of the pigtails."Look at me Aunt Eboni!" Jazzy stood up in the chair.Ebonique re
"I'm mad at Felix, too." She nodded emphatically. "I'm mad because he was my only true friend and he…took himself away from me. He was the one person that I could turn to that understood me completely." She inhaled. It felt good to unload some of this. "That's so wrong to be mad at him. He didn't try to hurt me. It was me that let him down. He tried to talk to me and I didn't hear what he was saying. He told me what he needed and I just didn't hear.""You mean that you didn't save him."Juicy nodded after a long moment. "I'm mad at myself, too.""Why?"She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Because I hurt people and I know that I'm doing it. It makes me feel better when I'm hurting. And I let people down…I let you down.""You didn't let me down, babe.""When you were in the hospital you needed me and I was too busy having my own pity party that I stopped caring about anybody else.""Juicy, the first step is to recognize destructive behavior, okay? And you're
Several weeks later, Juicy was burping the baby after her last bottle and Troy was lying in bed half asleep. It was just after three a.m. and it had been his turn to get up and feed her, but he hadn't been able to get that last belch to erupt from her little belly and so Juicy had finally gotten up and taken over."Where's my surprise?""What?" He yawned and looked at her with sleepy confused eyes."That day." It was now referred to as 'that day', "…you said that you were going to bring me back a surprise. Where's the surprise?"He chuckled, eyes still hooded. "I wish I could give you a surprise; a special one that's in my shorts, it's big, too.""You are so nasty.""I am so horny.""Well I have to wait six weeks, sweetie.""That's a long time, Juice.""Oh come on, you told me before that you'd waited years."He sat up, propping the pillow under his arms as he turned to watch her patting his daughters back so that she could be put down to sleep."I don't know what I was
Later, Juicy held her daughter up in the neonatal ward, and so many visitors began to stream in that she was asked to take Jasmine down into her own room. The doctor had already given the baby an examination and the youngest member of the Hyden family was pronounced able to be released the next day. They weren't so sure about Juicy. But she threatened to runaway if they even thought about leaving her in this hospital without her baby. The doctor smiled and said that as long as she stayed in bed for the next few days and took her blood pressure twice a day that he would allow her to leave with the baby.Robert and Gladys sat with them, barely leaving the little baby's side. And when the girl's from the salon drifted in they looked at the odd family that Juicy was a part of. And Miss Barbara Jean did not say one bad thing about white people and Ebonique even promised to give Gladys a free cut and dye job before they flew back to Connecticut.Troy wasn't anxious once, but relaxe
There was a repetitive sound that was just downright annoying. Was Troy playing a videogame? She had never known him to care much for things like videogames. She opened her eyes and looked around slowly. What the-?" She was not in her familiar bedroom.Her head whipped around and she reached up and ripped a tube out of her mouth. It went all the way down her throat and she gagged and coughed, almost suffocating on it. Troy's body jerked where he was sleeping in a reclining chair next to her hospital bed. He jumped up and hurried to her while she coughed and choked. "What the-?" But she had no voice. She tried again and a whispery sound issued from her lips. "What-?"Troy placed his hands on her cheeks and then he kissed her. He pulled back and then moved right back in to hug her. She hugged him back, confused eyes still roaming around the room."Thank God," he was saying. "You're awake."He released her and snatched at the call controls. He was pressing it and sta
Troy was sitting in the hospital room next to Juicy's bed. He still held the small bundle of his son, even though it had been hours since his birth. He wondered if that was the appropriate word to use when a baby was born, having already died. Birth was supposed to mark the beginning of one's life, but for him it had marked the end.They had been able to stop Juicy's labor, for now, and she had been moved to a private room, still in a coma, and heavily monitored. Janet had been kind enough to phone his family who were taking a flight in to Cincinnati.Janet came into the room and pulled up a chair next to Troy's. He didn't look at her. She looked down at the baby in his arms. "Troy. You haven't eaten and you haven't taken your medicine. You need to take a few moments to do these things.""I'm not hungry." He mumbled."I'll hold the baby for you." He looked at her slowly."You won't let th-them t-take h-him?""Are you planning to hold him forever?""No. Just until I'
Troy opened his eyes and then squinted. The difference between waking up after a horrible migraine and waking up after a horrible migraine while on painkillers was a totally different experience. Usually, he was alert and invigorated. But now he was drowsy and unclear. He looked around the darkened room, pulling himself up into a sitting position. He came to his feet and reached for the window blinds. "What the-?" He was on the fifth floor. This he could easily judge by the distance from the window to the parking lot below. Yet Tri Health Alliance only had two floors…Now that the light shining through the window illuminated the room he could clearly see that he was in a hospital room. "Shit!" He hurried to the door. He wasn't wearing a shirt and he touched his chest and suddenly looked around. His shirt was folded neatly on a small table and he quickly pulled it on and patted his pocket for his cell phone, keys and wallet. He had them. He hurried out of the room, dart
Juicy loved placing her hand on her belly and feeling the baby kicking back against it. She tried to imagine her baby but couldn't picture a mixture between her and Troy. He was tall and lanky with blonde hair and grey eyes, and she had black skin and black eyes. Their baby could be caramel, dark chocolate, even vanilla. She chuckled and thought about how freaked her mother would have been by the fact that she was in love with a white man. She quickly shook her head and thought about something other than Momma.She got out of bed and walked to the spare room. She was so anxious to decorate it. It would be a wonderful baby's room. She imagined yellow paint on the walls and pretty willowy white curtains. She had once seen a room that had pretty butterflies hanging from the ceiling with nylon wings and papier-m?ché bodies. She wanted white furniture and a princess bed. Her face slowly fell. That is what she had always wanted for herself. Instead, her bedroom had been a sag