Chapter 4

Kat pov

I'm laying on my bed clutching my pillow while Jonathan lays behind me. I am still upset and my tears have long since stopped but him laying behind me touching me is killing me. His hands rub at my body trying to soothe but I just tense up more. I don't say anything as he rubs at me and even the tenderness is fake to me.

We don't speak and I don't turn to face him. I don't want to face him. If I look at him I'm going to lose my shit.

"I'm sorry Kat I really am I regret taking you so rough. Please give me a chance to show you I'm not that heartless",He says stroking my hair. Do I forgive him or do I stay afraid longer cause what he did was callous and horrible. It was beyond disgusting and I can't see him being gentle not with me. He is just lying.

"I...I...",I say but nothing comes out. I can't speak cause I still hear him moaning her name every time I close my eyes. I feel sick. The brutal thrust and how horrible that moment felt. It hurt so bad and I hated every moment of it.

"I left to handle a border breach and left Laura here with the orphaned pups. Well it was a diversion cause I get back and find her dead along with my family. The orphans were in the basement where she put them and I was alone mateless. I didn't want to move on but I found you and I regret how I treated you from the start. You are wanted and if you let me I will mate with you the right way. Soft,gentle and slow ",He says kissing my head. Yeah right I bet he just wants pups. He wants an heir I tell my wolf and she huffs annoyed.

I laid taking all this in but I still hurt hell he moaned her name the whole time I laid there getting fucked savagely. His hands went to my waist and I stiffened up more as fear of him wanting more sex rushed into my mind. I struggled to get away but ended pinned under him as he stared down at me. His blue eyes seeked mine but I turned away I won't look into his eyes. He hurt me more then any she wolf should be hurt. I don't want to see his disgust anymore I'm already destroyed. I look to the wall waiting to be taken again.

"Kat look at me",He said watching me. I feel his eyes burning into my face as I face the wall. I don't want to even feel him against me let alone look at him.

"Please leave me alone you already done enough",I whimper out. He kisses my mark and I moan softly. I don't want this I tell my wolf. The mark ensures he can get me to soften and want him.

He trails sweet soft kisses all over my neck to my mouth which he takes in the most gentle kiss I ever felt. I whimper as he continues kissing me as his fingers trail over my body gently and slow. This is different from last night I tell my wolf.

"I'm so fucking sorry baby more then you'll ever know. Let me show you how sorry I am",He murmurs in my ear kissing it after. I am scared but I lay and let him lead. His hands remove my clothes and his. He kisses all over but heads down to my girly bits. I tense when he gently parts me and licks. I moan as pleasure zaps through me. His tongue feels incredible and I moan louder. I can't believe I'm letting him have me again. It is gonna hurt again I tell my wolf. He will take what he wants and It will be hurt.

Soon enough I cum and he shifts to move up my body. Panic hits as he lined up to enter me. I turn my face to the wall trembling. Here it comes I think as he slowly enters me. I'm still tender down there and I hiss in pain. I feel my eyes fill as he settles in deep. He is huge and I'm still extremely sore.

"Kat look at me",He says softly.

"Its okay I can look at the wall",I say stiffly. Tears are already filling my eyes and trailing down my cheeks. I don't want more pain so I will myself to relax. I relax and try to imagine I'm somewhere else .

"No baby look at me its okay I want you to look at me",He says between kisses. I look at him waiting on him to yell at me but his soft gaze brings more tears. He moved more and sits fully inside me. I try to stay calm as he holds my gaze and feel him thrust gently inside me. I moan as his lips take mine and he works my body. I just let him have me without a fight and I will never forgive myself. I'm an idiot I think as my wolf moans.

"you feel so fucking good Kat",He moans breaking the kiss.

"Johnathan",I moan arching. Tingles rush through as he picks up the thrust. I moan again but louder as he brushed my g spot. I cum so hard and so fast it pulls him with me. After he collapses beside me and gathers me close.

"That is how I should of took you the first time",He says wiping tears from my face. He kisses my lips and hugs me tight. I don't know what to do. I just laid there unsure what to do or say.

"I'm okay",I say not knowing what else to say. I don't move to snuggle with him because he may get nasty again.

"I've been a fucking fool with you. I swear I won't ever take you like that ever again",He says laying us down to snuggle. I feel myself stiffen as he snuggles me and rubs my back gently. Will he stay this nice? Is he doing this to get pups?

I want to believe him but I'm still fearful of him. I'm still waiting for him to yell at me and tell me I'm worthless. He said she was prettier than me and I bet she was. I lay there feeling fucking stupid I bet he did all this to ensure he gets pups. Pups I really don't want because if he is like this I bet our pups will be hateful as well.

His hands keep rubbing at me to soothe but I'm stiffened up more just waiting for him to yell or hurt me. Waiting to be told how disgusted he is that I'm not her.

Waiting for more heartbreak to come my way.