Chapter 5

Kat pov

We fall asleep but I wake later easing away to use the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and gasp on my body is love bites and hickies. I do my business and wash my hands as I turn I run into Jonathan with a squeal. He steadies me and I flinch.

"you scared me",I said holding a hand over my chest. He chuckled. A chuckle that would excite me if I didn't know how mean he was before. Now I have to navigate this new life and try to deal with it. I have to basically give him what he wants because as mates you make sacrifices for them. You give them your body and you give it willingly even if it hurts you.

"sorry baby I woke you were gone I got worried ",He said gathering me close. I blushed but I also stiffened up. This could be an act I tell my wolf.

He has been nothing but affectionate but a small part doubts him. He said hateful stuff and when he took my virginity he did it in a vile way. I will always doubt everything now. I know he loves his dead mate and I know he always will. He may have been gentle but a part of me feels he is doing it to get pups from me. I watch him wrap me up in his arms but no I love yous are exchanged. We are still at the beginning of our relationship and I love you will come later. I'm not counting on a I love you because I bet he won't want to say it.

We aren't at that part yet I don't think it will happen soon. I kiss him back and let him carry me back to bed. He takes me again and I love it but an inner voice is telling me to keep my heart on guard. Johnathan holds me after and I lay quietly while he rubs gentle hands over my back. I can't hear his wolf and Dina complains she is blocked from hearing him as well. She tried numerous times but he has a wall up. A wall I need to put up to protect myself. I need my own wall to protect my heart from him.

Later when he falls asleep I look into his mind and freeze. I can hear all his thoughts,worries and concerns. He still pines over Laura and he goes to her in his dreams. I stand back watching as he loves her with wild abandon. He holds,kisses her and tells her how much he loves her. I just stand watching from the shadows as deep hurt fills me. We can't compete with her we never could. I go back to my own mind hurting and slowly ease away and go to the kitchen after dressing. I make a cup of tea and try not to sob. I try to keep myself together as I sip my tea.

Once he wakes up I'm distancing myself till I figure out how to handle this. I make food still in a low place and jump bad when arms circle my waist. His arms which I don't want on me.

"Hey baby sleep good?",he says kissing my jaw. I try not to cringe.

"I'm slept alright. How did you sleep?"

"good we need to introduce you as Luna the pack wants to meet you",he says kissing me. I moan as he kisses my mark. This is all fake I keep repeating in my head.

"okay",I murmur.

"I should of at the claiming ceremony but I didn't and for that I'm sorry. Most of the pack members want to meet you,talk to you and get to know you". Great I say to my wolf so they can hate me as well.

I'm nervous now cause I heard most walking in and some weren't to thrilled about me cause they loved Laura. I'm her replacement and I bet hated.

"okay",I say nervously knowing I'm probably gonna be bombarded with hateful wolves. He kisses my lips and we sit to eat. I eat but mostly pick at my food. Johnathan doesn't notice and I watch him eat and talk about a barbeque taking place later today. After I clean up I head to my room and pick out clothes. Johnathan comes with me and I try to ignore how close his body is to mine. I try to ignore how hurt I am by what I saw in his mind. I get he loved her but I want love as well.

"her parents will be there and so will her sister",he says making me freeze up.

"Oh",is all I say going through my tops. I try to pick out something cute but I keep drifting back to what I saw. He was sweet and gentle something I didn't get at first.

"They won't bother you I will be there but you have to stand up for yourself baby cause if not they can request me to reject you as luna",he says earning a shocked gasp from me. I look at him with hurt as he goes to explain the pack can ask the council to have me removed and a more qualified Luna take my place. My shock leads to a sick feeling and I run to my bathroom losing my breakfast.

Johnathan is behind me holding my hair back. He should of told me this before we mated. Now I'm gonna be in front of his pack members being judged. I threw up more and sank weakly to the floor.

"your probably pregnant baby",he says lifting me up. I brush my teeth before we head to the pack hospital. What if I'm rejected and pregnant with his pup. How will I survive mate less and in this pack knowing my mate is with another. I hold in tears as he walks through the hospital doors with me in his arms.

After getting tests done we sit waiting in a waiting room alone.

"I know you go to her in your dreams I saw you",I utter looking at the wall. I look there to keep from crying. I look at the posters and try to not feel the pain I felt watching him be gentle with her. My first time was something I just want to forget. It is on replay in my mind and I see it every time I close my eyes. I just want out and I really want my mom.

"Shit Kat I'm..",a knock stops him and a doctor walks in with her portable ultrasound machine. His sorrow filled eyes stays on me as she puts gel on my belly and a wand is placed there.

He takes my hand as a loud swooshing fills the room. My eyes widen shit a heart beat already. Is it to late to abort?

Now I have more to worry about at the barbeque. I'm going to be judged and glared at. I'm going to have to protect a pup that will probably be more wanted than me.