Amari
Vann"Enzo, you have to be tough for ate, okay? I will figure something out, just hang on, okay?" I told my brother as I brush his hair using my hands.
Bumisita na naman ako dito sa ospital dahil when I talk to my brother even if he is in deep sleep, I feel the comfort dahil alam kong nakikinig sya sakin, alam kong humahanap din sya ng paraan how to get back to me.
I have to help my brother, ako na lang ang meron sya at sa estado ng buhay na meron ako ngayon, I cannot bring another life here in the world as of the moment.
That's why,
That's why I decided for I believe one of the hardest decision in my life.
That is to abort my unborn my child.
I know it's wrong at walang kinalaman ang dinadala ko but I cannot afford to bring another person in this world, knowing that I cannot even take care of myself, my life is miserable. How am I supposed to make a good life for my child lalo na ngayon.
Just by thinking that I will do this, makes me sick about myself so much pero mas ihi hate ko ang sarili kong mapapahirapan ko ang anak ko.
I already spoke with Hanna about this, she strongly disagree with my decision dahil I know her, she loves kids, but I am decided and our conversation ended na she is asking me to think this over thoroughly.
Nakakapagtaka man ay ipinagpapasalamat ko na hindi ako ginugulo ni Sir Alex, sa tingin ko ay totoo ang balita na nasa bakasyon ito sa ibang bansa.
"Papasok na muna si ate ha, magpalakas ka" I told my brother before I gave him a kiss on the head.
Maaga akong nakarating sa trabaho kaya doon na ako nag retouch, I am wearing a tube navy blue uniform, I just curled my long hair. Inilagay ko na lang yung baon kong damit at yung bag ko sa locker dahil mag i start na ang shift ko.
"I lost!"
"Maswerte lang talaga ako ngayong gabi""Well, I am lucky kapag sya talaga ang dealer ko"The old man winked at me and I just smiled politely.
"What's your plan after this miss?" tanong nung isa sa akin pero nagpatuloy ako sa pagbabalasa ng barasa, obviously ignoring their statements and questions.
"Hoy, ako ang dapat magtatanong nyan sa kanya"
"She will not go with losers like you""Miss, what's your name ha?"Hindi ko pa rin sila pinansin pero hindi ko inalis ang ngiti sa labi ko dahil I cannot be rude sa kanila dahil clients sila.
I was about to start handing out the cards ng mapansin kong tumahimik sila kaya nag angat ako ng tingin, they are looking at my side kaya mabilis akong lumingon doon
There I saw Congressman Art standing straight, in his beautiful three-piece black suit, his eyes are fix to me, making me nervous.
I tried to smile, to seem professional.
"Congressman Art, so nice of you to join us tonight, are you here to play?"
He came much closer na halos iilang hakbang na lang ang layo sa akin.
"Have you eaten already?"
My jaw literally drop when he asked me that question. Why the hell is he asking kung kumain na ako? In front of all these clients!
I smiled and immediately look away from him.
"Gentleman, let's begin another round?" I asked bago itinaas ang cards.
"You should go home and take a rest"
Mabilis akong humarap ulit kay Art.
"Can't you see I'm working? I have clients-
Art diverted his look from me to the men on my table, who immediately stood up.
"Magdi dinner pala muna kami"
"Kuha lang akong alak""May meeting pa pala ako bukas"In less than a minute, lahat ng clients ko ay nagtayuan na.
Pabalibag akong tumayo at naunang humakbang palabas ng main hall.
I knew that he will follow me kaya nung makakita ako ng lugar na kung saan hindi madalas na daanan ng mga tao ay huminto ako.
Mabilis ko syang hinarap.
"Hindi mo ba nakikita na naghahanap buhay ako doon?"
Instead of answering me, he just looked at me intently.
"What?!" inis kong tanong dito.
Instead of answering me ay nagulat ako ng hubarin nito ang coat nya, leaving him with his white polo.
Mas nagulat ako ng iabot nya sakin ito.
"Bakit mo binibigay yan sakin?"
"Wear it"
"What?"
"Just fucking wear it, Amari" he sighed. "It's cold"
Naiinis man at nako confused ay pabalibag kong hinatak ang coat nya sa kanya.
Mabilis ko rin itong isinuot sa sarili ko. I must admit, ang bango ng coat nya, nanunuyot ang manly perfume nya dito. It is addicting.
Usually because of my pregnancy, I refused to wear any perfume dahil mabilis akong masuka kaya nakakapanibago how comforting his scent is for me.
I looked at him, nakakapagtaka ang patuloy nyang pagbisita rito, given that he invited me for dinner just a week ago.
Ano bang nasa utak ng lalaking ito? Ang gulo-gulo nya!
I cleared my throat.
"Congressman Art" I called him. "Nag usap na tayo hindi ba?"
Kumunot ang noo nito.
"You're wearing high heels all night?"
I rolled my eyes dahil sa inis sa kanya.
"Jusko naman, Art! Natural, casino dealer ang trabaho ko! But that is not the point here, okay? Ang point ko dito is, hindi pwedeng basta ka na lang pupunta dito and will do that with my clients"
"I didn't do anything with your clients"
"Yeah right" napahawak ako sa ulo ko sa inis sa kanya. "I am not understanding the point why you and I have to still meet each other, we don't have anything to do with each other"
He looked at me straight in the eyes. His eyes are so serious na kaunti na lang iisipin ko sasakalin nya na ako.
"Naiisip mo ba kung anong sasabihin ng media when they hear this? The great Congressman Art Dela Cuesta seen with a Casino Dealer? O top of that, may girlfriend ka! It will be a big scandal!"
"I don't give a damn about that"
"Well, I do! So, please okay? Stop going here, you and I we don't have any reason to meet each other-
"I'm actually just trying to be patient here, Amari"
"Huh?"
"And it looks, you don't have any plan to tell me about it"
"What?"
"So let me just ask you this question instead"
"A-ano?"
"Are you carrying my child, Amari?"
Amari Vann"What makes you think that this is yours?""You are indeed pregnant""You are not the father""Stop lying to me, Amari!"Natakot ako sa pagtaas ng boses nya pero ayokong magpatalo, alam ko ang papasukin ko kapag sinabi ko sa kanyang anak nya ito. I will ruin a relationship at mas lalo lang akong hahamakin ng lahat."I slept with several man after you kaya posible ang sinasabi ko, can't you just accept that, Congressman Art?""Amari" he called me in a calmer tone now. "Uulitin ko, ayoko sa lahat ng taong niloloko at pinapaikot ako""Does it matter kung sino ang tatay ng dinadala ko?""Of course! Dahil kung anak ko ang dinadala mo, I have every right to know!""Anak mo man o hindi, it wouldn't change anything, alam mo ba ang gagawing gulo kapag nalaman ito? Kaya mo bang iwan ang girlfriend mo para sa batang to?""So, that is what you want, huh?""Hindi! I am just letting you know of the consequences if you continue to ask your question. Tahimik na ang buhay natin, wag na natin
Amari Vann"Why did you agree?" may bahid ng inis ang tono ni Hanna."Why not? It is for the best" sagot ko sa kanya. I sat down para itiklop yung iba ko pang damit. "Tama si Art, dapat lumayo ako dito dahil malamang pag-usapan ako ng mga kapitbahay ko""It doesn't have to be that way, may karapatan ka kay Art""Ano bang sinasabi mo, Hanna? May girlfriend yung pinsan mo""But he got you pregnant, you are carrying one of the Dela Cuesta. Alam mo ba ang ibig sabihin nun sa pamilya namin? We don't allow bastardos or bastardas in the family and to avoid that, for sure the family would want you both to get married""Hanna, baliw ka na ba? Fine, you have that family paniniwala pero ayoko ng makagulo pa, nagkasundo na din kami ni Art""Hays! Kung hindi lang talaga kita bestfriend, hindi ako papayag sa ganito" nag pout ito bago nagpatuloy sa pagtulong sakin mag empake ng gamit.We were interrupted by a loud knock.Mabilis na tumayo si Hanna to open it at sumalubong sa kanya si Sir Alex."Oh b
Amari Vann"Enzo is all settled now, pwede mo ng ipahinga ang isip mo, Vann" Hanna told me kaya napatingin ako sa kanya."Mas lalo lang magagalit sakin si Art kapag nalaman nyang tinulungan ng parents nya ang kapatid ko, I won't be able to clear my name to him""Pero you can't keep working, Vann! Crucial ang first stage ng pagbubuntis, do you think mas mapapatawad ka ni Art kapag may nangyari sa baby nyo?"Huminga ako ng malalim. Isang linggo na ang nakalipas and I was forced to stay in the Dela Cuesta's mansion while they all prepared the papers for our marriage.I deactivated my social media dahil sa dami ng mga taong nangba bash sa akin. I didn't know kung paano nila napapayag si Art sa ganitong agreement pero nagulat pa rin ako ng sya mismo ang humarap sa mga tao to let them know he is getting married to me.Pinalabas nila sa lahat na matagal na kaming magkarelasyon at dahil nasa tamang edad naman na kami, we both want to settle down na. All is good sa side ni Art, a lot of people
Amari Vann"Amari, good afternoon" nakangiting bati sakin ni Nana Belen."Good afternoon ma'am" bati naman sa akin ni Ate Susan, sya yung mid 30s na katulong sa bahay."Magandang hapon ho" bati ko sa kanilang dalawa, parehas silang abala sa pag aayos ng salas.Isang linggo ang mabilis na lumipas, hindi naman na ako kinukulong sa kwarto pero hindi lang ako lumalabas kapag nandyan si Art. Halos kumaripas ako ng takbo kapag narinig ko ng nagbukas ang gate na hudyat na paparating na si Art."May gusto ka bang kainin ma'am?" tanong sa akin ni Ate Susan."Wag ng ma'am, Ate Susan, parang hindi mo naman alam na asawa lang ako sa papel" sabi ko at pekeng ngumiti, may sasabihin pa sana ako kaso parang hinahalukay ang sikmura ko at kusa akong napatakbo sa sink para sumuka."Mukhang pinapahirapan ka ng pagbubuntis mo, Ate Amira" mabilis na nag abot ng tissue sakin si Lena. Mas bata ito sa akin ng dalawang taon, pamangkin ito ni Ate Susan, dito sya naninirahan sa bahay ni Art at tumutulong tulong
Art TheodoreI closed the file I am reading ng marinig ko ang pagbukas ng gate ng bahay ko.I went out of the car and went inside my house.Naabutan kong nakatalikod sa akin sila Nana Belen at naka tingin sa staircase."Lena, i check mo nga ang Ate Amari mo at hindi maganda ang pagtakbo nya palagi paitaas""Sir, good evening po" bati sa akin ni Ate Susan."Good evening" tipid kong bati sa kanila.Hinubad ko ang suot kong coat at nag diretso sa kusina to get me a bottle of water. Naramdaman ko ang pagsunod ni Nana Belen at Ate Susan.Mabilis na inilabas ni Ate Susan ang mga nilutong ulam para sa hapunan ko.Tahimik kong pinanood kung paano nya inaayos yung tray ng pagkain sa lamesa."Sir, anong gusto nyo hong kainin? Mayroon hong nilagang baka o yung paborito nyong kare-kare""Mas sumarap ho ata yung luto nyo Ate Susan" I told her.Saglit itong tumingin kay Nana Belen bago ibinalik ang tingin sa akin at awkward na ngumiti."Ah, baka sa seasoning sir, nagamit na kasi ako ng magic sarap"
Amari VannGood morning po" bati ko kay Manong Jorge na syang security sa cityhall."Kamusta po kayo ma'am? Hiyang na hiyang ho kayo sa pagbubuntis, lalo kayong gumaganda" pambobola nito sa akin."Manong Jorge talaga napaka bolero, sya nga po pala, dumaan ako sa drive thru, isinabay ko ho kayo ng agahan, kayo na hong bahala magbigay sa mga kasamahan nyo dahil nahihiya ako" itinaas ko ang hawak kong tatlong plastic ng breakfast meal na nabili ko sa isang fast food chain."Ay nag abala pa kayo Ma'am Amari pero hindi ko ho ito tatanggihan dahil ito ay grasya" inabot nito ang mga pagkain. "Sira ho ang elevator ma'am, ayos lang ba na maghagdanan kayo?""Oo naman po, eat well ho" sabi ko at pumasok na.Kahit tila naninibago ay na appreciate ko ang paggamit ng flat shoes at rubber shoes. A new set of shoes came in the next morning at lahat iyon at flats. I am wearing a white rubber and a cute white dress.Nandito ako sa cityhall today dahil sabi ni mama ay sumabay na daw ako kay Art papunta
Amari Vann"Lena, dito mo sya ita times, para makuha mo yung value ng variable" sabi ko kay Lena."Ang sakit sa ulo ng math, my head is bleeding Ate Amari!" hinawakan pa nito ang ulo bago tumawa.I smiled and slightly brushed her hair.Nahinto ang tawanan namin ng bumaba si Art.Sa unang pagkakataon ay nag rest day ito! Halos hindi na nga ito umuwi para hindi kami magkita dati kaya naninibago ako."Good morning sir" bati ni Ate Susan."Amari, kumain ka na, sumabay ka na dito kay Art dahil hindi maganda sa buntis ang hindi kumakain sa oras" mula sa kusina ay lumabas si Nana Belen.Ito ang nagluto ng pananghalian namin, hindi ako nakapagluto dahil hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko. I just decided to help Lena on her assignments.Saglit na tumingin sa akin si Art bago nito binalik ang paningin sa palabas sa TV."Nagluto ako ng adobo, ipaghahain ko na kayo"Just the sound of adobo ay tila masusuka ako, kanina ko pa nararamdaman iyon dahil sa amoy ng suka.I smiled politely and slightly shoo
Amari VannI feel like I am on a roller coaster ride, no let me correct myself, I feel like my feelings are on a roller coaster ride.These past few weeks, I really thought we are getting closer, there are times na I feel comfortable kahit na nasa bahay sya.But maybe I was wrong, maybe I'm the only one comfortable and he is just pretending to be nice after all."Amari" I heard a knock on my door after my name kaya I stood up to open it."Ate Susan, bakit po?""Ito, pina akyat ni Nana Belen dahil hindi ka na naman daw bumaba para maghapunan""Wala po kasi akong gana at grabe ang pagsusuka ko, parang hindi na nga po morning sickness ito, parang all day sickness na po""Kaya pala, akala naming lahat ay nagtalo na naman kayo ni Sir Art, mainit din kasi ang ulo palagi""Hindi po ate, baka pagod lang ho" sabi ko bago inabot ang baso ng gatas. "Magpahinga na po kayo, kaya ko na po""Sigurado ka ha? Kapag may kailangan ka wag kang mahihiyang gisingin ang sino sa amin""Maraming salamat ate s
Art Theodore"Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, the famous John Lennon said. I used to think otherwise dahil just like what everybody used to know about me, I like everything to be planned out, I do not like when things go the opposite way" I told everyone.It was just one regular day for me. I was just visiting one barangay to give some rice and groceries sa mga mamamayan.I was greeted by a lot of people except for one person who seemed to be lost in the crowd.I was simply trying to flirt with her but I guess it didn't work dahil nilayasan nya ako. That was the first time that somebody did that to me.I even asked myself kung bakit sobrang interested ako sa babaeng yun, but maybe it is because I am lonely, I just got out of a long term relationship with Mira.I don't know what made me attracted to her so bad. I thought we won't see each other again, but fate have its own way to play with people like me.I was so selfish to blame her and made it difficult for
Amari Vann"Mrs. Dela Cuesta, do you want to drop by anywhere before we head home?" one of Art's security asked me."Uh yeah, I want to go to this dessert cafe, may gusto si Tatiana na cheesecake" I told him and then I showed my phone.May kinausap sya gamit ang communication system nila, telling them that we will reroute dahil dadaan nga sa cafe.I was surprised by Art's announcement, hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ng lalaking iyon pero hindi ko ipagkakailang natuwa talaga ako. He finally told everyone who am I to him. Dati, iniisip ko lang kung darating ba yung araw na magiging proud sya sakin at hindi na ako itatago sa publiko.I used to think that meeting him was a mistake, na ikinagulo lang ng buhay namin parehas ang pagkakamaling iyon but it turned out na, it was our fate. It is our destiny to be together, ang bumuo ng isang pamilyang parehas namin poprotektahan.I was lost in my thoughts and a loud sound made me deaf for a couple of seconds. I just felt the car makin
Amari Vann"I am delayed"That's what I told myself while staring at the mirror in the bathroom.What am I thinking? Sunod-sunod na kasi ang naging pangyayari that I literally ignored all of the symptoms.Just thinking about the possibility na buntis ako ay may matinding kabang bumabalot sakin.Art and I just got back and I don't know if it would be alright to surprise him with the news, if ever that I am.Naghilamos ako at nag decide ng bumaba para mag breakfast. I want to eat strawberry taho pero I know magiging hassle lang at kwestyonable kapag naghanap ako."Good morning mama!" masiglang bati sakin ni Tatiana.Mabilis naman na nagsilingunan ang mga taong kasama nitong nag aagahan. I smiled at them.Mabilis na tumayo si Art para salubungin ako, he immediately kissed the side of my head."Good morning Adi" he greeted me as he intertwined our hands guiding me to the dining table."Good morning po" I greeted everybody."Good morning hija, we are very thankful, you allowed us to visit
Amari VannMabilis kong pinahid ang takas kong luha. Ang emotional ko naman grabe.Art kneeled in one knee to level himself to Tatiana's height."Happy birthday, my princess""B-but are you really my papa?" That's the first word that came out of Tatiana's mouth. "Why didn't you tell me right away the moment that we met?"Art chuckled probably amazed by how witty my daughter is."Because I have to see first if you've been a good girl""And you still came even though I'm not a good girl" Tatiana's face is about to cry pero mabilis itong yumakap kay Art.The people around us started clapping as if they are on a show right now pero their claps slowly faded away as I focused on the two of them. Art was looking intently at Tatiana's face, memorizing every inch of it. He then turned his gaze to me and looked at me with a look that warmed my heart, he looked at me as if he is really proud how I raised Tatiana."Have you met Daddy Equinox? I think you and him will get along very well" Tatiana
Amari VannParang tinakasan ako ng lahat ng tapang at lakas ng loob ko ng marinig ko ang sinabi nya."She-she's not-"Please don't do that, Amari- we both know that she is mine, I don't know how this possible pero nararamdaman ko, the moment I saw her, ramdam kong akin sya so please just don't lie"I looked at Art and I can see confusion and frustration in his eyes."Art""Just please, I am begging you" he clasped both of his hands as if praying to me. "Anak ko yun diba?"Huminga ako ng malalim."Yes, Art. Tatiana is your daughter"Mabilis nyang naihilamos mula sa mukha nya papunta sa buhok nya ang mga palad nya and then he breathed in and out slowly as if calming himself."Aren't you going to ask how did I conceived Tatiana?"Tumingin sya sakin bago isinenyas ang kamay na magpatuloy ako."We stole your sperm donation for Mira years ago. Hanna was the one who brought it to me in Russia"His jaw literally dropped when I told him that na parang lahat iyon ay naging kasagutan sa mga tano
Nanatili ang paningin ko sa batang nasa harapan ko.Itinabingi pa nito ang ulo nya na parang nag-iisip din kagaya ko."I- I'm sorry, sir, baka nakukulitan ka na rito sa alaga ko" biglang sumingit yung nanny."No, it's fine" umayos ako ng tayo to get a better look.Ang imposible, napaka imposible ng nasa utak ko. Hindi ko napapansinb napapailing na ako."What did you say your name again?""I already said it mister, my name is as expensive as I am""Tati, let's go na hmm? Pasok na tayo ha tapos diba isusukat natin yung damit mo para sa birthday mo" her nanny told her.Nabigla ako ng magpapadyak ang bata."I told you nanny, I don't want to celebrate my birthday, I just want to go back to Russia!" pagkasabi nito ay mabilis nitong tinakbuhan iyong katulong.Mabilis naman itong sinundan ng huli and I remained on my position.Trying to erase the odd and impossible thought in my head.Maybe Amari just used some part of my name dahil lagi naman syang vocal how much she loves my name.I breath
Amari Vann"It's alright, Hazel" I told Art's sister while hugging her. "Tell Mommy Maureen that I forgive them, things happened and the only thing I or we can do is move forward""Ate Amari, sorry sa nagawa ni Kuya Art""Don't apologize on behalf of him, if I know your kuya don't feel sorry about what happened""Hindi ko talaga alam ang nangyari ate kasi alam naman namin that he only followed that woman to protect us, we can't believe as well na mabubuntis nya pala"Just hearing the last word send pain throughout my whole system."I can only wish your kuya happiness now, and give his freedom for their baby""Ate" halos maluha na ito. I hugged her one more time."Pursue your passion, hmm? Sige na, ipapahatid na kita" I told her and then she nodded.Nung maiwan ako ni Hazel ay syang pagpasok naman ni Equinox, looking so handsome dahil bago ang haircut nito."Ang gwapo mo naman senator""As always" mayabang nitong sagot kaya parehas kaming natawa."That's right, spend your time going on
Art TheodoreI was awakened by a soft knock in our door. A part of myself don't want to wake up but I know that I have to at some point.I pulled her closer to hug her tighter, gumalaw ang ulo nya kaya akala ko ay magigising sya pero hindi, she looks so tired and yet having her here brings peace sa panandaliang panahon.A knock interrupted my thoughts again kaya wala na akong nagawa kung hindi mag t-shirt para pagbuksan kung sino man ito. I covered Amari with the comforter dahil malamig pa rin sa kwarto.I opened the door to see Nana Belen, Ate Susan, and Lena at the door, all smiling brightly at me."Uhm g-good morning?" I gave them a confused eyes."Ay-ay good morning Kuya Art" Lena greeted me first."Good morning Art hehe" Ate Susan gave me an awkward smile."Magandang umaga hijo" Nana Belen greeted me. I nodded kaya naman tila natauhan ulit sila. "Anong gusto mong agahan?"Mas kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa tanong ni Nana dahil madalas naman alam nya na kung anong ihahain para sa alm
Amari Vann"I like the weather in here, mama"Nilagay ko ang cellphone ko sa bulsa ng coat ko pagkatapos kong magsend ng text message kay Art."I thought you prefer the winter in Russia" I asked Tatiana."Yes but the weather here in the Philippines is perfect for beaches and I want to go to the beach on my birthday" Tatiana jumped out of excitement."We'll go to the beach, anak""Will my papa come this time mama?"Parang kusang may kumurot sa puso ko dahil sa tanong nya.I knelt down to level myself so I can see her better."A-akala ko ba galit ka kay papa, you always say that-kaya akala ko""I am mad at him because he missed four birthdays already, he didn't bring me to school on my first day, I have no father on family day and even if I have Tito Rozen, Tito Raegan, Tito Enzo, and, Daddy Equinox,I feel like it would be better if I have my dad""Tati" mabilis kong niyakap ang anak ko."Can you tell him mama to stop flying airplanes for other people and just fly our private plane? I'l