what was I thinking?

Aria

Five years ago

Last night was the most magical night of my life. After all these years of crushing on Jasper James Kallager, Alpha of the Seattle Wolf Pack, had approached me. He had pulled me into the woods at his birthday party. He pushed me up against a tall oak tree, pressing his hard body against the softness of mine, I bite my lip as I remember thinking there was no way this was happening. The man I have loved since I was four was touching me. He was only a few months older than me and my twin and his Beta, Asher. But I had loved him since we were kids.

I smile as I remember the feeling of him against my body, The thoughts were making me melt again. I could feel my body waking up wanting his. I moaned softly at the thought of his lips pressed against mine in a soft kiss. The thought of his hands sliding into my hair and angling my head just to his liking and devouring my lips. My hand comes up and I touch my lips. I could feel how swollen they were and could feel them smile against my hand. My first time with anyone and it was the man of my dreams. I don’t know how I could be so lucky.

After we made love outside, he followed me to his apartment and had me stay the night with him. He had helped me undress but told me we couldn’t go again because I would be sore Which I was. I could feel the ache between my thighs. I couldn’t believe it. I shake my head and smile. He had told me last night that he wanted me forever. He whispered that I was his fated mate and that he was so lucky to call me his. I grinned so giddy at the thought of being with him forever.

I turn my head into the down stuffed pillows and smile. I reached over for him just to touch him, to prove to myself that this was real and frown. I bite my lip and look over. The indention where he should be is there. But the sheets are cool to the touch. My mind tries to start racing but I push the negative thoughts away.

Jasper would never hurt me. He must be in the kitchen or the bathroom. I sigh and think about the night before. We had only made love the one time, but he brought me back to his new apartment, pulled me into his arms and told me to stay with him. We had stayed up half the night talking about the future. How he wanted to spend it with me. Told me about how finding his mate so young was a blessing by the Goddess. I wasn’t crazy thinking about happily ever after just after one time together. Then again up until last night I was an eighteen-year-old virgin.

I sigh and stand up stretching my arms above my head and walk to the bathroom. The door is open, and the light is off.

Where is he? I pick up my clothes from the chair by the door of the bathroom and carry them in. I push my short black curls out of my face and borrow his toothpaste and brush my teeth using my finger.

My wolf is screaming that something is wrong. Something bad is happening. And my wolf has never been wrong.

That funny feeling always proceeds my father beating the hell out of me for whatever reasons he had. At the thought of dad hitting me my wrist aches. My wrist had been a casualty more than once of his abuse. He was so good at hiding the abuse that I never felt like I could get away. It took a lot for a wolf to have a permanent mark left. Being beat my entire life had left me with plenty.

I pull my clothes over my curves and grimace. Maybe Jasper doesn’t want to deal with my being here. I mean. Think about it. I’m not a size two, hell I’m not even a size ten. My curves fit into size fourteens on good days and sixteens on bad days. My friend Lorelei swears the companies are making the clothes smaller and smaller to make women feel guilty about having any sort of figure. But who knows?

I look down at the thick curve of my stomach and my breasts that while there wasn’t bigger like the plus size models you see. I had an almost C cup on a good day. But usually closer to a B. I was forever wishing that my curves were in my breasts not my stomach and thighs. It doesn’t help that I can see the bruises that dad had left on my stomach where he had pinched me so hard it broke the skin. He told everyone that I had leaned over too far at the grocery store grabbing bags that the bag turn style had hit me. All his buddies had laughed. Typical clumsy Aria always had bruises on her from some mishap or another.

I bite my lip and whisper to myself, “I hope Jasper didn’t see these.”

I glance down and wince before my face breaks out in a huge grin. Jasper's fingerprints were bruised on my hips where he had pushed me into the big tree last night. The soreness between my thighs was something I never expected. I shake my head and pull my phone out of the pocket of my jeans before I pull them up and jump to get them over my feet and stomach before latching them closed. I push the button to light up my screen and pause.

New Relationship Status Update from Jasper Kallager.

I smile and look down before clicking the link to see what he had posted.

As I read the words on the screen my world bottomed out.

Jasper Kallager Engaged to Rhea Vanderwald.

My green eyes filled with tears; my heart filled with anger. My whole view narrowed on those words. He made me the other woman.

“Fucking Lying son of a bitch.” I cried out. My hand came to my face. He slept with me the night before he proposed to his girl. The same she-wolf he had sworn up and down that he had broken up with weeks ago. The she-wolf my dad swore was going to be Jaspers fated mate.

I swallow the bile that comes up at the thought of what we did now. There was nothing good that could come from this. I need to get out of here. I won’t be the other woman. I won’t do this to myself. I have more self-respect than that.

You can beat me black and blue, but I have more respect for myself than that.

I try not to think of the future where I know I will run into him. He’s my brother's best friend. How fucking stupid could I be. How cliche’. This isn’t some romantic novel where the hot guy ends up with the chubby girl and lives happily ever after. There isn’t some sadistic author writing out my life. I bite my lip and cry as I gather everything and rush out the door to my car. He is gone. He left me here alone.

I wipe my tears and growl at myself for my stupidity. I glance at the clock on the dash. Seven thirty in the morning. Dad should be gone to work. I nod and wipe my cheek again. I’ll run home and grab some clothes and go visit Braylin. She’s in town for the week visiting her parents.

I sent a quick text to Braylin before I backed out of the parking spot in front of his apartment and drove away. Stone Cold by Demi Lovato floated through my speakers, and I cried as I listened to the lyrics. I could feel them in my soul. I knew I would never be able to listen to them again without feeling the same pain that I was feeling right now.

I pulled up to the gates of my parents’ home, punched in the numbers to allow myself in and pulled up to the house. So lost in my head I didn’t see my father's car parked at the curb. I brushed the tears from my eyes.