do you feel like a man?

Aria

*****Trigger Warning*****⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️

physical verbal and mental abuse in this chapter. your mental health is important. if this is an issue please please please avoid this chapter.

How could you be so stupid? He would never love you. Worthless. Stupid. I berate myself as I get out of my car. I called Asher’s phone, I just needed to hear his voice, my twin was the one person next to Lori who had just moved to Nashville for college that could calm me down. I bite my lip and cry as my calls keep going to voicemail. I shake my head and lay the phone in the passenger seat. I close the door and leave the keys in the ignition. It wouldn’t take but a minute to get what I needed.

I let myself into the house via the side door. I wipe my eyes as I grab water from the fridge. I take a sip to calm my nerves. I wasn’t going to let this break me. My wolf was going crazy inside me. I have been through enough with my father the last few years. Jasper wasn’t going to break me. I couldn’t allow that to happen. I set the bottle on the counter. Wipe my eyes again. It didn’t matter what I told myself. I could feel my heart was broken. I wasn't going to be petty and ruin Jasper’s lifelong friendship with my twin brother. I wasn’t going to ruin Asher’s life. I have kept enough secrets from him, what's one more?

I never told him or my mother about the years of abuse. I made sure they never were hurt by my father. No one knew or understood why I hid my body and ate until I had gotten so big. No one understood how I made sure I was unattractive so he wouldn’t ever rape me. How I made sure that I never looked good on purpose. I wore loose clothing most days. Long sleeves as well, but those were more to cover the bruises from beatings.

The song Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus runs through my mind as I think of all the abuse I have lived with since I was six years old. I may never fully understand why my father turned into the man he did back then. I grabbed a bag from the laundry room and headed up the stairs to my bedroom. So lost in my thoughts I didn’t see him at first.

I sighed as I looked up then cried out. My wolf began screaming at me to get out of there. But I couldn’t. My father was standing at my desk going through my paperwork. I could see from here it was the papers I had hid in my diary. The same diary that was ripped to pieces on the floor in front of him. In his big hand crushed was my acceptance letter to a college he hadn’t approved of. My brain was screaming. The Art Institute in DC, the place I had applied to get as far away as I possibly could without leaving the country.

His face was blood red with anger. I knew it was different this time. His eyes were glazed like he wasn’t even there. He was shaking violently as he strode from across the room in three long strides and grabbed me by the throat and slammed me up against my door. His hand tightened, cutting off my air flow and I could feel myself panicking at the loss of air to my lungs. His claws extracting, digging into my neck.

“You fucking little cunt, you aren’t going anywhere. You are my worthless piece of shit fat ass bitch of a daughter. You aren’t leaving me. You are mine. I will do whatever I want with you. You aren’t going to college, you dumb bitch. You are mine.”

My head slammed back against the door as he continued to choke me. I was thrashing trying to claw my way out of his hold. My wolf was trying to push her way through my skin. His hand tightened and I never saw his other hand come up before I felt debilitating pain through my jaw as his fist slammed into my face. I cried out. And he smiled. His eyes lit up at the sound. My jaw felt broken. I couldn’t seem to move my mouth. I could feel the tears flowing freely down my face. His smile turned more sinister as he threw me to the ground. He reared back with his foot and kicked me over and over. I could feel the undeniable feeling of my ribs breaking. I started gasping for air as the pain became so debilitating. I lost count of the kicks to my ribs.

“You stupid little cunt. So, fucking ungrateful for everything I’ve ever done for your fat ass. I will show you who you belong to. You will never get out of here. You belong to me.” He screamed as he kicked me. He grunted before he picked me up by the hair of my head. I cried out clawing at his hand as he pulled me out of my room. I knew what was coming and knew I wouldn’t survive. There was no way.

“Dad please no stop. Daddy please no!” I cried, begging him. Pleading with the man. I prayed I would break through to him, but I knew deep inside that I wouldn’t.

I closed my eyes and Jasper’s face flew through my mind. It probably made me the dumbest person in the world, but now that my father was about to kill me, I was thankful I had been with at least once before I died. I knew I wasn’t going to make it out of today alive.

My dad grinned savagely “Bye baby girl.” he said as he pulled me close before he threw me down the staircase. My body flipped over itself over and over as I hit every step going down. My head bangs multiple times against the stairs. I couldn’t even bring my arms up to protect myself. I could feel my body shutting down as I slammed into the floor of the foyer. I could hear him coming down the stairs, but I couldn’t move. My body felt broken. I could feel blood pooling around me. I could hear my gasps for air as I struggled to breathe. I couldn’t cry out. I couldn’t beg him to stop. I could feel the wetness of tears against my cheeks.

This was it. My father had finally gotten what he had always wanted. Me dead. I felt his foot slam down onto my jaw and my world went to black.