I never really understood what my father meant when he said,
“Not everything is as it seems.”
Because how do you know it isn’t? I asked him multiple times and he would tell me,
“Mija, you really don’t know and you’re trying to read too much into it. Sometimes when you know you know.”
He explained like trying to see what’s behind the clear picture. Every lie has a truth. Every painter has a story. Every writer writes to escape into a reality where they are in control. So, you can’t expect a writer and painter to show you a clear picture the same. In this case, you can’t expect a gang leader to show you the same as a mafia leader. In the world I grew up in, those were two different things. Your c
We typically chose not to fight in public for Bently but as we were riding in the car, my raging hormones got the better of me. “I can’t believe you would pull such a stunt. What? You can’t do it yourself, you coward!” He reached over for my hand which I snatched away quickly. “Nadia, not now.” He demanded, but he was calm. That’s one thing that was amazing about him. He has been mad before and spoke to me sternly, yet he never yelled at me or anyone. I was a raging tornado, and he was those high mountains that stopped me in my tracks. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He looked at me pleadingly. I wanted to knock his stupid head off his body. “The tattoo you dimwit. He was one of your men in the UK. Lie to me again.” I saw the nervous look on his face which was all the proof I needed. I knew he was dumb, but this was anothe
He finally turned his body in my direction, which so far was a good thing. “Nadia, I am not here to be friends with my cousin’s wife. I don’t care what happens in your private life, as I don’t care what happens to you. You are just a girl I watch.” I would be lying if I told you that it didn’t hurt me, but he has to know me before he could hate me. “And why not? What have I ever done to you for you to hate me so much?” His lip started to twitch, and I suddenly flinched when his hand moved. “I’m sorry!” I screamed. The air got thicker, and the park became silent as everyone around stopped in their tracks. I uncovered my arms from my face to look back at Carter completely stunned. He was only combing his hair with his fingers. “Nadia I wasn’t going to hit you; I don’t do that to women.” I finally relaxed,
He really kept to his word. I was over here more often than not. Especially since I knew my lovely husband was out sleeping around. It gave more time for that, but then things took a horrible turn. About seven months after Carlos and I had gotten into an argument. I wasn’t feeling very well, and I woke up really late. Bently was still in PJs, and Carlos came home during lunchtime and things weren’t ready. He could care less how I felt, and I talked back to him. He had wrapped his hands around my throat and slammed me against the wall. When I fell to the ground, he grabbed me by the arms to pick me up. When I pulled back, he let go and I hit my face against the bed frame. He was leaving that night and told me he was taking me to Carter’s house. Everything was all so last minute that when I walked into Carter's house, I called out for him. “I am in my bedroom, Nadia!” He yelled. I quickly put Bently down for bedtime in
We were so wrapped up in each other that I wanted more. I reached up latching my lips onto his, trying to take everything in because I thought this was it. There was no way this can happen again, but it was hard not to. I think in my mind Bently knew we were seeing each other, but he was someone who liked to be by himself he didn’t want to notice. Anytime we had Carlos’s friends over, he never wanted to play with their kids. He’d say “Mom, they’re annoying. Can you not make me play with them again?” He was definitely something else. Trying to juggle doing what’s best for my son, and also me trying to find happiness in such a small place I was kept in. I released myself from his mouth, and he just looked at him. “No. We’re throwing gasoline in a fire though.”I think a part of me kept causing issues with Carlos in order for him to send
There we were in the car, looking at each other trying to understand how everything was going so wrong. We knew what we wanted but sadly it didn’t look like it would happen. We never intended for this to happen, but sadly we don’t have control of how this world develops. When two people who were never supposed to happen, became something so beautiful and unrealistic. Sometimes I like to think it’s a test of faith to see how much you can take. Forced marriage, son, affair, and pregnancy. Long ago I thought that maybe there was no higher power, because how can something so powerful be so cruel at the same time? Why are rapists, pedophiles, murderers, drugs all allowed? My faith has been something that I have been questioning for an exceptionally long time. Yet Carter coming into my life had to be some kind of miracle. He saw hope in everything that was bad. For a long time, I believed even bad people deserve a second chance and for a w
Back in high school, I was voted Most Likely to Succeed. I was on the debate team, straight-A student, and friends with everyone. I had always felt like something was missing in my life. I had a perfect life, the perfect family, and the perfect boyfriend. We were sitting in the chem lab and I was working on my senior project that many colleges would be looking at. I chose the truth about corrupt America and trafficking. Many women and kids were being kidnapped back from my hometown to next door. It pained me to know that they were missing without a trace. Or when 1500 immigrants were “lost” in the cages they were being kept in. The news was depressing. My family and many of the immigrants that reside in Hatch were under fire. Everywhere we went we were told to go back to Mexico. Speaking our native language was always some Caucasian women screaming at us. So, I decided to do a project on something that has no perfect outcome. To show w
We had stood there just wrapped in each other’s arms as I sobbed and soaked his shirt. My breathing wasn’t steady but I somehow managed to hold my balance. “Nadia it’s okay, you don’t need to go through this alone anymore.” He tried to comfort me but sadly I just felt violated even when I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I chose to tell him, but it was the trust in me that made it easier. “I need to go for a walk alone please.” His pained look sent my heart to my stomach. I knew that if I didn’t put some space between us I wouldn’t stop crying. He slowly just nodded at me as I headed to the door. There was this spot down the road near the lake that really seemed to calm me. The moon overlooked the water. While the ripples appeared in the lake. I wondered how I was going to be something I had forgotten how to be. After eight years you’d think I would have strengthened my backbone, but it was somehow lost in sudden despair.
After they beat me trying to find out where the girls were. I told them multiple times that I didn’t know, and I was telling the truth. I told them to run and not look back. “Take her to Nick, they can have some fun with this troublemaker.” I heard one of them say. They began to laugh as I laid on the floor with a broken nose. I thought I was going to die, they made me wish I was dead. They snatched me from the ground and tossed me back into the van. It felt like we were in there for days as the little light that came in reminded me of when it was dark and morning. No food or water was given; they only gave me vodka to drink. After forcing me out of the van the sun burnt my eyes. I was put into a bathroom where they made me bathe myself. A doctor came in and put my nose back in place as I was only breathing out of my mouth. Before being thrown into a room with no mattress, only a floor. That was my home
Days have come and gone. I found myself getting ready for the morning, it felt like I hadn’t gotten any sleep. After showering and getting Bently ready we headed downstairs for breakfast. I ran straight into Talon. These hormones were getting to me, it’s been really hard to be around him and not let my mind wander. “You okay, you seem in a rush?” Talon said, I kept my eyes on his chest because if I looked at his brown eyes, It would be really hard to hide how much I wanted him. “It’s the first time I’ve seen a doctor this pregnancy. I am hoping to find the gender and start searching for a place.” He took a step back putting some distance between us. “Do you need a ride or some money?” My eyes met my eyelids. “No, it’s fine. Carter is taking me, and I have money. Thank you though. His eyes were burning a hole in my head and he wouldn’t leave. “Nadia, look at me.”
Carter and I had exited the room and we followed the voice of Carlos into an office. When we walked in, we saw Carlos in Talon’s face screaming. Yet I wasn’t watching him, I was watching Talon. He was sitting in a chair behind a desk, his arms folded across his chest and he was solemn. He didn’t react to all the yelling as if It were boring him. A man who keeps his composure I find attractive. We stood there listening to them. “You had no right to pull all my men out. I made you millions by doing what I do!” Carlos was screaming and continued until Talon raised his hand silencing him. It went quiet, they just stared down and Carlos finally backed up and took a breath. “Those are my men, not yours. You abused your power. A power that not only got my niece involved but your damn wife that you mistreated. It’s sad to say but you will never be the man your father was. That’s sad considering he was a piece of
Weeks had passed and I couldn’t seem to get out of bed. How could a moment so perfect be so wrong? I felt betrayed, hurt, worried, devastated, and just completely out of touch with myself. I couldn’t get myself out of this slump as Bently was the reason I forced myself to eat. I know it was selfish, but maybe this is what rock bottom feels like. I recall the blank look Carter had given me before he hit the ground. Was he even alive? No one had told me anything and it was killing me. I think they were trying to avoid giving me any more bad news. The door to the room I was staying in opened. The man with brown eyes walked in. “Get out of bed. You’ve been cooped up for two weeks and Bently needs his mom.” He demanded. But sadly, my body just couldn’t move. He threw the covers off me, “You stink, and for someone who only eats soup your clothes are getting too tight.” I got the pillow and threw it at him as h
I tossed and turned all night next to the man who caused me eight years of pain. All the abuse I endured, and I couldn’t wait until he was dead. Knowing I would never catch any sleep, I got up out of bed and headed downstairs to make a snack. When I got there, a light was already on. I peaked in and saw a full head of brown hair. “Can’t sleep?” Talon asked before turning around to greet me with a smile. “Guess that makes two of us, why are you awake?” I said as I walked to the fridge talking and taking out sandwich material. “Want a sandwich?” I asked to which he nodded. I began to make our sandwiches in slightly awkward silence. “Are you nervous?” He asked. I nodded in reply. I walked back to the fridge where the whiteboard was and began to write. “I wouldn’t talk here; he has recording devices.” He nodded as I erased what I wrote. “Just know that there will be someth
I woke up from my long nap and noticed the other side of the bed was now cold, missing Carter’s warmth. I got up and found him in the kitchen with Bently cooking breakfast. “Hey, are you hungry?” He placed a plate on the table knowing that of course, I was hungry. I sat down on the stool and picked at my food. “Listen, Carlos mentioned a party that’s happening in a few days and he ordered for you to be there. It wasn’t up for debate.” I nodded and played around with my eggs as I took tiny bites. There was a huge elephant in the room causing tension. “Mom, you okay?” Bently plopped himself on the stool next to me. So innocent and I loved it. “Yeah, I am just tired, did you sleep well?” He nodded before attempting to take the bacon off my plate. I grabbed his hand. “Don’t you know better than to take a girl’s bacon?” I joked as I took a bite from the bacon in his hand. He laughed before eating the rest. He stood up and wrapped his arms around me laying
My mouth dropped open at what she was telling me. My father was her abuser? My family was hurting her over and over and I am allowing this why? Thoughts of vulnerable Nadia fighting with everything in her to not let this man win, eventually losing all the fight in her. I shook my head in disbelief. I backed up into the wall and began fighting back tears. This can't be true. I can’t let this go on any longer, but I don’t want my family dead even though that’s what needs to happen. Imagine the conflict my head is going through processing this. “I can’t be involved with you, with your father still here. He hurt me Carter over and over again. He damaged me more than Carlos ever did. But I won’t make you decide between your family and me. But I choose my kids and me to protect.” I sat on my bed with my face in my hands trying to understand how much pain she went throug
Nadia entered the house, I have never seen someone freeze the way she did. Her tan skin went pale as she stared at my father like she knew him. She was shaking and picking at her fingers and I just couldn’t figure it out. She stormed off saying she was going to pack her stuff and go. “Nadia where are you going?” My father looked at me before shifting to my other side and waited for her to get out of earshot. “Your cousin’s wife's son? I thought I raised you better than that” I rolled my eyes to his judgement. My father was an amazing father, but he wasn’t a good man. I knew the type of leader he was and how he treated my mother which for some reason I never really knew. “Dad, you have no idea what you’re talking about. There is more to the story. But if I told you then you’d find no issues with it.” I went to lean against the
After they beat me trying to find out where the girls were. I told them multiple times that I didn’t know, and I was telling the truth. I told them to run and not look back. “Take her to Nick, they can have some fun with this troublemaker.” I heard one of them say. They began to laugh as I laid on the floor with a broken nose. I thought I was going to die, they made me wish I was dead. They snatched me from the ground and tossed me back into the van. It felt like we were in there for days as the little light that came in reminded me of when it was dark and morning. No food or water was given; they only gave me vodka to drink. After forcing me out of the van the sun burnt my eyes. I was put into a bathroom where they made me bathe myself. A doctor came in and put my nose back in place as I was only breathing out of my mouth. Before being thrown into a room with no mattress, only a floor. That was my home
We had stood there just wrapped in each other’s arms as I sobbed and soaked his shirt. My breathing wasn’t steady but I somehow managed to hold my balance. “Nadia it’s okay, you don’t need to go through this alone anymore.” He tried to comfort me but sadly I just felt violated even when I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I chose to tell him, but it was the trust in me that made it easier. “I need to go for a walk alone please.” His pained look sent my heart to my stomach. I knew that if I didn’t put some space between us I wouldn’t stop crying. He slowly just nodded at me as I headed to the door. There was this spot down the road near the lake that really seemed to calm me. The moon overlooked the water. While the ripples appeared in the lake. I wondered how I was going to be something I had forgotten how to be. After eight years you’d think I would have strengthened my backbone, but it was somehow lost in sudden despair.