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Chapter Twenty Nine
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2021-08-04 22:57:23“To end this presentation, anger management, stress management, and interpersonal communication skills are all areas where curriculum intervention may make a difference, and it is fundamental enough that students need it in order to assess and be in control of their mental health,” I uttered, keeping myself calm as I look at my presentation and back to the research panel.
Months passed by in a hurdle. I can’t even believe that I’m already a month away from graduation, and we have accomplished almost every requirement for our subjects. Today was special—it was our last defense for our solo thesis, and I have never been more confident in presenting my thesis—I knew I did my best.
My thesis was about anger management, interpersonal communication skills, and stress management and their effects when it comes to emotional intelligence. It was probably not a new topic when it comes to our field, but it was a personal feat for me. Maybe beca
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If there was anything I never learned how to do or search on the internet whenever I had the time was this—how-to handle confessions.Of course, I know it was normal that I didn’t know what to do because he literally caught me off-guard without even having second thoughts on how he’d deliver those exact words that kept on repeating in my head for over a day now. I don’t even know if he was just pranking me (God forbid if it was just a prank, it wasn’t funny) or if he was telling me the truth.It was so sudden that I don’t even know if there’s a rule that I should call him and tell him that I’m grateful that he likes me or something, but that’d just probably come off as straight-out offensive, I think.I groaned and grabbed the nearest pillow beside me to cover my whole face and scream so loud the student right next to my room probably heard me as I aggressively wriggle my feet against my bedsheets. Yesterday
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Enrique.He could easily just sweep off any girl’s feet and make them head over heels for him with just his words. I wouldn’t even deny that my heart stopped (not literally) for a while when I heard that phrase from him.He just knows it. Without even having to exert any effort. He’d easily make progress.I don’t even know where he was getting all these words! It was like he was vomiting sweet phrases every now and then, and oddly enough, I’d even end up daydreaming about it as if it felt nice.I mean… it was nice. It feels nice when it feels like someone’s there to wait for you.But it felt weird—well at least for me—that someone was seeing light behind my darkness even when he knew everything that I went through. Sure… I was different among the girls he’d meet, or every socialite they’d set up for a blind date with him—but I was different in a bad way!I did ha
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I’ve always wondered if fairytales were real—or could be real at some point without the magic and glittery stuff. But as I grew older, I realized there are no real fairy godmothers (of some sort), or a prince charming that would suddenly save me from every little thing I’ve been through.Maybe because they’re all fiction—too unrealistic. They’re just that—meant to be read and watched by kids. Anything fairytale does not even apply in adulthood anymore—if back then we survived as kids because we only thought about castles and fairies and all that grandeur stuff, but adulthood was the reality—it was a harsh slap that woke me up from my dream.Ah… fuck being an adult. Every day makes me want to commit a crime or fake my information and marry a conglomerate heir and then live my life in lies for the rest of my life—well, at least I’d be sad and rich.I’d probably never understand how it f
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“Fuck.”God forbid that was the first word that came out of my mouth when I woke up with a really bad headache. It wasn’t new, to be honest—I deal with it almost a day or two within a week. Doctors said it was chronic and had to take medicines, but I just try to hold it in if I could.I didn’t want to skip work for the day, but I was really sick that leaving my bed for a while just gives me bad headaches I would never want to experience ever again—but it has always been a part of me, thanks to migraines.When I called sick to my manager, Mila was fast to call. I couldn’t even determine if she was my friend or a manager who nags way too much when you get ill over stressors of some sort.It felt nice… to have someone nag you because you don’t put much concern over yourself. It’d probably sound ridiculous, but it feels nice—maybe because I grew up not having anyone by my side to dictate wheth
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“Sorry, my… room’s small,” I said the moment we entered my dorm room, my hands doing these weird and random hand gestures. It was small—yet enough for a midget like me, but it looked smaller than it already was with Enrique—thank God the ceiling was high enough—though he could just probably reach for it without even standing on his toes. “Just… feel at home.”He chuckled, “Don’t feel shy around me, Kath.”I pouted, “I wasn’t!” I protested, but it felt like I was walking on eggshells with him inside my room. It wasn’t the first time I had someone here, but he was the first guy. I was just grateful nobody saw us running pathetically or I’d probably be on the headlines again.“Coffee?”He smiled.I couldn’t help but watch him through my peripheral vision as he checks out the room—thank God, again, for Mila and Sophie fo
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Out of sight. Out of mind. I was living that quote for a while now—I was getting the best out of my life, finally—but some people just do not really care about your feelings or whatever. Do I look like I’d talk to someone who almost became the reason why I got kicked out (I still am grateful for what he did so he could stop that, though)? Then why are people suddenly asking me if I knew what this-guy-that-I-should-forget is doing back in the Philippines? The hell do I care? But, fuck that when almost everyone in your neighborhood knows the person you never wanted to see again and hear them bicker about him whenever you’re around. I mean—I know you’d know you’re finally moved on when you realize that you don’t even care about their lives anymore, but isn’t that the point? I don’t care about the guy anymore! So why would they insist that I know about his whereabouts? Why would they even assume that I know everything about him? I barely
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I’d be lying if I’d say Enrique’s words did not keep me up all night because apparently, they did. And it wasn’t just because it felt nice—I was really stunned hearing those from him.I mean… true, though. It wasn’t different from all the other phrases he’s been telling me as if he purposely learned all these sweet phrases shenanigans before he told me that he has a “crush” on me (which still feels weird up until now, TBH). Although I know I shouldn’t invalidate his feelings just because I’m not used to getting this kind of confession—the last time I did, everything just went down the drain.With slumped shoulders, I walked my way to my little kitchen and made myself a simple breakfast. It was a Saturday and I had my day off for today, so I woke up later than usual. I typically don’t have plans for the weekend since back then I’d just study my ass off, but after graduating I just
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Author's Note
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this novel. It really means so much to me as I've always wanted to write something in English. Show your support by giving some gems to this novel if you loved it! Drop some comments too! I don't know when I'll write another novel again, but I hope I'd be able to write another soon! You can interact with me by suggesting themes for my next novel and I'll keep that in mind when I'm ready again to write another. Thank you for reading Enrique and Kathrina's story! I wish you were able to learn some lessons from it. <3
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Lyza
"It's so lovely," Kathrina gushes as she turns around in front of the mirror when she finally tried the wedding gown that I made for her. I smiled. "It fits you perfectly," I say. She turned around and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you... Lyza." It'd be hypocritical for me to say that I didn't hate Kathrina. I did. I thought if she didn't come into the picture, Drey and I would've been married already. And yet that's when I realized... I could've been married to my first love, but I'd live a life full of regrets and misery. Back then, I was so in love with Drey that maybe I didn't see how he was hurting, too. I even found it unfair that I was just there... waiting for him to tell me anything because I was stupid enough to believe that what we might have could be true. I mean... I did feel the love and support Drey gave me... but I felt like I was becoming more of a baggage for him to carry, instead. I've love
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"You think you can already face it?" I remained mum as my therapist asks questions when I asked her if it'd be okay for me to attend Kathrina's wedding. At first it sounded bull--who'd invite someone who fucked her life before and think it'd probably be nice to watch you get married?I was like... fuck off.I was miserable as hell. I felt like she was mocking me for being miserable like this because I deserved it after screwing the hell out of her life.Yeah, sure. I fucking deserve it.My family didn't understand me first... that I almost wanted to cut ties with them, until I couldn't take it anymore and asked my psychiatrist to call for them and explain my situation. My mom was a doctor... until I think being one of the socialities sucked the soul out of her that she thought I was just joking just to escape the responsibilities.I know I was partly responsible for how I turned out. I should've just proved myself to them in a way wherein I'd lead
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"You aren't really crying now, huh?" my friend asked. I glared at him which made him chuckle as I was taking my handkerchief from my pocket."Dude stop," I say, wiping my face. I sighed. Suddenly it feels like the time slowed down along with the music that was playing."Stop transforming into a giraffe, Kath won't run." I glared at him, even asking him to stop, but of course--he just couldn't. Ah, why would I even question myself? He just loved teasing me everytime he gets the chance.I waited so long for this.So long.It's finally happening.Because I knew ever since, this is where we should be.Because the moment I first laid my eyes on her when I realized that I do love her... I promised myself already.Hell be damned, it's only her.It's her or no one for me.Dear God. I just love her so much.Tears fell down the moment the moment the doors opened, followed by my heavy breathings--I heard my best
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Epilogue
I blinked.Once.Thrice.My eyes were a little strained when I checked my eyes in front of the mirror. I haven't been sleeping a lot the past few days since the start of major research they assigned to me to spearhead, along with my thesis to finally graduate and get my Master's Degree. It has been a rough road ahead since I had to juggle with research and academic and therapy in between just so I won't lose myself in the process, but even then, I was happy.The past few years were difficult. There would be times that I don't even know where I'd get the strength to go on because I'd still feel empty every now and then. But at the end of the day, I'd still get the hang of it.The therapy was good... for the past few years it's one of the few good things that kept me sane even in times where relapses were getting worse, or I didn't realize I wasn't withdrawing away from the world again.But, I’m okay.I’ve already lear
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Five
Enrique seemed like he was taken aback by what I said which had me laughing."I'm not dreaming, right?""Huh?" I asked, teasing him as if I didn't what I had just said."You said something..." his voice was laced with sadness but I went on with the act."I wasn't saying anything," I uttered. "Did you hear a ghost?"Enrique pouted.I smiled."I love you," I repeated which caught him off-guard again."For real?"I chuckled."For real... this time."My mouth went agape when I realized that tears were welling in his eyes but he didn't care, even when they started to fall. I suddenly felt sad that I made him wait for so long just so I could be sure with my feelings, but I wanted to find the right time--where I wouldn't even question myself if my feelings were right or wrong.I wanted to be sure of him. Without any reservations, without a doubt.I wanted to love him unconditionally
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Four
I couldn't sleep much last night so I ended up plotting what I'd do for the rest of the week with Enrique. If it's possible, I would really come to the opening of Sophie's clothing line, although I already promised I'd watch it with them on Zoom--it's the least I can do to support my friend.The week was filled with a lot of stuff I wanted to do--although they're not very much "exciting" since I wanted Enrique to relax around the town, too, instead of some physical stuff even if I wanted to. The last time I checked, I still find it hilarious that Enrique's actually scared of heights which I never really expected!I smiled as I was buttoning my attire in front of the mirror. I was fidgety--my hands almost shivering with every move. I'll be meeting the research team today and I can't even believe that within just a few months, I'm already here.It's too surreal.I took a deep breath in as I pulled the hems of my blouse, "I can do it," I whispered, smiling w
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Three
I didn't know what has gotten into me to muster up the courage to hold Enrique's hand like that. I felt really embarrassed after, and Enrique was even teasing me about it when he called after he got to his condo here in Cambridge.It would probably be nice if we could live together...I shook my head with that thought and laid on my bed as I stare at my ceiling. The room was just the perfect amount of dim since I turned on the dim lights.Apparently, Enrique asked for a week-long vacation in exchange for finishing all that's needed for the company and the requirements for a new branch in Toronto. Although he could just ask someone else to do it and finish everything for him, Enrique said it's his responsibility so he had to face it by himself. If he's not facing everything on his own, it'd just make him dependent to other people and he didn't want that.Well as for me, I felt a little better... but Enrique wasn't a cure, nor Drey. Sure, talking to Drey an
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Two
I blinked.Once.Thrice.Yet I still couldn't process how it all went down to this--Enrique and Drey were facing each other. Apparently, Enrique wanted to surprise me that he flew to Cambridge (which really touched my heart, thank you very much) but seeing them in front of me as if they were going to throw punches anytime was scaring the shit out of me.I mean... sure, I had a mistake there. I ignored Enrique's calls and didn't even tell him that Drey was around the town--but I wanted to talk to him after Drey and I talk because sure enough, I knew who I was going to choose.It was Enrique.It has been Enrique all along.When I saw Drey back then, I thought I still had these lingering feelings because I still felt the anger and the need to tell him everything in my mind, yet... it was all just that--it was all anger and the guilt that I harbored for many months even when I already told him what I wanted to tell a couple of months ago.
