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Chapter Thirty Four
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2021-08-11 22:23:50“Fuck.”
God forbid that was the first word that came out of my mouth when I woke up with a really bad headache. It wasn’t new, to be honest—I deal with it almost a day or two within a week. Doctors said it was chronic and had to take medicines, but I just try to hold it in if I could.
I didn’t want to skip work for the day, but I was really sick that leaving my bed for a while just gives me bad headaches I would never want to experience ever again—but it has always been a part of me, thanks to migraines.
When I called sick to my manager, Mila was fast to call. I couldn’t even determine if she was my friend or a manager who nags way too much when you get ill over stressors of some sort.
It felt nice… to have someone nag you because you don’t put much concern over yourself. It’d probably sound ridiculous, but it feels nice—maybe because I grew up not having anyone by my side to dictate wheth
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Thirty Five
“Sorry, my… room’s small,” I said the moment we entered my dorm room, my hands doing these weird and random hand gestures. It was small—yet enough for a midget like me, but it looked smaller than it already was with Enrique—thank God the ceiling was high enough—though he could just probably reach for it without even standing on his toes. “Just… feel at home.”He chuckled, “Don’t feel shy around me, Kath.”I pouted, “I wasn’t!” I protested, but it felt like I was walking on eggshells with him inside my room. It wasn’t the first time I had someone here, but he was the first guy. I was just grateful nobody saw us running pathetically or I’d probably be on the headlines again.“Coffee?”He smiled.I couldn’t help but watch him through my peripheral vision as he checks out the room—thank God, again, for Mila and Sophie fo
Last Updated : 2021-08-13If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Thirty Six
Out of sight. Out of mind. I was living that quote for a while now—I was getting the best out of my life, finally—but some people just do not really care about your feelings or whatever. Do I look like I’d talk to someone who almost became the reason why I got kicked out (I still am grateful for what he did so he could stop that, though)? Then why are people suddenly asking me if I knew what this-guy-that-I-should-forget is doing back in the Philippines? The hell do I care? But, fuck that when almost everyone in your neighborhood knows the person you never wanted to see again and hear them bicker about him whenever you’re around. I mean—I know you’d know you’re finally moved on when you realize that you don’t even care about their lives anymore, but isn’t that the point? I don’t care about the guy anymore! So why would they insist that I know about his whereabouts? Why would they even assume that I know everything about him? I barely
Last Updated : 2021-08-13If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Thirty Seven
I’d be lying if I’d say Enrique’s words did not keep me up all night because apparently, they did. And it wasn’t just because it felt nice—I was really stunned hearing those from him.I mean… true, though. It wasn’t different from all the other phrases he’s been telling me as if he purposely learned all these sweet phrases shenanigans before he told me that he has a “crush” on me (which still feels weird up until now, TBH). Although I know I shouldn’t invalidate his feelings just because I’m not used to getting this kind of confession—the last time I did, everything just went down the drain.With slumped shoulders, I walked my way to my little kitchen and made myself a simple breakfast. It was a Saturday and I had my day off for today, so I woke up later than usual. I typically don’t have plans for the weekend since back then I’d just study my ass off, but after graduating I just
Last Updated : 2021-08-14If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Thirty Eight
“Well… I could definitely get some help,” I uttered, probably in the shyest way possible after declining for his help a couple of minutes ago to get some popcorn. Shocker, he wasn’t really lying when he said that two popcorn buckets were too much for the both of us because it was really big and I couldn’t carry it along with the tray of colas!Enrique chuckled and walked towards me as he gets the bucket and the tray from my hand, and whoops, clumsy little me almost dropped the popcorn.“Careful,” he uttered, quick enough to hold me by the arm so I wouldn’t tip-off. He sure laughed afterwards when I was finally composed. “You should probably be nicknamed clumsy.”I rolled my eyes, “We all have our clumsy days!” I protested.“Just tell me your legs are going Jell-O when I’m around,” he joked, wiggling his eyebrows as we walk towards our cinema. Apparently, we
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If anyone were to ask how it felt around Drey, I’d always say butterflies. Like a rumbling feeling in your stomach that you’d feed on over and over again just because it feels nice to feel that way whenever you see someone.Or that ecstatic feeling of weird heartburn, or probably just a heart attack waiting to occur.It was all that.And I was also at the point where even when I was avoiding him, just feeling his presence made my heart jump and butterflies start to flutter inside me—as if trying to find validation just so I could feel it over and over again.But it was different with Drey. He’s tranquility… the one you won’t even be afraid of confiding to because you feel safe whenever you’re around them. It’s a different kind of safety that I only feel whenever I’m with him.I never felt like I had to prove myself to him because it feels like he just always gets me… even with the slight
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I don’t have an inkling on how I’d risk it.It was awkward (for me) when I got to finally weigh the options in front of me, and recognize what I’ve been trying to avoid. It wasn’t a spur of the moment, it wasn’t even a random decision that I had to face—I knew it since then, I just never really wanted to acknowledge it.But when you face yet another decision to make, it becomes a slap—a harsh slap of reality that you suddenly have to really choose and decide which is which.As for me…I’m still indecisive as ever.I took a deep breath in and hugged my knees as I stare at the papers I’ve been arranging ever since I woke up—I had a lot to accomplish, and I only had two weeks before I move to Cambridge. I haven’t written my resignation letter, but Enrique was kind enough to let me use the remaining weeks to finish the papers I needed.I was excited to the extent that I cou
Last Updated : 2021-08-16If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty One
“How’s Spain?” I was smiling ear to ear as I talk to Enrique through the phone—I couldn’t even believe how everything escalated so quickly, and I was dumb enough to send the email of my confession just when he entered the airport and not when he finally boarded. I could even imagine it already—he’d probably bombard me with calls, but I was asleep after the long drive so I’d probably see his calls the next day, almost forgetting what I sent.Yet maybe, I really wanted him to see the mail before he leaves for Spain—I wanted to see him again before I couldn’t since I was leaving for Cambridge, too.People say dating someone you’re away from just makes it hard—that was probably the main reason I couldn’t tell and decide, I knew I would just leave Brampton even if I don’t pass as a researcher in Cambridge. I’d run wherever I could just so I could finally escape… and yet as I gre
Last Updated : 2021-08-18If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Two
It was fair enough that I didn’t stay at my dorm and decided to work at the café to pass time. The requirements I had to finish didn’t really take a lot of time to process since they were just paper works that I had to comply with. Flying to Cambridge was the easy part that I even booked a ticket beforehand so I wouldn’t think of not leaving.I still had an ounce of dignity left in me, and I didn’t want to be defined as that person who didn’t leave for Cambridge just because of a person.I mean… I suddenly find light to stay in Brampton. I could care less about their opinions of me, but even if I chose to stay, it wouldn’t just be me who’d suffer the consequences. A lot of people knew I’d go to Cambridge (thanks to my university), and if they hear the news that I was staying—it’d just stir news that Enrique stopped me.I didn’t want that.And I didn’t want to stay pitifu
Last Updated : 2021-08-18
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Author's Note
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this novel. It really means so much to me as I've always wanted to write something in English. Show your support by giving some gems to this novel if you loved it! Drop some comments too! I don't know when I'll write another novel again, but I hope I'd be able to write another soon! You can interact with me by suggesting themes for my next novel and I'll keep that in mind when I'm ready again to write another. Thank you for reading Enrique and Kathrina's story! I wish you were able to learn some lessons from it. <3
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Lyza
"It's so lovely," Kathrina gushes as she turns around in front of the mirror when she finally tried the wedding gown that I made for her. I smiled. "It fits you perfectly," I say. She turned around and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you... Lyza." It'd be hypocritical for me to say that I didn't hate Kathrina. I did. I thought if she didn't come into the picture, Drey and I would've been married already. And yet that's when I realized... I could've been married to my first love, but I'd live a life full of regrets and misery. Back then, I was so in love with Drey that maybe I didn't see how he was hurting, too. I even found it unfair that I was just there... waiting for him to tell me anything because I was stupid enough to believe that what we might have could be true. I mean... I did feel the love and support Drey gave me... but I felt like I was becoming more of a baggage for him to carry, instead. I've love
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"You aren't really crying now, huh?" my friend asked. I glared at him which made him chuckle as I was taking my handkerchief from my pocket."Dude stop," I say, wiping my face. I sighed. Suddenly it feels like the time slowed down along with the music that was playing."Stop transforming into a giraffe, Kath won't run." I glared at him, even asking him to stop, but of course--he just couldn't. Ah, why would I even question myself? He just loved teasing me everytime he gets the chance.I waited so long for this.So long.It's finally happening.Because I knew ever since, this is where we should be.Because the moment I first laid my eyes on her when I realized that I do love her... I promised myself already.Hell be damned, it's only her.It's her or no one for me.Dear God. I just love her so much.Tears fell down the moment the moment the doors opened, followed by my heavy breathings--I heard my best
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Epilogue
I blinked.Once.Thrice.My eyes were a little strained when I checked my eyes in front of the mirror. I haven't been sleeping a lot the past few days since the start of major research they assigned to me to spearhead, along with my thesis to finally graduate and get my Master's Degree. It has been a rough road ahead since I had to juggle with research and academic and therapy in between just so I won't lose myself in the process, but even then, I was happy.The past few years were difficult. There would be times that I don't even know where I'd get the strength to go on because I'd still feel empty every now and then. But at the end of the day, I'd still get the hang of it.The therapy was good... for the past few years it's one of the few good things that kept me sane even in times where relapses were getting worse, or I didn't realize I wasn't withdrawing away from the world again.But, I’m okay.I’ve already lear
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Five
Enrique seemed like he was taken aback by what I said which had me laughing."I'm not dreaming, right?""Huh?" I asked, teasing him as if I didn't what I had just said."You said something..." his voice was laced with sadness but I went on with the act."I wasn't saying anything," I uttered. "Did you hear a ghost?"Enrique pouted.I smiled."I love you," I repeated which caught him off-guard again."For real?"I chuckled."For real... this time."My mouth went agape when I realized that tears were welling in his eyes but he didn't care, even when they started to fall. I suddenly felt sad that I made him wait for so long just so I could be sure with my feelings, but I wanted to find the right time--where I wouldn't even question myself if my feelings were right or wrong.I wanted to be sure of him. Without any reservations, without a doubt.I wanted to love him unconditionally
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Four
I couldn't sleep much last night so I ended up plotting what I'd do for the rest of the week with Enrique. If it's possible, I would really come to the opening of Sophie's clothing line, although I already promised I'd watch it with them on Zoom--it's the least I can do to support my friend.The week was filled with a lot of stuff I wanted to do--although they're not very much "exciting" since I wanted Enrique to relax around the town, too, instead of some physical stuff even if I wanted to. The last time I checked, I still find it hilarious that Enrique's actually scared of heights which I never really expected!I smiled as I was buttoning my attire in front of the mirror. I was fidgety--my hands almost shivering with every move. I'll be meeting the research team today and I can't even believe that within just a few months, I'm already here.It's too surreal.I took a deep breath in as I pulled the hems of my blouse, "I can do it," I whispered, smiling w
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Three
I didn't know what has gotten into me to muster up the courage to hold Enrique's hand like that. I felt really embarrassed after, and Enrique was even teasing me about it when he called after he got to his condo here in Cambridge.It would probably be nice if we could live together...I shook my head with that thought and laid on my bed as I stare at my ceiling. The room was just the perfect amount of dim since I turned on the dim lights.Apparently, Enrique asked for a week-long vacation in exchange for finishing all that's needed for the company and the requirements for a new branch in Toronto. Although he could just ask someone else to do it and finish everything for him, Enrique said it's his responsibility so he had to face it by himself. If he's not facing everything on his own, it'd just make him dependent to other people and he didn't want that.Well as for me, I felt a little better... but Enrique wasn't a cure, nor Drey. Sure, talking to Drey an
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Two
I blinked.Once.Thrice.Yet I still couldn't process how it all went down to this--Enrique and Drey were facing each other. Apparently, Enrique wanted to surprise me that he flew to Cambridge (which really touched my heart, thank you very much) but seeing them in front of me as if they were going to throw punches anytime was scaring the shit out of me.I mean... sure, I had a mistake there. I ignored Enrique's calls and didn't even tell him that Drey was around the town--but I wanted to talk to him after Drey and I talk because sure enough, I knew who I was going to choose.It was Enrique.It has been Enrique all along.When I saw Drey back then, I thought I still had these lingering feelings because I still felt the anger and the need to tell him everything in my mind, yet... it was all just that--it was all anger and the guilt that I harbored for many months even when I already told him what I wanted to tell a couple of months ago.
