LOGINShare
Chapter Thirty Nine
Last Updated:
2021-08-16 14:15:19If anyone were to ask how it felt around Drey, I’d always say butterflies. Like a rumbling feeling in your stomach that you’d feed on over and over again just because it feels nice to feel that way whenever you see someone.
Or that ecstatic feeling of weird heartburn, or probably just a heart attack waiting to occur.
It was all that.
And I was also at the point where even when I was avoiding him, just feeling his presence made my heart jump and butterflies start to flutter inside me—as if trying to find validation just so I could feel it over and over again.
But it was different with Drey. He’s tranquility… the one you won’t even be afraid of confiding to because you feel safe whenever you’re around them. It’s a different kind of safety that I only feel whenever I’m with him.
I never felt like I had to prove myself to him because it feels like he just always gets me… even with the slight
Related chapters
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty
I don’t have an inkling on how I’d risk it.It was awkward (for me) when I got to finally weigh the options in front of me, and recognize what I’ve been trying to avoid. It wasn’t a spur of the moment, it wasn’t even a random decision that I had to face—I knew it since then, I just never really wanted to acknowledge it.But when you face yet another decision to make, it becomes a slap—a harsh slap of reality that you suddenly have to really choose and decide which is which.As for me…I’m still indecisive as ever.I took a deep breath in and hugged my knees as I stare at the papers I’ve been arranging ever since I woke up—I had a lot to accomplish, and I only had two weeks before I move to Cambridge. I haven’t written my resignation letter, but Enrique was kind enough to let me use the remaining weeks to finish the papers I needed.I was excited to the extent that I cou
Last Updated : 2021-08-16If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty One
“How’s Spain?” I was smiling ear to ear as I talk to Enrique through the phone—I couldn’t even believe how everything escalated so quickly, and I was dumb enough to send the email of my confession just when he entered the airport and not when he finally boarded. I could even imagine it already—he’d probably bombard me with calls, but I was asleep after the long drive so I’d probably see his calls the next day, almost forgetting what I sent.Yet maybe, I really wanted him to see the mail before he leaves for Spain—I wanted to see him again before I couldn’t since I was leaving for Cambridge, too.People say dating someone you’re away from just makes it hard—that was probably the main reason I couldn’t tell and decide, I knew I would just leave Brampton even if I don’t pass as a researcher in Cambridge. I’d run wherever I could just so I could finally escape… and yet as I gre
Last Updated : 2021-08-18If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Two
It was fair enough that I didn’t stay at my dorm and decided to work at the café to pass time. The requirements I had to finish didn’t really take a lot of time to process since they were just paper works that I had to comply with. Flying to Cambridge was the easy part that I even booked a ticket beforehand so I wouldn’t think of not leaving.I still had an ounce of dignity left in me, and I didn’t want to be defined as that person who didn’t leave for Cambridge just because of a person.I mean… I suddenly find light to stay in Brampton. I could care less about their opinions of me, but even if I chose to stay, it wouldn’t just be me who’d suffer the consequences. A lot of people knew I’d go to Cambridge (thanks to my university), and if they hear the news that I was staying—it’d just stir news that Enrique stopped me.I didn’t want that.And I didn’t want to stay pitifu
Last Updated : 2021-08-18If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Three
I couldn’t forget the long pause that enveloped us when I told Enrique that I missed him too. It wasn’t awkward… it was more of silence after letting the thought of what the other person said to you sink in mind—and then Enrique, showing another side of him, suddenly started giggling and asking if I was real.That moment—he felt like the real deal.I don’t know if has something to do with trust issues of some sort, or he just probably feels like the idea was too far-fetched since he kept on asking if he wasn’t dreaming since it felt surreal. If any, I should’ve been that person—I really shrug off the thought that Enrique was a corporate heir, and he’s a café owner who juggles with his master’s and external businesses for their company.The idea was… insane.I mean, why me? I know there are many pretty girls in his world, and it feels like I have so much more to life than just
Last Updated : 2021-08-19If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Four
A week passed by in a hurdle, and I was dreading the D-day already, and Enrique became busier that he couldn’t call most of the time. As much as I wanted to call him first, I didn’t want to bother him at work.I miss him, but we still have our own lives. I understand how busy he is, and even when it feels lonely without his presence, I still had to understand his line of work. I didn’t want to become a nuisance, but I want to become his cheerleader.Enrique has been nothing but supportive of what I’ve always wanted to achieve in life.It’s probably my turn now to return that favor.I mean… it’s probably not a requirement—now that we just became honest with our feelings without confirming what our status would become. I told Enrique I wanted us to take it slowly but surely, yet in a way that we don’t have to hide about us from other people—they’ll know that there’s something but that&
Last Updated : 2021-08-19If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Five
Counting the days off the calendar has probably become a habit of mine every day I wake up. I have never done this my entire life, even when I was almost graduating because it felt like it was unnecessary, or maybe because I was pretty much busy with complying with my requirements that I couldn’t really track the days anymore—and when I woke up, it was graduation day already.The anticipation for this one was different—I didn’t have a lot to do and I had too much time on my plate, so I was well aware of the days that pass by. But then, even if I knew what was bound to happen, it still felt surreal that I had to remind myself every day that it’s true, and I was not dreaming.Honestly, I knew I was scared—it felt scared thinking that I might wake up one day only to realize that it’s all just a dream and the calendar marks disappeared because, apparently, I have been daydreaming—and I’m still living paycheck after payc
Last Updated : 2021-08-20If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Six
“If you stare at me like that, I’ll melt.” I laughed and took a sip from my strawberry milkshake and looked at him—he said that he just came from the plane, but why does he still look… good? I knew I looked bad when we got off the plane from Paris. It wasn’t because the air wasn’t good, because it was. It was just probably the natural occurrence of stress in my face.I could probably be the patron saint of stress.Enrique paused swirling on his pasta and looked at me, “Do you want to say something?”“Why are you still looking good?” I asked, almost out of it, only to realize that I said it out loud making Enrique giggle.“You know your words, huh,” he said and took a meatball from his pasta with a fork before taking a bite. “Did you miss me that much?”I frowned, “You were so busy…”Enrique smiled and leaned a little, “Because
Last Updated : 2021-08-20If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Seven
D-day.The moment I woke up, my eyes unconsciously wandered around my dorm and searched for my luggage, only then I was able to breathe properly and erase the negativities in my mind. The thoughts were nonstop that I had to take sleeping pills yesterday just so I could take it off my mind just for a while.I should probably start therapy and counseling when I go to Cambridge. My mind’s just always in complete haywire. I don’t want to self-destruct just because of this…I sighed and stood up from my bed. I had few more hours before boarding but I still have to travel to Toronto and probably just spend the remaining hours there.I took a long bath to wake myself up since it’s going to be a long journey, besides I could only afford an economy ticket so I’ll probably stay up the entire ride instead of sleeping.The sun was high outside, yet snow has finally started to fall a few days ago. It’s freezing outside, but
Last Updated : 2021-08-21
Latest chapter
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Author's Note
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this novel. It really means so much to me as I've always wanted to write something in English. Show your support by giving some gems to this novel if you loved it! Drop some comments too! I don't know when I'll write another novel again, but I hope I'd be able to write another soon! You can interact with me by suggesting themes for my next novel and I'll keep that in mind when I'm ready again to write another. Thank you for reading Enrique and Kathrina's story! I wish you were able to learn some lessons from it. <3
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Lyza
"It's so lovely," Kathrina gushes as she turns around in front of the mirror when she finally tried the wedding gown that I made for her. I smiled. "It fits you perfectly," I say. She turned around and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you... Lyza." It'd be hypocritical for me to say that I didn't hate Kathrina. I did. I thought if she didn't come into the picture, Drey and I would've been married already. And yet that's when I realized... I could've been married to my first love, but I'd live a life full of regrets and misery. Back then, I was so in love with Drey that maybe I didn't see how he was hurting, too. I even found it unfair that I was just there... waiting for him to tell me anything because I was stupid enough to believe that what we might have could be true. I mean... I did feel the love and support Drey gave me... but I felt like I was becoming more of a baggage for him to carry, instead. I've love
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Drey
"You think you can already face it?" I remained mum as my therapist asks questions when I asked her if it'd be okay for me to attend Kathrina's wedding. At first it sounded bull--who'd invite someone who fucked her life before and think it'd probably be nice to watch you get married?I was like... fuck off.I was miserable as hell. I felt like she was mocking me for being miserable like this because I deserved it after screwing the hell out of her life.Yeah, sure. I fucking deserve it.My family didn't understand me first... that I almost wanted to cut ties with them, until I couldn't take it anymore and asked my psychiatrist to call for them and explain my situation. My mom was a doctor... until I think being one of the socialities sucked the soul out of her that she thought I was just joking just to escape the responsibilities.I know I was partly responsible for how I turned out. I should've just proved myself to them in a way wherein I'd lead
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Enrique
"You aren't really crying now, huh?" my friend asked. I glared at him which made him chuckle as I was taking my handkerchief from my pocket."Dude stop," I say, wiping my face. I sighed. Suddenly it feels like the time slowed down along with the music that was playing."Stop transforming into a giraffe, Kath won't run." I glared at him, even asking him to stop, but of course--he just couldn't. Ah, why would I even question myself? He just loved teasing me everytime he gets the chance.I waited so long for this.So long.It's finally happening.Because I knew ever since, this is where we should be.Because the moment I first laid my eyes on her when I realized that I do love her... I promised myself already.Hell be damned, it's only her.It's her or no one for me.Dear God. I just love her so much.Tears fell down the moment the moment the doors opened, followed by my heavy breathings--I heard my best
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Epilogue
I blinked.Once.Thrice.My eyes were a little strained when I checked my eyes in front of the mirror. I haven't been sleeping a lot the past few days since the start of major research they assigned to me to spearhead, along with my thesis to finally graduate and get my Master's Degree. It has been a rough road ahead since I had to juggle with research and academic and therapy in between just so I won't lose myself in the process, but even then, I was happy.The past few years were difficult. There would be times that I don't even know where I'd get the strength to go on because I'd still feel empty every now and then. But at the end of the day, I'd still get the hang of it.The therapy was good... for the past few years it's one of the few good things that kept me sane even in times where relapses were getting worse, or I didn't realize I wasn't withdrawing away from the world again.But, I’m okay.I’ve already lear
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Five
Enrique seemed like he was taken aback by what I said which had me laughing."I'm not dreaming, right?""Huh?" I asked, teasing him as if I didn't what I had just said."You said something..." his voice was laced with sadness but I went on with the act."I wasn't saying anything," I uttered. "Did you hear a ghost?"Enrique pouted.I smiled."I love you," I repeated which caught him off-guard again."For real?"I chuckled."For real... this time."My mouth went agape when I realized that tears were welling in his eyes but he didn't care, even when they started to fall. I suddenly felt sad that I made him wait for so long just so I could be sure with my feelings, but I wanted to find the right time--where I wouldn't even question myself if my feelings were right or wrong.I wanted to be sure of him. Without any reservations, without a doubt.I wanted to love him unconditionally
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Four
I couldn't sleep much last night so I ended up plotting what I'd do for the rest of the week with Enrique. If it's possible, I would really come to the opening of Sophie's clothing line, although I already promised I'd watch it with them on Zoom--it's the least I can do to support my friend.The week was filled with a lot of stuff I wanted to do--although they're not very much "exciting" since I wanted Enrique to relax around the town, too, instead of some physical stuff even if I wanted to. The last time I checked, I still find it hilarious that Enrique's actually scared of heights which I never really expected!I smiled as I was buttoning my attire in front of the mirror. I was fidgety--my hands almost shivering with every move. I'll be meeting the research team today and I can't even believe that within just a few months, I'm already here.It's too surreal.I took a deep breath in as I pulled the hems of my blouse, "I can do it," I whispered, smiling w
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Three
I didn't know what has gotten into me to muster up the courage to hold Enrique's hand like that. I felt really embarrassed after, and Enrique was even teasing me about it when he called after he got to his condo here in Cambridge.It would probably be nice if we could live together...I shook my head with that thought and laid on my bed as I stare at my ceiling. The room was just the perfect amount of dim since I turned on the dim lights.Apparently, Enrique asked for a week-long vacation in exchange for finishing all that's needed for the company and the requirements for a new branch in Toronto. Although he could just ask someone else to do it and finish everything for him, Enrique said it's his responsibility so he had to face it by himself. If he's not facing everything on his own, it'd just make him dependent to other people and he didn't want that.Well as for me, I felt a little better... but Enrique wasn't a cure, nor Drey. Sure, talking to Drey an
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Two
I blinked.Once.Thrice.Yet I still couldn't process how it all went down to this--Enrique and Drey were facing each other. Apparently, Enrique wanted to surprise me that he flew to Cambridge (which really touched my heart, thank you very much) but seeing them in front of me as if they were going to throw punches anytime was scaring the shit out of me.I mean... sure, I had a mistake there. I ignored Enrique's calls and didn't even tell him that Drey was around the town--but I wanted to talk to him after Drey and I talk because sure enough, I knew who I was going to choose.It was Enrique.It has been Enrique all along.When I saw Drey back then, I thought I still had these lingering feelings because I still felt the anger and the need to tell him everything in my mind, yet... it was all just that--it was all anger and the guilt that I harbored for many months even when I already told him what I wanted to tell a couple of months ago.
