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Chapter Forty Five
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2021-08-20 23:06:01Counting the days off the calendar has probably become a habit of mine every day I wake up. I have never done this my entire life, even when I was almost graduating because it felt like it was unnecessary, or maybe because I was pretty much busy with complying with my requirements that I couldn’t really track the days anymore—and when I woke up, it was graduation day already.
The anticipation for this one was different—I didn’t have a lot to do and I had too much time on my plate, so I was well aware of the days that pass by. But then, even if I knew what was bound to happen, it still felt surreal that I had to remind myself every day that it’s true, and I was not dreaming.
Honestly, I knew I was scared—it felt scared thinking that I might wake up one day only to realize that it’s all just a dream and the calendar marks disappeared because, apparently, I have been daydreaming—and I’m still living paycheck after payc
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Six
“If you stare at me like that, I’ll melt.” I laughed and took a sip from my strawberry milkshake and looked at him—he said that he just came from the plane, but why does he still look… good? I knew I looked bad when we got off the plane from Paris. It wasn’t because the air wasn’t good, because it was. It was just probably the natural occurrence of stress in my face.I could probably be the patron saint of stress.Enrique paused swirling on his pasta and looked at me, “Do you want to say something?”“Why are you still looking good?” I asked, almost out of it, only to realize that I said it out loud making Enrique giggle.“You know your words, huh,” he said and took a meatball from his pasta with a fork before taking a bite. “Did you miss me that much?”I frowned, “You were so busy…”Enrique smiled and leaned a little, “Because
Last Updated : 2021-08-20If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Seven
D-day.The moment I woke up, my eyes unconsciously wandered around my dorm and searched for my luggage, only then I was able to breathe properly and erase the negativities in my mind. The thoughts were nonstop that I had to take sleeping pills yesterday just so I could take it off my mind just for a while.I should probably start therapy and counseling when I go to Cambridge. My mind’s just always in complete haywire. I don’t want to self-destruct just because of this…I sighed and stood up from my bed. I had few more hours before boarding but I still have to travel to Toronto and probably just spend the remaining hours there.I took a long bath to wake myself up since it’s going to be a long journey, besides I could only afford an economy ticket so I’ll probably stay up the entire ride instead of sleeping.The sun was high outside, yet snow has finally started to fall a few days ago. It’s freezing outside, but
Last Updated : 2021-08-21If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Eight
I asked Enrique to stop by a certain florist on the way since I was going to buy a basket of flowers for a visit. It wasn’t really far from my place so it only took us some time before we finally got to the shop.“I already purchased so just wait for me,” I said before closing the door and jogging to the shop.“Good morning.” The florist seemed to recognize me immediately as to how she smiled so wide when she saw me. She immediately took a basket of flowers behind her and put it on top of the table.“I got your order correct, right? A mix of lavender and white,” she says as I stare at the arrangement. “I put in Asiatic lilies and alstroemeria, lavender roses, and chrysanthemums.”I smiled—my eyes almost tearing up as I touch the flowers. It was a perfect balance between lavenders and whites accented with some fresh greens—it looks so captivating that I couldn’t help but get emotional
Last Updated : 2021-08-21If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Nine
Just as I expected, I couldn’t really sleep the whole plane ride to Cambridge. It wasn’t because I was in Economy—I was happy because I could finally afford a plane ticket with my own hard work. Enrique even offered a business class trip yet I refused—it wouldn’t feel as fulfilling if I accept his offer just because it was a better ride.I worked my ass off for years just so I could finally afford one—and that’s fulfilling for me already.But I couldn’t sleep because I was alone. I was scared when we went to Paris, yet I had my friends and Enrique with me—it made me less scared.But I had no one now. Just… myself, and some pinch of courage.Yet I know I had to deal with my own fears anyway. People won’t always be there to solve things for me and make everything easy, they also have their own lives and I have mine. If I always get carried away with my fears, where would I fit in a society t
Last Updated : 2021-08-21If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty
"Lyza..." I was stoned for a while as I try to process the thought that Lyza was in front of me. A few months ago, I was imagining possible scenarios where I'd suddenly see Lyza and all the things that I've been wanting to tell her. And yet... I couldn't do any of those. I was just there, looking at her as if I suddenly lost every vocabulary I learned in school.And I was even more confused... the last time I checked, Lyza was already in her first year in law school. If I knew she'd be taking up fashion designing, I would find another place thinking it might probably be her.The encounter was uncanny... it was probably inevitable, but the chances might have to be lower than one could ever imagine.She sighed and walked towards me, "I don't want to be stressed since I have to go to class... so if you have anything to say, just save that for later," she says as she dries her hair in front of the mirror.I remained silent. Her words felt cold, but I co
Last Updated : 2021-08-23If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty One
When I woke up, it was already 9:00 in the evening. I thought I wouldn't even be able to sleep because of the overflowing excitement, yet I was just too tired to think about that already, I just literally drifted off when I closed my eyes.I was getting a little hungry so I rolled to the edge of my bed and stood up, grabbing a hoodie from my cabinet and my wallet before I went out of my room. It was dark outside so I just turned on the lights in the living room since Lyza might not be at home yet, before going down to grab some food.The moment I got to the canteen it was a little packed since most of the people who are staying in the building are students or staff at the university. I just bought fish and chips and a can of soda and ate in peace as I was checking my phone for notifications."Enrique's probably busy," I whispered to myself and put down my phone before chugging the last remaining liquid in my can. It wasn't really a problem to me if we aren
Last Updated : 2021-08-24If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty Two
I was still a little sleepy when my alarm rang, yet the moment I realized that it was my first time working at the research center, I suddenly felt the rush of adrenaline in my veins. I felt so ecstatic that the idea woke me up as if I had just drunk an espresso shot.I closed my eyes and smiled as I was stretching my arms--it was probably the best sleep I ever had for years."Good morning indeed," I told myself before I finally stood up and fixed my bed before I headed outside of my room to make myself some hot cocoa. When I got out of the door, I realized Lyza had posted her schedule in front of hers which had me curious so [it's probably not considered creepy since I'm her roommate] I read it. Her schedule's really packed, and aside from her lectures, she also has a side job at a famous fashion brand. Which had me thinking for a while... I knew how she was acing her studies back when she was studying law, and she seemed really enthusiastic about her degree pro
Last Updated : 2021-08-25If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty Three
"Do you feel better now?" I sighed and smiled. It was probably a wrong decision that I added Enrique on my speed dial in case of emergency when I didn't want him to worry about my anxiety attacks and relapses. Besides, I didn't want to bother him since I know he's busy with his work and the cafe... it was really bad timing."I'm okay now..." I uttered, checking my watch in case I'm going late but I still had ample time to spare. "I'm sorry I called."Enrique sighed, "Hey... never think that you're bothering me, Kath, okay? I'm always here to help."I nodded, "I'll ask around if I can find a therapist. I probably need one now," I say, looking at myself in front of the mirror. At least, I wasn't looking terrible after that meltdown. "I'm running late... Call me when you're free, okay?""I know you'll be busy. Just call me whenever, I'll wait." I smiled.I hung up the phone first since I'll probably just end up talking to Enrique if I didn't. I
Last Updated : 2021-08-25
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Author's Note
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this novel. It really means so much to me as I've always wanted to write something in English. Show your support by giving some gems to this novel if you loved it! Drop some comments too! I don't know when I'll write another novel again, but I hope I'd be able to write another soon! You can interact with me by suggesting themes for my next novel and I'll keep that in mind when I'm ready again to write another. Thank you for reading Enrique and Kathrina's story! I wish you were able to learn some lessons from it. <3
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Lyza
"It's so lovely," Kathrina gushes as she turns around in front of the mirror when she finally tried the wedding gown that I made for her. I smiled. "It fits you perfectly," I say. She turned around and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you... Lyza." It'd be hypocritical for me to say that I didn't hate Kathrina. I did. I thought if she didn't come into the picture, Drey and I would've been married already. And yet that's when I realized... I could've been married to my first love, but I'd live a life full of regrets and misery. Back then, I was so in love with Drey that maybe I didn't see how he was hurting, too. I even found it unfair that I was just there... waiting for him to tell me anything because I was stupid enough to believe that what we might have could be true. I mean... I did feel the love and support Drey gave me... but I felt like I was becoming more of a baggage for him to carry, instead. I've love
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Drey
"You think you can already face it?" I remained mum as my therapist asks questions when I asked her if it'd be okay for me to attend Kathrina's wedding. At first it sounded bull--who'd invite someone who fucked her life before and think it'd probably be nice to watch you get married?I was like... fuck off.I was miserable as hell. I felt like she was mocking me for being miserable like this because I deserved it after screwing the hell out of her life.Yeah, sure. I fucking deserve it.My family didn't understand me first... that I almost wanted to cut ties with them, until I couldn't take it anymore and asked my psychiatrist to call for them and explain my situation. My mom was a doctor... until I think being one of the socialities sucked the soul out of her that she thought I was just joking just to escape the responsibilities.I know I was partly responsible for how I turned out. I should've just proved myself to them in a way wherein I'd lead
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Enrique
"You aren't really crying now, huh?" my friend asked. I glared at him which made him chuckle as I was taking my handkerchief from my pocket."Dude stop," I say, wiping my face. I sighed. Suddenly it feels like the time slowed down along with the music that was playing."Stop transforming into a giraffe, Kath won't run." I glared at him, even asking him to stop, but of course--he just couldn't. Ah, why would I even question myself? He just loved teasing me everytime he gets the chance.I waited so long for this.So long.It's finally happening.Because I knew ever since, this is where we should be.Because the moment I first laid my eyes on her when I realized that I do love her... I promised myself already.Hell be damned, it's only her.It's her or no one for me.Dear God. I just love her so much.Tears fell down the moment the moment the doors opened, followed by my heavy breathings--I heard my best
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Epilogue
I blinked.Once.Thrice.My eyes were a little strained when I checked my eyes in front of the mirror. I haven't been sleeping a lot the past few days since the start of major research they assigned to me to spearhead, along with my thesis to finally graduate and get my Master's Degree. It has been a rough road ahead since I had to juggle with research and academic and therapy in between just so I won't lose myself in the process, but even then, I was happy.The past few years were difficult. There would be times that I don't even know where I'd get the strength to go on because I'd still feel empty every now and then. But at the end of the day, I'd still get the hang of it.The therapy was good... for the past few years it's one of the few good things that kept me sane even in times where relapses were getting worse, or I didn't realize I wasn't withdrawing away from the world again.But, I’m okay.I’ve already lear
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Five
Enrique seemed like he was taken aback by what I said which had me laughing."I'm not dreaming, right?""Huh?" I asked, teasing him as if I didn't what I had just said."You said something..." his voice was laced with sadness but I went on with the act."I wasn't saying anything," I uttered. "Did you hear a ghost?"Enrique pouted.I smiled."I love you," I repeated which caught him off-guard again."For real?"I chuckled."For real... this time."My mouth went agape when I realized that tears were welling in his eyes but he didn't care, even when they started to fall. I suddenly felt sad that I made him wait for so long just so I could be sure with my feelings, but I wanted to find the right time--where I wouldn't even question myself if my feelings were right or wrong.I wanted to be sure of him. Without any reservations, without a doubt.I wanted to love him unconditionally
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Four
I couldn't sleep much last night so I ended up plotting what I'd do for the rest of the week with Enrique. If it's possible, I would really come to the opening of Sophie's clothing line, although I already promised I'd watch it with them on Zoom--it's the least I can do to support my friend.The week was filled with a lot of stuff I wanted to do--although they're not very much "exciting" since I wanted Enrique to relax around the town, too, instead of some physical stuff even if I wanted to. The last time I checked, I still find it hilarious that Enrique's actually scared of heights which I never really expected!I smiled as I was buttoning my attire in front of the mirror. I was fidgety--my hands almost shivering with every move. I'll be meeting the research team today and I can't even believe that within just a few months, I'm already here.It's too surreal.I took a deep breath in as I pulled the hems of my blouse, "I can do it," I whispered, smiling w
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Three
I didn't know what has gotten into me to muster up the courage to hold Enrique's hand like that. I felt really embarrassed after, and Enrique was even teasing me about it when he called after he got to his condo here in Cambridge.It would probably be nice if we could live together...I shook my head with that thought and laid on my bed as I stare at my ceiling. The room was just the perfect amount of dim since I turned on the dim lights.Apparently, Enrique asked for a week-long vacation in exchange for finishing all that's needed for the company and the requirements for a new branch in Toronto. Although he could just ask someone else to do it and finish everything for him, Enrique said it's his responsibility so he had to face it by himself. If he's not facing everything on his own, it'd just make him dependent to other people and he didn't want that.Well as for me, I felt a little better... but Enrique wasn't a cure, nor Drey. Sure, talking to Drey an
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Two
I blinked.Once.Thrice.Yet I still couldn't process how it all went down to this--Enrique and Drey were facing each other. Apparently, Enrique wanted to surprise me that he flew to Cambridge (which really touched my heart, thank you very much) but seeing them in front of me as if they were going to throw punches anytime was scaring the shit out of me.I mean... sure, I had a mistake there. I ignored Enrique's calls and didn't even tell him that Drey was around the town--but I wanted to talk to him after Drey and I talk because sure enough, I knew who I was going to choose.It was Enrique.It has been Enrique all along.When I saw Drey back then, I thought I still had these lingering feelings because I still felt the anger and the need to tell him everything in my mind, yet... it was all just that--it was all anger and the guilt that I harbored for many months even when I already told him what I wanted to tell a couple of months ago.
