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Chapter Fifty Three
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2024-10-29 19:42:56"Do you feel better now?" I sighed and smiled. It was probably a wrong decision that I added Enrique on my speed dial in case of emergency when I didn't want him to worry about my anxiety attacks and relapses. Besides, I didn't want to bother him since I know he's busy with his work and the cafe... it was really bad timing.
"I'm okay now..." I uttered, checking my watch in case I'm going late but I still had ample time to spare. "I'm sorry I called."
Enrique sighed, "Hey... never think that you're bothering me, Kath, okay? I'm always here to help."
I nodded, "I'll ask around if I can find a therapist. I probably need one now," I say, looking at myself in front of the mirror. At least, I wasn't looking terrible after that meltdown. "I'm running late... Call me when you're free, okay?"
"I know you'll be busy. Just call me whenever, I'll wait." I smiled.
I hung up the phone first since I'll probably just end up talking to Enrique if I didn't. I
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A week passed by in a hurdle. Lyza and I... well we're still not on talking terms although, she was finally recognizing my existence. I mean, we're living on the same roof, so the more this cold war between the both of us prolongs just makes it even harder to live. I might as well just find another location...Today's my day off yet I didn't really have much to do so I just planned to go outside and roam Cambridge until the end of the day. I haven't gone around since all I did ever since I got here was go to work and then sleep. I survived without buying my own groceries since I figured I could just eat at the cafeteria every day instead of eating processed foods. I realized I was getting older, I might as well take care of myself so I wouldn't worry my friends.Adjusting was the hardest part... aside from the fact that I was miles away from my friends, I knew no one, and by then a sudden realization hit me--it felt like I was in a battle arena. I mean, not in a
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty Five
I promised Enrique that I'd leave the apartment so I wouldn't wallow with my thoughts. When I left Brampton, I promised myself I wouldn't make anyone worry about me since I've always lived independently. Enrique said I was probably homesick since it's just been a week since I left Canada. It was reasonable enough and convincing. I knew I was homesick yet at some point, it felt like I wasn't just homesick.I didn't really know where to go so I just asked the cab to drop me off at Market Square. It wasn't really far from my apartment and only took four minutes for a ride, I'd probably just walk home since I already familiarized myself with the route.The moment I got there, it felt like I lied to myself. The place was huge, and there were a lot of people. I didn't really check what it looked like since I just searched for places where I could buy some stuff and it brought me here.Just by looking at it... I'd probably get lost on the way home.
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty Six
I left the coffee shop as fast as I could the moment I realized who was in front of me.Drey Punder.I scoffed. He's never really going to leave me alone, huh?I walked away as fast as I could just so I'd be miles away from that coffee shop. Fucking A. Why is he even here? Does he really have nothing to do in life but pit Lyza and I against each other?When I realized that I was far from the shopping center already, I stopped walking and heaved a deep breath in. I couldn't help but to feel scared thinking he might come after me, or if he knows where we live. There were a lot of scenarios playing in my mind, and I can't even get them to stop.I clutched my chest as I try to take a deep breathe. I was losing air... I couldn't even breathe properly. My chest was throbbing as well as my head that it feels like I'm going to pass out any minute because it feels heavy.I never really imagine seeing Drey again... and I never wanted to see him ever i
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty Seven
The ride going back to the apartment seemed long even if it wasn't that far. Neither of us spoke, so I contented with looking outside of the window as I watch the droplets of rain race against each other on the surface. We let the silence engulf the both of us, but today, the tension was slowly fading away.It was nice.It felt nice when I thought that we might probably have a chance with being civilian with each other, if not friends.Lyza confessed a while ago that she was the one who stayed with me when I was at the emergency room--apparently, it was because I saved her number on my phone as "roommate" and they asked her if she could accompany me back home since I looked really fragile. The sudden turn of events was... frightening. Yet I don't want to ever see Drey again.It wasn't because I still liked him...I was just angry... and confused. Because out of all places, why Cambridge? I was already trying to live a peaceful life without hi
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty Eight
I came to the center earlier than the time I'd usually come to work just to try and have breakfast at the cafeteria. Trying new things out of my bucket list still felt like an achievement for me--even the littlest ones like this.Yesterday was a breather. Compared to the first few days that I was here, it felt a little better and light. Lyza even told me that she wasn't purposely leaving the apartment early just so she wouldn't see me, she just really had to leave really early since she was finishing a project. I wanted to ask why she quit studying Law, but I could already mirror in her eyes that it was a reason for passion over money. She seemed genuinely enjoying what she's doing right now. I mean, sure she was really studying hard for law but there's always this feeling that she might've just pursued it because it was along the line of work of some of her relatives.She must've been suffocated trying not to break all the rules... and now she's here, living her
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifty Nine
"Are you okay? You look pale." I shook my head and smiled when Lyza came at me, concern laced on the tone of her voice. What the fuck is wrong with Drey? Does he really want me to live a life of guilt? He's a fragment of my past that I want to forget. I don't want to go running back and forth just because I liked him. I went straight to my room and laid down on my bed without even bothering to change my clothes. I suddenly didn't want to talk to anyone--seeing Drey drained the energy out of me, although I was thankful that my anxiety attacks didn't show up and cooperate with my control for now. I just came from the hospital and another record there would probably result in my friends asking me to come back home. I closed my eyes and massaged my temples. I was anxious for a while, but I was getting a little better with some breathing techniques. I can't even determine if I was angry or sad, or both... I never really thought I'd meet him eve
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty
I went to work at the usual time I'd go, although I was feeling a little nervous after that conversation with Drey. I don't know what's bound to happen after I talk to him personally. I haven't even talked to Enrique since I don't even know where I'd start. The situation was really odd, and I can't even find the right words to tell him.And then I'd be meeting Drey.I was being eaten with guilt already.My day started gloomy when I woke up being reminded of how I had to suck up all remaining courage within me just so I could meet Drey. He seemed fine with it, and he probably had an idea already on why we were meeting. For once and for all, I want to clarify my feelings already and clear this remaining bad atmosphere between the both of us.After this...I don't really know what would happen next.We might end up not seeing each other anymore, or probably the reverse.Besides, I don't want to be unfair to Enrique. He doesn'
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty One
I was a little skeptical when I agreed to come with Drey, when I shouldn't have. I didn't even know what made me say yes, or maybe because I at least wanted to see what place he wanted to bring me. Sure, I didn't want to trust him... yet probably for the last time, I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.We didn't really go anywhere far--apparently, the nice place was the botanical garden in the university--which I haven't really seen since the university's quite huge, I can't even stroll around the whole univ in just a day.Neither of us spoke to each other and so I just took the time to take photos and send them to Enrique. I was being eaten up by the guilt since I haven't called him, but I probably will once I settle everything with Drey.And whatever my decision would be... I know that that's where I know I'll be happy. Come what may.When minutes passed and Drey still wasn't speaking, I finally looked at him and noticed
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Author's Note
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this novel. It really means so much to me as I've always wanted to write something in English. Show your support by giving some gems to this novel if you loved it! Drop some comments too! I don't know when I'll write another novel again, but I hope I'd be able to write another soon! You can interact with me by suggesting themes for my next novel and I'll keep that in mind when I'm ready again to write another. Thank you for reading Enrique and Kathrina's story! I wish you were able to learn some lessons from it. <3
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Lyza
"It's so lovely," Kathrina gushes as she turns around in front of the mirror when she finally tried the wedding gown that I made for her. I smiled. "It fits you perfectly," I say. She turned around and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you... Lyza." It'd be hypocritical for me to say that I didn't hate Kathrina. I did. I thought if she didn't come into the picture, Drey and I would've been married already. And yet that's when I realized... I could've been married to my first love, but I'd live a life full of regrets and misery. Back then, I was so in love with Drey that maybe I didn't see how he was hurting, too. I even found it unfair that I was just there... waiting for him to tell me anything because I was stupid enough to believe that what we might have could be true. I mean... I did feel the love and support Drey gave me... but I felt like I was becoming more of a baggage for him to carry, instead. I've love
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"You think you can already face it?" I remained mum as my therapist asks questions when I asked her if it'd be okay for me to attend Kathrina's wedding. At first it sounded bull--who'd invite someone who fucked her life before and think it'd probably be nice to watch you get married?I was like... fuck off.I was miserable as hell. I felt like she was mocking me for being miserable like this because I deserved it after screwing the hell out of her life.Yeah, sure. I fucking deserve it.My family didn't understand me first... that I almost wanted to cut ties with them, until I couldn't take it anymore and asked my psychiatrist to call for them and explain my situation. My mom was a doctor... until I think being one of the socialities sucked the soul out of her that she thought I was just joking just to escape the responsibilities.I know I was partly responsible for how I turned out. I should've just proved myself to them in a way wherein I'd lead
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"You aren't really crying now, huh?" my friend asked. I glared at him which made him chuckle as I was taking my handkerchief from my pocket."Dude stop," I say, wiping my face. I sighed. Suddenly it feels like the time slowed down along with the music that was playing."Stop transforming into a giraffe, Kath won't run." I glared at him, even asking him to stop, but of course--he just couldn't. Ah, why would I even question myself? He just loved teasing me everytime he gets the chance.I waited so long for this.So long.It's finally happening.Because I knew ever since, this is where we should be.Because the moment I first laid my eyes on her when I realized that I do love her... I promised myself already.Hell be damned, it's only her.It's her or no one for me.Dear God. I just love her so much.Tears fell down the moment the moment the doors opened, followed by my heavy breathings--I heard my best
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Epilogue
I blinked.Once.Thrice.My eyes were a little strained when I checked my eyes in front of the mirror. I haven't been sleeping a lot the past few days since the start of major research they assigned to me to spearhead, along with my thesis to finally graduate and get my Master's Degree. It has been a rough road ahead since I had to juggle with research and academic and therapy in between just so I won't lose myself in the process, but even then, I was happy.The past few years were difficult. There would be times that I don't even know where I'd get the strength to go on because I'd still feel empty every now and then. But at the end of the day, I'd still get the hang of it.The therapy was good... for the past few years it's one of the few good things that kept me sane even in times where relapses were getting worse, or I didn't realize I wasn't withdrawing away from the world again.But, I’m okay.I’ve already lear
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Five
Enrique seemed like he was taken aback by what I said which had me laughing."I'm not dreaming, right?""Huh?" I asked, teasing him as if I didn't what I had just said."You said something..." his voice was laced with sadness but I went on with the act."I wasn't saying anything," I uttered. "Did you hear a ghost?"Enrique pouted.I smiled."I love you," I repeated which caught him off-guard again."For real?"I chuckled."For real... this time."My mouth went agape when I realized that tears were welling in his eyes but he didn't care, even when they started to fall. I suddenly felt sad that I made him wait for so long just so I could be sure with my feelings, but I wanted to find the right time--where I wouldn't even question myself if my feelings were right or wrong.I wanted to be sure of him. Without any reservations, without a doubt.I wanted to love him unconditionally
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Four
I couldn't sleep much last night so I ended up plotting what I'd do for the rest of the week with Enrique. If it's possible, I would really come to the opening of Sophie's clothing line, although I already promised I'd watch it with them on Zoom--it's the least I can do to support my friend.The week was filled with a lot of stuff I wanted to do--although they're not very much "exciting" since I wanted Enrique to relax around the town, too, instead of some physical stuff even if I wanted to. The last time I checked, I still find it hilarious that Enrique's actually scared of heights which I never really expected!I smiled as I was buttoning my attire in front of the mirror. I was fidgety--my hands almost shivering with every move. I'll be meeting the research team today and I can't even believe that within just a few months, I'm already here.It's too surreal.I took a deep breath in as I pulled the hems of my blouse, "I can do it," I whispered, smiling w
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Three
I didn't know what has gotten into me to muster up the courage to hold Enrique's hand like that. I felt really embarrassed after, and Enrique was even teasing me about it when he called after he got to his condo here in Cambridge.It would probably be nice if we could live together...I shook my head with that thought and laid on my bed as I stare at my ceiling. The room was just the perfect amount of dim since I turned on the dim lights.Apparently, Enrique asked for a week-long vacation in exchange for finishing all that's needed for the company and the requirements for a new branch in Toronto. Although he could just ask someone else to do it and finish everything for him, Enrique said it's his responsibility so he had to face it by himself. If he's not facing everything on his own, it'd just make him dependent to other people and he didn't want that.Well as for me, I felt a little better... but Enrique wasn't a cure, nor Drey. Sure, talking to Drey an
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Two
I blinked.Once.Thrice.Yet I still couldn't process how it all went down to this--Enrique and Drey were facing each other. Apparently, Enrique wanted to surprise me that he flew to Cambridge (which really touched my heart, thank you very much) but seeing them in front of me as if they were going to throw punches anytime was scaring the shit out of me.I mean... sure, I had a mistake there. I ignored Enrique's calls and didn't even tell him that Drey was around the town--but I wanted to talk to him after Drey and I talk because sure enough, I knew who I was going to choose.It was Enrique.It has been Enrique all along.When I saw Drey back then, I thought I still had these lingering feelings because I still felt the anger and the need to tell him everything in my mind, yet... it was all just that--it was all anger and the guilt that I harbored for many months even when I already told him what I wanted to tell a couple of months ago.
