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Chapter Twelve
Terakhir Diperbarui:
2021-07-07 09:07:43I blinked.
Once. Thrice. Until I could not even count anymore. There were no vacancies around Brampton, but I guess it was just because I was labeled as the town homewrecker. It was so obvious that even restaurants that seemed desperate for a worker denied my application.
Great.
Way to save their asses and sacrifice one’s life.
I reached for my keys inside my purse and walked inside my apartment—tired and unaccomplished. I looked as if the god of disaster went down on me, and I could not even complain.
Honestly…
I can’t even complain freely. It’s as if I feel like I even have to pay when I try to complain about my situation with another disaster yet again.
It just keeps on piling up.
Fuck this world.
I get tired, too. You know?
I sighed as I check my phone for new messages. Mila and Sophie are probably busy since both of them went out of town to unwind. It would have been ni
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Thirteen
I felt even worse after hearing that from Enrique. Sure, it would save me—it would probably paint Drey for cheating because he was longing to be loved and felt suffocated over a deal yadda, yadda. At some point, they’d feel anger… and then remorseful because he did not have a choice but to sacrifice himself just to save their family. And then probably be forgotten after a few weeks. What a fucking plot—it makes me want to subscribe… not. The funny thing about these people? They glorify men (because that’s how low they can go, honestly) but they’ll keep on pitting women against women. For them—that’s where the entertainment stems from. Women drama. Emotions. Anger. Frustrations. Screw that. I won’t submit to that. I would be caught lying if I say I wasn’t troubled—I knew I was and I still am. I never wanted to be caught in between a fucked-up love triangle, and I wasn’t desperate enough to be in one, too. But I wasn’t going to celebrate
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-07If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fourteen
I wasn’t looking forward to a better day when I woke up. I mean, it’s still the same—my life’s still the same—just out of the picture of these problematic rich kids… and I do not even want to get involved with their asses ever again.I’m handling too much already, and getting involved with them ever again just proves my stupidity.I haven’t really heard anything from them—Drey and Lyza, that is. I knew it was just part of the ordeal that I wouldn’t know what was going to neither of them. As much as I’d like to explain myself to Lyza—that I never really tolerated any of this shit—I did not want to invalidate what she is feeling right now. I mean if somebody happened to be involved with (probably) the biggest scandal in my life and it was with someone whom I trusted so much, I’d probably lose my shit, too.I do understand where she’s coming from.I just…
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-07If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Fifteen
Paris was not an abrupt decision, and we all still had two days to pack—but unlike Mila and Sophie, I did not have much to pack for the trip, besides I wasn’t even much of a fashionista myself which makes me the hermit of the group… I think. But I still knew my style, though, of course, I wasn’t going to go to Paris in just plain old clothes. “Do you like that?” I immediately cocked my head away from the coat that I was eyeing and left the spot. Trying to act casual, I plastered a timid smile and walked towards Mila and Sophie. Awkward. Mila pouted, “Do you like that coat?” I shrugged, “It’s nice, but I won’t even wear it every day. It’d be just a waste of money,” I said as I check on the cheaper ones. What I’m thankful for the both of them was that they were never really the type to smother on my face all the money they had in their pockets—of course, obviously, they’d look pampered over me with their posh nails and customized Louis
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-09If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixteen
“Finally!” I looked at my first boarding pass as a smile grew larger on my face. I couldn’t even believe that I was really going to Paris that I had to pinch myself the moment I woke up… It just really felt surreal after all that has been happening. And I finally realized that I do need a getaway from Brampton. It's really different when you finally realize your worth and understand that not everything’s your mistake. I just needed that constant reminder to myself, and probably a pat on the back for not letting myself get carried away with all these manipulations and gaslighting that society put me into. I didn’t really need someone else’s saving—and if Drey thought I needed him just to save myself and my feelings—then I must have been really dumb, for even thinking that I like him. I would have probably been the stupidest girl if I did the unthinkable—stoop low and get in a fucked-up relationship where we’ll just both end up ruining each othe
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-11If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Seventeen
Our flight to Frankfurt could’ve been better if only Drey chose to mind his business and not mine. I mean, who the fuck sticks to someone else’s nose after doing them wrong? He seriously needs a lot of growing up to do.I probably deserve a plaque for not falling for his tricks.Thank God Lyza broke up with him, she deserved more than that douchebag.Toronto to Frankfurt took seven hours. I was feeling sick so I just slept most of the time since I got nothing better to do. Staying in the plane above ground for seven hours doesn’t seem to be ideal for someone who’s riding the plane for the first time.I remained silent when we arrived at the airport, and the three of them let me be. I didn’t want one message for Drey to bother me, but I was a traitor of my own mind… it feels like every now and then, my feelings keep on betraying me. It hasn’t been long since the last time we talked after shit went down… it
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-13If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Eighteen
The thought that I am in Paris finally sunk in my mind the moment I woke up, thinking it was all just but a good dream I’ll never get to fulfill. But here I was, drinking my cup of hot cocoa in our room’s balcony in a hotel with the Eiffel Tower across my view. I even wanted to laugh and imagined how I would shove this to the throats of those who mocked me for so long.But then I realized, it was just a privileged I was granted because I was friends with privileged people.I sighed.“Good morning.” I nodded and smiled at Enrique who was busy stirring his coffee.“Black?”He nodded and raised his mug a little, “I like it natural,” he said, chuckling.Mila and Sophie were still sleeping, so we just decided to order breakfast for ourselves. Understandable since it’s just 6:30 in the morning, and they’ll probably wake up at 8.The silence was probably a thing between Enr
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-19If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Nineteen
Days passed by in a hurdle and to say I had fun in Paris would be an understatement. It was a journey embarked towards healing which I never even imagined my entire life. If any, I’d even say it made me forget for a while, although I am not trying to run away from the reality that I have to face, it was a good breath of fresh air even just for a week.A lot happened during the entire tour. Mila and Sophie were taking photos with me and vlogging the entire week that I just got used to their cameras already, and they kept on calling me a natural which I found really funny.But being in Paris hit me hard, too—if the privilege was not just a thing for the upperclassmen, then it would have been so nice to just run away for a moment. I wouldn’t even deny that I was privileged enough to be friends with these people, although there comes a time that I’d also wish that I was at the same status quo as them. I mean… imagine spending lavishl
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-20If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty
I forced myself to ignore the news but I was a traitor of my own mind. Besides, having to go back to Brampton meant I had to face the inevitable eventually—I mean, I knew I wasn’t entirely a part of their circus (and I wasn’t even a voluntary accomplice) yet I was there to watch everything fall apart in front of my eyes…I do feel guilty. But what can I do? Wasn’t I a victim, too? Why do I feel like everyone’s pining the fault to me when all I ever did is avoid him?It wasn’t as if I could dictate myself whom to like—but at least I wasn’t stupid enough to actually stoop low.Yet… I was the powerless one. I was an addition to the scene. Probably a pawn. Of course, I’d carry the weight of the burden they had to carry.I hugged my knees as my bed is bathed in a faint yellow haze as sunlight rushes in through the windows. It has just been hours since we arrived in Brampton, and it already fee
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2021-07-23
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Author's Note
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this novel. It really means so much to me as I've always wanted to write something in English. Show your support by giving some gems to this novel if you loved it! Drop some comments too! I don't know when I'll write another novel again, but I hope I'd be able to write another soon! You can interact with me by suggesting themes for my next novel and I'll keep that in mind when I'm ready again to write another. Thank you for reading Enrique and Kathrina's story! I wish you were able to learn some lessons from it. <3
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Lyza
"It's so lovely," Kathrina gushes as she turns around in front of the mirror when she finally tried the wedding gown that I made for her. I smiled. "It fits you perfectly," I say. She turned around and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you... Lyza." It'd be hypocritical for me to say that I didn't hate Kathrina. I did. I thought if she didn't come into the picture, Drey and I would've been married already. And yet that's when I realized... I could've been married to my first love, but I'd live a life full of regrets and misery. Back then, I was so in love with Drey that maybe I didn't see how he was hurting, too. I even found it unfair that I was just there... waiting for him to tell me anything because I was stupid enough to believe that what we might have could be true. I mean... I did feel the love and support Drey gave me... but I felt like I was becoming more of a baggage for him to carry, instead. I've love
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Drey
"You think you can already face it?" I remained mum as my therapist asks questions when I asked her if it'd be okay for me to attend Kathrina's wedding. At first it sounded bull--who'd invite someone who fucked her life before and think it'd probably be nice to watch you get married?I was like... fuck off.I was miserable as hell. I felt like she was mocking me for being miserable like this because I deserved it after screwing the hell out of her life.Yeah, sure. I fucking deserve it.My family didn't understand me first... that I almost wanted to cut ties with them, until I couldn't take it anymore and asked my psychiatrist to call for them and explain my situation. My mom was a doctor... until I think being one of the socialities sucked the soul out of her that she thought I was just joking just to escape the responsibilities.I know I was partly responsible for how I turned out. I should've just proved myself to them in a way wherein I'd lead
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Enrique
"You aren't really crying now, huh?" my friend asked. I glared at him which made him chuckle as I was taking my handkerchief from my pocket."Dude stop," I say, wiping my face. I sighed. Suddenly it feels like the time slowed down along with the music that was playing."Stop transforming into a giraffe, Kath won't run." I glared at him, even asking him to stop, but of course--he just couldn't. Ah, why would I even question myself? He just loved teasing me everytime he gets the chance.I waited so long for this.So long.It's finally happening.Because I knew ever since, this is where we should be.Because the moment I first laid my eyes on her when I realized that I do love her... I promised myself already.Hell be damned, it's only her.It's her or no one for me.Dear God. I just love her so much.Tears fell down the moment the moment the doors opened, followed by my heavy breathings--I heard my best
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Epilogue
I blinked.Once.Thrice.My eyes were a little strained when I checked my eyes in front of the mirror. I haven't been sleeping a lot the past few days since the start of major research they assigned to me to spearhead, along with my thesis to finally graduate and get my Master's Degree. It has been a rough road ahead since I had to juggle with research and academic and therapy in between just so I won't lose myself in the process, but even then, I was happy.The past few years were difficult. There would be times that I don't even know where I'd get the strength to go on because I'd still feel empty every now and then. But at the end of the day, I'd still get the hang of it.The therapy was good... for the past few years it's one of the few good things that kept me sane even in times where relapses were getting worse, or I didn't realize I wasn't withdrawing away from the world again.But, I’m okay.I’ve already lear
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Five
Enrique seemed like he was taken aback by what I said which had me laughing."I'm not dreaming, right?""Huh?" I asked, teasing him as if I didn't what I had just said."You said something..." his voice was laced with sadness but I went on with the act."I wasn't saying anything," I uttered. "Did you hear a ghost?"Enrique pouted.I smiled."I love you," I repeated which caught him off-guard again."For real?"I chuckled."For real... this time."My mouth went agape when I realized that tears were welling in his eyes but he didn't care, even when they started to fall. I suddenly felt sad that I made him wait for so long just so I could be sure with my feelings, but I wanted to find the right time--where I wouldn't even question myself if my feelings were right or wrong.I wanted to be sure of him. Without any reservations, without a doubt.I wanted to love him unconditionally
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Four
I couldn't sleep much last night so I ended up plotting what I'd do for the rest of the week with Enrique. If it's possible, I would really come to the opening of Sophie's clothing line, although I already promised I'd watch it with them on Zoom--it's the least I can do to support my friend.The week was filled with a lot of stuff I wanted to do--although they're not very much "exciting" since I wanted Enrique to relax around the town, too, instead of some physical stuff even if I wanted to. The last time I checked, I still find it hilarious that Enrique's actually scared of heights which I never really expected!I smiled as I was buttoning my attire in front of the mirror. I was fidgety--my hands almost shivering with every move. I'll be meeting the research team today and I can't even believe that within just a few months, I'm already here.It's too surreal.I took a deep breath in as I pulled the hems of my blouse, "I can do it," I whispered, smiling w
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Three
I didn't know what has gotten into me to muster up the courage to hold Enrique's hand like that. I felt really embarrassed after, and Enrique was even teasing me about it when he called after he got to his condo here in Cambridge.It would probably be nice if we could live together...I shook my head with that thought and laid on my bed as I stare at my ceiling. The room was just the perfect amount of dim since I turned on the dim lights.Apparently, Enrique asked for a week-long vacation in exchange for finishing all that's needed for the company and the requirements for a new branch in Toronto. Although he could just ask someone else to do it and finish everything for him, Enrique said it's his responsibility so he had to face it by himself. If he's not facing everything on his own, it'd just make him dependent to other people and he didn't want that.Well as for me, I felt a little better... but Enrique wasn't a cure, nor Drey. Sure, talking to Drey an
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Two
I blinked.Once.Thrice.Yet I still couldn't process how it all went down to this--Enrique and Drey were facing each other. Apparently, Enrique wanted to surprise me that he flew to Cambridge (which really touched my heart, thank you very much) but seeing them in front of me as if they were going to throw punches anytime was scaring the shit out of me.I mean... sure, I had a mistake there. I ignored Enrique's calls and didn't even tell him that Drey was around the town--but I wanted to talk to him after Drey and I talk because sure enough, I knew who I was going to choose.It was Enrique.It has been Enrique all along.When I saw Drey back then, I thought I still had these lingering feelings because I still felt the anger and the need to tell him everything in my mind, yet... it was all just that--it was all anger and the guilt that I harbored for many months even when I already told him what I wanted to tell a couple of months ago.
