4. REMEMBER 2

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

ICE

The tragedy that happened to my family was two years ago. After a week of unconsciousness, I woke up in the hospital in Rio de Janeiro and not in Illinois.

I was screaming and frustrated to get even. Enraged by hatred, all I felt inside me, I wanna kill the people who bombed my family. I wanted to return to Illinois to see my wife and daughter, but my father didn't allow me. And even my mother could not do anything to help me. Mama said she knew my pain, but it was my father's decision I needed to oblige.

I just watched my wife and daughter's funeral in a video taken secretly by my father's men for me... for me... so I have seen them even though I should be there. Funny, but I was buried too with them...

No one from the Ferreiras and the Silvas wanted me to execute my revenge, for I was already declared dead. Not me, but my other personality; the Math teacher Isidro Andrade, Libby's husband, and Millie's father.

Isidro Andrade. Me. Myself. I died that night.

The fact that I didn't use my real last name when I married Libby favors me, papa said. Dahil doon ay hindi na raw ako mahihirapan magpanggap pa na may ibang katauhan.

Ang sabi ni papa ay noong ibalita na kasama ako sa namatay ay hinayaan na lang niya. Mas mabuti na raw 'yon para hindi na makonekta pa sa FSO ang nangyari. Mabuti na rin daw na nakasamang nailibing ang katauhan ni Isidro Andrade.

I gritted my teeth for the hate I felt for myself. I lied to Libby until she died. I thought lying about my true family could save them from my chaotic life as a mafioso, but they were still targeted and killed.

Hindi rin ako nakita agad pagkatapos ng insidente sabi ni papa. Pasimple nila akong pinahanap sa mga ospital sa Illinois pero walang Isidro Ferreira na natagpuan. May mga oras na hinintay nilang may tatawag para sa ransom pero wala rin.

They became worried pero tiwala silang buhay ako. Nakuha na kasi nila ang DNA ng lalaking namatay sa pagsabog ng bahay ni Liza pero hindi nag-match sa kanila. Even the dentures didn't match with mine.

Two days after the bombing incident, a woman sends a voice message to FSO's headquarters... Informing my family that if they want to find me, I am in another state. In Wisconsin.

No one knows who that woman was. And then papa said that I should look for the brighter side of what happened and not on the opposite. Na importante buhay ako.

I got my father's point, of course... but I can't forget. And I won't forgive those who put my family to their demise.

That was two years ago, but the pain was still inside me like it was yesterday.

But more than the pain... It's the guilt.

And hatred...

They should kill me and not let me live, for I will surely hunt them all down!

I gritted my teeth in anger while remembering everything that night. Those Italians and that woman...

That woman who looks like-

"Ice."

I turned my face to my right side as I glanced at the one who said my name.

It's Trace. My cousin.

I smirked. At last, the fucker showed up now. Unbelievable.

"You're here," I said coldly to Trace and eyed Atlas who entered the room, too.

"Tangina... Ayoko nga sana pumunta dito kaso naawa na ako rito kay Atlas at sigeng drama na kailangan mo ko," Trace arrogantly said. Sinadya na naman mag-Tagalog dahil alam niyang bihira ko lang gamitin ang lenggwaheng 'yon makipag-usap.

Sabihin nang nasanay ako sa Tagalog dahil iyon ang gamit ni mama makipag-usap sa akin kapag nagagalit siya kay papa. Iyon din ang gamit naming lengguwahe noong bata pa ako kapag may plano si mama na umalis kami ng Brazil na hindi nagpapaalam kay papa.

I smiled with those old thoughts somehow. Ilang beses pinahabol-habol ni mama si papa noon. Papa being the eldest of the Ferreira's siblings, na dapat magpakita ng pagiging dominante at may isang salita, ay kahinaan ang isang babae na hindi naman niya dapat minahal pero ikababaliw niya kung mawawala sa kaniya. Iba si mama, pinambayad utang pero hindi mapakawalan ni papa.

My father and mother love each other so much. Na kahit hindi siguro ako naipanganak ay wala pa ring makapaghihiwalay sa kanila. I was just used by papa to reason out why he kept on looking for mama. But it wasn't me... it was because of love.

And that love I saw from my parents made me hopeful to still believe in it. Yeah... I am still pro-love; I am not like these two in front of me who didn't believe in it.

At kahit nawala si Libby ay hindi sapat na dahilan iyon para isipin ko na hindi tama ang magmahal.

"Tama pala sila, tulala ka nga..." Trace clicked his tongue. Umiling-iling na nakatingin sa akin. "I know how to help you, Ice. I have a proposal."

"And I thought you already forgot your mother's organization, Trace." I stood up, went to the window, and looked down the yard.

The people of FSO were there, and I saw my mother talking to Tia Svetlana Petrov-Silva, Tio Michael's wife. Narito na rin pala sila. Annual meeting ng FSO at mabuti naman mukhang makukumpleto kami ngayon dahil himala na nandito si Trace.

"Namiss ko kasi kayo kaya nandito ako bigla. Pero bago ang meeting para sa FSO ay-"

"What exactly the reason you are here, Trace?" putol ko sa sasabihin pa niya. Mukhang alam ko na 'yon at gaya ng dati ay hindi ako interesado.

"Baka lang gusto mo na akong kausapin tungkol sa Foedus, Yelo."

The way Trace said his sentence emphasized how important the organization to him. Wala pa nga yatang isang dekada ang Foedus natatag pero kung makakumbinsi sa akin ay parang wala ng iba pang kayang tumapat sa samahan nila.

"Alam ko naman na masyadon kang focus sa FSO but Foedus is offering you alliance and-"

"Still not interested," I said in my bored tone. I pulled a chair, sat, and leaned. "I am the head of FSO, Trace. I know better if FSO need your Foedus or not. Sorry to disappoint you but..." I paused and smirked, "no."

"Tanginang yabang 'yan..." Trace laughed, and Atlas joined him. They both made me their laughing stock, and I let them. What should I expect from these two spoiled idiots in front of me?

Such assholes!

Trace's life supposed to be different from us. Inilayo siya ni Tia Ana sa buhay na mayroon ang mga Ferreira pero siya pa rin talaga ang nagpilit maging kagaya namin.

Tia Ana choose an ordinary lawyer na nakilala niya through her best friend na dapat ay mapapangasawa niya. Si Tia Ana ang sumira ng dapat sana ay ugnayan ng dalawang malaking organisasyon, ang FSO at ang Excellante.

"Heard how Ice said that, Lash?" Trace asked Atlas and chuckled. "Ang angas ng pagkasabi... Ka-cringe! Pero puta!" He narrowed his eyes staring at me. "Asan ang angas mo kung hanggang ngayon iiyakan mo lang ang mag-ina mo at hindi mo mahanap ang may gawa ng kamatayan nila?"

I angrily looked at Trace.

He had no idea about my plans!

He had no idea why I was still calm right now!

He had no idea that I needed to protect FSO, and that is the fucking main reason I can't pursue looking for the people who caused my family's death! I need to make sure of how to execute my revenge first.

"Join Foedus at ako ang bahala sa pagpapahanap ng mastermind sa kamatayan ng pamilya mo," mayabang na dagdag ni Trace.

Napakunot-noo ako. Hindi ko maunawaan kung bakit ako kinukulit nito ngayon. Then I realized na hindi ang annual meeting ng FSO ang talagang ipinunta niya... ang pangre-recruit sa akin pala.

"I won't. Foedus is for the people like you. I am not like you, Trace. I believe in this family's organization and never go to any other organization just to prove myself."

"Just to remind you... Ikaw lang ang head ng FSO ngayon dahil bata pa ang ampon ni Brix. Alalahanin mo na si Brix pa rin ang nararapat na head ng FSO. Mayabang lang masyado ang isang 'yon na pinapanindigan na hindi niya kailangan ang tulong ng lahat."

"And why do you care?"

"I do care because I am offering you a membership of Foedus that you are declining ng paulit-ulit. Atlas wanted to join Foedus, but I am not letting him. I choose you."

"What Foedus could have that FSO can't do? Wake up, Trace! Don't think confidently about the organization you created with your friends. FSO could do more than that Foedus of yours."

"Hah!" Trace smirked. "What Foedus could do? That is a wrong question, Ice. Ang itanong mo ay kung ano ang mayro'n sa Foedus na wala ang FSO natin..."

"Then what Foedus have?"

I don't know why I need to ask that. I have known Trace since we were young, he wasn't like this before, but he became arrogant after Tia Ana died. And if indulging in his proud moments could satisfy him, then fine.

"What Foedus have?" Trace was grinning while looking at me. "You are looking at the answer, Ice. Ang pagiging head ko sa Foedus ang pinakasagot. Kung sa Foedus ka ay matutulungan kita mahanap ang pumatay sa pamilya mo. Sa Foedus ay ako ang may kontrol. Sa FSO ay kahit ikaw ang head ngayon ay alam mo na hindi ka basta makakakilos dahil hindi papayag basta-basta si Tio Anselmo na madamay ang buong organisasyon."

"You are only one of the seven founders of Foedus," I tauntingly said. "You are not that special, Trace."

"Gago! Between you and me. I am the special one, Ice. And fucking yes, I am just one of the seven founders... but Foedus is me! That even Lev knows it."

I gave a stare to Trace. Thinking. I don't know but what he said in the last part made me think he was right. Still, I can't compromise FSO.

I inhaled deeply and exhaled the air slowly... Trace is kind of irritating, but he is making me realize that I need to trust him now. Atlas gave me a cigarette, and I inhaled some smoke and puffed it off me.

I wiped my face with my palm and pursed my lips as I was confused looking at the photo of Libby and Millie on my desk. They died because of me. I have a plan and know where to start my retaliation, but... I need to find her first.

Thinking of her that night makes me wonder. Hindi ko naklaro ang mukha niya dahil nahihilo na ako gawa ng bomba noong gabing iyon but... the uncanny resemblance of her to-

Oh, fuck! What a senile moment of mine that night yet I was still thinking of her!

Yeah, screw me... I should not think of her. Kung sina Libby at Millie ay namatay dahil sa katangahan ko. It was also the same thing that happened to her... My first love. We were young then... Hindi pa ako ang Isidro Ferreira na namumuno sa FSO.

I closed my eyes in desperation. Again. As I remembered the woman in the incident who pointed her gun at me.

She has a tattoo. Big one. Roses and gun design. On her right thigh up to the sides of her waist.

She was almost naked that night wearing only a cropped top and undies. She has another tattoo. In her ankle. A word.

Incognito.

Whoever she is... I'm gonna find her no matter what!