To think one word can leave someone this frozen and numb.To think that one word is capable of making a person forget how to breathe.I remain in my spot, not even able to hang up.Why do I feel this way?I am not excited, I am not moved, I don’t feel any warmth, the butterflies in my stomach are probably dead or hibernating.I don’t feel frustrated, I don’t feel angry.I feel, numb…Why would a simple word such as baby make me feel this way? As if the air had been pulled out of my lungs, as if I no longer have the ability to move or think.For God knows how long, I feel like I am not only stripped off my identity, but of my humanity, as if I am no longer a human, I feel like I was a being, an almost conscious one that can sense its surroundings and itself, but not affect them. I feel like a puppet, and from the back of my mind, the disgusted sneer resonates in my ears.“You are worthless.”I gasp at last, or my body does out of reflex due to the lack of air, I raise my hand to my fac
I shiver when I hear his voice roaring, Maisie notices it and comes near me, taking my hands in hers.“What is he doing here?” I ask, perplexed as well as worried, and then I remember I actually heard the sound of a car’s door being slammed when I talked to him earlier.“I don’t know, stay here while I go out and check…” I don’t wait for Maisie to finish her words as I make my way towards the door, I need to know why he is here, and why is he making a scene in front of our block.I descend the stares hurriedly with Maisie trailing behind me, trying to convince me not to go down there but I ignore her words, I refused to meet him when he asked me to earlier because I felt I wasn’t ready, and who in the hell can feel ready to meet someone who had possibly hurt them, I don’t think I will ever be truly ready, then why wait until I am? Especially if he is right outside my block.Stepping outside the block, I walk to the side where my window is located, where a black Mercedes is parked near
To say that I was shocked was an understatement, for what I have felt in that moment was beyond shock!I felt as if the ground was being pooled from under me, and I was left to fall inside this dark endless pit…I, as well as everyone else, stared at the stranger who claimed to be my father, his eyes were on me though, and for a second, I felt as if everyone else had disappeared.This man’s face, it had my hazel eyes, my dark eyebrows, and even my beauty spot, the one on the right side of my chin.However, there is nothing familiar about the man, the resemblance is u
Am I going crazy? I ask myself as I look around me, the room is dark for Maisie had turned off lights, I can barely see anything, only vague shapes thanks to the bit of light coming from my window…My window! I look at it, but it is still closed, just like I left it.The door? It is the same, Maisie had just pulled it behind her.There is absolutely no way for him to be inside my room, unless he is some kind of a ghost!Ghosts don’t exist! I ridicule myself, although a little infantile part of me is questioning that fact!
I thought my first night outside the hospital would be terrifying, I imagined I would be accompanied by nightmares and fears, and even thought I might break down again and be sent back to the dull white room in the hospital.And honestly, that might have been the case, if it wasn’t for that late night call.We only hang up when the call was a little above five hours long, Nathaniel refused to hang up without making sure I was alright, I don’t know how he knew what I needed, but for almost an hour he kept on whispering small nothings to me through the phone, and it worked like magic, it felt like he took my hand and escorted me out of the circle I was trapped in, the one of sickness and sec
The walk to the hospital wasn’t a long one, the hospital was actually only few streets away, for Maisie wanted to live somewhere near her job, I don’t really blame her, this city is not a small one, the traffic was a nightmare to most workers, living in our block which wasn’t the fanciest, was actually very smart and practical instead.Our appointment with Dr. jones wasn’t until ten, which meant we had an extra hour to enjoy our walk, and we did, the weather was nice, not too hot, just enough to not bother with any extra clothes but our light summer ones, the ones in which we can still feel the sunrays on our skins.To say I enjoyed the walk would be an understatement, I was already in a good mood, the walk itself was refr
I honestly don’t know what to say. Thus, I don’t say anything! Dr. jones still has that sedate look on her face as she stared back at me, I share a look with Maisie who looks just as surprised as I am.“What?” “It is just that…I think I am surprised by your…”“My choice of words?” she asks with a raised brow and I nod hesitantly.“Oh Natalia, even without your memories you are still so sweet!” she chuckles lightly, “You have always been too sweet, and that is a problem!” How did this woman mana
Me and Maisie walk out of Dr. Jones’ office and through the hospital’s corridors in silence, except for some exchanged greetings with some of the staff who came to check on us or just bombard my poor friend with questions not only about my conditions but about work and other patients.That didn’t mean she didn’t have anything to say though, knowing my friend , I was sure she had something waiting under her tongue, but I safely presumed that she was waiting until we were in a better place, maybe with less eyes and ears around us, to talk freely, something I am grateful for.It was one extra amazing thing about Maisie, she effortlessly knew when to talk and when to not.
Up, and down, then up, and down again, then swallow, and then put another spoon filled with what tastes like ash into your mouth and repeat the process. I force myself to eat, not because I care about the way my insides feel whenever I don’t eat for a long period of time, in fact, I would welcome this feeling and allow it to consume me from the inside until I perish, but because I know he would take it as an act of disobedience and come up with a new way to punish me, the last time I refused to eat he destroyed my asshole, and that wasn’t the worse part, no, it was the fact that he invited two of his equally despicable friends to watch as he did so.I thought that after this time, after all those punishment where he violated every hole in my body, I became immune to it, but he always came with new ways to hurt me, when I became numb to physical pain, he opted to humiliation instead, exposing me to other monsters, a shiver runs down my spine as I remember how he prevented me from usin
“What do you mean that this has nothing to do with me?” I stand in the corner as I watch myself put on a token of a fight, I saw the anger and the hurt in my eyes, it was evident, but my words and my voice weren’t as angry, as if I was holding back.“It doesn’t, Nat, you know I cannot publicly be with you, we have already talked about this!” he answers me with a tired expression, and I see he is trying to choose his words as well, something about this conversation doesn’t feel quite right, as if we both have something to lose.“That doesn’t mean you are free to date her, so openly and publicly, I never protested on our relationship being a secret but only because it was also exclusive, but this?” oh…so this is the infamous fight, I think as I smile bitterly, another piece falling into the puzzle.“Being public with her is the main point of being with her, I need the PR, and I need her father’s connections, this is not about feelings.” Nate tried to reason with me, but what he doesn’t
TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT, INCEST, MENTAL TRAUMA.“So, it was you all along?” I glance through half closed eyes at the girl sitting beside me while I lay on the floor of the dark room, tracing the mental scars I acquired through this farce of a life I lived, I smile bitterly as she keeps looking at me with the same hazel eyes, only that hers have a dark glint in them.Understandable, I think as I glance around me at the place I have locked her in all these years, drowned her with all the feelings I have been bottling, all the hate, the anger, the despair, and the unsated need for retaliation.Yeah, all I wanted back then was to forget all about her, all her pain, all her suffering, all her misery, and start anew somewhere else, somewhere far, somewhere big and crowded where I can blend with everyone else, no wonder she hated me, no wonder she tormented me once she was free, I dumped it all on her and went on with my life, sure, I never fully lived, but she didn’t even barely hea
Come here, baby...you know what you have to do...Mama please, believe me!You are a bad girl, Natalia... Stop telling lies!Be a good obedient girl and this Won't hurt!But it hurts! It hurts so much and I hate it!Mama, he is hurting me when you are not around, he is making me do things like...Shush! Don't ever say this again!If you ever speak about this to your mom or anyone, I will have to punish you, now you don't want to be punished like last time, do you?Mama, he used his cigarettes to..What a filthy, lying, little shit you are! I told not to speak of this again!Hush now, baby...Mama, please make him stop!You bitch! I don't want to see you again in my house! Get out! Get out!You think this is over, baby girl?Mama! Please stop, you are hurting me!I don't want to see her! I swear i will kill her! The little skank! She is the reason!It will never
"Something is troubling you, sweety?" I look at my father's face and see concern written all over it, I didn't say much since we left Nate's villa, the wound in my heart is still fresh and bleeding, but even with that I am unable to shake this uneasy feeling that something is wrong, what if something happened to his father because of what he heard? I would never forgive myself if that was the case, The thought only made my mood go soorer, and my father was quick to notice it."Are you still thinking about what happened in that man's villa?""What is something happened to his father?" I ask, my voice laced with worried."And what is this whole thing is but another way to trick you, make you feel guilty about something that isn't even your fault!" My father spat making me look at him, so many words on the top of my tongue but i chose not to say any.How can i tell him about this feeling in my heart without sounding like a naive girl who is easily manipulated?
“Is that so? Can you tell her then why did you leak pictures of you two kissing in your house?!” hearing this, I feel the blood freeze in my veins, I turn to my father abruptly, with eyes begging him to say that I heard wrong.But instead, I see him raise his head challengingly, and the little blood which was left in my face is now completely drained!Oh No!!Fucking No!!I look at Nate with terrified eyes, wanting him to tell me that it is not what I think it is, but again, he has that same expression that makes me nauseous.
“Is that her?!” my father whispers to me as we entered the reception room where I have shared coffee with Nate before, Beth didn’t offer us anything this time, not even a seat, and the gorgeous blondie had excused herself to go get Nate.The thought of that woman bothers me to the point where I, for a second, have forgotten why I came here in the first place, why is she that This is going to be difficult! I tell myself as I take a deep sigh, I am already fidgeting and hesitating, even though I have just received another confirmation about his relationship with that woman. maybe this is why you are hesitating, because the last hope just died in front of your eyes.
“This is a big house!” the look on my father’s house is the same I had on mine when I came here a few days ago, the house was indeed a magnificent piece of work, sadly though, I am not able to enjoy its beauty as I am directly reminded of all the things that happened here.The conversation with Nate, the time in his room, the things he told me, the way he affected me, the way my body responded to his, the dinner, the kiss, the feeling of my wet entrance pressed on his bulging member, the heat and lust in his eyes and in mine, the taste of him inside my mouth, it all comes back to me now as one big lump stuffed forcibly inside my throat, a bitter one that is.“She doesn’t look happy to see us!” my father whisper
“Are you sure he is going to be home?” I shake my head at my father’s question, to be honest I have no idea, it is Sunday, normal people won’t be at work, but again this is Nathaniel Williams, and I doubt he is enjoying a lazy Sunday morning at home with Clark and Beth.And unfortunately, this only leaves me with no other option but to call him!Fuck!I don’t want to call him, I don’t want to take his permission like a good girl, I don’t want to let him know I am coming and have him arrange the time that suits him, and I don’t want to give him the chance to prepare himself, to prepare more lies to tell