Chapter 04

LILITH

I gritted my teeth against the pain, clenching my hands into white fists while resting them on the cold tiles that lined the wall. The sweltering heat of the shower couldn't even lull the pain inside of me. No matter how long I stood under the hot spray, it's was no use. A growl threatened to spill from my lips but I swallowed it, tampering it down.

I had my good days and I had my bad days. Tonight was part of one of those bad days. Luckily, I didn't have the main performance tonight. Maybe I could get out of dancing to wait on tables. That would be more bearable. I nodded to myself, I would switch shifts with someone for the night. No one would say no because dancing always offered more money anyway. We were lucky enough to have girls willing to rotate and do whatever needed to be done.

I stepped out of the shower with a wince, my arms, and legs a jittery mess. My head felt heavy from the constant howling of my beast. It was difficult to ignore something that lived inside you, that stirred continuously even when you just wanted it to sit still for a second so you could think. Excitement filled me but it was paired with anguish. I was going to tell Julian about the mate bond between us. It had to be done tonight. I could already feel his rejection wash over me.

I groaned, pushing the thought away so I could get ready. Tonight I wore black lingerie with a black choker and fishnet stalkings. I threw a trench coat over and slipped into a pair of black pumps. My hair was up in a pin-straight high ponytail and I kept my makeup minimal. Before leaving, I made sure to pop in my purple eye lenses.

It didn't even take me ten minutes to get from my apartment building to the club. That probably had a lot to do with the fact that I was a pro-speed walker. I wasn't scared of humans because I could take them easily but it was the other creatures in the night that scared me. As a wolf with no pack, I was weak. Wolves didn't just have strength in numbers, being in a pack also meant that they were physically stronger as individuals.

Being an introvert automatically became a sin when you paired it with the werewolf species.

I entered through the back entrance, making my way straight to the change room. All I had to do was undo my trench coat, touch up my hair, and trade my pumps in for platforms.

"Beatrix," I called, looking at her through the mirror.

She had a rainbow wig on with bright red lingerie that accentuated her already large tits. With a bright, sugary smile she chirped, "That's my name, what can I do you for?"

I shuddered, knowing exactly what the question meant, "Take my performance today and I'll take your shift waiting on tables."

Her eyes widened as expected, excitement setting them ablaze, "Seriously, are you sure?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, turning to meet her gaze, "show off those juicy watermelons to those thirsty fucks," I winked teasingly and watched as she bounced on the balls of her feet. Her tits went up and down and my eyes followed the action even though I didn't want to.

She squealed, pulling me into her so that her boobs were pressed to mine. Suddenly I felt as if I needed to go to church to confess my sins. However, I was just happy I didn't have to dance tonight. I'd be back on my A-game tomorrow, though, so Beatrix better not get too comfortable.

"You're awesome, girl," her words were lost in a giggle, "anything you need, just let me know." She finally pulled away and I sighed in relief.

Beatrix didn't realize she was doing me a favor but whatever. If she thought she owed me one then I knew who to call if I needed something in the near future.

"I'll get out there and start your shift while you prepare a routine," I made sure to plaster a smile on my face as I said the words even when another jolt of pain rippled through my body.

"I think I'm just going to wing it," she mused, spraying perfume into the air before walking into it.

"You do you. Just have fun and good luck," giving her air kisses, I scurried to the front and made a beeline for the bar.

I couldn't see Julian anywhere and a pang of disappointment settled over my heart. If I didn't watch myself the mate bond would urge me to search for him. It would make me pine for him until he and I were together.

"Hey, Beatrix and I switched shifts," I announced when I reached the bar.

Tam, one of the three bartenders, propped her elbows on the counter, "Bet she was so excited to take the limelight."

"I don't have the main performance tonight," I shrugged, "either way, it was my idea. I just hope no one's too disappointed with the switch."

Tam's smile dropped, she pressed her lips into a thin line. She was Asian, Vietnamese from what I knew. Her long black hair was shaved on one side, while the rest was tied in a top knot. She had cute almond-shaped eyes that were the color of almonds.

"It's not like you to drop a performance. Are you okay?" She stepped back and I noticed the black tube top and leather skirt she wore.

"I'm fine," the lie left my lips so easily, "Don't worry about it. I should get to work before I find myself out of a job though."

Tam handed me a notepad and a pen from behind the counter before gesturing over to a group of men around a table. With a nod, I went to them. They were so caught up in business that they barely cast a glance at me. They muttered their drink orders to me and less than five minutes later I was on to another table.

I stifled every stab of pain I felt and tried to hide my little flinches and winces. It didn't help that most of the men wanted to grope my ass. If I could take their hands out and beat them with them it I would have. I was so close to doing it but I knew better. This job was important to me. Once I had enough money I'd enroll in med school. That was the dream at least.

I made my way to the bar with another drink order when another sharp spin captured my body, slithering down my spine. Gasping in pure horror, I ran to the back where the dancers were getting ready. They didn't notice me and I didn't care. I rushed into the restroom and locked the door behind me. My body was becoming hot. Too hot. I closed my eyes, taking in deep breathes but I knew what was happening and I wouldn't be able to stop it.

"Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" I cried in pain, clutching the edge of the ceramic sink.

The door burst open not even a second later. Julian's eyes were wide with what looked like panic. I watched his jaw snap shut and then clench. It took him all but two seconds to figure out what he wanted to do. He crouched in front of me, picking me up bridal style. Sparks instantly shot through my limbs.

"Close your eyes," he ordered in a tone that left no room for argument.

I wouldn't have argued with him either way. Just having him near me eased me, his sweet scent surrounding me with that hint of something earthy. My eyelids fluttered close and I felt a kiss of cold air rush over my skin. Locks of my hair whipped around, tickling my face in the process. I tucked my face into the crook of his neck. Every part of him was hard but every part of me fitted the mould his body created.

We stopped a minute or two later but he didn't even seem out of breath, "Open your eyes," he murmured but his voice still echoed.

I peeled my eyelids open and waited for my eyes to adjust to their surroundings. We were in the middle of a dark forest. I wasn't sure where we were exactly but I could tell it was unclaimed lands. Julian wouldn't have brought me here if there was a pack that claimed it around.

He set me down onto my feet but I was unbalanced thanks to my platforms on the lumpy dirt floor. That meant I had to clutch his arm for dear life if I didn't want to suffer from a sprained ankle or something worse.

"Shift," he ordered, pulling his hand away gently and backing up several paces.

"Huh?" I wasn't confused by his words, only confused that he knew what was happening to me.

"For how long have you been suppressing your wolf?" I could see his dark eyebrows furrow as if he didn't like the idea of me doing something like that.

I couldn't stand the scrutiny in his gaze so I cast my eyes down, "That has nothing to do with you."

"You're right it doesn't," he growled, "but you're not leaving here until you shift, so the choice is yours. You're not going to be able to suppress your wolf much longer. It's already fighting for control and, by the looks of it, winning. Do you want to be out there and have a giant wolf bursting from your flesh in front of everyone?"

"That's never happened before and I'm not going to let it happen now," my voice trailed off in a deep, animalistic growl.

He was right. I was losing the inner battle but shifting hurt way too much. Wolves in packs shifted all the time to the point it became a painless transition that didn't last long. Rogues generally remained in wolf form so they had no problems shifting either.

I, on the other hand, could count the number of times I shifted on one hand. My first shift was when I turned sixteen and it was the most painful thing I had ever felt. I never wanted to shift after that, usually suppressing the urge until I couldn't keep it in anymore. At nineteen, I still despised shifting.

"You'll feel better if you shift. I've never met a wolf that's refused to shift before," he grumbled, running a hand through his disheveled hair, "most would take the offer in a heartbeat and then attempt to bite my head off."

"That doesn't sound like something I'd ever want to do," I whispered to myself but, of course, he heard me.

Stupid vampire hearing.

"Why's that?" I could hear his clear interest in my answer.

I thought it over for a second. Would now be a good time to tell him? To just blurt it out and let it sink in while we were in the middle of nowhere. What if he didn't believe me or what if he did and it overwhelmed him? What if he ran off, leaving me here? Nope. I couldn't deal with that.

"I don't like the feeling of my bones breaking and reshaping so I don't shift and I don't plan to," I grimaced, knowing that was only half the truth. Bending down, I undid the straps of my platforms and let my feet sink into the dirt floor.

"Shifting is meant to be painless. It's who you are. Werewolves are usually way too proud to be part animal," he leaned his shoulder against a tree trunk, crossing his arms over his chest and crossing his legs at his ankles. Once again, he wore a black button-down and slacks but this time he wore a black jacket.

"If you haven't noticed, I'm not your everyday, run-of-the-mill werewolf. I didn't grow up the conventional way."

I could have sworn that his face softened before becoming as blank as stone, "You know when Dimitri and Ambrosia first found me I was stubborn. I didn't want to accept their help. But, I realized quickly that if I wanted things to get better I'd have to start listening to them. Let me help you."

"You don't want to help me," I deadpanned, "you want me to shift." When I crossed my arms over my chest I found Julian's gaze dipping to my tits.

He swallowed thickly, leaving his eyes to linger before traveling down south. With a hiss that was pure vampire, his eyes snapped to mine again and heat flooded my cheeks, "If you shift now then your inner beast would be at peace and if you continue it would never hurt again."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Why do you know so much about werewolves?"

"I spent more time in a pack than I think any vampire in history has," his white irises flitted up to the moon, "and I had a friend who shifted for the first time. She said it was painful but her mate was with her which helped. She was a late shifter."

"You're friends with werewolves?"

"She's more of an elder sister who smells appetizing. If she tasted good I would have eaten there the first chance I got," he admitted with a sheepish grin, "and she knows it."

The word sister did not register in my mind. Only the fact that he was close to a she-wolf that wasn't me did and that had a rush of jealousy flaring in the pit of my stomach, "I'm not your friend," I sneered with irritation, "I'm not going to shift."

"By the moon and the stars if you do not shift right this moment little she-wolf..." With a burst of speed, he was in front of me, his nose brushing mine.

My heart went wild in my chest and the pain in my body had become a dull ache, "Then what?" I challenged, squaring my shoulders.

"You smell good. Why do you smell good?"

I didn't expect that. Matter of fact, that was the last thing I expect to leave his mouth. It made sense that I'd smell appealing to him — not in the delicious, I-want-to-eat-you way. My scent appealed to him because it was meant to draw him closer. It was just part of the mate bond.

I felt my wolf pushing forward again and this time I couldn't keep her down. The sound of my spine breaking echoed along with my cry of pain. I fell to the ground just as spurts of reddish fur sprouted across my arms and legs. The pain of every bone breaking and moving into a new position blinded my vision. Fat, hot tears streamed down the sides of my face.

I hated this. I HATED IT.

It was agonizing and I couldn't understand how it ever got better. How did every bone in your body breaking become less painful? This was a type of torture I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. It didn't take as long as it usually would for me to shift and I was grateful for that because if it went on any further, I would have blacked out from the pain.

I eventually moved, standing on all four massive paws. My wolf was the size of the average she-wolf which was still larger than wolves in general. I found Julian sitting on the ground beside me with interest glazing his eyes and a small smile tugging at his lips.

"I couldn't get too close to you," he finally broke the silence, "you know, your teeth could rip me to shreds and I don't exactly wish to die just yet."

A low whine escaped the back of my throat. That was just one of the plenty reasons we couldn't possibly work together as a mated couple. I sat down again, crossing my front paws and laying my giant wolf head on it. My lingerie was ripped and scattered on the ground.

"You have a beautiful wolf," he complimented and I found that I liked hearing him say that even if I hated what I turned into, "but you're weak. It's not my business but I'm curious as to why you're doing what you're doing. Why do you want to give it all up? Shit, you just met me yesterday. I must sound like one of those creeps in the club."

He didn't. Julian wanted to get to know me. He wanted to understand and no one wanted to do that. They simply told me what they thought I should do. Then again, maybe he didn't want to know me and it was just the mate bond talking.

"Do you want to run a little bit? It would be better if you stretch your legs. That way your wolf wouldn't feel inclined to push forward any time soon."

I wanted to say yes. Looking into his eyes made me want to agree to anything he asked of me but I simply shook my head. My bones began breaking again, reverting to my human form. It wasn't as painful as the shift from human to wolf but it definitely wasn't a walk in the park.

I quickly repositioned myself when I was done shifting, bringing my knees to my chest, "I want to go home," I choked out, holding back my sob.

He didn't understand and I couldn't make him. If he knew the reason I truly suppressed my beast he would judge me.

Julian's jaw tightened. He glanced at my bare figure for half a second. I was in his arms a second later as he used his vampire speed to run through the forest. Everything passed by in a blur and the more I watched it, the more it felt as if I were on some rollercoaster in an amusement park. I had to close my eyes because the churning feeling at the pit of my stomach had my breakfast rising.

He only stopped when we were outside the door of my apartment and he answered my unspoken question with a shrug, "Vampires have good memory and I went through everyone's résumé ."

I had a feeling he only went through mine.

"My keys are in my handbag which is at the club," I gnawed at the corner of my bottom lip, trying to ignore the fact that I was stark naked pressed against his clothed body.

He didn't say anything, zipping off again but stopping a moment later. We were at a new apartment building. A fancier one. He opened the door and then set me on my feet, "You can stay here for now. I'll be back later tonight with your things and if you want to leave after you may."

"Okay."

He looked around the barely lived-in area and smiled tightly, "Make yourself at home. You can take something of mine to wear if you'd like. I'll be back before dawn. Do me a favor, keep the curtains shut."

With that, he was out of sight but he definitely wasn't out of mind.