Epilogue 2: Cassie

Corbin is the first to arrive, urgency in his steely eyes. He and Ayr now share the dubious honour of matching neck scars. I imagine his lower chest is even more grisly after the attack on him

“Is everything okay? It’s so fantastic to see you,” enjoying the sweep of his huge, iron-like hug. The sweet scent of warm baking is the only soft feature about this hardened leader.

“When they set up a room for me to recover in, they found this. I thought you should have it,” withdrawing a thick envelope from his jacket. “It’s written by your mother.”

I stare at the aged paper and wonder just what I will gain from reading her drunken rantings. “What made you bring this? She must have hundreds of letters, I know she kept a diary too.”

“She addressed it to you. It’s the only one with your name on it. No diaries found.”

"Go on, I’ll greet everyone else. It will only irritate you if you don’t read it now, " Ayr suggested "Corbin and I need to talk bridges," as the pair grinned. I took the letter and headed upstairs back to our room.

Passing little Leo’s nursery, I gave him an extra kiss on his warm cheek, Gilda crocheting away and muttering about having to correct an entire section of blanket in the dim light.

Heading back into our room, my head filled with images of my mother. It felt like sullying the space, an area full of love being chilled by a colder, harsher presence.

We gained our amber eyes and dark brown hair from her. In my youth, she had been slimmer, able to run and play. Hide and seek, drawing together. Until it slowly stopped.

The woman I remember more vividly, the increasingly chunky, lazy, scowling beast who was never without a glass of wine or a tightly curled hairpiece, took over from my early teens.

Sighing at my mothers sprawling handwriting, I vow to myself, to Leo and Ayr, that what she says is of no consequence. It will not define how I see the past. I know what happened. I know the choices everyone made.

Plus, it could be drunken, bitter nonsense. Without thinking, I grab Ayr’s pillow to my chest, inhaling the warm whisky burr to help me through the opening lines.

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Cassie,

I know you hate Cassie, but it was always my name for you. My pretty Cassie. You rejected that, just as you rejected the dolls, the gowns, the hair-styling. The love I tried to give. It wasn’t the love you wanted.

It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth, which is more than I can say for those vile lies you printed about me.

Tonight, I have been tied up. A knife held to my throat and witnessed Elder Brent murdered by Elle. that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I chose to believe the wrong child.

But it’s not my fault.

It’s likely Elle will finish you. If you kill her, then you will surely be justified in killing me, too. You both share a ruthless streak that is neither mine nor your beloved fathers.

My silly little Cassie, you are too angry still. Too caught up in righting the wrongs when Ayr would have you right now.. I will burn my diaries after finishing this. I have nothing else to say.

How I wish you had tried harder to love me better. I might have believed you if we had been closer…

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I turn the page and can still smell the wine on the paper. There never needed to be a choice between Elle and I. I asked for a trial, to be judged by facts not preference and gossip. She failed me..

I may have been a tomboy, eventually preferring horses to dolls, but it didn't make me less worthy of believing. Of loving.

Some things can not be forgiven, and I won’t tie myself in knots any longer, trying to find a path to making her a good mother. To make that path somehow relate to how Ayr and I raise Leo.

I didn’t bother to read the rest. It went into the fire.

My ties to Kallio are better severed. I have Ayr. My friends.. A family forged of bonds closer than blood.

With that thought in mind, I quickly trot back down the stairs, wiping away a few quick tears. It is a reunion. Our best friends, good food and drinks. I have arranged Robyn’s favourite guitarists to play, Marcus’ favourite smoked meats.

I smiled to see all my friends standing around the huge packhouse bench reserved for us. The frothing jars of beer were untouched. The huge frames of Matthew and Lucas, dressed in smart charcoal shirt. The dark volcanic locks of Raphael, his chunky frame unmissable, always near Robyn’s side.

My heart leapt to see two blonde figures crowded close together. Marcus and Jessica have made it. I laugh out loud to see Robyn, Jessica, and myself have all chosen cream and gold coloured gowns. We shall make a silly group tonight as I bound towards them.

Until I see Ayr isn’t smiling. He is stood with his arms folded, staring at the group. /What has been said?/ I start, only for my mouth to drop open in shock. Both Robyn and Jessica are cradling newborns, wrapped in almost matching, flowery pink blankets.

Both babies are beautiful, so stunningly new they still have wrinkled faces. Robyn’s little one has jet black hair and eyebrows already. Their tiny volcano has arrived. Jessica is holding a baby with faint white wisps of hair.

Both have golden eyes.

Just the same as my mother. The same as me. The same as Elle. One of our best friends' children is likely destined to turn against Leo.

I swallow and numbly stand next to Ayr. His hand takes mine, rubbing my fingers gently, allowing the realisation to sink in as we all gather together.

What else is there to do? The dice are cast, and the future will be upon us in eighteen years. We all know the potential implications of these beautiful newborns' irises.

I grit my teeth and squeeze Ayr’s hand tightly in mine.

“Look, everyone, I’m not losing another minute of my life to that fucking golden wolf. Let’s do exactly what we came to do. Sit together, eat, drink and catch up. Because I love all of you. And your beautiful babies. And that’s never going to change.”

Ayr nods, “Don’t forget we need to mock Marcus. Two years without your idiot jokes is a long time.”

Marcus grins, his arm around his petite blonde mate, a proud smile breaking. I notice both are wearing stunning gold rings with a jade jewel on their wedding fingers. “Well, I’m saving my classy jokes for little Iris. But let’s get drinking. I have new songs none of you have heard!”

“But I’ve heard them,” Jessica adds. “And they’re just awful,” as Marcus squeezes her, muttering something in her ear as she quickly blushed. His nose softly catching the blonde strands that have escaped from her long plait.

Robyn adds, “Well this is Tana. Our little volcano,” gently stroking her black tufts. Both babies are looking around. Peeping amber eyes, taking everything in quietly, snuggled into their parents.

To think my son is likely destined to face one of these in an omniscient war of wolves is terrifying. I exhale and shakily pick up a beer whilst linking the waitress to bring over juices for the nursing mothers.

“A toast. To now!” which everyone wholeheartedly chimes.

“To the return of the mighty, wonderful, useless Marcus to Volare!” Marcus chimed, with Matthew and Lucas immediately booing and trying to hit him around the head in a foolish game of chase around the table.

Maybe we should all be worried. Abandon our friends, hide Leo away from his fearful destiny. That would be the sensible thing to do. But, as Ayr delights in pointing out, I rarely follow the sensible path..

Right now, we can be happy and blessed. Ayr’s love kept the wolf at bay during my pregnancy. There is nothing to say love might be the key to destroying it for good. But little Leo, Tana and Iris will be armed with happy, educated, loved upbringings. I don't want anyone to live a life feeling as unlovable as I once did.

We will take our chances, never to hide away ever again.

**** THE END ***

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