MY HEART FEELS tethered by a rope, which keeps on restricting any movement by tightening over and over as the church keeps getting closer to where the funeral ceremony is being held for my husband and sister.The soft and dull purr of Alessio's car is the only thing that lets me know I'm still seated beside him in his car. Other than my ears, none of my other senses seem to be responsive."Are you alright, Nicole?" Alessio questions and I cling to his raspy voice again because that's been my only anchor in this cavernous sea, preventing me from drowning. From knocking on my door every morning calling me down for breakfast- every afternoon to take my medicine- every evening asking if I want something from the city- every night asking me if I feel a bit better today."I think so." My voice is rough probably because of its rare use nowadays."We're here." With that he's out of the car and swiftly on my side of the door, pulling it open and offering me his hand to step out. Ignoring it, s
I'M A CHILD again, cowering, shaking like a leaf as I step down the stairs and face my tormentors."Oh, honey!" With a loud sob, she walks towards me and gathers me in an embrace. My confusion is out of the world as I stand still like a statue and have my mother break down in my arms.A mother's embrace is like the warmest of sheets on a gloomy, cold night acting like a shield that gives you the safety that nothing cruel could ever touch you but for me, she's that cruel thing."I'm so sorry I couldn't meet you these past few days," she says breaking away from me. Tears twinkle in her eyes but there's no sadness behind those blue eyes of her, just wrath. Towards me. "It must've been so difficult! But don't worry, mom's here to make everything alright."Translation: Mom's here to make everything even worse."Thank you so much for taking care of our daughter these past days," my father speaks up.Vile and haughty. Like always. Dressed in a button-up black suit with the same somber expres
"MASTER IS CALLING you downstairs." Lily- a middle-aged woman who works here informed me this ten minutes ago. I took five for making the tough choice of going downstairs or not; another five to sob, struggle, and whine to get out of this warm bed.It's said the surroundings do manage to convey a lot about someone's personality better than their behavior or actions can and Alessio's place says a lot about him, the way everything is so perfectly in place, nothing a little diagonal, or something that appears to be out of this respective place-perfectly ordered- just like how he carries himself, nothing dusty or stained-polished with perfection-again like him.His mansion may appear haunted and eerie at night time but nothing prepares you to be blown by it in wide daylight- cream-colored walls, a huge staircase right in the middle of the halls that are adorned with a red carpet that looks so luxurious and it feels like a crime walking on it, each corner here has beautiful paintings hangi
SEX WITH MY husband is only great when I have his brother in my mind.Instead of my husband inside me, I picture his brother deep in me, how his rough, calloused would feel wrapped around my neck, the feeling of his naked body pressed against mine, the scandalous things he would whisper that would caress my skin like the finest of silks, the tantalizing positions we would be in as I reach somewhere where I've never been. What-"Nicole!" My husband gasps my name one last time as he comes inside me with a sloppy thrust. He collapses right next to me with his naked body pressing against mine. His gasps for air trickle down my neck as if he ran a mile and all I can do is blink and stare at the beige-colored ceiling above me as I try to not let disappointment wash all over me even though it happens every time. Gianni cums faster than the speed of light as soon as his male part is inside me and all I can do is lay under him lifelessly, whimpering in pain.The freedom to make your own decisi
MALEVOLENCE— THE QUALITY of causing or wanting to cause harm or evil.The man with dark hair, whiskey eyes, and a face sculpted so perfectly that it surpasses the beauty of Greek gods, stares at me, malevolence dripping from his gaze."How's married life, fratello?" Alessio's deep, rich voice dripping with an Italian accent cuts the silence lingering in this room. (brother)A few tiny pieces of food fall from Gianni's mouth as he laughs loudly, his laughter echoing through the empty dining room. "More amazing than I thought it would be." He leans forward on the table and points towards me, "Mio moglie is just so obedient and caring that I feel like I'm in heaven on this Earth." (My wife)Sending a small smile in Gianni's way, I sip the champagne in my hand giving undivided attention to the dangerous man sitting at the opposite end of this round table. With his broad body structure, muscles bulging under the material of his high-end suit, slicked-back dark hair, and such high cheekbon
THE RIDE BACK home is filled with silence, not the kind which is peaceful where you're assured everything is fine, this silence is the silence before a deadly storm is about to hit— the kind that screams danger and settles dread deep in your bones.Gianni didn't see Alessio having me wrapped in his arms but he did see me standing close to him and he isn't happy about it, his fisted hands, harsh breaths, and the sound of his lips grinding makes it clear."Gianni—" "Don't spit a word till we reach home."Shuddering with fear, I kept my lips sealed. By the time we pulled up in the parking lot, I was trembling and soaring with anxiety that keeps doubling every passing second.A yelp escapes my lips as my husband walks up to me as I try exiting the car and wraps the back of my neck in a murderous grip."Gianni," I whisper with tears springing in my eyes because of the pain.With no word leaving his mouth, I am dragged inside of the house in an animalistic way— with my feet half in the air
HIDING BRUISES HAS become a part of my regime now.It's been a month since Gianni raised a hand at me for the very first time because of whatever happened at Alessio's house then the second time he pushed me off the stairs because he thought I gained weight, the third time he nearly broke my skull by crushing it with his foot because he wasn't happy with my tone while greeting him. In the past 30 days, I've suffered from a broken skull, fractured ribs, a broken arm, and severe bleeding in my abdomen.Sitting on the toilet seat trying the wipe off the blood that's dripping down my legs—I have this sudden urge to cry again. One.Two.Three.Taking deep breaths to not let a sob escape my mouth because I'm supposed to be getting ready for the ball, I and my husband are invited to, not crying while heeding the stab wound on my inner thigh gifted to me by my dear husband."Are you still not ready?" The voice from outside the bathroom door startles me and the bottle of the disinfectant in m
THAT VOICE BELONGS to none other than the man wrapped in whiskey and sin.My attention falters from Zoe and fixates on Alessio who isn't looking at me, his roughly calloused hand is outstretched in Zoe's direction along with his whole attention on my new friend.He's asking her to dance, I think to myself. Standing in the corner, I see Zoe put her hands in Alessio's who holds it in a firm grip and both of them retreat to the dance floor without sparing me a single glance.Suddenly it's like I'm the bland painting on a wall—not captivating enough to have anyone's attention and not alluring enough to have my own husband dance with me. He has his arms wrapped around a woman's waist whose identity I didn't know of—surrounded by more couples. The love dripping from most people's gaze is so painstakingly prominent that it feels like someone's punching a hole through my heart.Why don't I have anyone who loves me like this? Why don't I have anyone who wants to dance with me? Why don't I hav
"MASTER IS CALLING you downstairs." Lily- a middle-aged woman who works here informed me this ten minutes ago. I took five for making the tough choice of going downstairs or not; another five to sob, struggle, and whine to get out of this warm bed.It's said the surroundings do manage to convey a lot about someone's personality better than their behavior or actions can and Alessio's place says a lot about him, the way everything is so perfectly in place, nothing a little diagonal, or something that appears to be out of this respective place-perfectly ordered- just like how he carries himself, nothing dusty or stained-polished with perfection-again like him.His mansion may appear haunted and eerie at night time but nothing prepares you to be blown by it in wide daylight- cream-colored walls, a huge staircase right in the middle of the halls that are adorned with a red carpet that looks so luxurious and it feels like a crime walking on it, each corner here has beautiful paintings hangi
I'M A CHILD again, cowering, shaking like a leaf as I step down the stairs and face my tormentors."Oh, honey!" With a loud sob, she walks towards me and gathers me in an embrace. My confusion is out of the world as I stand still like a statue and have my mother break down in my arms.A mother's embrace is like the warmest of sheets on a gloomy, cold night acting like a shield that gives you the safety that nothing cruel could ever touch you but for me, she's that cruel thing."I'm so sorry I couldn't meet you these past few days," she says breaking away from me. Tears twinkle in her eyes but there's no sadness behind those blue eyes of her, just wrath. Towards me. "It must've been so difficult! But don't worry, mom's here to make everything alright."Translation: Mom's here to make everything even worse."Thank you so much for taking care of our daughter these past days," my father speaks up.Vile and haughty. Like always. Dressed in a button-up black suit with the same somber expres
MY HEART FEELS tethered by a rope, which keeps on restricting any movement by tightening over and over as the church keeps getting closer to where the funeral ceremony is being held for my husband and sister.The soft and dull purr of Alessio's car is the only thing that lets me know I'm still seated beside him in his car. Other than my ears, none of my other senses seem to be responsive."Are you alright, Nicole?" Alessio questions and I cling to his raspy voice again because that's been my only anchor in this cavernous sea, preventing me from drowning. From knocking on my door every morning calling me down for breakfast- every afternoon to take my medicine- every evening asking if I want something from the city- every night asking me if I feel a bit better today."I think so." My voice is rough probably because of its rare use nowadays."We're here." With that he's out of the car and swiftly on my side of the door, pulling it open and offering me his hand to step out. Ignoring it, s
"WHEN WILL YOU learn?" The taunting voice of my mother reaches my ears. Blinking my eyes to gather my surroundings, I find myself kneeling on a cold marble floor gasping for air."I told you to not touch Alyssa's belongings, didn't I?" her face finally comes into my view. Gazing in her menacing blue eyes, it reminds me of Alyssa every time, how alike they both are. In looks and in frightening me. "I-I didn't—" Before I could even explain myself, a sharp slap from her cuts of my words. The force of the slap is so arduous, it makes my head hit the floor severely.A sob escapes my lips and my whole body trembles violently with the tears that leave my eyes. I just wanted Alyssa's old shoes because she doesn't wear them anymore and the one pair I have is torn in such a way, that it isn't even possible to stand in them let alone walk."Do we not give you clothes and shoes of your own?" she shouts, crouching down in front of me and clasping my face in her tight grip. "Answer me!" "Y-you d
IT IS SAID the more you try to shove and stuff something below the surface, the more it raves upwards.After having my despair, grief, anger—everything else jabbed into a deep chamber inside me for years, today it's all bursting out. Everything else passes in a blur as I stomp downstairs where my husband is still with Alyssa and consciousness only washes up to me when with sheer force I pick her up from the ground— ignoring the grunt that leaves my husband's mouth and the surprised look on Alyssa's face— the sound of slap resonates through the big hallway as my hand connects with the cheek of the girl who's done nothing but make my life worse.The slap carries all the answers to the abuses and heinous acts she's done to me in the past."What the fuck, Nicole?" Her pale face turns completely red as she clutches the side of the cheek I just whacked."You should be the one telling me— that what the fuck, Alyssa." I've never used my five foot eight height to my advantage but today when I
BEING A PART of this-mafia world as a woman always meant attending numerous balls, and parties every other day.Today, yet again, we're supposed to attend a charity ball and this ball is the most exquisite of all because Gianni went out of his way to order my old make-up and hair stylist for me."Can you please style my hair down?" I ask, eyeing Martha in the mirror as she rummages around the drawers to put hundreds of pins on the counter."No. Your husband ordered it to be put up." A harsh breath escapes me as I try to ignore the scalding pain shooting in the side of my head that may or may not be because my husband banged it against a wall this morning. Martha is a woman of few words, who can turn her senses on or off whenever and wherever she pleases- like right now, clad in nothing but a robe, my bruises and scars on momentary display but she chooses to ignore that along with the huge bump on the side of my head."Looks like you're forgetting your manners, Nicole." A hiss escape
| ALESSIO |⚘⚘I'VE ALWAYS HAD an unexplainable obsession with puzzles.Letting my gaze run all over the puzzles I've solved and gathered over the passing years, my gaze settles on the most recent one. Thousands of tiny pieces were put neatly where they belonged to form an enrapturing black hole. Took me three days—the longest ever—but it's all worth it because nothing satisfies my quench of a worthy challenge, or stimulation, unlike these puzzles.Pouring whiskey into the glass on the countertop of my bar, my mind wanders back again to someone who's proven to be more complex, more challenging, and far more thrilling than any puzzle I've ever come across.Nicole Russo. Her always troubled green eyes, quivering lips, curved begging to be touched, and a voice like the finest of tunes played by the most skilled of pianists make her so riveting that I find my thoughts occupied by her every time.Meeting her that starry night at my club, sporting a red dress with curiosity dripping from h
MY WHOLE LIFE—whenever I think that things couldn't go worse—life yells surprise and the next second everything goes downhill.The ball, the phone, Alessio, haven't left my mind along with his words, I will give you what you want. I am not having trouble believing Alessio but I'm having trouble thinking about what I want.Do I want to get away from this life? Do I want to leave Gianni? Not sure. I want both of these things but what will I even do after I leave this life behind? I've known nothing but Gianni and his likes and dislikes all my life and without him, I am not sure what my life will be left to.But those things are the least of my concerns now because my sister–Alyssa, is here. Strolling through my closet looking at all my dresses with that sparkle in her eyes she's always had when she sees something she likes.My life was never sunshine and rainbows, like the hundreds of fairy tales I've read— it was like a horror story with no light peeking through the curtains and Alyssa
August 15th, 2016YOU REAP WHAT you sow. We all eventually face the consequences of the actions we do in the present.Twelve-year-old Nicole heard Mrs. Vietllo—her English teacher told her during one of her classes— she was a middle-aged lady with a smile that always made her feel warm, although everything she told the little kid, she carved it in the deep parts of her soul this was one thing the little girl disagreed on.Why do you think like that? She'd ask, crouching down to come eye to eye with the shy green-eyed girl who always looked at her with eyes sparkling.Looking at the floor, she'd shake her head without giving any answer because she knew her answers would lead her into trouble. So without answering, she sits near the window, letting the warm sunlight flicker all over her body and the blue sky fill her gaze with her thoughts in a train wreck.What bad things did I do for my parents and sister to hate me this much? She thought to herself.Engrossed in deep thinking, she tr